Author's Note:

Title: Never Been Kissed

Pairing: CartmanxButters

Summary: Cartman had always teased Butters because Butters had never kissed a girl before. But when Butters finally has his very first kiss, Cartman's secret finally comes out.

Rating: T

Title says it all, I guess.

Enjoy! :)

"Can you believe it, Eric!?" A small blonde headed boy with baby blue eyes exclaimed happily as he jumped up and down on the heels of his feet, excitement and thrill rushing through his whole entire body. He felt so happy he couldn't resist the creeping smile that filled his face. "I had my very first kiss," he squeaked in delight. ".....with a girl!" he added.

The plump boy who sat on a chair at the dining table next to the overjoyed blonde boy, gave an inaudible reply to the boy:

"Fag," he said in a rough grutle. The boy was annoying, more annoying than his happy-go-lucky usual self, that is, and it was starting to get on the plump boy's nerves. He had been talking non-stop about the whole kissing thing for almost a week now (telling Cartman whenever he got the chance in school), and Cartman was almost about to burst. But no burst with anger; no, burst with jealousy.

"You and the fella's at school were right," The boy continued to go on, a smile all the while on his small face. "Kissing is great,"

When will this fag shut up, Cartman thought grittily, his teeth tightening. If he doesn't shut up, I'll make him shut up. And that was a promise Cartman was going to keep.

"I wish I could do it again," Butter's thought as he sat down next to Cartman up at the dining table, putting his elbows on the table and resting his head in his hands, a dreamy expression on his face.

"I wish you would shut up," Cartman said under his breath, so that Butters couldn't hear him.

"What was that, Eric?" Or, so Cartman thought Butters couldn't hear him. "What did you say?"

"I said, "Help me, fag,"" Cartman said.

"Oh....OK," Butters then proceeded to help Cartman finish the project that Mr. Garrison had assigned for them to complete. The students were put into a pair (And Butters had the pleasure to be with Eric and, unfortunately, for Cartman he was stuck with Butters) and they were to conduct and experiment on electricity. Butter's had done most of the work, Cartman saying that he was sick (Even though he ate a whole bag of Cheesy Poofs in front of the TV while Butters did the experiment). Though Cartman had agreed to copy out what Butter had written down into his book so it looked as if he had worked the whole time. Butters didn't mind though; he was just happy spending time with Eric at his house.

There was silence between the two of them for a long time, the air still around them. Butter's, all of a sudden, got very nervous and started the pound his knuckles together in his signature way. His eyes averted to the floor not wanting to look at Cartman.

"Butters," Cartman said, as he put his pen down and directed his eyes at the quite boy. "what the hell do you want to ask me?"

Butter's eye lit up in surprise. "H-how d-did you know I w-want to ask you so-something?" he said in his jittery, nervous voice.

Cartman lazily rolled his eyes. Pathetic, pussy, Butters. What a dork!

"Butters, you always pound your knuckles when you want to say something to someone and, seeing as I am the only person in the room besides you, I know you want to ask me something. So stop being a pussy and ask me already!" Cartman let out the last sentence in a harsh demanding voice.

"I-I was just wondering-"

"What!?" Cartman said as he directed his narrowed eyes at Butters; he was really pissing him off now! "What the fuck do you want to ask me!/"

"I- I was just wondering......" Should he ask? He really shouldn't; but he was really curious as well... "Who....who was your first kiss?"

Cartman's face was of pure surprisement; he never thought Butters was going to ask such a question. But maybe, he should have seen it coming. After all, it was invertible. But the answer to the question that was asked was pathetic. And he wasn't going to let Butters know that.....

"Oh, well, "Cartman started as he pulled back the brown bags of hair from his hair. "It was this......totally skinny chick.....and we met at the back of Whistling Willy's....and she was all like: "Oh Cartman, you're so cool and totally not fat. Kiss me," And then I did." It was a total lie, but knowing how gullible Butters was, he would fool for it in an instant.

"Wow!" he said as he smiled broadly. "What was the girl's name? Where does she live? I can't wait to meet her1"

This was a flaw in Cartman's brilliant tale; he didn't expect Butters to ask more questions!

"You can't" Cartman replied to Butters proposal of meeting the fake girl. "She moved to....stinky-ass Scotland,"

"Aww, that's too bad," Butters said in a deflated voice.

"Yeah," Cartman said, smiling like the Grinch at Christmas, secretly patting himself on the back. "Ain't it a bitch?"

""Maybe you can phone her?" Butters suggested. "Do you have her e-mail?"

"Err.....no," Cartman said, making up everything as he went along. "She didn't give me any contact details,"

"Aww, that's a shame," Butters said upset at not meeting Cartman's first "kisser". "Well, what was your first kiss like?" It was directed at Carman, obviously, as Butters was staring, expectedly at him.

"Oh...like yours and everyone else's; wet and stuff," Cartman said, kinda lamely, hoping Butters would drop the subject.

"Oooo!" Butters was really intrigued now. "How did it feel?" Cartman wished he knew himself. Lightning flashed across the dark clouds outside, the pitter-patter of rain was heard.

"Look, fag," Cartman said suddenly, his mood changing from one of pride to annoyance in a matter of seconds. "Just drop the subject," And Cartman went back to the experiment.

Butters didn't understand. Why was Eric so defensive all of a sudden? What did Butters say to upset him so? Kissing is a nice subject to talk about! "But, why, Eric?"

"Because I said so!" was the angry reply.

"But....I'm really interested....." And Butters truly was.

"I don't care Butters!" Cartman shouted yet again, flashing Butters an annoyed face. "Just drop the subject already!"

"But I just-"

"Drop the subject Butters," Cartman said in a dark voice. But Butters wasn't understanding nor was he, practically, listening.

"But my first kiss was-"

And then, Cartman finally burst:

"Okay, wow!" he said as he jumped out of his chair, and turned on to a scared looking Butters on a chair. " Woopdy-floopdy-do! Well done, fag, you finally had your first kiss" Cartman's arm were flinging in the air all the while. "What do you want? A parade or something?"

"No, no, Eric" was the squeaky reply from the scared blonde. "I was just-"

"I don't care what you have to say," Cartman said, now turning his back to Butters and walking to the front door, his hands in his pockets, his head almost lowered to the floor. Butters followed him. "Now," he opened the front door, rain and lightening was the weather before Butters. "why don't you get the hell out of my house!"

Butters stepped back a little. "What, why?"

"Because you've pissed me off!" Cartman put his hands out of his pockets and clenched his hands into fists.

"But.....why have I pisssed you off, Eric? Why?" Butters just didn't understand what the Sam-heck was going on; he and Eric were having a swell time and then Eric started to get angry with him. What did he do?

"Because you-" Cartman stopped quickly, the truth almost escaping the closed doors which were his lips.

"Because I, what?" Butters asked, his mouth apart agape a bit.

"Because I-" That was way to close that time. If Butters didn't shut up pissing him off so much, with his pussy attitude and he already having his first kiss, Cartman was going to.....

"Didn't you like your first kiss, Eric?" Maybe that was the reason why Eric got upset, Butters thought. Maybe his first kiss was a bad experience; poor guy! "Was it bad?"

"NO BECASUSE I NEVER HAD MY FIRST KISS, FAG!!!!!!!!!!!" Cartman covered his mouth almost all too quickly, wishing he could take back what he had just shouted out, but it was too late; the words were said and nothing could undo them. Butters stood in shock, not knowing what to say.

An awaked silence would have crept over the two boys if it wasn't for the fact of how loud the raining and thunder and lightning was. A car went by. The smell of dye was in the air. A mood had swept over the two boys in an instant, though the mood was uncertain.

After a long while, Cartman finally snapped out of his shocked state. He shut his eyes and he put his hands in his pockets, feeling cold all of a sudden. He turned his back to Butters, facing the opened the door, rain and lightening filling the cloudy, miserable, dark sky.

"You didn't hear that," Cartman said in almost a whisper; a dark, almost inaudible whisper, but a whisper non-the-less. "Not anything; you didn't hear anything, understand?

Butters finally snapped out of his shocked state as well, the information of what he had just heard finally being processed by his brain. And the boy started to pound his knuckles, not knowing what to look at.

"Eric, I-"

"Do you understand?" And Eric had faced Butters again, a stare that Butters had never seen on Eric's face before; a face that would kill you, as if he was sending a message, a threatening message that said everything. "Not a word to anyone, understand Butters!?"

"I.....I'm sorry...."

"NO!" Cartman screamed at the blonde boy, and the blonde let out a terrified squeak. "YOUR NOT SUPPOSE TO SAY THAT!"

Butters was sacred...no, terrified; he had never seen Cartman like this before, and it scared him. But, at the same time, he felt a twang in his stomach...he felt, pity for Cartman, felt sorry for him, really sorry for him.

Cartman closed his eyes and turned his head to the side. "Don't look at me like that," he said. "You think I'm pathetic,"

"No, Eric. I-"

"I'M NOT PATHETIC!" Cartman had poked at large finger at Butters, and with all of his anger and frustration, that large finger had pushed Butters, squarely, onto the floor, Butters landing on his butt, painfully.

Tears were threatening to stream out of Butters eyes. But Butters kept them back.

"Poppsy!" came a high voice from the kitchen. "What's happening?" Ms. Cartman had entered the living room.

"Nothing, mom," Cartman replied. "Butters was just leaving," And at that Cartman went into the dining room and returned a few seconds later with Butters back-pack. He mouthed the words: "Get up," and Butters very slowly stood up. Cartman threw his school bag into Butters hands and pushed the boy out into the rain, slamming the door behind him without saying good-bye.

The strong rain had already drenched Butter's blonde strands of hair. He walked down the path that lead him out of the Cartman's premises, rain drenching him all the while, lightening and thunder clashing together in the clouds above him. He looked back at the house he had just departed from, hoping to see the plump boy's face through the window. But he saw nothing.

But that wasn't the reason that had upset him the most. It wasn't even the fact that Eric had pushed him. It wasn't even the fact that Eric had shouted at him.

Eric Cartman had never been kissed in his life.....

....and that upset him above all others.

Author's Note:

The End?

Well, I'm not entirely sure; I'll let you guys decide that!

This story hit me from out of the blue.

Hope you enjoyed it!

If you want me to continue this, please leave a review telling me so!

Consider this a "One-shot" if you don't see any updates in the future.

Please review?

~mpkio2~