Tifa went to punch her timecard when Sephiroth walked in. "Morning. Hey Seph, you do anything interesting this weekend?" She asked her co-worker.
"I went to that new burger joint that promises burgers as big as your head. They weren't lying" he said with a chuckle as he punched in and showed her pictures.
"You even have ketchup in your hair" she chuckled.
"How about..."
"Your writer is queuing you up" an announcement page called out.
"We'll continue this later" Tifa suggested.
"I hope I'm not being with Cloud again. We're both get sick of that" Sephiroth said sourly.
"Or myself with Aerith. That's a weird combo" Tifa agreed and they both sighed and went to go see what wardrobe had in store for them.
"Help save me!" Tifa cried as she was dressed as a princess, complete with tiara. She was badly tied to a tree to the point her arms were flailing around in front of her in protest but seemed to ludicrously be unable to untie the badly tied knots that might as well be bows.
"It's too late, Princess Tifa. You're mine now and I shall force you to marry me" Sephiroth read with a frown and his "evil" costume was black, tight fitting and showed off his manly chest. "Marry? I'm Sephiroth, the most powerful being on Gaia and someone who was physiologically and physically abused and made a lab rat by his own father and I'm worried about marrying someone? I'm as hot as molasses but asexual. I don't need to force anyone to marry me. People would be lining up if I so much as gave them a smoldering glance" he deadpanned in outrage.
"He's a gorgeous badass and what he's saying is true. What's the point of all this?" Tifa agreed.
"And that's Tifa Lockhart: she can put men through the walls with a punch. Why would she need someone to rescue her? Haven't you ever heard about the women's liberation?" Sephiroth asked, crossing his arms.
"Just get back to work" the page insisted.
They rolled their eyes at each other.
"Help me" Tifa shrieked.
Sephiroth just cackled evilly and went back to posturing.
"You must rescue my adopted sister, Princess Tifa," Crown Prince Rufus said to his knights at large. "The one that does shall receive her hand in marriage as reward" Crown Prince Rufus announced to the room at large and most of them looked disappointed at this. There were so many maidens to rescued that few remained unmarried; happily ever after or not.
"But why marriage? It seems kind of sexist to base her future life's happiness on that rather than just offering a reward for her safe return. What if that knight isn't to her liking?" Tseng, his royal guard asked him.
"It's the way it's done...okay and you get a reward as well" Rufus added.
"I shall rescue her" Sir Cloud vowed in his immaculate white armour as he hefted his over compensator sword with little effort and got down on one knee. He was the favourite: the noble white knight of Nibelheim. He was righteous to a fault and rather dull and known as "Sir Bores a Lot" to his detractors.
"If you're offering real Gil, I'll go rescue her too" "Sir" Reno of Nothing said as he stepped away from two admiring women.
He was of dubious parentage, a known womanizer and possible drunkard and his patched armour was black and exposed half of his chest in a way that armour shouldn't to be effective. He sold his sword only for profit and had loyalty to nothing but his own vain good looks. His sword was long, but short for a sword and pointed and seemed to serve no real purpose.
"Oh great, I get to travel with the village idiot" Sir Cloud said sarcastically.
"So do I" Reno said with a frown.
"Great comeback" Cloud snapped.
"Just go" Rufus said, feeling a headache coming on.
"So Sephiroth, aren't you going to molest me?" Tifa asked him during their downtime in a hopeful voice.
"Sephiroth isn't the sort of person who would do that!" Sephiroth said, gathering a whole head of steam for his coming rant.
"Never mind" Tifa said sighing and tuned him out, wondering what she had to do to get laid by any of her hot male co-workers. They seemed to more into each other if anything...
"Sir Cloud" she cried when she saw her favourite trot up on his noble black steed...to be followed by Sir Reno on his donkey. "Sir Reno" she greeted her least favourite knight through gritted teeth and he just grinned back at.
"I shall take Princess Tifa back from you, you vile Rogue and marry her. Engard, good sir" Cloud said, leaping from his steed and raising his sword and Sephiroth did the same. "Unless Sir Reno would prefer to go first?" He called back to him.
"Nah, I'm good with sloppy seconds" he said lounging against Tifa's tree and ignored her while she flailed her limbs around unimpaired by her bonds and wept for rescue as the two men took up their blades and paused as they looked at each other.
"Why do I feel the need to kiss you?" Sir Cloud asked Sephiroth.
"So it's not just me?" Sephiroth said as both blade clattered to the ground and crossed suggestively as they clutched onto each other and kissed in a furious way.
"Sir Cloud, you need to rescue me so we can marry" Tifa snapped at him in reminder as she fumed.
"Marry her? Over my dead body. You're mine!" Sephiroth said and scooped Cloud up into his arms.
"My hero. Let's get out of here, my love" Cloud said as off they flew while exchanging frantic kisses.
"Here princess, you're free" Reno said, pulling the slipknot and releasing her.
"Seriously, you make the worse knight ever..." She complained.
"Script" the pager system reminded her.
"Sir Reno, you saved me. I shall marry you as my royal brother decreed..." she said, humbling herself before him with a deadly glare.
"Fuck that, I'm not ready to settle down. I'm doing this for the reward. Haul your ass princess, I'm dropping you off at your brother's pad and his Royal High Ass can pay me. Hurry up, I have a date with twins" he said and draped his sword over his shoulder and strode away and she was forced to follow his slim back as his red ponytail twitched behind him like a cat's tail.
"You expect me to ride on that?" She gasped at the sight of his donkey.
"Sorry, only I get to ride my noble steed. Your royal ass can walk" he said, mounting his own ass and she fumed further as she stumbled after him in her high heels as he hummed and rode before her.
"My sister is restored to me, I rejoice. I shall arrange the royal wedding for..." Rufus said as he wondered why his sister sat down on the dais before his throne, whipped off her shoes and rubbed her feet in an unladylike fashion and muttered darkly that all men were sexist bastards.
"Honestly, worst writer ever" Tifa complained as she clocked out.
"I can't get the taste of Cloud tongue out of my mouth" Sephiroth complained.
"At least I don't wear all leather armour day in and day out; your taste is far worse" Cloud said with a shudder.
"I had fun with my twins" Reno said.
"I got nothing again. It is possible to get blue ovaries? Tifa complained to her co-workers.