THE SAMURAI SISTERS FIRST FANFIC PRESENTATION, MWUAHAHAHAHA *Thunder in the
backgroud. A bolt of Lightning strikes Dios en Sangre. She lies on the
floor, having a seizure. Kaikan ni Yami doesn't seem to notice*
Kaikan: *looks down at her companion*…..All-rightey then. Hi, I'm Kaikan ni Yami. You might remember me from fics such as Schwarz Undercover. Now, I am in collaboration with my…..roommate who is currently preoccupied. *kicks idly at Dios en Sangre*
Dios: *gasping* Its…..ok….Kaikan…buddy…I'm…not dead……
Kaikan: *sarcastically* Yay…….*takes out a crowbar and bashes her repeatedly over the head with it* How about now?
Dios: *unhurt* Nope! That time you poured acid on my head after feeding me twelve pounds of arsenic really helped my immunity to pain of any kind! *hugs Kaikan* Thanks buddy!
Kaikan: *pushes her away* *through gritted teeth* No problem, buddy.
Dios: Well, we have a buddy…a third buddy…she's really nice….she once dropped a table on my foot, and then when I was handicapped and on crutches, she pushed me into a tree and that really helped because-
Kaikan: On topic, Dios!
Dios: Oh, sorry…….Well, this friend, her name is Yami no Naka e (Read her fics if you haven't! You haven't? Shame on you! Screw you!) and she……
Kaikan: Was smoking crack one day and had a dream-
Dios: Well, not really, although it seems like it……So anyway, she had a messed up dream, she had a terrible dream, she had a scary dream, a dream so horrifying, a dream so completely and utterly-
Kaikan: ON TOPIC!!!!!!!!!
Dios: Right…..so, this is her dream…..with some slight modifications…….
*It is afternoon in The Ghetto™. Buildings are artistically sprayed with the fine art of graffiti. If you should chance to pass by these structures, take careful note of the infamous piece "For a Good Time, Call Mona Lisa" by Leo da Homie. Anyway, back ON TOPIC, we hear the snapping of fingers, a rhythmic pounding. Suddenly from an alleyway, resplendent in tight jeans and yellow T-shirts, Brad and Aya, gran jete onto the stage. (This is also known as leaping like a ballerina.) They are followed by a pirouetting Ken and Yohji doing back flips, also dressed in yellow. Yohji flips ahead of Brad and Aya, ending in a nut-cracking split….literally. *
Yohji: *curling up on the ground * OOOOWWWW, DAMN, THAT HURTS!!!
Ken: Well, that's what you get for showing-off.
Brad: Now, my fellow heterosexuals, we gather to contemplate an important—
Aya: Crawford. Shut up. I'm the straightest guy here. I should lead the group.
Ken: Uh…Aya?
Aya: *Death Glare * ……….Yes?
Ken: You wear an earring………
Aya: …….Yes. I do.
Ken: Wouldn't that mean that you're…..well….not the straightest?
Brad: In fact, that disqualifies you from the group entirely.
Aya: I wear this earring for my sister. My poor little Aya-chan, who was run over by Takatori…..The man who killed my family….and left me with nothing….with no other option than to join the Macho Men gang in order to prove my heterosexuality, since I was so *sob * despondent……that I….. took her name and all the boys at school would call me gay…….and……TAKATORIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHI-NE!!!!!!!!!!!
Ken: *in tears * Aya, that was just…..*pounds his chest * That touched me right here, man, touched my heart, man.
Yohji: *sarcastically * Yeah, man, that touched me too….somewhere. *turns and "coughs" * coughcoughcoughSO-GAYcoughcoughcough.
Brad: Anyway….on to more serious matters. This coming Saturday, at the local community center, there will be a dance. Now, as you know, several people have doubted that we, the Macho Men gang, are in fact heterosexual. Therefore, our objective this Saturday is, to use the local terminology, to "hook up" with "some hot piece of boo-tay," female, of course, at this "phat par-tay".
Aya: Additionally, our rivals will be there. There will be no fraternizing with them for it would condemn us as homosexuals like them. Proud manly men, deny any urges you may have to take it up the ass by a rampantly flaming pretty boy for one more day!
Ken & Yohji: A day?!?!?!?!! That long?!?!!!!
Brad: Yes. Now go. It sickens me to have been with you for so long.
*The members of the Macho Men gang perform an act of fraternity brotherhood that is not gay in any fashion and condones their male-ness…They then leap off in opposite directions. *
*The scene changes….Why? Because…..we said so, MWUAHAHAHAHAHHAAAHAAA….ha….ha……OK, so the room, right….The walls of this room are painted a pretty pink color with a white cloud border near the ceiling. Everywhere can be seen pictures of unicorns, teddy bears, Backstreet Boys, 'NSYNC, Mandy Moore, and Oh My God, someone show us to the bathroom, we're about to throw up here. This room belonged to none other than… *
Omi: OK, you guys, we don't have a name for, like, our gang and stuff, you know?
*On one side of Omi, sitting in the corner, were Nagi and a mysterious tall brunette, obviously a young man, and clearly not one of the authors of this story, because that would make it a SI and SI's are bad. No one likes SI's……. *
Nagi: Like, OMG, so, like, I, like, totally think that Josh Hartnett is WAAAAAAAAY sexier than Ryan Phillipe, 'cause he is, like, SOOOO totally last summer, y'know?
Mysterious Brunette, now and forever known of as……. Inoran (yes, as in Luna Sea. Why did you guys break up? *sob *): *mimicking Nagi* OMG, like, just, like no way. Josh is just SOOOO not cute with that hair cut, y' know? He was so much HOTTER with the other hair cut, y' know, like, the other one after the other haircut, y' know?
Nagi:……. I so totally understand.
*On the other side of Inoran was Farfello. Yes, Farfello is part of the gay gang. Why? Must we repeat ourselves? ……Fine, since you insisted, we will……..We are the authors…….MWUAHAH—you know the rest*
Farfie: Fanatical ego trips hurt god……
*Good job, Farfie-baby. (Dios: Kaikan, you can put the farfie flags down now….and the knives…he's not that great…. Kaikan: ……… Dios: EEP! Wrong thing to say! *runs away screaming from the fanatical kaikan chasing her with her knives[1] *) ….:::ahem::: Next to the ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS Irishman was yet another mysterious figure who isn't the other author of the fic (…..DIOS!). (Dios: This strange figure was effeminately beautiful, although obviously male, since he was in the yaoi gang, and extremely wise, pretty, fabulous, sexy, wonderful, fantastic, and- Kaikan: an annoying little b*tch and we will resume the story.) *
Omi: OK, you guys, I, like, really think the name of our gang should be, like, the, like, Kuddly Kittens. What do y'all, like, think?
Mysterious Brunette #2 a.k.a. Sugizo (AGAIN! LUNA SEA KIX ASS!): Fuck. No. I STILL say that we should be the Hot-sexy-hentai-yaoi-Butt-fucking gang.
Farfie: *nodding * That name really hurts god.
Inoran: *drooling over Farfello * Name….hurts God…Sexy Irishmen are always right.
Schu: *walking in * Sugizo and Inoran, what the hell would you two know about naming a yaoi gang? I mean, you two are girls, after all?
Inoran & Sugizo: WHAT!?!?!?!
Inoran: I resent that!
Schu: *smirking * Well, you guys have breasts for starters.
Sugizo: *covering chest* That's just baby fat! We'll grow out of it eventually!
Schu: *rolls his eyes * OK, whatever, stay if you want.
Sugizo & Inoran: *nodding their heads enthusiastically * Oh, yes, we want, trust us, we REALLY want to!
Schu: OK, so, you guys, listen up. There's going to be a dance this Saturday at the community center, and I don't know about you guys, but I'm getting my freak on at this party.
Nagi: I heard that the Macho men are gonna be there!!!!!!!
Farfie: *licks knife sadistically * hmmmmmmmmm…….
Inoran: *imitating him * hmmmmmmmmmmm
Sugizo: Yeah, so?
Omi: Well, we don't want to start any trouble……..
Schu: Who says there's gonna be any trouble? It'll just be two innocent gangs at a little dance. What's the worst that can happen?
*Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes as dramatic violin music plays in the background. Sugizo looks around nervously, cowering slightly, while Inoran eagerly awaits the inevitable. *
Omi: Famous last words.
TBC
*CRASH!!!!! BOOM!!!! BANG!!!*
Dios: Oh shit!! Quick, Kaikan, you have to save me!!!
Kaikan: *way too eager to help Dios * Sure, BUDDY, look, there's a tree! Hurry, run to it!
Dios: Thanks, Kaikan, you're a real buddy! *runs to tree *
Kaikan: *snickering * It's only a matter of time until-
*Lightning strikes…..completely missing the tree and striking Kaikan. She crumples to the floor. *
Dios: *running over * Kaikan, wow, you were right….Kaikan? Oh, no, buddy! Don't worry, I'll get help…. Now, where's that acid?
----------------------- [1] Custom autographed by the farf himself!
Kaikan: *looks down at her companion*…..All-rightey then. Hi, I'm Kaikan ni Yami. You might remember me from fics such as Schwarz Undercover. Now, I am in collaboration with my…..roommate who is currently preoccupied. *kicks idly at Dios en Sangre*
Dios: *gasping* Its…..ok….Kaikan…buddy…I'm…not dead……
Kaikan: *sarcastically* Yay…….*takes out a crowbar and bashes her repeatedly over the head with it* How about now?
Dios: *unhurt* Nope! That time you poured acid on my head after feeding me twelve pounds of arsenic really helped my immunity to pain of any kind! *hugs Kaikan* Thanks buddy!
Kaikan: *pushes her away* *through gritted teeth* No problem, buddy.
Dios: Well, we have a buddy…a third buddy…she's really nice….she once dropped a table on my foot, and then when I was handicapped and on crutches, she pushed me into a tree and that really helped because-
Kaikan: On topic, Dios!
Dios: Oh, sorry…….Well, this friend, her name is Yami no Naka e (Read her fics if you haven't! You haven't? Shame on you! Screw you!) and she……
Kaikan: Was smoking crack one day and had a dream-
Dios: Well, not really, although it seems like it……So anyway, she had a messed up dream, she had a terrible dream, she had a scary dream, a dream so horrifying, a dream so completely and utterly-
Kaikan: ON TOPIC!!!!!!!!!
Dios: Right…..so, this is her dream…..with some slight modifications…….
*It is afternoon in The Ghetto™. Buildings are artistically sprayed with the fine art of graffiti. If you should chance to pass by these structures, take careful note of the infamous piece "For a Good Time, Call Mona Lisa" by Leo da Homie. Anyway, back ON TOPIC, we hear the snapping of fingers, a rhythmic pounding. Suddenly from an alleyway, resplendent in tight jeans and yellow T-shirts, Brad and Aya, gran jete onto the stage. (This is also known as leaping like a ballerina.) They are followed by a pirouetting Ken and Yohji doing back flips, also dressed in yellow. Yohji flips ahead of Brad and Aya, ending in a nut-cracking split….literally. *
Yohji: *curling up on the ground * OOOOWWWW, DAMN, THAT HURTS!!!
Ken: Well, that's what you get for showing-off.
Brad: Now, my fellow heterosexuals, we gather to contemplate an important—
Aya: Crawford. Shut up. I'm the straightest guy here. I should lead the group.
Ken: Uh…Aya?
Aya: *Death Glare * ……….Yes?
Ken: You wear an earring………
Aya: …….Yes. I do.
Ken: Wouldn't that mean that you're…..well….not the straightest?
Brad: In fact, that disqualifies you from the group entirely.
Aya: I wear this earring for my sister. My poor little Aya-chan, who was run over by Takatori…..The man who killed my family….and left me with nothing….with no other option than to join the Macho Men gang in order to prove my heterosexuality, since I was so *sob * despondent……that I….. took her name and all the boys at school would call me gay…….and……TAKATORIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHI-NE!!!!!!!!!!!
Ken: *in tears * Aya, that was just…..*pounds his chest * That touched me right here, man, touched my heart, man.
Yohji: *sarcastically * Yeah, man, that touched me too….somewhere. *turns and "coughs" * coughcoughcoughSO-GAYcoughcoughcough.
Brad: Anyway….on to more serious matters. This coming Saturday, at the local community center, there will be a dance. Now, as you know, several people have doubted that we, the Macho Men gang, are in fact heterosexual. Therefore, our objective this Saturday is, to use the local terminology, to "hook up" with "some hot piece of boo-tay," female, of course, at this "phat par-tay".
Aya: Additionally, our rivals will be there. There will be no fraternizing with them for it would condemn us as homosexuals like them. Proud manly men, deny any urges you may have to take it up the ass by a rampantly flaming pretty boy for one more day!
Ken & Yohji: A day?!?!?!?!! That long?!?!!!!
Brad: Yes. Now go. It sickens me to have been with you for so long.
*The members of the Macho Men gang perform an act of fraternity brotherhood that is not gay in any fashion and condones their male-ness…They then leap off in opposite directions. *
*The scene changes….Why? Because…..we said so, MWUAHAHAHAHAHHAAAHAAA….ha….ha……OK, so the room, right….The walls of this room are painted a pretty pink color with a white cloud border near the ceiling. Everywhere can be seen pictures of unicorns, teddy bears, Backstreet Boys, 'NSYNC, Mandy Moore, and Oh My God, someone show us to the bathroom, we're about to throw up here. This room belonged to none other than… *
Omi: OK, you guys, we don't have a name for, like, our gang and stuff, you know?
*On one side of Omi, sitting in the corner, were Nagi and a mysterious tall brunette, obviously a young man, and clearly not one of the authors of this story, because that would make it a SI and SI's are bad. No one likes SI's……. *
Nagi: Like, OMG, so, like, I, like, totally think that Josh Hartnett is WAAAAAAAAY sexier than Ryan Phillipe, 'cause he is, like, SOOOO totally last summer, y'know?
Mysterious Brunette, now and forever known of as……. Inoran (yes, as in Luna Sea. Why did you guys break up? *sob *): *mimicking Nagi* OMG, like, just, like no way. Josh is just SOOOO not cute with that hair cut, y' know? He was so much HOTTER with the other hair cut, y' know, like, the other one after the other haircut, y' know?
Nagi:……. I so totally understand.
*On the other side of Inoran was Farfello. Yes, Farfello is part of the gay gang. Why? Must we repeat ourselves? ……Fine, since you insisted, we will……..We are the authors…….MWUAHAH—you know the rest*
Farfie: Fanatical ego trips hurt god……
*Good job, Farfie-baby. (Dios: Kaikan, you can put the farfie flags down now….and the knives…he's not that great…. Kaikan: ……… Dios: EEP! Wrong thing to say! *runs away screaming from the fanatical kaikan chasing her with her knives[1] *) ….:::ahem::: Next to the ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS Irishman was yet another mysterious figure who isn't the other author of the fic (…..DIOS!). (Dios: This strange figure was effeminately beautiful, although obviously male, since he was in the yaoi gang, and extremely wise, pretty, fabulous, sexy, wonderful, fantastic, and- Kaikan: an annoying little b*tch and we will resume the story.) *
Omi: OK, you guys, I, like, really think the name of our gang should be, like, the, like, Kuddly Kittens. What do y'all, like, think?
Mysterious Brunette #2 a.k.a. Sugizo (AGAIN! LUNA SEA KIX ASS!): Fuck. No. I STILL say that we should be the Hot-sexy-hentai-yaoi-Butt-fucking gang.
Farfie: *nodding * That name really hurts god.
Inoran: *drooling over Farfello * Name….hurts God…Sexy Irishmen are always right.
Schu: *walking in * Sugizo and Inoran, what the hell would you two know about naming a yaoi gang? I mean, you two are girls, after all?
Inoran & Sugizo: WHAT!?!?!?!
Inoran: I resent that!
Schu: *smirking * Well, you guys have breasts for starters.
Sugizo: *covering chest* That's just baby fat! We'll grow out of it eventually!
Schu: *rolls his eyes * OK, whatever, stay if you want.
Sugizo & Inoran: *nodding their heads enthusiastically * Oh, yes, we want, trust us, we REALLY want to!
Schu: OK, so, you guys, listen up. There's going to be a dance this Saturday at the community center, and I don't know about you guys, but I'm getting my freak on at this party.
Nagi: I heard that the Macho men are gonna be there!!!!!!!
Farfie: *licks knife sadistically * hmmmmmmmmm…….
Inoran: *imitating him * hmmmmmmmmmmm
Sugizo: Yeah, so?
Omi: Well, we don't want to start any trouble……..
Schu: Who says there's gonna be any trouble? It'll just be two innocent gangs at a little dance. What's the worst that can happen?
*Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes as dramatic violin music plays in the background. Sugizo looks around nervously, cowering slightly, while Inoran eagerly awaits the inevitable. *
Omi: Famous last words.
TBC
*CRASH!!!!! BOOM!!!! BANG!!!*
Dios: Oh shit!! Quick, Kaikan, you have to save me!!!
Kaikan: *way too eager to help Dios * Sure, BUDDY, look, there's a tree! Hurry, run to it!
Dios: Thanks, Kaikan, you're a real buddy! *runs to tree *
Kaikan: *snickering * It's only a matter of time until-
*Lightning strikes…..completely missing the tree and striking Kaikan. She crumples to the floor. *
Dios: *running over * Kaikan, wow, you were right….Kaikan? Oh, no, buddy! Don't worry, I'll get help…. Now, where's that acid?
----------------------- [1] Custom autographed by the farf himself!