After a marathon of watching all seasons of New Girl lately, I thought about the family dynamics they have in the loft. Even though Schmidt has been named the Mother of the roommates, I have a strong feeling that he is actually a kid brother to all of them, even though he might not even realize.
Nick: His oldest friend (as far as we know) and also Schmidt's best mate has got the experience being an actual big brother and I think it shows. He can be embarrassed, annoyed or angry with Schmidt but also cares a lot for him. They even fight like brothers.
I was inspired by episode is S02E04 by the comment with the switch and S03E03 when Nick thought Schmidt might be on drugs.
And of course this is before Jess.
Hey Kid
"Something is not right Nick. I'm telling you man, he is hiding something."
Coach was sitting opposite him at the bar, a beer in his hand and squinting through half lidded eyes.
"You're just imagining things. This is Schmidt we're talking about. He's always weird." Nick said while trying to mix another cocktail.
This bar tending job was working out not too bad and finally he didn't have the pressure which came with studying to be a lawyer anymore. He was free, body and soul. If he could just get that damn tequila sunrise to not look like fruity soup. His life would be bliss.
Coach still stared at him.
"Come on man, what do you expect me to do? Watch him 24 hours a day? Talk to him about his feelings? We don't do that, you know me. Its just not our thing." Nick shrugged apologetically.
"You are his best friend dude. He looks up to you."
"Fist of all, he does not. We're roommates from college still living together because we couldn't find any other solution. He's his own man. I mean look at him now. No more fat Schmidtty, thanks to you!"
Coach proudly nodded his head. "My biggest success so far!"
"Exactly! And scoring a professional office job with them girls was a dream come true for Schmidt. He even gets laid now. All the time. What could possibly be wrong?" Nick pointed out with a 'there you have it' look.
"I'm still telling you something is not right. And I think you know it." with that Coach got up, took one of the failed cocktails and made his way across the bar.
"I hope you put enough magic in that drink, cause that lady over there looks like she's in dire need of a black wizard. Am I right?!"
Nick groaned and turned to the side, seeing Schmidt slide onto a vacant bar stool. "God, you are so going to put extra 10 in the jar for that."
Schmidt just grinned at him and started scanning the area. "When you said you were going to drop out to become a lowly servant, I thought you had lost your mind but this isn't so bad. At least there are always ladys in here. And you have the power to melt their resolve."
Nick shot him a dark look. "You are making it sound like I am giving them roofies. They are just ordering drinks from me, which they are getting on their own free will and mostly even pay for themselves."
Schmidt still grinned at him. "Whatever you say!"
Then he took out a small container and opened it, quickly popping two small pills in his mouth.
Narrowing his eyes Nick asked. "What are those man?"
"These?" Schmidt held up the box for him to see. There was picture of a slim girl with a perfect row of white teeth smiling at him from a package of something named Herbaslim. They were diet pills.
Nick frowned at him. "What's up with that?"
Schmidt didn't look at him and kept searching the bar for a woman to try his luck on tonight. "Hm?"
"Those pills you just popped in like they were candy."
Schmidt sounded incredibly bored and didn't even turn around. "They are helping me stay on the level. No big deal."
"Did Coach tell you to add them to you your workout?" Nick was quite sure already he knew what the answer was going to be.
"No, I just thought it wouldn't hurt to have a little extra. And there she is, my workout for tonight. See you tomorrow Nick." with that he pushed himself off the bar, grabbing one of Nicks cocktails as well and strode over to the blonde woman that had caught his attention.
"Those are not for free goddamn!" Nick yelled after him.
-Two weeks later.-
"What happened to you two?" Nick asked curiously from his spot on the sofa, where he had been watching TV for the better part of the day.
Coach had pushed the door open and half carried, half dragged a dazed looking Schmidt with him. Then dumping him unceremoniously next to Nick in the sofa, he went to the kitchen. Schmidt held one hand to his nose and rubbed his eyes with the other.
"Keep that tissue on and your head up. I get you something for the swelling." Coach called from the kitchen, sounding worried and a might pissed off.
Schmidt nodded, then groaned when he realized the motion just made him more dizzy.
"You are not gonna puke now, are you Schmidtty?" Nick asked and scooted a little further away.
"If he does, he's going to the hospital." Coach was back with them pushing a bag if frozen peas on Schmidts face.
"Ouch! A little more care wouldn't hurt, nurse." mumbled Schmidt from underneath the peas.
Coach glowered at him.
"And I am asking once again. What happened?" Nick looked from one friend to the other.
"This idiot didn't tell me that he didn't have anything to eat for god knows how long and while we were in the middle of our workout he got dizzy and fainted." growled Coach
"I did not faint. I just got a bit unbalanced and you hit me in the face with a weight." Schmidt pouted but it didn't carry any real anger.
"It would not have happened if you were up to your game. Until you come to your senses I don't want to see you in the gym anymore. Got it?!" Coach stomped towards the door and kept mumbling about stubborn asshats costing him his lunch break.
"You okay man?" Nick asked softly when he saw Schmidt wince and scrunch his eyes up at the bang of the front door.
"Yeah, no biggie. I'll be getting up in a minute." he put the cool pack down.
"Dear god in heaven!" Nick drawled out.
He saw Nick looking at him in horror and jumped up. "What is it? Is my beautiful face destroyed? I need to see."
He raced to the mirror and peered at himself.
Nick started to laugh.
"Haha, very funny Nicholas, kicking a man when he's down already. Not cool man!"
Schmidt went over to the kitchen, putting the ice back on his nose and started rummaging in one of the drawers. When he found what he was looking for, he popped yet another two white pills in his mouth and washed them down with water.
"I'm sure Coach meant for you to eat something proper now and not to have more of those. How many are you taking anyways. Seems to me that all you munch on nowadays its those pills." Nick told him with his don't-be-an-idiot voice.
"I'm just not hungry right now."
"No shit Sherlock. Those things are repressing your appetite, aren't they? At least eat a sandwich."
"I don't want a sandwich!" Schmidt shouted at him and stormed off to his bedroom.
Shaking his head in disbelieve of that scene, Nick went back to watching TV. But somehow he could not concentrate on the show he had been watching. Coach was right, there was something wrong with Schmidt. Definitely!
It wasn't even the little things like not eating a meal or two. After starting his sessions with Coach, his buddy had also started to eat more conscious and far less then ever before in his life. A tough diet. But while he thought about it, Nick could not remember seeing Schmidt eat at all this week.
He acted different too. Even more edgy and moody then normal, if that was even possible.
Now the dizziness and fainting.
Nick turned of the TV off and made his way over to the kitchen. Here under the forgotten, now defrosted pack of peas, was Schmidt's drawer. Of course they each had there own storing spaces as well as assigned shelves in the fridge. Nick's for example was filled with chocolate bars and a selection of cornflakes and Schmidt's - contained now a dozen or so packs of different brands of weight loss medication. There was a lot of pills. Some he could not even read, they were from china or whatever country. And most of them had been opened.
'What the hell Schmidt?!' without a second thought Nick grabbed all of the boxes and chucked them in the trash. Then looking at Schmidt's door and back at the trash, he took the bag out and marched off towards the garbage disposal downstairs.
Problem solved!
-Later that day-
"Who's been through my stuff?" Schmidt stood in the kitchen, the drawer wide open and was shouting at his roommates. "Who took my things? Do you know how much those cost?"
"What things man? You got some disgusting eatable sextoys hidden in the kitchen or what?" Winston laughed out loud and highfived Coach. They had just started shooting some hoops when Schmidt had come out of his room. His nose was still red and a bit swollen and one eye had taken quite a shiner.
"I am not kidding you guys! Give them back!" he screamed at them, slamming the drawer shut and angrily stalking towards his so called friends.
"Whoa buddy, we didn't take anything. Relax man. What are you even talking about?" holding his hands up in mock surrender, Winston spoke slowly in a calm voice, usually reserved for nutty cat ladies or the crazy landlord. He looked at Nick for help.
"It was me Schmidt. I threw them away. They were bad for you and there is a reason they have been banned. They are drugs and not the kind that make you happy. They can destroy you." Nick admitted quietly.
Baffled, Schmidt stood in front of Nick and for a second a look of betrayal flashed across his face.
"You think you are so much better then me, don't you Nick. Pathetic Schmidt the looser, you want me to get fat again so you can feel better about yourself! I thought you were my best friend. Guess I was wrong!" Schmidt screeched at him and before Nick could open his mouth he ran back to his room.
"What the heck is going on with him now?" Winston asked into the silence looking at Nick and then Coach in confusion.
But Coach had his gaze trained on Nick and with a sweeping hand gesture he mouthed 'I told you so.'
"All right, all right. I'm gonna talk to him. But you guys owe me, big time!" Nick approached Schmidt's door and sighed heavily as he entered.
Inside, Schmidt was creating a mess. He had turned over his work bag, all contents were sprawled out on the floor and was currently searching madly through all the pockets of his many suits. His breath coming out in sharp hitched gasps and sweat starting to form on his forehead.
"I thought you said it was no big deal. But look at you now. You are acting like a maniac." Nick now raised his voice as well while frowning worriedly at his friend. "You are pale, your eyes are dilated, you are twitchy like hell!"
"It is not a big deal! I'm just so hungry all the time. You don't know how that feels." Schmidt had finally turned towards Nick and his anger was mixed with desperation. "And you had no right to throw my things away!" with that he balled his fists and took a swing at Nick, connecting with his jaw.
"Son of a bitch!" Nick cried out and threw himself at Schmidt, trying to get even. They were rolling around on the ground, huffing and growling, while throwing punches at each others. Finally Nick managed to wrestle Schmidt down, so he was stuck on his stomach, hands pinned underneath him. Panting Nick sat on top of him making himself heavy while catching his breath and pondering his next move.
"Unhand me you asshole! Fight me like a man!" wailed Schmidt from his trapped position underneath him.
"Why should I? When all you've been doing lately is act like a child!" edged on by Schmidt swearing and growling, Nick reached for a slipper, which was sitting on the floor next to the bed and started slapping Schmidts butt.
Giving a shocked squeak, his head shot up and he tried to free himself from his trapped position. "What are you doing Nick! Ow! Stop it! Ow man, that hurts!"
Nick laughed a little at the genuine shock and outrage that bubbled out of Schmidt but kept a steady pace, covering all of the sitting area in slaps.
"Honestly Kid, I am definitely not enjoying this but you have earned yourself this spanking. Listen to some advice for once and take it like a man."
And surprisingly enough he did. Some more smacks later, Schmidt had quieted down and was now making muffled gasps and sniffling sounds into the thick carped, when Nick stopped and let him sit up. He scrambled away until he was stuck between the bed and his back was to the wall. Looking at Nick through big damp lashes, the tips of his ears bright red.
"Nick?" Schmidts voice was barely a whisper.
Still on the floor as well, Nick leaned himself against the bed, facing his friend.
"You did deserve that, man. You had it coming a long time now. Lying and making us worry about you. We care, you know?" Nick let out like a matter of factly.
"That was how you show that you care? You beat me! With a shoe!" Schmidt was still whispering like he didn't trust his voice yet. But he didn't lower his eyes.
"Obviously we care. And I didn't beat you. That was a spanking and I wasn't gonna bust my hand on your fancy jeans dude! Weren't you ever spanked as a child?" Nick ground out.
"Of course not. As my mother is Jewish, she had a much different approach on punishment. I got to help out my Aunty Frieda with her facial waxing or clean all the dishes after Cousin Bernie's Wedding. It was awful. But she never did something like that!" Schmidts face now glowed like he had been in the sun too long.
"Well consider yourself now introduced to a Miller family tradition. My Dad was hardly ever home so my mom dished out the spankings. With a wooden spoon!" he grimaced at the memory. "And later I had to keep Jamie in line. It worked considerably well." he grinned a little at Schmidt.
Schmidt's jaw dropped open. "You spanked your brother?"
Nick gave a little shrug. "Yeah, I mean, I was in charge and he wasn't exactly an angel. I'd do anything to prevent him from making stupid mistakes."
"Because he is your little brother?" Schmidt asked with a shy smile.
Now Nick grinned while nudging him with his foot. "Yes dummy, because he is my little brother."
Schmidt flashed him a toothy smile, his relief practicality spilling over.
They sat in comfortable silence for a while, when Schmidt's stomach gave a loud growl and made him look up embarrassed. Nick got to his feet and pulled Schmidt up with him.
"Now, how about that sandwich buddy?"
Schmidt glanced at the door his ears reddening again. "You think they are still out there? They probably heard everything."
"So? What if they did? You had it coming and you know it. And if you do anything stupid like those drugs again, belive me I'm gonna bust your tail again. Got it?" Nick looked into Schmidts eyes and gave his arm a squeeze for emphasis.
Schmidt quickly held his hands up. "Don't worry. You wont have to, I swear. Thanks Nick. For caring I mean."
"Anytime Kid!"