Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya
I am sorry.
You were still just a boy when the war clawed its way through the land, falling asleep every night to the smell of decay, blood and burning and when that got too much to handle you counted the bodies like sheep as a means to an end – that was never a place for a child.
Even when everything tasted of burnt wood and ash and the desire to give up the fight pounded in your mind like a war drum, you swallowed your fear. Your fingertips had never been so numb and it felt like the blood staining your skin would never leave.
Though it never made sense to even you, pride danced through your veins along with the electricity of the fight. You always did your best to save those around you and while it was hard at times, certainly, you clung to your pride with shaking fingers and bloody hands.
You must remember that you are still but a boy, older yes, but not yet old enough to warrant the fate you have set before you. Don't forget that you are allowed to feel small, you are allowed to feel vulnerable – war is not about closing yourself off from others, it is about cooperation and loyalties – and even the stars appear small from afar.
Be careful not to break under your carefully crafted façade, tell yourself to be brave and wear a look of determination – instil fear in those who wish to tear you down, prove to them that they cannot touch you.
You are not a bad person, you have seen and done terrible things for your age but nevertheless you are still pure as snow – while that may true, can it be so that you have come away from these ordeals completely intact? Is that possible? I look at you sometimes and I feel like deep down, something inside of you is terribly corrupted; something black and dark and evil stirs within you but it remains supressed as of yet. Do not let it whisper to you for if you do, it will breathe a cacophony of lies down your neck and you will not be able to escape.
Once upon a time I believed that my actions could have saved you from this fate, that you would live carefree and innocently, be brave and pure but everything I have done was for naught – you have grown up too fast and you are tainted and you are blood-stained and you cannot go back.
I have known you for a long time and I have tested your patience all along, but now I must warn you – It is too late now. It cannot be changed anymore, we cannot go back any longer to a time when we weren't broken. You must stop searching for the answer in her because she does not love you anymore.
Once again, everything tasted of burnt wood and ash and you've seen enough gravestones just in your youth to last a lifetime – I'm surprised you've remained sane all this time – but there are bones everywhere and you've forgotten which belong in the closet and which belong in the ground so you avert your eyes and pretend.
I was supposed to be strong enough to protect you and I guess the sentiment was shared as I see the way you look to her when you feel she is vulnerable. But again I repeat; you will not find what you are looking for within her, other people cannot be your home.
You must aim to be lionhearted, Toshiro Hitsugaya, take your trembling fingers and quiet voice and hold your pride with something less fleeting. Are you waiting for someone to pick you up and dust you off and dry your tears? There is no place for that here, no one is coming for you. Find your own way to be strong when you are alone.
You and her and them; you're all just kids that they've turned into soldiers.
Do not forget that you are not alone.
Do not lose hope.
Do not die.
Lieutenant Rangiku Matsumoto