Disclaimer: I own nothing from the show, they all belong to the original creator, Eric Kripke. I'm just a fan that wishes she did but settles for obsessing over the series and its wonderful characters and actors instead. That being said, I hope you enjoy this little drabble I came up with. It's one of many I'll be working on this summer, hopefully. It's also part of the 100 themes challenge. Anyway, feel free to R&R or message me for more! I am taking suggestions (not requests) from the themes challenge.
Chapter 1: Questioning
Dean couldn't remember when was the last time he started questioning his feelings towards Castiel. Since when did he even have feelings for the guy? He did realize, however, that things had originally started going downhill since first meeting the blue eyed angel. Not to say that Castiel was responsible for all the wrongs in the world, nor specifically the wrong's in Dean's. He was aware of some sort of disturbance in his love life, a feeling of doubt that followed him everywhere. More men began to mistake him for a potential suitor and other people in his life would tease him for having a more "profound bond" with the rebel angel. He didn't understand it and part of him feared trying to, so he had decided it was best to let it go and forget about it. He'd brush aside the jokes as if they were nothing, the misinformed flirts eventually became little flattered boosts to his ego, and his relationship with the angel became one of the best ones he's ever had. Eventually, however, he began to realize there was a problem.
Dean had slowly but eventually stopped seeking out women to charm into bed. This little fact was unknown to him at first, but then had become aware of his lack of courtship with the ladies. He also began to realize how his little brother, Sam, and his own love life was quickly becoming just as eventful and hectic as his own old love life. Although it had never bothered Dean before, seeing his brother get luckier with women than him, it served to rise more questions in him. Sam had always been more of the romantic type than him. He wasn't known for going after one night stands or a quick and easy fling, not since the "soulless Sam" days at least, and specially not after he had lost Jessica, but he also knew the dangers and consequences of having a long term relationship in this business. So, Dean continued to wonder how and why was his own love life beginning to lack in comparison to his brother's.
Dean began to feel annoyed and bothered as the strange suitors and their foreign requests became more frequent. He felt awkward blowing them off, wondering what the heck was going on. Did they know? And if so then what did they know? He was beyond confused and troubled and he could tell Castiel was catching on, questioning him on what seemed to be bothering him. He'd just reassure the angel he was alright and there was nothing to worry about. He didn't dare stop to consider whether he believed him or not. He didn't want there to be any doubts, not when he was questioning something this serious. The topic of conversation was much too confusing for the angel to understand anyways. He didn't feel like having "the talk" with him. No, this was more of a human issue to Dean, or at least that's how he reasoned it to be.
Castiel didn't like it one bit though. He understood he had kept his own secrets from Dean in the past, but he liked to believe they were well past that by now. Perhaps it had something to do with his being a human now, but he also liked to believe he was understanding the context of things in life a bit more now. He really didn't have a choice though, not unless they manage to retrieve his grace any time soon to restore heaven. For now, he doubted any of that would be possible for a while. He was content being human, surprisingly. He had good company, and although at times he did miss his wings and his powers and he grew frustrated with himself for not being a bigger help to the boys than he had in the past, he felt more productive this way. He had to work harder and thus the pay off was better – more rewarding. So, he didn't understand when Dean suddenly started being less open with him. That profound bond they had seemed to start slipping away slowly. Naturally, Castiel wondered if it was something he had done wrong. It didn't take much longer after that for the angel to finally confront his charge, demanding answers.
"Dean, from my experience it's not been wise to keep things to oneself. So please tell me what I have done wrong to cause you to keep things from me," Castiel begged on a dark, chilly night after finishing up another hunt with the boys.
Sam had gone out for a quick food run to refill their stomachs after Castiel had insisted he desired another delicious burger like the ones he had devoured when his vessel had been tainted by Famine. Dean adverted his gaze from the ex-angel, feeling like he was being cornered by the other man. He had no response to him, still confused by all these questions he had – questions that still made no sense to him and so he couldn't begin to answer. He tried distracting himself with packing that morning's laundry into his duffel-bag only to have Cas grab it from him and toss it aside, actually cornering him this time.
"It's nothing, Cas! Just drop it. When I feel comfortable enough to talk about it, I will, alright?" he reassured the man, glancing up at him briefly before diverting his eyes once more, unable to bare looking at him for too long or else risk more questions popping up.
Castiel didn't believe him, however, as he stepped in closer, invading the other man's personal bubble, finding nothing unusual about it. Dean on the other hand found himself holding his breath, feeling himself shrink with unease. "Cas...personal space."
"Is this about Metatron because I've already apologized to you, Dean. I don't know what more I can do to earn your forgiveness for that," Castiel says sorrowfully, ignoring Dean's request for personal space.
Dean looks up at Castiel, confusion in his eyes. "What? No, Cas it's not about that. Look, I already told you it's not your fault so drop it alright? We'll fix this together and gank that bastard when the time comes."
It was Castiel's turn to avoid Dean's gaze, revealing just how ashamed of himself he was for having caused the fall of all angels from heaven and practically handed Metatron full reign of paradise. Dean sighed, his heart breaking upon seeing his best friend so torn up about it still. He knew the ex-angel pretended like everything was alright but inside he was a mess. He hid it so well that Dean started to believe he was doing better now, but perhaps he wasn't the only one keeping things to himself.
"Hey, it'll be alright buddy. Really, we'll figure something out. We always do, don't we?" Dean smiled reassuringly, something he rarely did nowadays but he always seemed to be able to muster up whenever Castiel or his brother were involved.
Castiel finally looked up at his dear friend, his bright blue eyes shinning with mixed emotions. He was relieved and amazed to hear Dean say that, to be forgiven by him, but he still felt troubled, unworthy of that forgiveness. His heart was filled with so much admiration and gratitude for the human that has been his charge since the moment he gripped him tight and rescued him from hell, much like how Dean was rescuing him yet again from his own mistakes.
Dean felt his knees buckle as he stared into Castiel's eyes, finding himself quickly losing some sort of unannounced battle within himself. Those questions he had pushed far into the back of his head suddenly came tumbling down, suffocating him as they begged for answers. But he knew the answer, he knew it the second Castiel's eyes met his, it was just a matter of accepting it.
Castiel opened his mouth to thank Dean, but was quickly silenced by lips suddenly crashing down on his own clumsily. The ex-angel furrowed his eyebrows together, struggling to adjust himself properly, feeling teeth scrapping against each other in the heat of the moment. Dean groaned, finally tilting his head until his lips were perfectly molded against Castiel's. He didn't even care that Cas reacted with instant acceptance, as opposed to hesitation and eventual rejection like initially thought. It felt good kissing the man responsible for all his questions, all his doubts – the man responsible for all the answers, and all clarity.
"Oh dear god," came Sam's voice, startling the other brother who had been about to shove his hand down Cas' pants.
"S-Sam! D-Don't you knock?" Dean shouted, alarmed and flustered, quickly turning his back to Sam as he fixed himself up, Castiel resting shamelessly against the wall Dean had pushed him up against.
"I'm leaving! I'm leaving!" Sam called out, his hand to his eyes, shielding him from further shock.
There was silence, following Sam's departure. Dean was unsure of how to respond after the kiss and after Sam's abrupt interruption of it. He could feel Castiel's gaze on him, staring him down as if trying to decipher what was going through Dean's head, despite being unable to read his mind now.
"Was this what you were keeping from me?" Castiel questioned after a while, staring to piece together the pieces. "Have you been questioning your feelings for me?"
Dean felt his face burn from embarrassment, surprised the ex-angel had figured it out so quickly, but then again the man had gotten to good at reading him over the years, "Well...yeah. I don't exactly swing that way."
"I don't understand that metaphor," Castiel responds, confused. Dean sighed, blushing even more as he finds himself needing to explain.
"I don't usually like men, Cas. I mean, I've never felt that way for another man before. This is the first time. On top of that, you're an angel! How does that even work?" Dean questions, deciding to address the issue now.
"Dean, angels are androgynous. We don't have gender identities. Also, I am not currently an angel anymore. I understand I'm inhabiting a male vessel, but that has nothing to do with my feelings for you," Castiel replies, trying to reason with and in turn understand Dean's hesitation.
Dean knew he was making sense, but it was still something that was so out of place for him. He had lived his life one way, without any doubts, but then Castiel came into his life and stirred the waters. It wasn't like he suddenly started feeling attracted to other men, just Cas. It was strange, unusual of him but also it seemed right. He didn't know if that's what felt most strange about the situation.
"I guess you're right. I know you're right, it's just hard getting used to it, I guess. Besides, isn't there some sort of rule against this sort of thing?" Dean asks, glancing up as Castiel who was starting to step in close to him once again.
"Since when have the Winchesters followed the rules?" was all Castiel said before falling into another kissing fit with Dean. Dean hesitated for a moment, still questioning if this was right, but his doubt quickly vanished. It felt perfect, too right for it to ever possibly be wrong. Needless to say, Sam was forced to sleep in the impala that night...
A/N: Alright everyone, that's all! Thank you so much for reading even though I'm sure it was disappointing. This one took a completely different turn from what I originally planned on doing, but hey at least I worked myself closer to an actual story and not just a one-shot. Maybe next time there will be more to share. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed and just to remind you again, I am taking suggestions for other one-shot ideas. So, feel free to message me if you got any ideas you want to share or something specific you'd like to read and I'll think it over and consider. I won't only be writing about Supernatural, might do some Sherlock, Doctor Who, and Homestuck or something else as well. We'll see. Feel free to check out my tumblr (link in my profile) and what not. Ja ne!