Today was a very sad day because it was the day that Craig Cuttlefish kicked the bucket.
Marie's smirk was a little less smug. Callie sobbed to the tune of the Calamari Inkantation. Agent 4 dunked her head in the water fountain but did not die because it was empty. Agents 3 and 8 were committing dastardly acts in the sewers.
It was very sad.
"My bucket!" Craig cried, clutching his foot. "My foot!"
"You are so old…" Marie comforted, eating a head of lettuce. If she had ranch, she would put some on it. But she did not. Her emergency ranch dressing was stolen in the war. "That bucket, too, was so old…"
"Uhuuhuhuhuh," Callie sobbed.
"That was my wife," he yelled. "And I kicked her!"
"That… That was Grammy?" Marie asked. There is a certain tone to her voice. You know the one. "Oh, no!"
"Oh, yes!" someone countered. Someone who was evil and mean and dastardly. Someone who had eight tentacles. Someone whose name rhymed with Blocktavio.
That's right.
It was Pearl.
"Kjdhgkjshfkg!" Callie cried. Marie had to translate it.
"Why are you here, you sad garden gnome?"
Pearl WA SHA'd loudly.
"I could smell tears." She licked her lips. "Marina told me to find another source of tears. So here I am… Off the hook and ON THE HUNT!"
She then lunged at Callie like a rabid animal… But, like, an animal that won't be scary when rabid. Like, I dunno, a worm, or something. A rabid worm would probably be kinda funny… Or, at least, I think so.
Callie would have been able to dodge the rabid worm with ease if she was not crying so much. But she was crying a lot. Four looked up from the dry fountain and glared at Pearl. She looked like that one picture of the cat being held at knifepoint. You know the one.
Pearl stopped dead in her tracks. It was kind of impressive, given that she covered 5.3 meters in 0.7 seconds, solve for velocity. She clattered to the floor uselessly.
It actually wasn't Pearl! Or we hope it wasn't, because her head fell off and the insides were completely robotic.
"What!" said Marie.
"Huh?!" exclaimed Four.
"DISTRESSED SOBBING," cried Callie.
"My WIFE!" yelled Craig.
"Robot noise," beeped Pearl.
Marina came running out of a nearby bush. She was wearing a chicken suit. You know the one.
"Help!" Marina flailed her arms around wildly in distress. She looked comparable to an inflatable tube man. Everyone suddenly felt a strong urge to go buy a car. "An army of robot Pearls are going to destroy Earth!"
"Aw, buttnuggets," swore Four. Four's voice was stolen by an evil overlord for her crude language.
"I'm sorry, demonic overlord!" Marie yelled. "She meant 'aw, shit!'"
Four felt an unseeable force nod at her.
DON'T SWEAR AGAIN, it told her.
She also didn't get her voice back. Four did, however, promise it that she would no longer use such foul words such as 'buttnuggets' and 'flurmf' anymore.
"There's an army of Pearls?!" Craig yelled in a brief moment of coherency. "Why, you've gotta be squiddin' me?!"
He immediately forgot about his dying bucket of a wife. It was okay, though. Martha had been dead for zero years. Martha is also not a bucket.
Craig struck a pose. It was the kind of pose that would be accompanied with anime music. You know the one.
"Yes!" Marina exclaimed, still flailing like a tube man. Callie bought a Squonda Squivic, not sponsored. "We have to stop them!"
"I know just the people!" He struck another pose. Marina took out her sp3 player (squid-p-3 player) and played an obvious rip-off of the Calamari Inkantation. It made Craig spontaneously grow a skirt. He was so beautiful now. "Agents 3 and 8!"
"Gasp!" Marina gasped.
"Beep!" the Pearlbot beeped.
"Sob!" Callie sobbed.
"Lettuce eating noise," crunched Marie.
(DEAFENING SILENCE,) is what Four didn't say.
"That is a wonderful idea!" Marina said in a Marina-ish fashion. "We can even get Four's voice back!"
"SQUIDBEAK LET'S GO… TO THE SEWERS!" Craig yelled. "Or… Squid and Octobeak?"
"There's only one Octarian here," Marina mumbled. "And I'm not an agent… I'm more of a plus one."
"Hm…" Craig put his hand on his chin in thought. "That makes sense."
"Can we find them now?" Marie asked, now done with her entire head of lettuce. "I have lettuce in the oven at home. I don't want to burn it. Come on, Callie."
Marie led them to the sewers.