I do not own Lost, or the song.
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who's that girl? where's she from? no she can't be the one that you want, that has stolen my world, it's not real, it's not right, it's my day it's my night, by the way, who's that girl living my life?
Juliet had taken the pregnancy test just days ago. It was before morning sickness, before anything suspicious. It was before she even missed her period in fact, a niggling feeling in the back of her head, remembering how careful they were (or weren't). Before anything out of the ordinary happened, anyway- and she hadn't ever, ever expected they'd be here and her throat is constricting in her mouth just thinking of the calm, peaceful suburbia she had taken for granted mere days ago.
Her hand grips the fabric of her shirt, unaware of what she's doing, blue glass eyes seeing Bernard, but looking straight through him. The already flimsy walls surrounding her heart, slowly crumbled down, and she was waiting until the dust had settled before even trying to feel the damage dealt, her heart thundering in her ears. For an insane second she wants to stay here, with Rose and Bernard, sipping tea and talking to the lovely friendly old couple, but she can't- Kate is as strong as ever, striding through the jungle already – brave.
That doesn't make sense to Juliet, because she's read Kate Austen's file and it's a train wreck of tragedy- the files are so in depth, there's even a diary entry in there. Daydream's of a thirteen year old caught up in a violently abusive world, dreaming of running away with the only boy who gives a shit about her. Juliet knows what Wayne did to her, and maybe its the maternal instinct inside her (already) but it makes her sick, and makes her cry too. And after a childhood full of cruelty, doesn't Kate deserve something good? Something happy? Doesn't Kate deserve somebody to love her too?
But from something as purely simple as a look; she had lost him (to her), and there was no two ways about it, so the questions are pointless. Its beyond her control now. Deep down, in the put of her stomach it had always been temporary- until Jack came for her, and Kate came for him. But Jack and Kate had never wanted them, had they? No, they had been too preoccupied with each other, too wrapped up in longing glances, cute smiles and arguments. But they, they had lived together – worked together, breathed each other in the three years they were left on the island, set up a real proper life, that one day could have eventually ended in rocking their baby on a front porch, or getting a retro shotgun style wedding. The dreams were shattered in mid air, and now Juliet barely remembers what they had looked like in the first place.
Had he imagined that with Kate? Little babies of their own, a naughty little girl maybe - her mama's big sad green eyes and her soft wavy curls, her daddy's dimples and charm glossed smile, or a shy little boy, ruffled blond hair, shining grey eyes and freckles across his nose. She can see them now; the two most undomesticated creatures on the island, settled down, happy and flirty and lustful- moving every year or so, planning for another baby, bickering about names and schools. Would they live in the city, or the country?
But she wants that. She wants blond babies with dimples and blue eyes and sarcasm and serenity. She wants to be the one in the bed with a baby bump, getting her back rubbed and her hair teased. She wants to stay on this island forever, she wants a happy family. She's sick of being selfless, and sick of putting herself second - she wants it all so bad. Will they ever get this back?
Juliet stops tormenting herself, breathing hard through her nose. His eyes are still fixed on Kate's back; he doesn't realise she's lagged behind (had he ever?) and slowly, without even realising, she holds a hand to her stomach to remind herself; you're not alone now. But Juliet already knows, the baby inside her, can never happen.
Juliet already knows she needs to help Jack blow the bomb.
I'm pretty sure they're not going to carry on with the pregnancy thing on the show, because it'd be a bit stupid after everything. But it definitely looked like they would go that way: I love Juliet and Kate talking about each other for some reason. I think they could have been friends if Juliet hadn't been a creepy Other when they met! R&R please, even if its just a few words - it makes us all smile :)