A/N: I couldn't get this concept out of my head. Normally, I loathe song fics but here is the first and only I will ever write. Two-shot based on Billie Eilishs new songs "Listen before I go" and "I love you" set during 'New Moon'

Attempted suicide warning

Listen Before I go

'Take me to the rooftop
I wanna see the world when I stop breathing, turning blue
Tell me love is endless, don't be so pretentious
Leave me like you do

If you need me, wanna see me
Better hurry 'cause I'm leaving soon'

A sob caught in my throat as I stared at the tumultuous grey water below. Far below. From atop the highest cliff top in La Push I watched as the waves crashed dangerously beneath a graphite colored sky. When Jake suggested cliff diving hours ago I'm sure he meant with him and his friends, for fun. What I heard when he mentioned the activity was far from fun. I heard my opportunity for a cowardly escape; for my freedom from guilt, pain, longing, and loneliness.

When He left, it hurt, but when She left, without so much as a good bye, I knew I'd never be whole again. When He said She had already left, I felt the breath leave my body in a gust. I distinctly remember the wave of nausea that settled uncomfortably hot in my stomach and the final twist of the knife when He said I'd never see any of them again. Since then, regret and pain festered within me, an untreated, open, and gaping wound that never could close properly.

'She never knew' I thought bitterly, daring myself closer to the edge. It felt like I'd been sucker punched when I recalled her last words to me, the very night of my birthday party all those months ago. "I'm sorry, I… can't" she had said before slipping from the room, onyx eyes full of her own regret, and a sadness so deep it looked like it would never leave.

'Sorry can't save me now
Sorry I don't know how
Sorry there's no way out (Sorry)
But down
Hmm, down'

I closed my eyes then. Breathing deeply, I was listening to the wind that was whipping my hair around. Thunder churned in the distance and flashes of white lit up the sky in jagged patterns.

'Taste me, these salty tears on my cheeks

That's what a year-long headache does to you

I'm not okay, I feel so scattered

Don't say I'm all that matters

Leave me, déjà vu'

Silent tears streaked down my wind chilled cheeks and fell to the dirt below me, like they had a thousand times the past months. I let the pain crash over me in a tidal wave. The pain I'd been trying to hide from my friends, from Charlie and Renee. I might've been a zombie for half a year but that's only so they wouldn't have to witness the crippling pain they left me in. To have my family ripped from me, after I'd been told so many times by those same people that they loved me, and that I was one of them. To be tossed so casually to the side like I meant nothing had destroyed me. An eternity with them, with her, was all I ever wanted. I smiled through the pain watching a memory float through my mind for the last time.

She was getting me ready for prom. Applying my clear lip gloss. Her thumb wiping across my bottom lip to remove some excess gathered there. She must've heard my heart rate pick up and my breath hitch then. Her honey eyes met mine and darkened almost imperceptibly. I realized then, in that moment, that I was deeply, and completely in love with her. We stared at each other just long enough for me to memorize her carefully styled black hair, her slim nose, perfectly shaped full, pink lips, and golden eyes framed in thick black lashes. I let out the breath I'd been holding, and she looked down stepping away from me and fixing a dazzling smile on her lips, though it didn't quite reach her eyes, which wouldn't meet mine." All done, Bella. Edward will love you in this dress." She paused then, her face softening as her eyes finally met mine. 'You look beautiful." She said softly.

I clenched my jaw, solidifying my resolve for the last time. A life without her is no life at all. I'm not alive any more, just breathing for everyone else's sake. My life ended when He left me in the forest crying for the family and the love I'd never have again.

'Call my friends and tell them that I love them'

I thought about Renee and Charlie then. I thought about Jacob. I even thought about my other friends like Eric, Mike, Jess, and Angela. I wondered how they would take the news. How they would inevitably find out exactly what I'd done. I left no note. Just my truck parked down by the base of the cliff I stood on.

And I'll miss them

But I'm not sorry

Call my friends and tell them that I love them

And I'll miss them

Sorry'

I'm not sorry for doing this. I refuse to be sorry anymore. Two steps sent me hurtling towards the icy abyss that would soon be my grave. With the last breath I took before I hit the water I said the words I was too cowardly to say when she was still here.

"I love you, Alice."