Kakuzu sat in the floor of the Akatsuki head-quarters living room trying to keep from eating the end of his pencil. Lead was getting outrageous these days. But so was everything else, which was part of the reason he was sitting here trying to think of a good story.
Kakuzu was anything but a writer. Right now, he was just desperate. The Akatsuki were officially broke. Thanks to those stupid idiots who bought a thousand candles and lollipops at the same time. No, of course he wasn't bitter. They had just spent all his precious money. Hidan had even stooped so low as to dig up his secret stash. Of course Kakuzu had chopped him up into little bitty pieces and refused to sew him back together for a week. He'd had to be more creative in his punishment for Tobi. But selling all the remaining lollipops for food had eased the pain some.
As an apology, Hidan had mentioned a story contest some company in Konoha was holding. The author who could write the next bestseller would receive three thousand yen from the publisher in addition to the royalties. So, because people kept asking for money, (seriously, could they not understand hobos had more money than they did?) and Pein insisted they needed to lay low for awhile; he was left with no option but to enter this stupid contest.
How hard could it be? All he had to do was put a bunch of words on paper. It would be easy money; much better than those bounty missions. Now, Kakuzu just had to find those words.
This proved to be harder than he had thought. They didn't just fly into his head like they were supposed too. He couldn't even think of a topic. He frowned at the paper, giving it a 'fill up with a best-selling story or else' look.
"What are you doing, un?" Deidara walked in, destroying any form of concentration his fellow criminal had had.
"None of your business," Kakuzu snapped.
"Writing a letter to your woman, un?" the annoying man asked leaning over to see what was on the page. "Or perhaps trying to get one?"
"Of course not. Go away."
"Kakuzu-sepai has a woman?" Both of them glared up at the squealing voice. "Tobi is a good boy! Do not glare at Tobi! TOBI IS A GOO-" A bomb cut off the rest of the yelling.
"DEIDARA YOU IDIOT! THAT WAS MY PUPPETS!" Sasori stormed through the door.
"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"
"If you don't shut up, you'll be a dead boy," Kakuzu threatened. This just made Tobi scream louder as Deidara and Sasori argued and fought.
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" the treasurer of the most feared criminal organization yelled. In an instant the room was silent. It was an old joke that when the person who held the purse strings wasn't happy, no one was. Most of the members of the Akatsuki had learned the hard way. "Good. Now, HIDAN GET TOBI OUT OF HERE SO I CAN CONCENTRATE!"
Hidan came from their room muttering a few repulsive phrases, but none the less dragged the lollipop eating ninja outside.
"What are you writing, un?" Deidara persisted.
"None of your business."
Of course curiosity was the blonde man's fatal flaw, so he jumped forward and grabbed the flyer advertising the contest before Kakuzu realized what he was after. "You're writing a romantic story, un?" He exclaimed loud enough so the whole base could hear him. "Can I hear it?" Deidara asked as his fellow criminal leapt up to throttle him.
"Of course not!" But it was too late; he had already grabbed the page also.
"You need help, un?" the artist asked raising an eyebrow.
Just as 'no' was on the tip of his tongue, he realized that it might be better to let them write it (providing it was good enough) and enter it in the contest in his name. So he settled for, "What do you mean?"
Sasori shrugged. "He means he'll help you write it. He considers writing an art. If it's a romance then you should write about a tall, dark, and mysterious hero. They are the most popular."
Kisame, who had just entered from the kitchen, paused in shock. "You mean like Itachi-san?"
Sasori smirked. "He'd be perfect."
"Yeah, especially since it must be based on people who actually lived, un," Deidara piped up.
Kisame turned green. "You can't use Itachi-san."
Kakuzu looked up at him. "Why not?"
"He wouldn't like it. If you make him mad you will deeply regret it." The look in his eyes was sincere, but the rest of them could not comprehend that fact. They had never seen the Uchiha mad before, and the very picture of it seemed absurd.
"What he doesn't know won't hurt him," Deidara shrugged. Kisame looked apprehensive, but shrugged also.
"You know him the best, you could help us out," Sasori offered.
Kisame shook his head. "I might stay around though, this should be amusing."
Kakuzu was growing impatient. The words wouldn't write themselves; he had already tried that. "Well, get on with it," he ordered.
"We'll need a girl for him to fall for, un," the annoying blonde pointed out.
"If it has to be based on real a person that leaves…" Kisame started, already in on this despite his protests.
"Konan," they said in unison looking at each other. That was just too weird. Itachi and Konan? In love? Absolutely not. Never in a million years. Not in this lifetime, ect.
"This should be good," Sasori mused, sitting down to watch the show.
"Hey! What if there was a love-triangle? Like with Pein-sama?" Deidara asked suddenly.
"Sometimes you make me wonder," Sasori muttered. "How do you know so much about romances anyway?"
The artist glared back. "I had a sister."
"Sure…"
"I did! Her name is-" he cut off quickly. "Well I can't tell you! But I did!" Sasori laughed but let the subject drop.
"Okay…" Kisame said slowly, "First or third person point of view?"
"Third," they all agreed.
"It would be too weird to right Itachi from first person, on top of everything else," Deidara said, a little recovered from Sasori's jibes.
"Now what should the first sentence be?" Kakuzu asked, voicing the frustration that had been bothering him all morning.
Deidara sighed. "Do I have to do everything?" He grabbed the paper away from Kazuzu and started writing.
When he was done the paper read this: It was a sunny fall day when Uchiha Itachi walked over the hill with his partner, Kisame. It had been a hard mission and had taken six weeks to complete. The worst part was the miserable conditions they had been forced to stay in. He paused at the peak to survey the base below him. He was looking for her. Kisame noticed this and quietly walked off by himself. There was a flash of blue and suddenly she was there, hugging him tightly. He smiled, breathing in her scent and enjoying her warmth. She was soft. So soft. He had always liked that about her.
"You're back," she mumbled into his chest.
He smirked down at her. "Of course."
"D-did you miss me?" she asked quietly. He knew she was nervous about the answer. Everything rode on his next sentence.
"I did."
She hugged him tighter, causing him to grunt when she squeezed his only injury. "You're hurt," she cried, instantly pulling back. There was concern in her light eyes.
"It is irrelevant," he replied coolly.
She smiled. "You won't even let me see, so I won't ask you."
"Hn."
"So now you're going to tell me hello, right?"
He bent down and kissed her warmly-
"Yuck! That is not right on so many levels!" Kisame was shuddering.
"Really, what was so bad about it? I thought I kept him in character very well," Deidara defended.
"Itachi-san would never-"
"Would never what?" The very Uchiha Itachi they were discussing stood in the doorway.
"-would never create such an abomination. Deidara you should be ashamed," Kisame finished. Itachi just raised an eyebrow and walked away.
"Nice save," Kakuzu told the shark-man. He turned to the team beside him. "Finish it up. The contest ends in a week."
"A week! A whole book in a week!" The artist cried. "Not even I- not even my sister could do that!"
"Well to bad. If you want any food or any more of that stupid clay within the next three months, you will find a way to write a book in a week. When you're done I will examine the final product and send it off." With that he got up and walked off to his room. Being responsible for the financial affairs of the most powerful criminal organization was exhausting.
A/N: So I hope you like it. I really don't know where this came from, but there it is. I was thinking about continuing it, but that depends on the amount of feedback I get. So review and tell me what you think okay? And if I did continue, what you would like to happen? Suggestions are welcome. Flames roast my s'mores. :)