Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, otherwise the innuendo would be waaaaaay worse, and that's saying something.

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"Ahh, Ahh, Agggghhhhh!" The cries echoed through the palace walls. The magic in her blood seared and made her cries a match to a banshee. The palace shuddered with each wail of pain. Two princes exchanged uneasy glances as they played in their mother's quarters. Four girls huddled in their rooms, holding onto each other praying a good outcome. An uneasy queen stared into a bleak and stormy day. The windows shuddered and the stones themselves seemed to move. Queen Gwen wanted her husband at her side, but he was not.

He was with her.

King Arthur sat on a bench outside the birthing room. Not even his status as King could admit him past those doors. Only women were allowed in. With each scream his heart wrenched further. She had not screamed this much in her previous births. The sorceress's screams grew ever more frequent. Time seemed to drag before the witch's screams died into mumbles and an infant cry replaced them. Arthur stood and slammed his fist into the door as a savage imitation of a knock. A timid midwife, a witch like her, like Merlin, stepped to meet him.

"My King, you must wait, there has been a complication."

"What sort of complication?" He snarled, the girl backed away.

"She's losing blood milord, there's nothing we can do." She whispered timidly, trying to avoid eye contact.

"Let see me her then." Arthur insisted, pulling on every ounce of his authority. He made to move toward the door but the girl stepped in his path.

"My King…" She attempted, but Arthur was having none of it.

"I will see her." He pushed past her and went in, horrified by the sight. A servant was cleaning the infant in a nearby basin; Merlin lay prostate on the birthing table. Her skin was pale and her dark hair was plastered to her snow white skin. Her blue eyes stared dully forward, her breathing as labored and many women struggled to stop the bleeding between her legs. Arthur had spent many a night stoking that hair and gazing into those eyes. Merlin looked so frail and small, then again she always did, yet within her was strength greater than any other. Even before he knew the truth, anyone could see it in the way she spoke, the way Merlin carried herself. Time and again she saved his royal arse using magic behind his back. Now his High Sorceress was dying, no magic could save her. Arthur stormed to her side and held a pale sweaty hand.

"Merlin, wake up." She was awake, but turned her head to him. No smart remarks, just truthful, honest to god fear. Her hand tightened in the mocking parody of grip. Merlin was trying to respond, to stay with him.

"The child, my daughter….." She whispered, her voice was hoarse from screaming.

"Another girl Merlin, one would think…" Arthur weakly joked, trying to amuse her. Maybe, even if she laughed once, it would be enough. Maybe things would return to the way they should be. Merlyn Emrys would stay by his side as destiny foretold.

"Arthur, I was never meant to bear you an heir. You know that. Gwen is your destiny." Her voice was growing soft. Her words did not soothe him but riled him instead.

"What if I want you as my destiny?" She chuckled weakly turning her head to the ceiling.

"You are an insufferable prat Arthur Pendragon." He pressed his face to her clammy fingers.

"Stay with me Merlin, you'll be alright." He begged. Merlin giggled a little. It was strange to see the Pendragon King beg for anything; much less the life of his ridiculously powerful maidservant. He did not laugh with her, tears slipped past his iron defenses.

"No I won't, I've known for while now. I was destined to die this day, with this child." She turned her gaze back on him. Despite everything, she managed to keep the vitality in her eyes, as if she concentrated all that was left to leave a better last look.

"No, you're going to be alright, your magic….." Arthur attempted, his grip on her hand becoming uncomfortable, as if he could anchor her to the earth by holding firm on her hand.

"It won't save me this time." She explained gravely.

"No…." He shook his head, refusing to listen.

"I'm dying Arthur." She insisted.

"No!" He shouted, kissing her hand and almost biting it in an effort to keep her.

"Please, just talk to me; I don't want our last words to be ones of hate." Merlin begged him, begged him to show her the softness of him that she had loved. Arthur bowed his head.

"Yes of course." Arthur did not accept it yet, that he was losing her. She was his other half, his soul mate. What would he do when she was gone?

"Arthur, the girls… My daughters….." Her breaths were faint now; life was draining away despite everyone's best efforts. She looked s weak as she sounded. But despite everything, Merlin made a fighting effort to hold on as long as possible.

"I'll care for them Merlin, I'll acknowledge them." He whispered desperately.

"No." Despite the weakness that reigned over the witch's voice, this command was firm.

"Why, everyone know already, even my heirs are beginning to catch on."

"I'd rather my daughters be raised as bastard wards of the king instead of his bastards. They'll just look down upon them, upon you. It will destroy your relationship with Gwen, and your boys." She whispered firmly. He wanted to argue with her, god he wanted to, but there was no more time for playful banter. She was dying, he wanted to enjoy the moments he had left with his truest love. The nurse came over holding the child and placed it in Arthur's arms. The girl looked just like her; he imagined this must have been what Merlin looked like as a babe. Dark hair, and blue eyes, the child had already ceased crying, as her sisters had done. Now the babe was content to gaze up at him.

"And the newborn, a name?"

"Saoirse." She whispered.

"Saoirse, I'll remember."

"Damn right you will, or I'll haunt you. I swear it." She joked, causing Arthur to make a sound between a laugh and a choking sob. Arthur cradled Saoirse in his arm and moved to kiss her one last time. She was exhausted and slack, but she did her best. Arthur made damn sure to make his kiss count; he knew it would be their last. He pulled away; he still needed air, even if she didn't. A rough hand, callused from sword-work stroked her cheek.

"I love you." Her voice was barely a whisper. Arthur almost let loose right there, but he settled for burying himself in her neck and whispering to her.

"I'll always love you, you know that." He told her, reassured her. She tensed when he said that but Arthur ignored it. He wanted to enjoy Merlin's presence for however long he had left with her.

"Be a good King, and a better father. Just, don't be a prat, alright?" He nodded, tears welling at his eyes. Arthur rocked her frail body which was getting colder by the second.

"Take good care of our girls."

"Of course."

"Thank you Arthur….." Then she was limp, dead.

"Merlin?" Lighting crashed as did the king's soul. He broke loose right there. He ignored the midwives and healers that had tried to save her. He wept for the woman he truly loved. Arthur pressed her cold hand to his lips, trying to hold onto her. Arthur was not sure when his fifth daughter was removed from his grasp and into the arms of a servant. But now he held the lifeless corpse of a woman he loved more than his own life. Arthur clutched her close, rocking and screaming in his pain.

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Everything after that was fuzzy. He demanded the best funeral possible for her, he remembered that. He saw Gwen flitting around his chambers sometimes. His sons try to rouse his playful side but to no avail. The girls have not been told yet and he needed to tell them. He needed to tell them for he was responsible. The child that killed their mummy, it was a child he himself planted in her. After hours of keeping the girls in the dark, he got to his feet and trudged to the former rooms of his sorceress. Arghur stood outside the door, thinking of the many time he would know and she would answer. Her dark hair would be mussed from sleep. Merlin always slept in. Arthur nearly started weeping again, knowing that sight would never again greet him.

Still he knocked, the girls needed to know. Just as he dreaded, a sleepy Merlin was not who answered. It was the oldest of her brood, Freya. Freya, a girl of ten, looked like both of them. Her hair was not black but a dark brown that gently curled less than her mother's hair did. Her eyes were mix of the two shades of blue her parents' eyes held. Freya was tall for her age and lanky and blue eyes red from crying. Sweet, gentle Freya, a second mother to her sisters would now become their only mother. To her thin body she clutched the previous youngest of the girls. Five year old Agatha was much like her eldest sister in appearance, but barely looked at him. Aggie was afraid of him, why, he couldn't say.

"Your Majesty."

"May I come in, Freya?" Freya nodded, her dark curls bouncing limply. He entered seeing Merlin's other two daughters, also in bedclothes snuggled in her bed. Hunith sat up first, blinking at him blearily through her pin straight hair. Raelyn sat up next, snuggled in her mother's blankets. The girls all stared at him expectantly; matching blue eyes bore into his soul.

"I'm afraid I have something to tell you girls." Freya met his eyes without hesitation. She knew, immediately, he could tell she saw the truth.

"You have a new sister, but…" Freya looked away, knowing what he was to say. However, the other girls were not as insightful. The three younger girls approached him, clinging to blankets and Freya.

"But….?" Freya pressed, like her mother, that one. Arthur tried to keep the proud twitch from his lips.

"I'm afraid your mother has passed away." Freya bit her lip, Raelyn and Hunith's eyes widened, Aggie merely stared up, confused.

"Passed…..away…?"

"She's dead." Spat Raelyn.

"She's gone and she's not coming back." Sobbed Hunith. Then they began bawling. The sound was ungodly as four young witches let loose their grief. The windows shattered and the furniture fell apart. They were out of control, weeping with all their might. Arthur tried to calm them, talking to Freya first then each girl in age order. None, not even Freya, would heed him. Eventually a witch, Merlin's apprentice if he remembered correctly, came in hearing the ruckus the girls were making. She hurriedly cast sleeping spells on the girls to calm them down. One by one, the dark haired girls dropped like flies. Arthur helped tuck them into their mother's bed, wincing think of all the memories that bed held. Arthur's fingers lingered over Freya's hair, staring fondly at her feminine Merlin-like face. Arthur thanked the apprentice, feeling bad that he didn't even know her name. He asked her to keep guard over the children until he could figure out what to do.

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The first time he met her, he was convinced she was a boy. Dressed in ragged breeches a loose shirt, she could have easily passed for male. Though she made a very pretty boy, she could pass. The hair that would have marked her as female was bound in a cap to keep it out of her way. It wasn't until after she was in the stocks that Arthur even realized she was a girl. The cap fell off and her loose braid flopped down, unraveling. With hair loose around her face, it was easy to see. But the goddamned girl never dressed the part so even when she became his maid, she still seemed to be more boy than girl. Merlin wore breeches and boots for God's sake, along with tunics. She picked them readily over the pretty dresses or castoff of noble that Gwen or other maids wore. Merlin's dark hair was always woven into a braid too, never loose. Now, no one would make the mistake.

Earlier he had seen her eyeing one of the menservants the visiting King brought, handsome thing, caught her attention. Since then she had been prancing about in a dress. It was simple and cotton, her hair was no longer tied back, her curls framing her angular face. Arthur seemed unable to erase the lippy maid from his mind. But here she stood before him, dressed for the feast in her village finery best. Her hair curled about her shoulders with a bit of it tied back with a small red scarf. There was no way in hell she was going out dressed like that, and he made sure to tell her.

"What on earth is wrong with this?"

"You are not wearing those rags; you will be dressed like a proper servant." Little did his insolent servant know what he had in store.

Five minutes later she did.

His pretty maidservant might as well have been a clown. She wore a high collared cloak, a hat with huge feather and ceremonial clothes made for a man that was way too big for her. She had to use her own belt to keep her clothes on her. Arthur had to pull his eyes away while she desperately tried to hold her breeches up. He had seen plenty of maids, many prettier than Merlin, why was he so flustered by only her. Arthur snickered to himself. However he frowned when the handsome manservant from earlier gestured her over. The maidservant ripped off her hat and ran over to meet him. His heart burned with irritation. However the irritation became shock when the maiden ran before the entire court and declared Arthur's wine poisoned.

But the shock turned to horror as Arthur watched her elfish face contort in pain. Prince Arthur watched his irritating maidservant fall to the ground. He didn't remember getting up from his seat, or rushing to her fallen body, but all he knew was fear as he leaned over her. Arthur remembered stroking her face, finding it terribly cold. He lifted her body, was it always so light, into his arms and rushed her to Gaius's chambers. Arthur never felt more afraid than he did then. He was so afraid, so afraid hat he would defy his father just to save her. Never, never, never, did he ever know more relief than when he saw her sitting weakly in a chair with a limp smile. His heart soared for her. It was then he thought was when he began to love her.

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Princess: And so it begins. I've been working on this for a few months now, so some chapter have been written and need editing. I wanted to see how Series 4 played out before I made the plot definite. So year, Merlin is female, but the plot is relatively the same for the Merlin series thus far. Arthur romanced Gwen and married her but later on started an affair with Merlin. There will be more on that later on. There will be some GwaineXMerlin and older!MordredXMerlin, but again that's later on. It's going to be fun, because Merlin is the driving force of the story despite being dead. So, I'll work hard. I'm trying my best to edit but there will still be a few mistakes, so….. sorry. I'm trying my best really. The more reviews I get, the faster new chapters will come out because they inspire me. Especially because about eight or nine chapters have been roughly written and I just need to edit them. It will be updated on a weekly basis most likely, but perhaps more often depending on review amount.

So…. I hope you like it.