"It shattered something inside me that hadn't been broken before."
― E. Lockhart
Eliza awoke that morning to the unpleasant feeling of her brain pulsating violently against her skull, her mouth was dry and her stomach felt more unsettled than that time she tried the Gwyneth Paltrow diet plan. As she shifted slightly, a groan seeping miserably from her lips, she found her limbs tangled amongst the crisp white sheets and her waist was occupied by two very familiar, perfectly toned and muscular arms. After an excessive amount of squinting she looked behind her to bestow her gaze upon the sleeping form of Freddy, eliciting yet another groan, however this time it wasn't the pain of her hangover, but the pain induced by her drunken and unwise decision to crawl back to him. Allowing her head to thud back on to the pillow, and turning to burrow her face away from the bright morning light and the horrible reality she had awoken to, she tried to piece together the night before. Through the haze of dehydration and the incessant thumping in her mind she revisited the distressing conversation between her and Henry, as he insufferably stated that her feelings for him derived from her fear of a serious relationship with Freddy. At that thought her stomach churned and curdled, and before she knew it she swiftly pulled herself from Freddy's arms and ran to the toilet, where she brutally vomited. Sat on the bathroom floor, her arms wrapped around the toilet, feeling positively wretched she spied her phone and on grabbing it she prayed that by the power of Beyonce, Henry had tried to contact her. Just a slight inclination that he was concerned about her, that he cared for her, that he had thought about her just once. On pressing the button and looking down at the screen she was met with the disappointment of no missed calls and no text messages, glancing down at the laminated rectangle she cared so much for she saw an unsolicited tear drop onto the screen. Her hand trembled as she brought her fingers up towards her cheek, allowing them to feel the liquid flow of her misery. All she had wanted was him; all she had wanted was for him to be honest to himself for once in his god damn life. Now he had broken her in a way she never knew before.
Back at work Eliza had ensured that her path had not crossed with Henry's, and as she leant by her desk she perused through twitter, catching up with the gossip of the day, thinking she had successfully avoided an awkward run in with him. However it seemed that Henry had indeed sought her out as he walked towards her, a shifty and troubled expression tugged at his features, as her eyes remained glued to the screen of her phone. Placing himself before her he gently enquired,
"Eliza, may I speak with you in my office?" Her eyes continued to flicker along with the scrolling of her twitter feed, as she shook her head accompanied by a stern and low,
"No." She could see out of the corner of her eye his feet shift and twitch against the glossy floor, before he sighed, and continued anyway,
"Eliza, I'd like to talk to you about what happened the other night..." Without looking at him she assuredly stated,
"I think you made it pretty clear then, so ciao." With a dismissive wave of her hand, she resumed her interest back on to her social media surfing, although clearly Henry wasn't getting the message. Leaning in slightly, allowing her nose to detect the crisp masculine scent that always accompanied him, the scent that she had grown particularly fond of as her mind was flooded by pleasant memories of him. At that she vehemently focused on the tweets on her screen, forcibly fighting against the feelings that were embedded so strongly with the memories of him, as his voice low and hushed contaminated her will for control,
"I apologise Eliza, I shouldn't have made assumptions about the source of your feelings, it was wrong of me." At that she tilted her head slightly to the side, bestowing her gaze upon him she was met by the concerned and genuinely sorry expression that was plastered wholly upon his face. His deep dark eyes begged for forgiveness as they bore into her soul, as if trying to find a shred of mercy with which to abscond him of his accusation. She gave him no tell of her inner thoughts, just providing him with her attention as she wandered as to what he was to say next,
"I must confess that after some self analysis... you were right, Julia was comfortable, certain and safe and as much as I tried to convince myself I loved her... I just didn't." Feeling relieved that he had finally plucked up the courage to be honest to himself; she straightened herself and placed her phone on the desk as she turned towards him to address him fully. In that moment she saw a spark of hope ignite within his deep dark eyes, and she almost felt obliged to forget all he had said, all he had implied and assumed of her, all that had hurt her. His features had seemed to relax more now, as if the tension held from her lack of attention had now been released, as he continued,
"Eliza... I want to step out into the unknown, into the terrifying uncertainty. I want y..." However before he could finish his sentence, two strong arms slithered around her waist as she felt the affectionate press of a pair of lips to the back of her head, and an oh so familiar voice jovially interrupt them,
"Hey babe, you look mega hot today." His voice whispered into her ear, and she thanked god he was behind her as she felt herself wince and her nose crinkle, as her eyes scanned over Henry. The spark that had occupied his eyes had dulled, and his mouth was now slightly agape, as his gaze raked over them, focusing specifically on the arms that held her waist. Freddy noticed Henry's bemused gaze, misinterpreting it for confusion over their relationship status, he casually responded,
"Oh hey Henry, guess Eliza didn't tell you, Frediza is back together!" An enormous grin spread across the handsome man's face, as a feeble excuse for a smile etched across Henry's in a poor show of happiness for the pair, before he forced out a light but hesitant expression of congratulations,
"Oh... good. I'm glad you and Eliza have resolved your differences." In that moment Eliza's gaze grasped hold of his, beneath the mask that he clung to so resolutely to protect himself, she caught a glimpse of the pure anguish that pooled in his hauntingly dark eyes. Trying to convey as much empathy as she possibly could, her expression altered from the stern indifference it had worn before to one that tried to reach out to him, tried to get him to understand how much he had wounded her. She briefly thought that she had captured him, had got through to him until his eyes twitched towards Freddy, who had leant in to place an tender kiss on her ivory neck, as he quickly quipped,
"Right I better get back to work, good day." With a swift turn he left, storming down the corridor with all the grace and elegance he usually held. Momentarily incapacitated all she could do was watch the man who she was sure was right for her; who got her in a way that nobody else did; who made her feel truly treasured and valued as a human being in her own right, walk away. However the dull rip that reverberated within her chest, the slight imperfection on her heart, reminded her that as much as this man made her feel appreciated, he had inflicted damage that she had never envisaged. Of all the people she knew, she had trusted him, and he had willingly thrown his foul and accusing words at her in a barrage of betrayal. With that final thought she wriggled from Freddy's embrace, her brow set low over her eyes in animosity, as she exclaimed,
"Freddy, no PDA at work!" Slumping heavily into her chair she took no heed of Freddy, and the concern he held for her, as she cradled her head in her hands. The torturous and gut wrenching truth was no matter how much she wanted to not care, how much she vividly remembered and relived his harsh words, she missed him. Irrevocably.