A/N: Tag to Engaged II, a little insight into Gibbs' thoughts while on the flight home. Second chapter is mainly Gibbs and Ziva (father/daughter), and will be posted within a few days.
Flashbacks are in italics
Just a Man
Fatigued eyes of a weary Marine looked down at the casket, so carefully arranged with the flag folded crisply to adorn the remains of the fallen soldier, acutely aware that it was only chance that spared his life. He considered what a gift it was to be able to inhale the air of the carrier and he slowed his breath appreciatively . . . in . . . out . . . in . . . out . . . as he recalled the events of the past few days.
He was given little time to prepare for the mission, and after hastily assessing who was needed where, he decided that he would take only Ziva, leaving the stateside investigation in Tony's capable hands and leaving McGee to handle the computer stuff - and Abby. He couldn't deprive Abby of both himself and McGee, the two men she loved most of all. Unlike the team, Abby was no soldier and her emotional fortitude had been waning after years of strain. Gibbs knew he must be the one to tell her and that he had to be as confident with her as he could. Somehow before he got to her lab she had caught wind of the mission and was in full panic mode.
Pictures of Gibbs and Ziva were already taped to the wall in the lab. Pacing around the room, Abby saw him enter and immediately started nervously talking without making eye contact. "Gibbs, I know you need to rescue the Lieutenant and the little girls. They need you and you have to go. I know you do, and you'll need Ziva to translate, but . . . " her low voice and slight tremor in her gesticulations told him all he needed to know about her state of mind. She suddenly faced him and intently stated, "You have to come back, you and Ziva have to come back. I know you'd do anything to save them, you'd be the first to throw yourself on a grenade to save everyone given a chance. But you have to remember that if you die I would have to be the one to sort through your remains. You have to promise me you will never make me do that for you or Ziva or any of you - ever." Gibbs knew her admonition was at an end when she fell into his open arms.
"Abbs, We'll be fine." A few more sobs escaped as he rubbed her back. "We'll be back before anyone has time to even toss a grenade." He placed a finger under her chin and nudged it up, "Positive thoughts, Abbs."
She responded to her own mantra by straightening and assuring him, "I'll do my best work, Gibbs. I'll do everything I can . . . just . . . I need to hear you say it." She looked to him as though he alone determined their fate.
"Abbs, I promise." He leaned down and kissed her cheek, hoping he didn't just lie.
Special Agent Gibbs thought of how often he had made such cavalier guarantees over the years. He was well aware that he had little control over any given situation, even as the well-intentioned potential lies escaped his lips. How often had he promised them something, only to wonder if this would be the time that he'd lose their trust completely.
McGee and Tony were not amused, when Gibbs, in full Gunny mode, announced only two of them were mission essential. Sure, it made sense that their resident linguist spoke Pashto, among many other languages that may come in useful, but despite the practicality, those staying behind sensed the full wrongness of it. Ziva David was an American, and they all felt ownership of her emancipation from war torn countries that had oppressed her all her life. Nothing good ever came from her jaunts to the Middle East before her naturalization, and to risk another traumatic experience seemed like folly to the younger men.
Aware of all that was not being said, Agent David dutifully packed her gear and headed out after giving each of her partners what she meant to be a reassuring nod and a left with a confident, "See you in a few days. Gibbs, I'll meet you at the transport." As she turned to leave, all four team members felt unsettled, but trusted that a casual goodbye would stave off a permanent separation that warranted words of stronger sentiment.
McGee offered a firm, "Be careful, Boss." in Gibb's direction while he turned towards the stairs, no doubt to check on Abby.
Tony stood with his arms crossed glaring at his boss. Gibbs put down his gun and badge then straightened to his full height and matched the younger man's stance and with authority promised, "I'll bring her back, DiNozzo."
Tony glanced to the side and stubbornness gave way to worry. "You should at least have McGee and me there for backup. Last time it took all of us to pull off a rescue." And there it was, the fear that they were tempting fate once too often. Confession made, Tony could not stop the internal jitters from manifesting themselves as a twitching finger.
Placing a firm grip on his senior field agent's shoulder, Gibbs looked him in the eye and calmly replied, "Tony, a camp full of Marines will have our backs. What we need from you and Tim is for you to do your jobs here. The better intel. we have, the safer we'll be." His only response was a slight tilt of his second's head and a pained expression.
"I will bring her back in one piece."
DiNozzo replied, "Promise you'll both come back in one piece."
"Wouldn't have it any other way." Gibbs casually responded as he turned to leave.
What struck the team leader during this recollection was the degree of expectation that was in Tony's eyes. As though by Gibbs firmly making a promise it would increase their chances of survival exponentially. Before him in the silver flag covered box was a sober reminder that he was not able to guarantee his own safety or that of another.
It seemed that even though he had revealed his weaknesses over time, his "kids" still believed that when he said he had their backs or guaranteed their protection that he was somehow endowed with paranormal abilities to fulfill these promises unconditionally. He knew he was as human as they come, skilled, determined, and often lucky, but just a flawed man nonetheless. They deserved better.