A/N: Writing some Pricefield hurt/comfort because why not. Honestly I'm still shook over the ending of Life is Strange and I cannot wait for the next installments. However, that doesn't mean I still can't write about Chloe and Max. Bae over Bay ending. Max has some serious survivor's guilt. Warnings for mild suicidal ideation.
The thunder came rumbling down outside the window, the loud crash splitting the night. I stirred restlessly in the bed, unable to sleep. It was the same thing every time I shut my eyes, the same horrible pictures playing on repeat. Dead. They're all dead because of you Maxine. I rolled over and sat up, holding my aching head in my hands. The clock on the bedside table read 3 am as I rubbed my watery eyes. All I could hear in the darkened bedroom was the sound of rain battering against the windows and Chloe's soft snoring- the bluenette sound asleep beside me. I had managed to roll out of her comforting grasp sometime in the night. I looked over at my sleeping girlfriend, and was filled with a strange mix of love and melancholy. She seemed so peaceful, drifting away to wherever she was in her dreams. She's probably better off somewhere other than here. I let out a sigh, and pushed myself off the mattress, tip-toeing over to the bathroom. Chloe had been through so much shit because of me. She never deserved the weight of Rachel Amber's death on her shoulders, nor the loss of her family. Because of my own selfishness, I'm not sure if we'd ever see Joyce and David ever again. I'd took all of her family from her, something I still couldn't forgive myself for. She never deserved the pain you've given her, Max.
I flicked on the dim light to our small apartment bathroom. It wasn't much, the place that we called home. It was still a home however, and I had Chloe which is more than I deserve. We had moved inland to Portland, and as much as I miss the ocean- I don't think I could go back. I stared into the stained mirror of the bathroom, the counter littered with Chloe's makeup and hair products. I saw my pallid reflection the mirror, the dark circles under my eyes standing out like bruises. It didn't help that the rain on the roof put me on edge, the thoughts of the storm in Arcadia still too vivid in my mind. I could feel the pain well up in my chest, my throat tightening like I was about to cry. It should've been me, not them. I should've done the noble thing and sacrificed myself. I could feel my tears betray me, running down my cheeks. I felt a mix of defeat and anger as I rubbed at my eyes, trying to clean up the mess before it was too noticeable.
Peering into the mirror with tired, puffy eyes, I opened the drawer under the sink. A small bottle rolled into my view- painkillers. The bright orange of the prescription bottle contrasted starkly to the perfect white of the inside of the drawer. There were about half of the pills left as I picked up the bottle, gently rolling it in my hand to inspect the contents. Painkillers will take my pain away, right? Maybe not in the way they were intended for, but they'll still do the trick. It was selfish the way I was thinking, but I didn't want to deal with the nightmares anymore. I didn't want to deal with the guilt of leaving everyone but Chloe to die, not knowing whether or not any of the others made it out alive. I still hadn't heard from any of my peers at Blackwell, so I assumed the worst- that they're dead because my own selfishness. The pill bottle felt heavy in my hand, but I knew it was my ticket out. I gently poured the pills into my hands, wishing that the bottle wasn't so loud as they hit the sides. If you just do it Max, you'll be able to be free. My hands trembled as I stared down at the bottle and the pills in my palm. As I contemplated my options I heard a door open behind me.
"Max?" Chloe asked, groggily. Her voice startled me and I dropped the bottle and pills, sending them skittering all over the tile floor. I could feel my heart begin to pound in my chest as I gripped the side of the counter, not wanting to look her in the eyes. Why'd she have to show up now, of all times? Couldn't she have waited until I was slipping away on the bathroom floor? I tried to steady my breathing, the words caught in my throat. I didn't dare speak, or else I'd break out into a sob. Chloe took sharp intake of air, splitting the silence in the room as she gazed across the floor- seeing the fallout of my attempt to slip away. "Max, w-" Her words were cut off abruptly as she moved closer to me. I flinched as she tried to place her hand on my shoulder, not wanting her to feel the shakiness of my body. "Please, Maxine." Her voice sounded pained and concerned, sending a sharp pang to my heart. It felt like I had been stabbed in the chest, the pain welling up with the choked words.
Once again, my tears betrayed me and I broke out into a vicious sob as I sunk to the floor. I buried my face in my hands, trying desperately to stop the hot tears from spilling out of my eyes. Chloe gently picked me up off the floor and into her arms- I didn't protest. I felt like a child, sobbing hopelessly into my hands as she carried me across the room, setting me gently back down on the bed. She flicked on the bedside lamp as I stared at the wall with bloodshot, swollen eyes. Chloe pulled me into her arms, rubbing comforting circles on my back as I sobbed into her shoulder. "Why did you do that, Max?" She murmured, her voice thick with concern. I took a heaving breath, trying to steady my shaking sobs.
"I-I couldn't take it Chloe." I choked, wiping at my eyes with my sleeves. "I-I don't deserve t-to live while the rest of them d-died." She looked worried, with a hint of anger in her eyes as she pulled me ever closer. I let out a small gasp at the sudden gesture, but my shaking form slowly melted into hers. The sound of my pitiful sobs almost drowned out the storm. I only noticed the rain again when the tears weren't wracking my body.
"Please don't blame yourself Max," Chloe pleaded, her voice uncharacteristically soft. "You are not to blame for all of their deaths, and you're not selfish for making the choice you did." Chloe again rubbed circles up and down my back as I sunk into her embrace. I gently pushed her away, as I could feel myself becoming distraught again.
"How am I not selfish?" I asked, my voice more biting than I intended it to be. "How am I not selfish for having the choice to save everyone by sacrificing myself, and not taking it? Chloe, nobody deserved to die. I can't live with that guilt. I can't live knowing how fucked up it is that people died because of my stupid time powers. Of course I wanted to save you, but in that case I should've just stepped in front of that gun Nathan tried to shoot you with." I could feel a torrent of anger spilling from my lips, stunning Chloe into silence. "If I had let myself die, none of this would've ever had to happen." I hissed, the bitterness apparent on my tongue. The room went silent after my outburst. I could feel a flush of anger burn my cheeks, and I didn't want to meet Chloe's eyes.
"How the hell could you even talk like that?" She asked, exasperatedly. I felt shame well up in my chest at her accusatory tone. She grabbed my hand roughly, and a startled gasp escaped my lips. "Look at me, Max." she growled, and I obliged. Her blue eyes were dark with a mix of anger and concern, piercing right through me. I couldn't escape her gaze if I wanted to. "Don't ever talk about yourself that way, you hear? You are the most selfless person I know. Not everyone would consider sacrificing themselves in a situation like that, and you still did. You don't have to be perfect all the time, Max." Her words were genuine enough to bring me to tears again, which she gently wiped off my face. The caress of her fingers on my cheek was enough to calm me down. "Max, you have to think of yourself sometimes, and that's okay. Going and killing yourself isn't the answer, and isn't going to change anything now." In that moment I knew she was right. Chloe gently pushed my mousy hair from my face, giving me a soft smile. "I can't live without you Max, please don't go." The pained words shattered my heart into a thousand pieces- like a sledgehammer hitting glass.
"I won't leave you," I murmured, and suddenly her lips were on mine- a bittersweet kiss. It was tender, full of love, and sent butterflies coursing through my chest. I bet she could taste the tears on my lips as I leaned into her more, and she tangled her hands in my hair. We pulled away, and her blue eyes met mine, sending electric sparks up my spine. "Chloe-" I sighed, my voice barely a whisper. The first signs of sunrise were starting to seep through the window behind the curtains. She pulled me down to the sheets, tangling me in her embrace. I inhaled her warm earthy scent, wanting to get lost in her arms.
"I love you, Max." She murmured, the words making me gasp. She had said it before, but never so tenderly. It almost left me speechless, but as she pulled me closer my words came back to me.
"I love you so much Chloe." I responded sleepily. She merely responded by pecking me on the head as I buried my face in her chest. We drifted off to sleep in the early morning light, and suddenly the storm didn't seem so daunting anymore. I knew with Chloe I could get through even the darkest nights. After the storm comes a rainbow, and after my storm she picked me back up again.