Title: Hidden deep in the pools of gold
Summary:'It took one death to see, how much he meant to me' All in POV form. Switching from InuYasha to Sesshomaru. Inu/Sess,
--
I knew I had no choice in the matter. I was a hanyou, a half-breed, a hybrid. No one cares what I would have to say. Of course, I was only five at the time. So maybe my status wasn't the only thing against me.
Knowing that my mother had just left me forever, I knew I had to leave. It wouldn't be safe for me anymore. My mother was the one who protected me from being thrown out and or killed. So after her burial, I left. Knowing I wouldn't be back. I hope she would forgive me, but she knew it would never last. No matter how much she hoped.
So I left, I was on my own. I wondered if my brother would take me in? Probably not. He hates me, I know that much. Even though my mother said that he didn't, I knew she was just saying that to make be feel better. Me or her, it didn't matter. He hated me and there was nothing I could do about it. Though it wasn't my fault. Funny, how nothing is my fault. My father mated with my mother and allowed himself to keep me. He did save us after all. Of course he died in the process. Again, not my fault. He didn't have to save us, he just did.
But all this happened a long time ago. I don't know why I'm going over it. I know it like the back of my hand. I am reminded of it every time I looked at my self.
Back to the matter, I'm alone-again. Not that I don't mind. I always am. Even if I'm surrounded by friends, no one can truly not feel alone. I'm a prime example of that. I'm half human and half demon. No one knows what it feels like to be hated by exactly everyone in the world. People who don't even know you hate you. Once they see that you're a hanyou, you become one of their enemies.
Damn pessimists.
So now I'm on my own, I'm keeping myself alive. Seeing my brother once in a while. Of course, he just wants to see if he can kill me. You'd think after I killed Naraku he would see that I'm not easily killed. But I am. And only one person knows how to kill me. And frankly, that person took that knowledge to their grave.
Every time Sesshomaru and I fight, I can see something in the back of his eyes. Sadness, or grief. Usually I just shrug it off and attack him back, but yesterday, when we fought. It was like there was something amiss in those eyes. But what ever it was. I got a nice cut to remind me not to let my thoughts wander when we are fighting.
I hope I don't see him for a while.
/Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again. Maybe someday you'll look up, And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one: "Isn't something missing?"/
--I
Well, if I wished it or not, I haven't see Sesshomaru for a few years now. Maybe he forgot about me? Wouldn't that be nice?
What if I did disappear for a few centuries?
Would he miss me? Would he even care?
I always hoped that he did care, but he doesn't. He doesn't care about his tainted brother.
But if I did disappear without a trace, would he, could he, feel a little lost?
If he did I know I would. I feel lost now. He's not here; we haven't fought in a while. Hm, maybe he did forget about me. Wouldn't be a first.
I wonder if he would cry, well no not cry, but feel a little sad if I died.
No, the only sadness he would feel is the sadness that he wasn't the one who finished me off.
How sad.
Maybe, just maybe, what if I made it look like I died… would he feel like I was missing?
--
That day, I ran into a demon and put up a good fight. Maybe I should have fought better, or not have the idea of fighting a demon and making it look like it ate me, or killed me. Because it did.
I was fighting pretty well, if you counted only getting impaled once good.
But sadly it impaled me, right through the heart. Didn't hurt much. Not that I can remember it.
Hm, I wonder if he knows I'm dead?
Not that he would care… cold-hearted bastard.
I shouldn't really say that, he did help me… though I can't remember with what.
I hope he knew that I loved him like a brother, though.
/You won't cry for my absence, I know - You forgot me long ago. Am I that unimportant...? Am I so insignificant...? Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me/
I don't know if this is screw over InuYasha day, but that bastard of a brother of mine, came out from his hiding spot in the trees.
He came over with a smirk on his face and looked down at my dead body.
"I can't believe you were killed by a centipede demon." He said.
I hovered by him and I just wanted to strangle him.
"You killed Naraku, but you couldn't kill this lowly thing?"
Well if it wasn't for you, who were plaguing my mind I could have.
Using his foot he rolled me over.
What? Does playing with dead bodies amuse you Sesshomaru?
"You really are dead."
What! The smell didn't give it away!
Just rub it in Sesshomaru, just rub it in and get out of here.
I growled even though I knew he couldn't hear me.
I watched as he watched my body slowly decompose.
Why he was looking at it… I will never know.
Well whatever the reason is, I now know that he probably won't miss me.
/Even though I'm the sacrifice, You won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone. Isn't someone missing me/
He still isn't leaving.
It's been twenty minutes and he's still looking at my dead body.
I never could understand him.
"I could never understand you." Sesshomaru said out loud.
Hm, our minds think alike. Creepy.
Slowly he walked away. His head held high, it seemed like he didn't care that he just lost a brother. Well half brother, if you want to get technical.
But whatever you want it to be, he walked out of the area, just like he walked away when I was a pup and needed someone there for me.
Some people never change.
And we are both prime examples of that.
--S
He's dead.
Yet I still don't believe it. A lowly demon killed him, while a stronger hanyou couldn't.
Yes, you my brother are very strange.
When I rolled you over and your dead golden eyes stared at me, blank, I couldn't believe it.
So after a while I walked away.
I don't know why, but I needed to think.
Think about what? Well you.
Frankly I wouldn't give you much thought, but this was different. You were dead. Not faking, but actual stiff, doorknob dead. Stupid brother. Only one thing was able to kill you, and yet, it wasn't the reason for your death.
The Tenseiga pulsed at my side, it wants me to revive you.
Don't think so.
You are gone and no longer a nuisance. Or a disgrace.
Then why does the sword not still in its movements? Why does it cry for you?
Am I supposed to revive you?
If I do not give in, will I be a disgrace in fathers' eyes? In your eyes?
Even as I walked away I could still feel the sword cry.
I could also feel something following me.
Brother is that you?
/Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again. I know what you do to yourself, I breathe deep and cry out, "Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me?"/
--I
You idiot! What is with you?
You see my dead body, roll me around and then walk away.
I'm following you Sesshomaru; I want to know what's going through you mind right now. I want to know why you acted this way, and why you decided now, of all time to show up.
As I walk by him, I see his sword-the Tenseiga- start to pulse. I look back and see my fang pulse too.
I knew any sword made by that nut case would be creepy.
And here my suspicions were justified. Both swords were crying out. Why? Do I want to know? Well…somewhere deep down I guess, yes.
Well what ever that was, he stopped walking and I went right through him.
Memo to self; never ever do that. That was the grossest thing ever.
This coming from a guy who was inside a demons stomach.
No matter, I watch as he turned and looked back at my body. I swear I will scream if he spends another twenty minutes watching it.
But no, he looks at it from afar; sadness and guilt bleed through his eyes. I take a step back for I have never seen those emotions, in those eyes. It hurts me to see him like this. I feel bad, for a reason I don't understand.
He walks back and kneels by my body.
My cold, soul less body.
The empty shell of what I used to be.
Not quite bad looking if I do say so my self.
Anyways, Sesshomaru is looking at me. Checking my pulse and brushing my bangs back.
Like a brother would do when his sibling is sleeping…
Is that what you think Sesshomaru? Do you think that I am sleeping?
I wish I was, being dead is not fun. I thought I was supposed to see this white light? See my family when I died. Well the only thing I see is you.
Does that mean I get to haunt you? That could be fun…or not.
You never seemed to be that interesting.
Though you did spark my curiosity when you took the human girl under your wing. Or arm… however you want to say it you get it. You took her under your wing and you my dear brother, made me curious and I wanted answers. But I would never ask them because we both know you wouldn't say a thing.
After you take a few more seconds and look me over you stand back up and walk away again. You didn't take my sword. I'm grateful, you allowed me to keep it and to allow me to have it here in the after world.
Though looking at them both, they're crying out again. But this time you ignore it and keep walking.
I thought you would save me… but I guess to you, my death is a blessing.
You know… I never did mean to do what ever I did to make you hate me.
And if that means me being born…well then… sorry. I guess…
/Even though I'm the sacrifice, You won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone. Isn't someone missing me/
I watched you walk away. You're leaving me again, but this time I guess you know I wont come find you and ask why you left me.
I'm dead… and only you have the ability to make the dead live…
I sigh and finally you're out of my sight. I sit on the ground and watch myself rot. Wondering if you'll come back and burry me. But that would be asking too much of someone who devoted their life to kill their own brother.
I'm your brother for god sakes! I scream at the direction that he went. Your own brother! Sure we may not have the same mother! Sure I may be a half-breed and you a pedigree! But we shared the same father! The same noble father who loved you enough to care for you when your mother left! The same father who saved me when others wanted me dead! We come from the same father… my tears started running down my cheeks and my nose started running.
If you hate me… then you must hate our father too, for letting himself make sure that we both survived…
I sat there for a few days. No one saw my body, no one really knew I was dead. My cold hearted half brother never came back. My sword hasn't stopped crying. I know soon it will attract some demon.
And no later than that thought crossed my mind… a demon did come. It saw my body and licked its jaws.
I knew what was coming next. And I cursed at every single god. And at my brother. I hated them all…
The demon-that looked to be a bear- strolled over to my body, sniffed it, and took a bite.
I felt it, and I screamed. I screamed so loud I swear I woke the dead-no pun intended.
It ripped open my stomach, ate my insides and was about to rip off my head when I saw a flash of white slice through the demon.
My vision was blurry from my tears, and as I looked down I saw a gaping hole in my chest. I was shocked. I didn't know what to do. It was horrible. I could see my bones, my insides. I wanted to retch. But I didn't really have a stomach to do so.
/And if I bleed, I'll bleed, Knowing you don't care. And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there, Isn't something missing? Isn't something.../
I looked up, remembering the white blur-maybe it was the light I was supposed to see when I died- it was him.
The one who hated me. He killed the demon. Stopped it from further devouring my body. I whipped more tears from my eyes and saw him look at my body.
Hold it! What are you doing?
I watched as Sesshomaru took out Tenseiga.
Is he reviving me?
Why is he reviving me?
I didn't ask for this!
He swung and the hell messengers left and I was thrown back into my body.
It hurt like a bitch! Oh my god! It hurts!
The organs, tissues and bones that that bear had eaten grew back. My heart started to beat once again. I could feel the blood starting to rush back through my veins. I started to breathe. Heavily at first, I never felt so glad to have my lungs inflated again. Once I calmed down my breathing, and when I was able to think past the pain, I looked up at Sesshomaru, as he looked down at me.
'Why?' I rasped out. My throat was hot and thick. It felt like it was on fire. And I was thirsty. Man was I thirsty, but I needed answers, 'Why?' I asked again, 'Why did you save me?'
--S
After three days of the non stop cries of my sword, I returned to where his body lay. I smelt a demon, and knew that it probably found his body. Why I cared, I would never understand, but I ran to where his body laid and killed the demon that was feasting on his body.
He didn't deserve that, even if he is a half breed.
So I killed the demon and gave in to my sword. I unsheathed it and brought him back to the living.
Even through I will never admit it to my self. But… I missed him. I missed know that he could one day become stronger than myself. But that would be one day. Not now, not soon.
Anyways, I revived him and now he has asked me why? Why you ask…I have no idea.
--I
He's just looking at me. Thinking. Pondering. Completely lost in his thoughts.
I look in his eyes and see emotions. He's let his guard down, and emotions are flooding in his eyes.
I open my mouth to speak, but he just turns and leaves.
He walks away with no word. Nothing.
I'm speechless. Why did he save me? Why didn't he let the bear eat me?
'Sesshomaru.' I call out with my raspy voice. But he does not stop. No falter in his step. I call him again and still he keeps walking. I try to get up, but my body screams at me to still my movements.
I stay there for a few hours, then I force myself to get up and find shelter. So I climb a tree and lie there and fall asleep. I didn't want to fall into a deep sleep, but I did.
/Even though I'm the sacrifice, You won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone. Isn't someone missing me/
I didn't even feel him come and take me back home with him.
Nor did I feel anything when his servants wrapped up my stomach.
I woke up three weeks later. Fully healed, but with a different attitude. I rolled out of bed and following his scent I found him. Looking out a window, with the wind blowing his hair around him.
'Why?' I asked again, knowing that he wont answer. But that's why I asked, I knew he would tell me sooner or later.
'I see you're feeling better.' He said, and he didn't take his gaze away from what was outside.
'Yes.' I answered him. I lowered my head and my voice, 'Thank you.'
We stood like that for a few moments, I was going to turn go back to my room, but his voice stopped me.
'Why, you ask me. Why I ask my self.' He said and he turned and looked at me. His hard, cold golden eyes went soft, but only long enough to allow me to see. And that's where I saw the answer. Hidden deep in the pools of gold. There was the answer to my question. Why he revived me, will always be hidden from the world. Hidden so that his enemies wont know about me. I smile, and walk up to him. I wrap my arms around him, but only for a second. Then I leave.
I walk past his room, my room, and out the doors, to the gates.
I walk past the garden that surrounds the castle.
I walk to the forest that bears my name.
And I never looked back.
My brother saved me, not because of the cries of our swords. Not because of his pride. Not because father and I would think him as a disgrace. No. None of those reasons made him save me.
The only reason he saved me was because I was his brother. Family comes before all feelings.
He saved me, because he knew, he loved me deep down in his heart. And somewhere deep in his mind, he knew that he would miss me.
--End
Disclaimer: 'InuYasha' is not mine. 'Missing' is not mine. I own squat. Happy, cuz I'm not.