A/N: Another tumblr pic fic. I wasn't sure how to post this one, because you see, I have two ficlets for the same set of gifs. So here's how you can read this. The first, small part is a piece that stands alone. After the break is a new and separate ficlet, which is in two parts. As before, I'll post the link to the gifs on my profile page. Hope you enjoy.
"Jane…"
"Yeah?"
"I'm trying to remember." Maura cleared her throat. "Last night, when we…you know."
Jane glanced up from the body, eyes alert, almost smiling. "Yeah."
"Did we…lock the door?"
Jane rolled her lips together, frown forming. Maura crossed her arms, sifting through distracting memories. The door had been the furthest thing from her mind.
"Because, you know, this morning, when your mother…"
Jane's face smoothed out, mouth parting as she stared at Maura in dawning realization. Maura heard the Oh God, no without Jane saying a word.
Maura glanced down. Yeah.
…
Maybe
"Jane…"
"Yeah?"
Maura cleared her throat, willing her voice to remain even. "Remember when I received that call from Seattle?"
Jane rolled her lips together, frown forming. Maura glanced away briefly, almost losing her nerve, but she felt the distance between them, felt the hollow ache in her chest, and her resolve strengthened as she met Jane's gaze once more. She saw the recognition in Jane's eyes, even as the confusion remained.
"For the consult on one of their cases, yeah. Why?"
Why did the innocent question feel like a dagger to her heart?
Maura nodded, taking a deep breath. "Yes, it was a consult. They liked my work." She felt brown eyes searching her face, and she couldn't meet them. Her next words were a whisper. "They offered me a position, Jane."
A pause, and Maura felt the tension grow like a wild thing in the space between them. Jane shifted, and for a moment…for one brief, beautiful moment, Maura thought Jane would step forward. Thought she would feel the warmth of her embrace and it would be like before. Like they belonged.
But Jane only shifted from one foot to the other. Maura willed the tears away and felt an eerie sense of calm overtake her. It allowed her to deliver the news without revealing the tremble in her bones.
"I've accepted."
She watched Jane's face change. Watched her mouth part, the delicate muscles and brown eyes she knew so well… She watched them morph into shock, disbelief….hurt. The dark caramel cut her. And she wanted to reach out. She wanted to comfort with the connection they had once shared so deeply. How she wanted–
But not…not anymore.
Maura looked away.
It was done.
…
Maura turned away, slipping the nitrile gloves off her hands and dropping them into the trash. Jane had yet to say a word. In some ways, it was easier. But the ache in her chest only grew.
With her back turned, she gripped the edge of a steel table and allowed her face a brief moment to contort with pain. God, this was harder than she thought it would be.
No sound met her ears except the pounding of her own heart, the quiet rustle of fabric behind her.
Was silence to be her only goodbye?
She faced Jane again once she regained a semblance of composure, found the courage to meet her eyes one last time. Stormy, conflicted. Still Jane stood there, saying nothing.
Maybe that's all they'd ever been.
Maura choked. She had to get out. Her strides were brisk, and she felt each step of her heels resonate along her skin even as it echoed in the hollow silence. The silence of her morgue...how often that had been her only company since that day.
No.
She heard it in Jane's voice. Like she used to sound. She closed her eyes and felt her steps almost falter.
"Don't."
This was closer, rough and deep like distant thunder. Strangled with an anguish that made Maura's breath catch.
A hand grabbed her arm, turning her around.
"Don't."
And then there were arms around her, holding tight. A body pressed into hers so close she felt every hitch of breath. Curls brushed her face, lavender overwhelmed her senses. It was everything Jane. Everything Maura had missed. Everything she had lost.
"Please."
It took her a moment to register the word. The ragged exhale was almost a sob, and desperation twisted it into a plea. It tugged at something inside of her, but she had yet to reciprocate. She couldn't. Her arms hung limp at her side. It was all so much, too much. She didn't know what to do, if she should do anything at all.
As though realizing this herself, Jane's grip tightened. Maura felt hands fist into her blouse, trying to pull her even closer as Jane turned her head to whisper into her hair:
"Don't leave me."
You mean like you left me?
The anger that used to accompany such thoughts was gone. There was only emptiness. She was tired. Maura closed her eyes as she took a breath and allowed herself this moment. A moment to savor what used to be and what could have been.
Slowly, she raised her hands and settled them at Jane's waist. Whether it was to push away or pull close, she couldn't say. The heat beneath her palms, the way the muscles flexed, sent tingles along her skin. She both hated and loved the sensation.
"Jane." Her voice sounded tired to her own ears. "I don't—"
"I'm sorry."
Maura stilled. She pulled back, or tried to, but Jane clung to her as though any distance between them meant forever. She persisted, and Jane finally let her go. Just a foot, but it was enough.
Maura brought a hand up to cup Jane's cheek. She held it firmly, not allowing Jane to look away.
"What did you say?" Almost a demand.
Jane's throat bobbed as she swallowed, and Maura saw the first tear leak out of the corner of a caramel eye. Similar tears tightened her own throat.
"I'm sorry, Maura. I've wanted...I didn't know how to—"
"Shhh." Maura placed her thumb over Jane's lips, silencing her. She didn't need words right now. She only needed those eyes, speaking to her once again. Saying what she had wanted them to say for so long. They darted around her face, memorizing, caressing. She listened to it all. I missed you. I'm so sorry. The hands at her back wrapped more fully around, until there were only inches where there used to be miles. I need you.
"I love you." She heard that twice, in words and in dark caramel.
And then...
Her breath hitched.
I never stopped.
Another tear followed the first, and with its warm trail down soft skin, Maura felt something shift. The tension left her body, and she slowly sank into the embrace. Jane's eyebrows rose in the middle, and that trace of hope that worked its way along angular features squeezed Maura's heart until it was hard to breathe. Dark eyes closed, like gratitude. Like a prayer.
Maura traced her fingers down Jane's jaw, asking those eyes to open once more, to stay with her. They did, and she shivered at the connection. Her hand came to rest on the back of an elegant neck and she squeezed.
"Jane," she said. Just that. Simple. Yet everything.
Lips rose in a tentative smile, and for the first time in a long time, Maura thought...
Maybe.
...
A/N: That's all for this one, guys. For anyone who really enjoys the angst, you can pretend the story stopped after the second break. This third part is for all the soft hearts out there who want that tantalizing bit of hope. (I may or may not be in the latter category on most days.) Thanks for reading.