Accepting Fate

I think it's time we talked this over...

-Nobody's Hero, Stiff Little Fingers

I've wanted to write something like this recently and here it is! I don't really like writing stories that aren't fully tiva, but I feel like this is a bit of both. It actually turned out quite a bit different to how I planned but I'm happy with it. Enjoy!

"Can I get a large tea and this granola bar please?" Ziva placed the cereal bar on the counter with a smile.

"Hey Ziva, a lot of early mornings for you recently, huh?" Mark queried. The café Ziva was at was a regular for everyone at the Navy Yard as it was so close. Mark knew everyone who would visit.

"Unfortunately, yes. This case is taking longer to close than we expected." Mark put the cup of tea on the counter and Ziva handed over the money.

"The glorious life of a Federal Agent, am I right?" He joked, winking at her.

"You certainly are." She laughed back and said her goodbyes, heading off to go to work. Just as she turned around she bumped into someone. "Oh, sorry." She continued onto the door but was stopped by the person she bumped into grabbing her arm.

"Ziva?" DiNozzo's voice broke through her tiredness. Her eyes shot up to the handsome face that used to sit opposite her every day.

"Tony?" Her voice trailed off, a rush of feelings coming back. "What are you doing here?"

"The case we're working has ties with the FBI. I'm down here for a meeting with good ol' Fornell." He grinned. The grin that use to warm her heart. The grin that always knew how to make her feel.

"Oh, I see." She smiled sheepishly. They spent a few seconds in each other's eyes.

A few months ago...

Tony and Ziva had started dating a few weeks ago. However, it hadn't been what either of them expected. Ziva felt undeserving of the compliments and affection she got from DiNozzo, and Tony was surprised at how distant Ziva had been towards him. It was like their relationship had changed her completely as a person. One evening, all it took was a few words to cause Ziva to snap.

They were spending the night together watching films – as usual. They watched in almost silence all but the occasional commentary from Tony, or Ziva asking what was actually happening. Ziva was wrapped under Tony's arm who was absentmindedly tracing his finger up and down her arm.

"Ziva..." Tony said in a nervous voice.

"Mhhhm?" She somewhat replied back, not looking up to him.

"I love you." Ziva shot up instantly, surprising Tony slightly. She simply stared in shock for longer than she should have.

"Say something, Ziva." An uneasy feeling spread throughout DiNozzo's body.

"No, you can't love me. That's impossible. It's always been lies or fake. Love isn't something I deserve, I learnt that long ago yet I let it happen. I got told it too often by people who merely did it to betray me. I don't believe you." It was like she was in a trance, rehearsing some lines somebody had told her to say. She stood up and started pacing in front of the TV, her hands in her hair.

"Ziva, are you alright?" Tony walked over to her, gently grabbing her arm to try and calm her down but she knocked his hand away.

"This is the final straw...I can't do it. I can't do this." Ziva started pacing faster as DiNozzo tried to think what he could do.

"Ziva, I need you to calm down. Please, just come and sit down. Tell me what's wrong, you're scaring me..." DiNozzo ran his hands through his hair in despair. Ziva completely ignored him and carried on.

Tony picked his phone up off the coffee table and scrolled through his contacts, deciding who would be best to deal with it.

"Ducky, I need you to get to Ziva's apartment as fast as you can." DiNozzo blurted out with an anxious tone.

"I'll be there shortly, my boy." Ducky decided it was best to just comply rather than ask questions.

Tony shot over to the door as fast he could to let Ducky in.

"What seems to be the problem, Anthony?" Ducky entered the apartment.

"I told her I love her and she just freaked out on me. She told me I was lying and that she didn't deserve it and that she didn't believe me." Ducky could see the fear and pain in Tony's eyes as he explained. He glanced over at Ziva to see her in a distressed state. He rushed over to try and assess what he would do next.

"Ziva, dear, it's Ducky. Is everything alright?" Ducky tried to grab her arm, just like DiNozzo had, but she pushed it away.

"He's lying! Just like they all did, they didn't care. The used me!" Ziva started yelling out, giving Ducky some idea of what might be happening. He went over to DiNozzo to discuss.

"From what she just said, I fear she may be having a mental breakdown. Over the years, her feelings have been thrown around and she's been put through a number of difficult times. It would appear that her oppression towards events such as Somalia, her relationship with Mr Rivkin and her past life in Mossad seem to have caught up with her. She feels that she's been betrayed too many times for anyone to show love or care towards her. Your show of affection seemed to trigger this outburst. I shall have to call my friend who works over in the psychology unit at Bethesda."

"Oh my god..." DiNozzo answered in a helpless tone. "What did I do to make her feel like she couldn't talk to me about those things when they happened? Some partner I am..." Tony stared at the floor, feeling a whole rang of emotions – none of them good.

"Anthony, don't speak like that. You know very well that it has nothing to do with you. This is just who Ziva is. She's spent her whole life being told that her feelings don't matter, so for her to have the chance now to talk about them, it's quite an overwhelming situation." Ducky explained as he proceeded to call his friend. Tony didn't know what to say, so instead, he gave up and collapsed down onto the sofa.

Tony and Ziva had ended up sitting down to have a little catch up. The way they ended things was something neither of them wanted or had expected. The whole Navy Yard would always comment on how they weren't the 'Tony and Ziva' they were before the whole ordeal. They stopped flirting and joking with each other, and were extremely distant. Nobody expected Ziva's breakdown to cause this to happen, but unfortunately it did and everybody hated it. Eventually Tony had ended up making the decision to take the offer of having his own team. He thought deeply about it, and realised Ziva was the main reason he never took the opportunity in the first place.

"So..." Ziva started awkwardly. "Is having your own team as good as you thought it would be?"

"Ummm, I must admit it still feels strange. Something doesn't quite feel right but I think it will always be that way. Apart from that, it's not too bad." He smiled before taking a sip of his coffee.

"I wasn't expecting that answer, I thought you'd love having your own team." She gave him a bit of a surprised look.

"Oh well." He laughed slightly. "How's the Navy Yard anyway? I've been meaning to come back and visit."

"Oh, the usual; suffocating hugs, computer talk and dead bodies." Ziva smiled sincerely, thinking of how much she actually loved her job.

"Oh yeah, of course." He winked, causing that silly feeling to tingle throughout her whole body. "How are you doing anyway?" He looked at her, genuinely wondering what she'd been up to.

"I'm doing alright actually. Thank you for asking. I only see my therapist once a week now, so I guess that's progress." She smiled uncomfortably. "How about you?"

"That's great! I'm really proud of you. Yeah, I'm good thanks, I've started going to cooking classes! Can you believe it?" The famous grin appeared again.

"Shall I be expecting a 12 course meal soon then?" She winked, taking a sip of her tea.

"You bet!" The next few seconds passed in silence, until Ziva spoke up.

"I wish I could apologise every day for what I put you through, I honestly do." She buried her head in hands, trying not to cry.

"Hey!" He leaned forward slightly and rubbed her arm to try and comfort her. "It's not your fault at all, there's nothing you should be apologising for. The important thing is that you're seeing a therapist and working on yourself." She finally uncovered her face, smiling lovingly at him. It still amazed her how he always managed to make her feel better.

"Every minute of every day, I wish none of it ever happened. I wish Mossad hadn't ruined me, I wish Somalia had never happened, I wish I hadn't been so foolish about Michael. With each bad thing that happened, my life seemed to become more unbearable. A piece of each of my feelings would chip off and just disappear, never to return. It's getting to the point now that I don't know how to feel anymore." She sighed, allowing her mind to feel pity for once.

"You can't imagine how much I wish none of it had ever happened too. If I could make it all go away, I promise I would." He reached over the tabled and grabbed her hand. "But look at how invincible you are. You still fight for each day and that's an achievement in itself. Even though things didn't end greatly between us, I never ever blame you and I still feel exactly the same way. I still love you and will always care for you, no matter what." A single tear rolled down her cheek as she let his words sink in.

"No one else manages to say the right the words but you. Thank you...I mean it. If it weren't for my breakdown, I truly think our relationship would have lasted because you're an incredible man. And I want to let you know that I didn't mean anything personally when I said I didn't believe your love. I know when you say something like that, you mean it. You deserve to know that I love you as well." She looked up to see the smile that she'd caused and smiled back.

"They've given me an apartment while I'm here, how about I show you what I've learnt in those cooking classes?" He stood up and she did too.

"How could I ever turn down an invitation like that?" She followed him out the door, both of them smiling.

I know it's so typical to give DiNozzo his own team but I needed to for the story. I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think?!