Title: Only Animals Drink Water (1/?)
Author: darkensandor
Rating: pg-13, for cursing, underage drinking, strong language, brief mentions of sex.
Pairings/Characters: Unholy Trinity, Faberry, Brittana, Most of New Directions, Sue Sylvester, OC.
Length:2000+
Spoilers: AU Sue Sylvester shuffle
Disclaimer: I don't own glee I just wished I did yadda yadda and this enforces throughout the whole story OC's my own blah blah, on with the show.
Summary: After a crazy drunken get to gather before cheer nationals, the unholy crew wake up to find themselves being black mailed. When video show of their night as the vandals to one of their coaches newly priced possessions, the Sue canon.
"So I was thinking we could try to narrow down our song list from 150 to 50 and then move on from there. On which would suit best both of our voices...are you listening Quinn?"
"Yeah Rach I'm here."
"You may be but where you hearing anything I said?"
"Yeah mostly, sorry babe I'm still getting ready to go over to Santana's in a bit."
"Oh I forgot you where still was going over there."
"You want to come? I can swing by and pick you up, San wont mind. Her parents are visiting her Abuela for the weekend."
"No its fine and I doubt she wouldn't mind I was there. She might whip out a razor from her hair and assault me."
"She would do no such thing Rachel. She better not try if she knows what good for her."
"Aw you would protect me Quinn?"
"Of course you're my girlfriend, why wouldn't I. I love you."
"I love you too baby, but even if I could go I can't. I still have to work on this song list tonight on my lonely lonesome."
"I'll come by after our get together okay."
"Well I don't know, who's to say I wont be already done by then when you do."
"Oh well we can work on something else involving you, me and a boring movie to give us a excuse to make out through the whole thing. Something along those lines."
"Sounds like hard work, we might have to work through to night to get it done."
"I know stressful."
"Then I look forward to your arrival Quinn, so you better not go over board with the alcohol content tonight baby."
"You okay with me drinking tonight? I wouldn't be able to safely drive to your house then after."
"Well this is Santana we're talking about and I know for a fact alcohol will play a role into your gathering. Also I'll come by and pick you up and drive back to my house. My fathers are leaving early for their business trip."
"Really when?"
"Tonight it seems instead of Monday, and once they leave and I get you we have the house all to ourselves from then to Friday."
"Sounds boring."
"Mind numbing."
"Okay baby I got to go I'll see you later."
"Bye have fun, remember not to go over board I'm not planning on sleeping with a drunk."
"I promise Rach."
"You better or I'll be horny and pissed off. So you wont get any for the rest of the week."
"I said I wouldn't baby, you don't have to go threatening me."
"Just making sure. Bye Quinn."
"Bye Rachel."
Ding Dong
Quinn Stands back waiting for the door to open, smoothing down her blue and white stripped dress. Pulling off a long string off her white cardigan.
"Finally Q took your sweet ass time coming here, but now that you are we can get this moving!" Santana pulled her friend through the foyer, her tight dark green dress barely giving way to her motions.
"I'm not drinking this much guys." Quinn says sitting on Santana's white expensive couch across her two friends sharing the love seat.
"Well I am." Santana rolls her eyes at her best friend, knowing her friend is slightly stressed and needs to cut loose but can see her torn in her decision to do so.
"I'm Brittany!" shrugging her shoulders just wanting to be part of the conversation.
"Look I don't know about this though." sighs Quinn.
"Come one non virgin Mary. You need to loosen up, we all haven't hung out in a long while since Berry has clutched her glittery hands on you."
"What are you talking about we hung out not a week ago."
"Not when you bring the Mrs.,nagging about where we got the alcohol, and spending possible jail time killing my buzz doesn't count."
"I like hanging out with Rachel San. She reminds me of Lord Tubbingtons talkative 3rd cousin who's an Irish terrier named Monty. That comes to visit on St. Patrick's day."
"Britt's right Berry does remind me of a nippy ankle bitter."
"Santana if you don't stop insulting my girlfriend I'm going to leave." Quinn glared at her friend really not up for her bullshit tonight.
"Fuck! Fine I'll stop ranking on the smurf. I just want to get my drink on and relax before cheer nationals next week." say Santana with a lazy wave of her hand.
"I'm gonna die." Quinn and Santana glance to Brittney to see the frown on her face, and distance look in her eyes.
"Britt coach is not going to have you in the cannon, shes not going to use it." Quinn rolled her eyes at the insane idiot idea her coach had.
"Yes she is and I'm gonna die, that's why I brought this new flip-cam to film my last will and testament." She pulls out the lime green camera from her soft pink hoodie jacket pocket to show she wasn't kidding.
"Britt you're not going to die! We'll change coaches mind before the time comes, or when she comes back from her routine recon mission of other squads on Monday, even if she knew how to work the thing." says Santana patting the girls thigh trying to reassure her girlfriend.
"Okay."
"Good now the night is young, and I want to drink to the point I forget my own name."
"Whooo!" Brittany throws her arms and kicks her legs out as she cheered, her sad panda mood long gone.
"Look I cant drink that much anymore. Since at one point I pushed a child out of my uterus, cause of it. And besides I promised Rach I wouldn't go over board." sighs Quinn as she rubs the back of her neck
"Sorry after I heard uterus I tuned you out for a bit, and then all I heard after Rach was the loud smacking noise of a whip in the back round."
"And I don't know whats the big deal. Its not like we can get you pregs again."
"But San what about that time you said you where going to do me so good with your tongue I'll get knocked up?"
"Brittany!" the look of horror on the shorter blondes face as the flashbacks of her walking in on those two. She knows she is forever scarred but she doesn't need to be reminded of that fact.
"Oh my fucking god your face Fabray!" the brunette holds her stomach as she laughs at her friend. Tears already in her eyes.
"What? What did I say?"
"I need a drink to wipe the image from my mind." mutters Quinn as she hold her head in her hands rubbing her eye as if she can wipe the memories away.
"What jealous that it was hotter than any of your late night fantasies?" smirks the brunette wiggling her eyebrows and making a lewd gesture with her tongue.
"You wish Lopez." Glaring at the girl through her fingers.
" I don't need to wish I know it is. Britt and I are hot shit." she says a big smile on her face.
"Lets just drink to shut you up." Santana claps agreeing with her friend.
"Now we're talking! Britt get the shot glasses, and there's whiskey behind my dads work desk."
"Okay." the tall blonde jumps up skipping down the hall and up the stairs.
"You sure your dad wont see it missing this time?"
"Please he lives at the hospital more than here now. He has his own booze next to the mouthwash."
"Got the glass and JD San!"
"Great lets start off with three shots each, so you can't pussy out of this one Q." Quinn glares at the girl again, watching her pour the amber liquid in the glasses.
"Bite me San!"
"Shit I didn't know you where kinky Q! But no thanks, does Berry know?"
"But San I thought you liked it when I bite you on your as-"
"CHEERS!" Yells Quinn throwing the shot back to start the night.
~~~~~-the next morning-~~~
"Oh my god my head." Quinn utters as she covers her eyes from the brain meting light zeroing on her on the floor, through the window across the room.
"San are we dead? I feel dead." the tall blonde whimpered from underneath the black silk sheets.
"Who's San?' grunted the brunette who faced the end of the bed, whom arms and legs stuck out wildly from under the sheets. Using her girlfriends foot as a pillow.
"You baby."
"Oh yeah I forget."
"If Santana's dead then we are in hell." Quinn felt that she must be, since the light still fought its why through arm to her face.
"Suck my clit Fabary." flipping Quinn the bird blindly in the direction she thought the voice was coming from.
"Stop the viole- oh forget it." Brittany rolled over and curled into a ball, not hearing the soft thud and whimper of her girlfriends' head hitting the mattress.
"What the hell happened last night?" Quinn sits up from the floor her whole body aching, her wild shaggy hair in all directions.
"I don't remember. Fuck we haven't got this hammered before." Santana flips the covers off her head and sits up on her forearms. Rubbing her face coughing slightly at the bitter taste in her mouth and dry throat.
"I don't know either but, I think I'm not wearing any pants." Says the blue eyed girl now sitting up against the head board, normally perfect hair now matted to one side of her head. Lifting the covers to in fact see that she was clad in her shirt and hello kitty boy shorts from last night.
"I think I'm naked, Yep I'm naked." Santana rolls on her back and lifts the covers as well, not that shocked that she was in fact in the nude. It tends to happen when Brittany is in the bed with her, but she normally remembers taking them off.
"Oh god don't tell me we all had sex last night? Shit Rachel is gong to kill me! And why does my face hurt?" Quinn whimpers in her confusion swaying in her spot, nearly hitting Santanas' desk chair that's fallen on its side next to her.
"Fuck stop yelling Fabgay you're shattering my ear drums. Besides you're on the floor fully- are you wearing a track suit?" Santana sits up fully finally looking over the bed to her friend. Her face scrunching up at the sight.
"What?" Quinns red eyes blink up at her friend.
"Look at yourself." Quinn looks down at herself to see that she was wearing an over sized black and white track suit, and not the outfit she wore the night before.
"Oh my god Q you have a black eye!" Gasps Brittney as she takes in her friends face. The black shading around her left eye contrasting the girls pale skin. Quinn crawls over to the bedroom doors full length mirror, her mouth hanging open in shock gingerly touching the slightly swollen area.
"You look like a young coach Sue that got into a bar fight Quinn."
"What the fuck did we do last night?"
"I don't know but I all I need right now is some Advil." Rubbing her temples Santana got up not caring that her skin was out for all to see.
"Can you at least put some clothes on first." groaned Quinn seeing the brunettes reflection. Not wanting to see her friends bare ass walk by.
"It my house I'll be naked as I please." even though she was heading into her walk in closet.
"You look really hot right now San, even though it feels like my head was ran over by a heard of unicorns- Ow." The taller blonde said walking into the bathroom door frame, before walking through the door again. Hoping to find some Advil in the medicine cabinet.
"I think I'm going to vomit." Quinn groans again resting her forehead against the cool mirror closing her eyes.
"Not on my carpet you're not bitch." said Santana emerging from the closest fully clothed in her cheer sweats.
"Wow we totaled your living room really bad S." Says Brittany after The trio padded down the stairwell taking in the trashed sight that was the living room.
The once clean and pristine space was littered with pillows, beer and liquor bottles, feathers, broken glass and silly string. Santanas' bra and dress from the night before hanging down the chandelier. Furniture pushed back or pushed over to make a makeshift dance floor.
"Yea we did but I need some coffee in me to give a damn right now." They all drag their feet to the kitchen that wasn't in any better shape then the last room. Broken eggs , flour and sugar covered most of the floor. Where peanut butter hand prints smudged on the refrigerator door
"Argh Ay dios mios, I'm hating this morning more and more. My folks are going to kill me if this place isn't cleaned up."
They walked around the large island, Santana bee-lining to the coffee maker. Brittney went to the kitchen sink to pour herself a glass of water to chase down the Advil. As Quinn pulled cloth form one of the drawers and headed to the freezer, stepping carefully around the mess.
As the coffee brewed all the girls sighed as the aroma of french vanilla filled the room.
Quinn opened the freezer and reached out to grab ice for her aching face, stopped in midair as she stared at a big blue mass next to the ice tray. Blinking her eyes she tilted her head in confusion as her brain caught up.
"Um Britt I think I found your pants."
" Oh where were they?" The taller blonde tipped over with a mug in her hand looking over her shoulder.
"In the freezer." Quinn puled the stiff denim pinched between her fingers.
"Let me go put them in the dryer." the taller girl took them and walked out with a mix of amusement and awe as she didn't know you can do that with clothes.
Quinn watched the girl leave and continued to pack ice into the cloth. Then making her way next to the groaning brunette, holding the ice pack gingerly over her eye loving the cool relieving her heated face.
Once the dark brew was done the brunette poured the mugs, and sat down at the island slouching over the hot cup.
"Quinn can you stop walking. The clinking noise you're making it not helping me any."
Quinn stops her ears finally just picking up the clinking of metal in her pocket and reaches in.
"Sorry there's something in my pocket-Oh my god!"
Santana glances at the blonde her brows frown when she sees her friends face pale whiter then a crisp clean sheet. Staring at her cupped hands.
"What?"
"It's a gold medal for best marksmen awarded to S-Sue Sylvester." Santana can hear the trembling in the girls voice. It takes her a moment for her foggy mind to clear up, and grasp at the heaviness of what she heard.
"You're shitting me!" Her eyes widen as she herself feels the blood drain from her face and pumps into her heart. That now feels as if it might burst out of her chest like from those Aliens movie.
"I swear to you I'm not."
Quinn leans against the island with one hand while dangling the gold shiny medal in the other. Holding it away from her as if it might come alive and bite her in the face.
"Really what the fuck did we do last night." said Santana pinching the bridge of her nose, shaking her head.
"I starting to feel I don't want to know anymore."
"Guys get in here quick!" Their heads whip to the sound worried voice of the other blonde and quickly move out and follow the voice to the brunettes bedroom. Their eyes land on the girl sitting on before fallen desk chair using the laptop chewing her nails.
"Whats wrong Britt?" The two girls lean over Brittnays' shoulder seeing her flip cam hooked up and windows media player running.
"Okay I went to go put my pants in the dryer when I found my flip-cam in there, and I think you guys should see this." She clicks play and sits back in the chair as the black screen comes to life.