Tony has hated Steve way before he even met the man.
Despised him and wished the fucker never existed. Tony was never good enough because of him.
Always not enough for his father.
The great Howard Stark never had time for his useless son. But he always had time for Captain fucking America. To search for a man Tony never even knew outside the many stories Howard told him or the comic books.
And he hated it. Hated that he was never what his father wanted. Tony was never Steve.
Tony's childhood was mostly trying to find a way to make his father notice him. Like everything he did, he failed.
And as a child he use to let it upset him. Use to end up crying alone wondering why he was never good enough. And why his father wouldn't even look at him without Tony having to do something to get Howard to look at him.
Even if that mostly ended up with Tony having a new bruise to hide beneath his clothes.
And in his teenage years he learned to deal with with it. Tony grew cold and distance from his father. Not caring if the man was around or not.
Tony stopped trying to impress his father. Stopped trying to sneak into his workshop. Stopped trying to get Howard to notice him even if it was only a glance.
Tony knew it was worthless and a waste of time. His father would never look at him the same way he looked at pictures of Steve.
Pictures. Tony was worth less than photographs to Howard.
The young boy with big admiring eyes, who thought his father and Captain America were the best people in the whole world was gone.
Tony's eyes grew cold with hate for both of them. And Howard hated Tony. It was like that till the day Howard died and Tony will go the rest of his adult life hating the man.
Yes Tony grew even older and into an adult. Living his life as a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist.
Then the Ten rings happened, fine. Ironman happened, also fine. But then- oh, it was like someone was playing a sick joke on Tony Stark.
Captain America was found.
And then the Avengers happened and Tony could deal with it. Just like he could deal with his father.
But it was on days like this where Tony was having a harder time dealing with Steve and all his good-will shit when he was already dealing with more shit than usual.
"Stark! What the hell was that out there?" Yes, tony did not want to deal with this. Not tonight.
"What do you mean cap?" His tone came out light despite what he was actually feeling.
"You know what I mean. Why didn't you follow my orders out there?"
Tony felt the hate creep within him. But what showed on the outside was only a relax cool facade.
"Would have thought you'd realize that just isn't my style cap." Tony grinned looking so sure of himself. And Steve looked at him for a moment in exasperation.
"Are you serious? Can't you be serious for once? What would have happened if what you did ended differently? What if you didn't make it out?"
Tony fought off the urge to tell him to shut up and instead stayed with his usual smug attitude.
"Awe cap, you really do care! That's sweet. Real sweet but I'm a big boy so you don't have to. I can take care of myself."
"Tony! Shut up! I do care! But you're always acting like you want to make me just-! Ugh I don't know, hate you."
And that was it. Tony didn't want to listen to this in the first place and now Steve was spouting shit.
"Yeah and maybe I do."
"What?" Steve was taken back by the sudden change of Tony's tone in voice. It was quiet and angry.
"Maybe I want you to hate me. It'd be easier to deal with. I wouldn't have to listen to you say all this crap all the time!" Tony's voice raised with each word becoming more and more angrier. Until by the end Tony was almost yelling.
"Tony what are you saying? That you actually want me to hate you? Tony wha-" "Don't say my name like were friends Rogers. You were Howards friend. Not mine."
"Yes but I want to be your frien-""No friend of Howard is my friend."
He said it in a matter of fact way that angered Steve.
"What do you mean? Just because I was your father's frie""Howard." Tony cut in staring Steve dead in the eyes. "Don't call him my father around me."
"What? Tony seriously what's wrong? Why do you keep doing thing's like this? Howard was a great man! And I am proud that I was able to be his friend. You should also be proud that such amazing man was your father! And I know you can be a great man too! But you keep acting like a little spoiled brat! Always picking fights with me, trying to make me hate you. Answer this Tony. Just why? Why do you hate me so much? Why do you hate me so much that you want me to hate you?"
Steve's blood was boiling with anger. And Tony just stood there. Expression unreadable.
"Answer me!" Steve shouted.
"I hate you because I'm not good enough."
Tony's voice was bitter and only just a whisper. But everyone in the room heard it. And before anyone could even begin to say something Tony continued. Much louder and angrier this time.
"I never was! I never can be! Steve look at me! I'm a total fucking mess. I might be a genius billionaire, playboy, philanthropist but I am never good enough. But- you are."
"You always were. Because you're Captain fucking America. Super hero! Kids idol! You are always good enough!"
"And maybe I would have been like the rest who fanned over you when you were found, but, I wasn't."
"You know why? Because all my fucking life with my father. Howard Stark. The man you think is so good? So great? Treated me like shit. Put me to the side. Never had time for me. Didn't care for me. Hated me."
He spit the last part out like it was something fowl.
"Ton-" Steve tried to start but before he could Tony screamed not caring about holding back anymore. Holding back all his hate and anger for this man.
"SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH!"
Steve went silent and the other watched in concern. This was not the Tony Stark they were use too. And this was not like the usual little fights between the two.
Tony took a break to breathe. To catch his breath which was coming out in huffs. And when he decided he could actual talk without shouting at Steve his voice was back to the sallow coldness it was before. The voice of hate. His glare filled so much loathing as well.
"Because of you."
Steve looked confused and Tony had to laugh. Only the laugh sounded hollow and broken, even to his own ears.
"Because of you my father never had time for me. Hated me."
Steve's expression changed again but this time to shock. Tony found it so amusing because really why should this be a surprise? Tony was a failure so Howard treated him like a failure. It was as simple as that.
"I was always put second to you Cap. Wait no. I wasn't even on my father list of important things! Next was the company! Then maybe putting up the act of a perfect family. And making it seem like we were an actual family and not everything it really was."
"My father spent the rest of his fucking life searching for you cap. And he didn't care for anything else! Including me, his own fucking son for fuck sake's!"
Tony closed his eyes and shook his head thinking about all the times Howard pushed him a side. A resentful frown on his face. Then looked back up to meet Steve's eyes.
"The Howard Stark you knew was not the Howard Stark I knew. He was a drunk and a abuser all my life. All the way to his death."
The silence stretched on for a long time when Tony finished. And Tony decided he had enough of it and started to walk away. That's when Steve snapped out of his shock and realized he had to do something.
"Tony-" Steve had to find his words "Oh my god. Tony I'm sor-" "Fuck off Cap. You wanted to know. And now you do so just fuck off."
Tony walked again but when he was at the elevator he paused before getting in.
"You know what Cap? As a child I once idolized you. And as a child I wondered where you were. So you could come save me. I believed you would come save me from that man."
A deep defeated sigh leaves tony followed by what the team think was suppose to be a laugh. But it was too sad and broken to actually be one.
"You never did."
Hehe look what I made. c: idk if I'll continue? Maybe if I feel like it. :u No promises. (but I'll probably do it)