Title: Arguments of Vampires

Summary: There is none really. Lestat and Edward argue. The winner is clear.

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: MCD, Crack!fic

A/N: In case anyone is curious, this conversation takes place in the sunlight. Lestat is at the point where he's immortal and got the tan from the Body Thief. This is not for Twatlight fans.

Lestat looked at the sparkly freak in front of him.

"What in the world are you suppose to be?" He asked derisively.

"I'm a vampire of course." The shiny thing replied.

"No, no you're not." Lestat informed him, as though speaking to a child. No, on second thought he was fairly certain that even in her stupidest moments, Claudia wasn't stupid enough to believe that thing in front of him was a vampire.

"Yes, I am. I need blood to survive. I am a vampire." It told him, an affronted look covering its face.

"Oh, you drink human blood?" Lestat asked, mildly curious now. Perhaps that was why this thing sparkled. He wasn't suite sure why that might make sense, but it certainly wasn't a vampire.

"Of course not!" The thing was indignant. "I drink animal blood. Human blood is for the evil vampires."

"You drink animal blood huh?" Lestat smirked. "A childe of mine drank from rats once. So you're an emo fairy that got turned into a vampire then?" Lestat clarified. That made some sense.

"No, I'm not a fairy!" Now this thing was getting pissy. It was actually kind of funny watching this fruity thing sparkle and scowl at the same time.

"If you say so Tinkerbell." Lestat told him, very much enjoying this process of pissing that thing off.

"Damnit! I am not a fucking fairy! I am a vampire! I am Edward Cullen and I am a vampire!" He screamed.

A passerby looked over at the commotion. "Is that so?" He asked curiously.

"Yes damnit!" Edward screamed. Lestat said nothing as the stranger quickly whipped out what looked like a silver knife and slashed at the fairy's neck.

"It's okay man, you're safe now." he told Lestat when Edward lay immobile on the ground, bleeding out.

"Thank you kind sir. You have done the world a great service."

THE END