Dirty Harry
By: DGM3
Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, when dragons roamed the earth…
No, no, this story is not about dragons!
Anyway…
A long, long time ago, when there were sorcerers and witches…
No, no, this story is not about sorcerers and witches!
Anyway…
When there were castles and kings and such, a small village was being plundered and pillaged by a band of bad guys. A messenger rode from the town to the small castle and told the king that the band of thugs were robbing and stealing and being very, very bad. The king sent his small army of guards to take care of the problem.
As the guards were riding down the hill toward the town, when they were met by a man on a horse riding fast from the village. "How many bad guys are there?" the head of the guards shouted.
"Twenty!" the man replied.
The head of the guards looked back at the nine guards he commanded and held up his hand for his men to stop. "I think we should attack from the south." he ordered.
"But, to attack from the south," one of his men replied, "we would have to ride all the way around the big mountain".
So they road around the big mountain, and by the time they got to the town, the bad guys have gone (Surprise, Surprise!).
The guards returned to the castle and reported to the king, "They had gone before we got to the town." The head of the guards said. "Besides, there were too many of them for us."
"What can we do?" The king asked.
"We must send for Dirty Harry." One of the number two guards replied.
"Who is Dirty Harry?" Asked the king.
"Dirty Harry is the fastest and the best man in the world with a knife and a sword." He answered.
"Find him and bring him to me!" The king ordered.
Thus, the number two guard rode off to the forest to find Dirty Harry. When he found Dirty Harry, he was sitting on a log eating something he had caught and cooked over an open fire. His clothes were tattered rags, his long hair was knotted, and it was very a dirty brown color. He had a long beard which was in the same condition as his hair. He had no shoes and his feet were muddy. His hands were almost as dirty as his feet. Except for the flies and bugs that were all over Harry, he was all alone.
"Are you Dirty Harry?" The guard demanded.
"Is there something wrong with your nose?" Dirty Harry asked.
"No, why?" The guard replied.
"Can't you smell me?" Harry questioned.
"Yes, and you really smell bad!" The guard said.
"So, what do you want?" Harry asked.
"Our village is being plundered and pillaged by some very, very bad bandits. The king is asking for your help." The guard stated.
"My services are not free!" Answered Harry, "If the king wants me to get rid of the bandits, I want a favor from the King!"
"What is the favor?" The guard asked.
"The hand of his beautiful and voluptuous young daughter." Harry said with a big smile.
The guard said no more and rode back to report to the King.
When he told the King of Dirty Harry's demands, the King ordered two of his best guards to go back and kill Dirty Harry for even suggesting such a thing.
When the two guards found Dirty Harry, He was still sitting on the same log.
"Are you Dirty Harry?" One guard asked.
"Oh boy," Harry answered. "what do you want?"
"We are here to kill you for your insolence!" The guard said with a big smile.
With that, the two guards go off their horses and started to walk toward Harry.
Dirty Harry stood up and pulled a knife from his belt and threw it straight up into the air.
One of the guards started to laugh and said, "I was told that you were the best with a knife and a sword."
Harry raised his eyebrows and replied, "So...?"
"Why did you toss your knife up into the sky?" The guard asked.
"Well," Harry answered, "if I tossed my knife at one of you, you would only have block it with your shield."
The guard's eyes opened wide and looked up just in time to see the knife coming straight for his forehead. He fell on his back and the other guard asked Harry if he had another knife.
"Yes," Harry answered. "but I'll use my sword."
The guard held his shield in front of himself, then over his head, then in front and back and forth, trying to protect himself from the unknown. Then, Harry swung his sword at the guard's feet, cutting off his feet.
"Hey, you cut off my feet!" The guard shouted.
"Yes," Harry said, "but you still have both your legs!"
The guard fell on his back and raised his legs. "Yes", he answered, "I do have both my legs."
Then Harry swung his sword again, cutting off his legs.
"Hey, you cut off my legs!" The guard shouted.
"Yes," Harry said, "but you still have your arms."
"Yes, that's true," the guard replied while holding up both his arms, "I do still have both my arms."
The Harry swung his sword and cut off both the guards' arms.
Then Harry tied the guard on his horse and sent him back to the castle.
When the King saw what remained of his guard, he told another guard to go find Harry and tell him that the King agrees to his demand for the princess.
After hearing that the King agreed to the terms, Harry walked to town and sat himself in the center of the road in the center of town and waited for the very bad guys.
Harry waited for two days, then the bad guys rode into town. When they saw Harry, they circled him.
"And what do we have here?" The head of the bad guys said. "Who are you?"
Harry just looked up and smiled.
"Kill that piece of trash!" The leader of the very bad guys said, and two of the bad guys got off their horses and walked toward Harry. Harry reached into his shirt and pulled out two knives. With his left hand, he threw one knife to his right, and with his right hand, he threw the other knife to his left. Both knives found their mark and plunged deep into the bad guys black hearts. This really angered the leader.
"Kill the pig!" he shouted, and four bad guys got off their horses and approached Harry. Harry reached into his shirt and pulled out four knives. He threw all four knives so fast, that his hands were but a blur. Again, the knives found their marks and all four bad guys fell to the ground.
The leader looked at Harry and shouted, "Mister, you are really starting to make me mad!" He then ordered the rest of his men to attack Harry. They all got off their horses and started toward Harry. Harry slowly got to his feet. He smiled and pulled out his sword. Five of the bad guys rushed Harry and with one full swing, Harry's sword sliced off all their heads. The rest of the bad guys rushed Harry and again, with only two swings of his sword, Harry dropped the remaining eight bad guys, leaving only the leader of the bad guys shaking on his horse.
Harry dropped his sword and the leader of the bad guys asked Harry, "Are you going to kill me with your sword?"
"No!" Harry answered.
"With one of your knives?" He asked.
"No!" Harry replied.
The leader of the bad guys yelled at his horse and started riding out of town. Harry smiled and picked up one of the dead bandits sword from the ground and in a flash, the sward sailed in the air and, yes, you're right, it found it's mark and dropped the leader to the dirt.
When the King heard what Harry had done, and knowing that Harry would be coming to the castle to get the Princess, he ordered his head of the guard to kill Harry.
"Are you nuts?" the guard replied, "He just knocked off twenty very, very bad guys and you want the nine and a half of us to anger him? No way!"
So, the king, resigned to his fate went to the Princess and told her of his promise.
"But Father," The princess shouted, "Harry is a pig!"
"Even so," the king answered, "you will marry him!"
When Harry reached the castle, the king had him escorted to the room on the far side of the castle, where they began the task of bathing and cleaned up Harry to make him ready for the wedding.
The three men assigned to clean up Harry told him that his hair was to be cut very short and his beard was to be shaved off. When Harry protested, they explained that there was no other way to comb and clean him up.
Harry was so dirty that a bath was out of the question, so they took him to a large water fall and had him stand under it for an hour. Then, using a large horse brush, they scrubbed Harry with a full pound of soap and had Harry stand under the water fall again for another hour.
The next day the Princess, the King and all the courts rich and famous people stood ready before a priest waiting for Harry. Harry walked into the grand room and no one could believe their eyes. Harry was, with out a doubt, the most handsome man in the entire world.
The Princess fell in love at first sight! Harry had heard of the beauty of the Princess, but was blown away when he saw how beautiful she really was, and fell in love with the Princess at first sight!
They were married, and lived happily ever after.
THE END! I LOVE REVIEWS!