R for
Reflection
Jiraiya realizes there's a bit in common between all his works, besides the rousing sex and bawdy innuendo. He's a bit shocked when he realizes it, and for a while he's terrified out of his mind, until it dawns on him that they would never read this kind of idiotic stuff anyway.
It's not something he puts in consciously, he writes for a chance at a little fame (and a lot of money), and he throws in the plot for the sole reason that continuous sexual activities could actually get boring, no matter how anatomically difficult they were. But if some one bothered to ignore the smut, which he personally thinks would be impossible, and looked closely, they might find an underlying pattern weaved around the consistently ingenious sex.
There's a blonde and busty girl, one who's uncouth and vain and spoiled beyond belief, but annoyingly talented and even more annoyingly beautiful. She's usually rich or powerful or famous, and sometimes she's a princess, but she's always egotistical and terrifying and absolutely irresistible.
Of course, the reader can't really understand why, because she drinks and gambles and punches out the main character more than once. It's probably the way she pushes out her chest and grins when she flirts, or even the way she can make you terrified and awed at the same time.
Then there's the main character, the hero, the boy that gets the girl in the end. He's loud, he's stupid, and he's dashingly handsome. And he's always a little perverted (how else could the kinky stuff be explained?), but the girl always secretly loves it.
He begins the story as a pitiful, unloved soul, too weak to attract the attention and recognition he deserves. But eventually he meets the main girl, and (many girls and conquests later) he grows into the true hero he is.
He messes up sometimes, but never when it really matters, and he never lets down his friends, or gives up on his friendships.
He never lets the ones he loves go, and he never, ever, fails to fulfill his dreams in the end.
Last is the best friend and rival, the quiet but brilliant boy who the girl loves at first, the one who almost goes bad. He's always pale-skinned and dark-haired, girlishly beautiful and youthful, the kind of guy that other guys hate. And maybe he's a little sadistic, or a little unsociable, but in the end you know he would never do anything really bad, and you know that he cares for the other main characters.
Of course, he usually has his own internal conflict, which the hero dispels through friendship (and maybe a little homosexual action).
The events are never obviously similar, or similar at all, but Jiraiya can't help wincing now as he runs through them in his head.
They're all about friendship and bonds, about sexual tension and discovery between the three. Eventually the girl and the best friend realize the value of the hero, and they realize the value of their close relationship.
The girl always deals with some tragedy, and the main character, instead of watching uncertainly or running away, comforts her and brings her out of her depression and into his bed. When she tries to run away, he finds her instantly and proves that love can heal any wound.
The best friend has secret fears or dark aspirations, and decides that it is too dangerous to involve his friends. The main character, instead of giving up or being physically discouraged, manages to bring him to his senses and makes their friendship even more eternal.
Then there's a happy ending, full of happiness and promise and ecstatic threesomes, and we know that they all live happily ever after.
There's no death or loneliness or stifling silence.
There's no truth.
The girl doesn't lose her brother or her love, she doesn't gain a fear of blood, she doesn't hide behind gambling and sake and a permanent mask.
She doesn't leave.
The best friend doesn't conduct sick experiments, he doesn't abandon morality for immortality, he doesn't hide behind ambitions and jutsus and power.
He doesn't leave.
The hero doesn't fail to stop the girl, he doesn't fail to stop the best friend, he doesn't hide behind girls and pleasure and little books of porn.
He doesn't fail.
Jiraiya muses over this awhile, barely noticing the young, beautiful girls that are lying around and on him. He wonders how many people have read his books and guessed who is hiding behind the pen name. He wonders if Kakashi notices the pathetic truths hidden among the jokes and sexual fantasies. Then he wonders in shame at his own idiocy (of course Kakashi notices, he's Kakashi), and is glad that Tsunade and Orochimaru aren't as pathetic as he is, or else they might read his books and see the truth as well.
Jiraiya misses them.