BUBBLE GUM.
Harley was bored. Bored and miserable. She knew that at about this time the other inmates would all be in the rec room, chatting, having fun, and most importantly…having the privilege of seeing Mr J! That was the worst part about having her access to the rec room suspended. How was she supposed to live without seeing the face of her handsome, wonderful, Puddin?
"Harley? Harley are you listening to me?" A nagging voice broke her out of her despair-filled day dream.
"What?" Snapped Harley, turning in her cot to see Dr. Leland stood on the other side of the glass, with a stern expression on her face.
"I said: You understand why I had to take away your social privileges, don't you Harley?" Dr. Leland repeated, scolding her like a mother would a misbehaving child.
"It was funny! I bet even Mr. J would have laughed! He's right, none of you have got a sense of humour." Complained Harley.
"I'm not so sure Dr. Florence found it very funny. And thanks to you, she's quit before providing a formal statement of the incident, so now I've got to do it."
"Gee, sorry. It's not like it's your job or anything." Retorted Harley, sarcastically.
"Just start from the beginning please Harley, and drop the attitude. You've only been denied access to the rec room for two days. A very lenient punishment if you ask me." Said Dr. Leland.
"Fine, fine, from the beginning. Once upon a time—"
"Harley! Would you like more time alone in this cell?" Dr Leland warned.
Harley's cheeks puffed up angrily as she struggled to hold her tongue. After taking a deep breath, and casting one last bitter glare at her former colleague, Harley began to explain.
"It all began with our first session together. Dr. Florence was late…"
…..
Dr. Florence entered the room hurriedly, nearly spilling her coffee as the petit red head put her files down and took a seat.
"I apologize for being late Miss Quinn, I'm sure you know how crazy Arkham can be. Um…crazy busy I mean."
Harley couldn't help but laugh. "Hey it's okay! Ain't like I got anywhere to be, what with Mr J being locked up in solitary and all."
"I see." Dr. Florence responded, half-heartedly, still mostly focused on getting her files in order.
Harley pouted. Here she was being cooperative and kind, and already this shrink was ignoring what she had to say. Not only was it rude, but it was pretty unprofessional too. Harley was already not too keen on the woman. And she could tell by the dark brown roots on the top of her head, she wasn't even a natural red head. Then again, Harley couldn't judge her too harshly for that when she wasn't exactly the poster girl for natural hair colour.
"So, let's get started shall we?" The woman finally looked up at Harley. "My name is Dr. Florence. Like the town in Italy."
The way she introduced herself really burned Harley up. Talking to her like she was a child. Only Mr J was allowed to do that!
"Dr. Florence huh? That's kind of a mouthful! Can I call you by a nickname instead?" Harley asked, smiling innocently at the woman.
Dr. Florence thought for a moment, and then slowly nodded. "Alright. What would you suggest?"
"Well I can't call you Red, can I? I already call Ivy that. Plus, I don't think she'd appreciate me calling someone else 'Red' on account of you not even being a natural red head and all." Shrugged Harley, concealing a smirk at the look of slight offence on her doctor's face.
"Well what else then? Perhaps Dr. F? Or Dr. Flo?"
"Nah, 'Doc' is fine." Said Harley with a dismissive wave of her hand.
Now Dr. Florence was visibly annoyed. Harley waited until the woman opened her mouth to speak before cutting her off.
"Say doc, do you have any gum?" She asked, in a honey-sweet tone.
"No, I don't." Dr. Florence retorted, sharply.
"Aw come on, a coffee drinking gal like you must carry some sort of gum or breath mints around to get rid of the coffee breath!" Harley argued. "Not that I'm saying you got bad breath or nothing. I used to be a shrink, I lived off coffee. Love it!"
Dr. Florence hesitated and then breathed into her hand to check her breath. With a sigh of defeat she reached into her pocket and pulled out a stick of gum, which she popped into her mouth.
"I knew it!" Pipped Harley, holding her hand out expectantly.
"I'm sorry Miss Quinn, but I can't give you any gum. It's against the rules." Explained Dr. Florence.
"Aw come on!" Whined Harley. "You're ganna deny me a piece, but then chew it right in front of me! That's just mean. Especially since I have so many emotional memories tied to gum…"
Dr. Florence's eyes lit up. Harley once again fought to keep a serious face. She was going to take a page out of Mr. J's playbook for this one…
"Oh you know… memories from my therapy sessions with the Joker, back when I was still his doctor… When he convinced me to run away and become Harley Quinn…"
"What does any of that have to do with gum?" Inquired Dr. Florence.
Harley let out a long sigh. "I only tell that story to my friends."
Dr. Florence rolled her eyes and inwardly groaned. "I want to become your friend Harley. If that would make these sessions easier for you." She recited, like a script.
Harley too had to hide an eye roll. Please doc, I practically came up that move. She thought. "That's nice and all Flo, but friends share. So I guess you ain't my friend."
Harley crossed her arms, and looked away, pouting. She refused to acknowledge Dr. Florence in any way, until she heard the crinkle of a paper wrapper as a piece of gum was set down in front of her on the table.
"Gee doc, thanks! You're a real pal!" Laughed Harley, popping the piece into her mouth, and chewing rather obnoxiously. "Mmm! And it's strawberry too! Half of my favourite gum flavour!" The blonde laughed, and then suddenly looked down. "I mean…our favourite gum flavour." She smiled softly to herself.
"Our? As in…you and the Joker?" Dr. Florence guessed.
Harley nodded. "Our favourite gum flavour is strawberry and grape. It tastes great and it makes a nice purple colour! Not like grape on its own… That turns more brown looking when ya chew it." Harley said, matter-o-factly.
Dr. Florence blinked, slightly confused. "What does any of this have to do with your sessions with the Joker?" She asked.
"Only everything!" Retorted Harley, defensively. "It's all a part of our love story. But I've said too much for one session. It's exhausted me emotionally to think of such a soul-changing moment. I'll tell you more next session. Make sure you bring me more gum, m'kay!" Chimmed Harley, as she stood up and called for a guard to take her back to her cell.
…..
"You were messing with her." Interrupted Dr. Leland, in a disapproving tone. "I thought you were better than that, Harley. You know how hard it is to work with the patients here."
"She had it coming! Besides, it was fun, and I was bored. You had my Puddin all locked away so we couldn't play!" Harley defended herself.
"That's still no reason to lie during your sessions. This is a step backwards for you Harley."
"Hmph!" Harley stuck her tongue out at Dr Leland and continued…
"So anyways, the sessions continued. Each time Dr. Hair Dye would bring me some gum and each time I would give her a little slice of the story…."
…
Monday:
"Ooh more strawberry yay! So like I was saying, I loved to chew a piece of strawberry and a piece of grape gum together. Usually I got rid of it before my sessions with Mr J because it was unprofessional and blah blah blah ya know? But one day I was running late, and I forgot!"
Wednesday:
"Mint? Mph…It'll do…but you're getting a small piece today because mint isn't as good as fruity flavours. Anyways… I walked in, and immediately my perceptive Mr J noticed the sugary sweet smell of my breath. 'Hey, you don't smell like coffee! Ain't that a change from all the other shrinks! You're different'- he says…"
Friday:
"Grape! Now You're getting it, doc. After that, Mr J and I got on like a house on fire. He saw me as different so he opened up to me. Seeing as the smell seemed to work, I kept coming to our sessions while discreetly chewing gum, after all it aint like they sell strawberry-grape perfume! I thought it might have been some sort of positive scent association from his childhood…."
Monday:
"Thanks for the gum, but I don't really feel like talking today, doc…. Oh wow, three pieces of gum! That's so generous! Okay, so one day I try changing the gum to see if any fruity flavour would work. I tried this tropical fruit flavour, and that day Mr J was in such a bad mood, he even almost attacked me! I dunno what the hell a pineapple did to him in his life before the Joker, but it was not nice…"
Wednesday:
"Last session you gave me three pieces! That's right, cough it up. This is real emotional stuff. You know what, throw in one more piece just for trying to hold off. Yeah that's right. Hmph. So after that I went back to strawberry-grape. And all was well again. Except, I had gotten so used to having the gum during sessions, that I forgot it was a secret. So I accidentally popped a bubble while Mr J was talking. I expected him to think I was bored by his stories, and try to kill me, but instead, he laughed! He laughed so hard to guards thought he was attacking me, and busted in. So that session ended early! But the next session…oh boy…that's when everything changed. You better have a whole pack of gum for Friday Dr. Florence, because it's real emotional…."
Friday:
"Yay, a pack! I'll hide it in my clothes, don't worry. So…I sit down like usual, with my gum, and right off the bat, Mr J asks 'What kind of gum is that? It smells positively wonderful, and it's just my colour!'. I laughed and told him what it was. He laughed too, that adorable, wonderful, sexy laugh. And then he asked me if he could try some. I figured it couldn't hurt so I searched my bag for some more gum and I went over to give him some. He was in a strait jacket see, so I went over to put it in his mouth for him, and the second I was within reach he was out of the jacket and his arms were around me and he….he kissed me." Harley swooned.
"And that was your first kiss with the Joker?" Asked Dr. Florence, who was at the edge of her seat as she listened.
"Mhm…" Smiled Harley, sighing happily. "I kissed him back, and then it got steamy, let me tell you Doc. When I finally pulled away, the first thing Mr J did was blow a giant bubble! He had stolen my gum while we were kissing! It was the funniest most romantic thing anyone had ever done to me! I couldn't stop laughing! So that's why gum is special to me." Harley concluded.
"What? That's all!? You spread this over various sessions and bartered gum just to tell me that the Joker and your first kiss was really just him stealing gum from you because he liked the colour!?"
"Well yeah." Shrugged Harley. "A first kiss is real emotional. What, did you think I had some childhood trauma related to gum? Or Mr J and I killed someone with gum when we first broke out together? Really Flo, that's just ridicules."
"YOU…YOU….YOU IDIOT! YOU'RE COMPLETELY INSANE. I'VE BEEN WASTING MY TIME TRYING TO PSYCHOANALYZE GUM FLAVOURS!" Shouted Dr. Florence, standing up.
"Well, well, well, now we see your true colours—just like your roots, you're nasty and ugly!" Smirked Harley, also standing up. "But lucky for you, I know a great trick for getting rid of those nasty roots…"
Harley slipped out of her handcuffs, and before Dr. Florence could shout for the guards, Harley knocked her out. "Now, let's get to work on that hair…" Chuckled Harley, pulling out every piece of gum Dr. Florence had given her…
…..
"Did they get all the gum out of her hair or did she have to cut it all off? Come on tell me, pleeeeease, pretty pretty pleeeease?" Begged Harley.
Dr. Leland sighed. "Dr. Florence had to shave her head."
Harley couldn't help but laugh. She laughed so hard, she fell off her cot.
"This isn't funny Harley! You attacked your Doctor, and pulled a childish prank on her! And that story you told her was a complete lie anyways!"
"Hey! The fact she believed it just shows that she didn't even do any research on me before our sessions. Totally unprofessional! Sure, I ran off with my patient and started a romantic, criminal, relationship with him, but at least I looked at his files first!" Argued Harley.
"I hope your time away from all your friends teaches you a lesson! The only reason it's such a short time is because you didn't harm Dr. Florence aside from her hair."
Harley merely grinned and climbed back onto her cot.
"Honestly Harley, it pains me to say you become more and more like the Joker every day."
"Gee, do you really mean that?" Asked Harley, with a bright smile.
"Sadly, I do. Pull a stunt like this again and you'll be punished like the rest of the inmates: Solitary."
Dr. Leland then headed back to her office to write up the incident report. Once she was finished, she added a copy of it to Harley's file. Before putting the file away, Dr. Leland added one more note to the information, and she hoped Harley's next therapist would read it.
'IMPORTANT NOTE: NEVER GIVE PATIENT: 'HARLEEN QUINZEL' GUM.'
The End.