Finn couldn't remember what led to Elias grabbing his hand. He wasn't sure he heard what Elias was even saying to him. He promised himself he'd stop doing shit like this, but his eyes were naturally attracted to Elias's chest. In the locker room he knew he needed to avoid looking too long. People talk. People judge. He knew someone was probably noticed. He rushed to get himself together to leave. He had the perfect escape plan in his head. He showered and was on his way out after everyone else. He looped around the corner and left out a sigh. He shouldn't have told Seth, Dean, and Renee to go ahead of him. He pulled his phone out of his pocket in hopes he still had a rideshare app.
"Hey." Finn froze at the voice. "You need a ride?"
"I do." Finn exhaled.
"Good thing I forgot my scarf then."
The men laughed piling their bags into the rental car. Elias had a unique smell, it was a mix of orris, black musk, patchouli and myrrh. He wanted to ask about it, but he didn't want to seem like he was making small talk. Somehow that seemed worse than the complete silence they were driving in. He watched Elias's hands on the steering wheel, they were strong hands. He consciously removed his eyes.
"Are you hungry?"
"Not really."
"Alright. Want coffee at least? I have some amazing coffee in my room?"
"Sure."
"Great. I think you'll like it, I know you and Seth go to those little coffee shops, this came from one in Virginia."
Finn nodded. He needed to keep control. He wasn't going to let this get out of hand. When they pulled into the parking space, they got out to unload their things. Finn walked a bit ahead in order to check in. He knew he had time to change his mind about the coffee. No that would be rude, he could get through this. He followed Elias into the room.
"Hey, I'm going to get out of these jeans, you're more than welcome to get comfortable."
"Sure."
Finn watched Elias start the coffee and disappear into the bathroom. He grabbed some basketball shorts he had and slid them on. He watched Elias emerge from the bathroom. Shirtless. Charcoal gray longue pants. He watched Elias pour the coffee and walk toward him. Nothing under the pants. He nodded and pursed his lips to let out a sigh. Everything was starting to make sense.
"So, if you like the coffee let me know, I can get you a bag." Elias nodded. "Mixed with the creamer, it's perfect. Don't even need sugar."
"You're being really nice to me?"
"Is that bad?"
"We rarely talk to each other outside of work. Yet, you offered me a ride."
"I could have left you at the arena?"
"I was loading up Uber." Finn rolled his eyes. "Then you invite me to your room for coffee. Now you offer to buy me a bag?"
Elias nodded. Maybe he was being too nice. Maybe it came off a certain type of way. He just had a curiosity he couldn't shake. He looked into Finn's eyes. They were beautiful. He was beautiful.
"I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable." He took a breath. "I just heard things…"
"What things?"
"Things that made me a little curious."
"Oh, fucking Christ." Finn's face changed. "I should have fucking known better."
"Let me explain."
Finn didn't give him time to explain. He stood up and started to gather his stuff. He should have been smarter. He knew better than to get in these situations. Just another piece of shit who wanted head or a quick fuck. He knew Elias was being too fucking nice to him. No one was that nice unless they wanted something from him.
"Finn?"
"Don't." Finn swallowed a lump in his throat. "I don't need some long explanation about how I did something in the ring that turned you on."
"It wasn't like that." Elias closed his eyes.
"Oh of course it wasn't. Let me guess. You've always been curious about another man and I was the first one that you could see yourself doing this type of thing with? And of course, we can't tell anyone because Heaven's they found out you got you dick sucked by a man and you enjoyed it."
"No. Stop. Let me explain."
"Elias, there's nothing you can tell me that I haven't heard a hundred times."
Elias nodded, he understood. He stared at Finn. He knew in his head no matter what he said, Finn was going to have these thoughts swimming in his head. Sex was the last thing on Elias's mind. He wanted to feel what Finn was like. It all seemed silly, but he wanted to hold him. He was looking for a deeper connection, he knew if he told him that now it would just come off as bullshit. He didn't want him to walk away but they were off to a terrible start. He grabbed a lid for Finn's coffee and brought it to him.
"I'm not going to stop you from leaving, but, I'm sorry. Enjoy the coffee."
Finn looked at the cup and up at Elias's eyes. He wanted to trust this. He wanted to trust Elias was sorry. He just kept thinking of all the times it would start out like this. Shirtless coworker casually laying around. The two of them casually talking and all of it leading to some quick little romp and shame the next day. He fell for it too many times because they always told him how this time was different. He turned and looked at the door.
"The worst part isn't even knowing I've been used." He closed his eyes. "It's having to keep it quiet, so no one finds out, like it's shameful. Like I'm something to be ashamed of."
"I know everything at this point sounds like bullshit, but people finding out we were spending time together was never a concern."
"Until they start talking and you start correcting them." Finn got closer to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow when we head out."
"Yeah." Elias's sounded hurt. "Just text me if you want another cup of coffee for the road."
Finn turned and looked at Elias's eyes. The were tearing, apologetic, fearful. He closed his eyes. The smell of the cologne Elias was wearing and the coffee mixed. He looked at the clock. It was too late to argue about this. He gathered himself to leave. He looked back at Elias again. Shirtless. Charcoal longue pants. One last long look before he leaves. He looked so much more comfortable than everyone else. He looked hurt by the rejection. Finn was just tired of being used for someone to get off on a lonely night.
"I'm stalling because I really want to believe you, Elias." Finn looked up at the ceiling. "I just have been burned so many times."
"I understand. I should have approached all of this differently from the beginning." Elias smiled. "Have a good night, Finn."
"You too." He started walking a way but turned around. "I'm not against second chances over breakfast."
There was a silent agreement between the men. Elias watched Finn disappear into a room. He recalculated everything he did, so he didn't make the same mistakes tomorrow.