She looked up at the setting sky. There was so much red mixed in the yellows and oranges that it reminded her of a lake of blood.
A cheery analogy, she thought; to use blood as a metaphor for a beautifully hewn sky.
But then, who would be happy? Who would in this god-forsaken world when someone you loved had just died…and you didn't get to tell him how you feel. Three days have already gone past but the pain was still as immense as before. The memory too painful for her to bear. The memory was as clear as crystal.
Crystal…
She suddenly had a mental image of crystal stalactites and stalagmites in the inside of a rocky cave. In the middle of the cave was water. Was it water? It felt more like a lake of tears. She remembered. She was in the middle of the lake, cradling him as a mother would her new born baby. But there was a difference. What mother would feel guilt, pain and suffering at holding her offspring. She didn't feel anything like a mother would after birth. There was no sign of happiness, joy or even content that time. Not even now.
Why did he die again? She had a vague idea in her mind to that, but she had not paid attention that time. She was too shocked. She remembered him being stabbed numerous times and blood. A lot of blood.
Even if she was too shocked that time, the blood was too much that it overcame her shock and now, the memory of her loved one's blood was clear: thick and dark red. Some splattered on the walls and crystals; some mixed with the water. It went other places, too. But she couldn't remember where.
Then she did something to the wrong-doer, whoever he or she was. She couldn't remember what it was she did. She couldn't even remember the face. All that came to her mind whenever she tried to remember were two words: revenge and torture.
Then she ran to his body, to him. It seemed as if she would never reach him, but she did, and his touch comforted her. He felt cold but there was still warmth hidden amongst it. There was hope. Was there? No…none at all.
The crystals were magical and did not allow any type of cosmic energy to come within the cave. She remembered that she felt that it was a good thing at the start, because the antagonist not only used a sword, but also cosmic energy.
Then at that time, when she held him, she remembered feeling hatred for those crystals. He could not heal himself, nor could she. She too was wounded, but not as severely as him, but even so, it was enough to sap out her energy to heal even a scar. Only Iris could have saved him. But she was away. There was no hope. All she could do was hold on and cry.
"Why do you cry?" He had asked. She thought he did not have the energy even to speak, so she was surprised. For a moment only though, then she was suddenly rejuvenated even though deep down she knew, what he would be saying would be his last. His last. The realization struck her she began to feel miserable over happiness again.
"Why?" She cried. "Why do you have to die?"
"If I don't then you would."
Those words struck her, as if a huge boulder had hit her chest. He had done it to save her. Did that mean it was her fault? Did that mean it was her fault he was dying? Why the person who acted as her guardian angel was losing grip on life. Fading away to be pulled by Death's river.
It was too much for her to bear that time, she cried even more. Tears fell down from her eyes, down her nose and then down they fell on his face.
He forced out a weak smile. A sad one.
"Your tears are beautiful, but your sadness fills me with suffering inside. Please don't look that way."
For his sake, she tried to stop. But she couldn't; just couldn't. She felt so helpless she couldn't even fulfill his wish when he was on the brink of death. But she tried. She forced a smile though tears still fell; slowly; one-by-one on his face. But even so, there was intense sadness behind that smile.
He brushed away the hair from her face and looked at that smile, and his grew bigger.
"I prefer that," he said, but more weakly this time. Her heart fell, he truly was dying now. He continued: "Don't fret. I'll still be watching over you. I don't know how, though. But I will."
Then he uttered two last words and died with smile on his face.
"Goodbye, Fenris."
She remembered that. Kami damn her if she forgot.
Now, remembering that, she regretted a lot of things. She regretted not telling him how she truly felt, she regretted walking into that cave just because she felt lured to it, she regretted just standing there weakly and let him get stabbed and killed.
Why? That was the only thing that registered in her mind that seemed to make sense. 'Why'.
Her knees buckled for a moment but it was futile trying to straighten up. All together she collapsed, kneeling on the ground. She buried her face in her hands and started to cry.
"Why!?" She cried out in between sobs. "Why did you have to die!?"
She was like that for a moment, then with a great effort, she let go of her face and gazed up at the blood red sky. She uttered one name, as if that name would make her feel better. But she didn't care how pointless it may have seemed. She just wanted to say it.
"Loki."