PREFACE FOR READERS
-Polar Bear cafe is an animated series that is set in a world
in which humans and animals coexist, but less in a Disney
way and more in a Bojack Horesman kind of way, in that they
are basically just people that have jobs and what not. Any of
the characters named after a specific animal, are indeed that
animal. Just wanted to clarify in case there is any
confusion! Specific story context: Handa (a human) and Panda
(a panda) are coworkers, and Handa (a human) has a crush on
Sasako, who works at Polar Bear's Cafe, but is terrified of
talking to her about it.
INT. POLAR BEAR'S CAFE - DAY
The familiar jingle of the door opening rings out. CLINK
CLINK CLINK.
Polar Bear's Cafe is a warm and cozy locale, reminiscent of a
home rather than a Starbucks.
In walks PANDA. He spots HANDA sitting
PANDA
Handa-san Handa-san!
HANDA
Yes Panda?
PANDA
What is something you just can't
live without?
HANDA
Hmmmm...something I can't live
without? Oh, Vaccum filters!
PANDA
Handa-san, do you want to be alone
forever like Mr. Penguin?
PENGUIN
Why are you dragging me into this?
PANDA
Don't interrupt Mr. Penguin, I'm
interviewing Handa. What are your
biggest fears and regrets?
Panda pulls a miniature panda shaped notepad out of his pack.
HANDA
Well, last night I was walking by
the river-
PANDA
Ooooooh, the perfect place for a
long romantic walk with Sasa-
Handa shoots across the table and covers Panda's mouth, just
in time as SASAKO walks up with their drinks and an order of
bamboo shoots for Panda. Handa is paralyzed with FEAR.
Panda keeps trying to talk, muffled.
SASAKO
Here's your drinks! Did someone say
my name?
HANDA
MS. SASAKO! Panda was just um, he
was just...
Across the restaurant customers wave for more drinks.
SASAKO
Coming!
She leaves with a smile on her face.
Penguin leans in closer to the duo, Handa still covering
Panda's mouth. His muffled voice getting louder.
PENGUIN
Well I guess that answers that
question...
Handa finally lets go of Panda's face and regains his
composure.
Penguin takes a drink of his Cafe Mocha. Handa sighs in
relief. Glares at Panda.
HANDA
That was too close Panda! You
gotta...Panda?
Handa scratches his head.
Panda has fallen asleep.
HANDA (CONT'D)
I really should be going then...
PENGUIN
Escape while you can, the smell of
the bamboo shoots...
Panda begins to stir. Handa starts to get up.
PANDA
Did someone say bamboo shoots?
He looks at the plate reverently. He begins eating. MUNCH
MUNCH MUNCH.
Handa almost makes it to the door when SUDDENLY-
PANDA (CONT'D)
Handa-san...I'm not done asking my
questions.
INT. POLAR BEAR'S CAFE - LATER
Handa is once again seated at the table, begrudgingly.
Several cups of finished drinks line the table. Handa is
cleaning his.
PANDA
This is important Handa, we have to
find out if you and Ms. Sasako
really are meant to be together.
Panda looks off in the distance dreamily.
HANDA
I don't think this is the best
place to be doing it though...
He looks in the distance to see Sasako not 20 feet away
dealing with a customer.
PENGUIN
Nonsense, haven't you ever heard of
hiding in plain sight?!
Penguin hops up on the table, staring down Handa.
PENGUIN (CONT'D)
Have you learned nothing stand up
comedy routine, The Penko Saga?
(story context: Penguin is really
bad at stand up comedy)
PANDA AND HANDA(SIMULTANIOUS)
Yes we've heard it before!
Penguin is still on the table, less energetic.
PENGUIN (SHEEPISHLY)
Do you want to hear it again?
PANDA AND HANDA (SIMULTANIOUS)
NO!
Penguin slides back into his seat deflated. Takes a sip of
his drink.
Panda returns his attention to Handa.
PANDA
What is the quality you like most
in a woman?
HANDA
What kind of question is that
Panda?
PANDA
Answer the question Handa. Your
future depends on it.
Handa leans in closer to Panda.
HANDA (QUIETLY)
Well...I suppose it would be,
someone...nice.
PANDA
Eeeeeeh? That's it? Nice? Bamboo
shoots make me happy, but I don't
love them.
HANDA
Well...maybe not just nice, but
someone that makes me happy-
PANDA
What am I saying, of course I love
bamboo shoots. Mmmmmmmmmm.
Panda eats a mouthful of more shoots. His attention is fully
on the shoots now.
PENGUIN
I think what this bamboo addict is
trying to say is you gotta be more
specific.
HANDA
Oh, what were specific things you
liked about the Penkos?
PENGION
EH! It...it doesn't matter! We're
talking about you here not me.
HANDA
Specifics huh? Well, I think that-
Sasako comes by the table once again.
SASAKO
More cafe mocha Mr. Penguin?
PENGUIN
Yes please, thank you!
SASAKO
Anything for you Handa?
Handa is blushing.
HANDA
Specifics...
PENGUIN
Nothing for him...
SASAKO
Sure thing, I'll be back!
Sasako glides away, once again a smile on her face.
PENGUIN
Well...that asnwers that.
Handa follows her with his beaming eyes, a slight blush in
his cheeks.
Panda is still stuffing his face with bamboo shoots.
PENGUIN (CONT'D)
This is taking entirely too long
with him in charge.
He points a flipper at Panda.
PANDA
Huh? Were we doing something?
Panda returns to eating without a care in the world.
PENGUIN
Alright Handa-san, let's get to the
bottom of this.
Penguin grabs Panda's notebook and looks at the questions
written on it.
PENGUIN (CONT'D)
Next question. What is your most
marked characteristic?
HANDA
Oh! That I'm a zookeeper!
PENGUIN
Hmmm Zookeeper...ok...
Penguin writes it down on the notepad.
PENGUIN (CONT'D)
What is your motto?
HANDA
A motto?
PENGUIN
Yeah, something you say a lot, like
"can I get another cafe mocha?"
That's probably mine.
HANDA
Aaaah. Motto...maybe mine is "I
have to go clean my bathroom"!
(story context: There's an episode
where Handa is trying to get out of
hanging out with friends and he
keeps using that as his excuse)
Handa looks at the duo satisfied with his answer.
HANDA (CONT'D, QUESTIONINGLY) (CONT'D)
Does that count?
Panda gets right up next to Handa's face.
PANDA
Wooow, your bathroom must be gross
if you have to clean it so much.
Might not want Sasako to see
that...
HANDA (SHOCKED)
WHAT? Do you really think its
dirty? I should go clean it.
He catapults out of his seat.
PENGUIN
Wait Handa! There's more questions!
You're supposed to answer all of
them!
HANDA
I can't let Sasako see that, what
if she...what if she comes over one
day?
Handa blushes profusely.
Mr. Handa runs out of the cafe.
PENGUIN
I Don't think that's going to be a
concern any time soon at this
rate...
PANDA
Eeeeh? I never should have left you
in charge Penguin.
PENGUIN
Leave me in charge? You started
eating and fell asleep!
PANDA
But that's what I do.
Panda stares blankly at Mr. Penguin. Penguin starts to get
worked up but then...
PENGUIN
Ah...Eh...Uh...You have a point.
Penguin relaxes.
PENGUIN (CONT'D)
What do we do with the rest of the
questions?
PANDA
Eeeeeeh you didn't even ask them
all?
PENGUIN
No, he ran out, you just saw that.
PANDA
I don't have time to keep track of
all the details, that's why I have
underlings like you.
PENGUIN
Underling? Is that how you see me
Panda?
PANDA
Yes! But in exchange you get to
watch me eat and fall asleep for
free! People at the zoo have to pay
for that.
Panda gleams cutely. Penguin's brow twitches.
PANDA (CONT'D)
Now let's finish these questions.
PENGUIN
But...they were for Handa.
PANDA (EXAGGERATED)
I waaaant to fiiiiind looove
tooooo!
PENGUIN
Do you have someone in mind Panda?
PANDA
Maybe...
Panda grins, looking embarassed.
PENGUIN
Ok, the next one was "how old are
you?
PANDA
I'm nine years old (note that those
are Panda years).
PENGUIN
Oh yeah, that's right. Ok, what do
you care about most?
PANDA
Ooooh, bamboo shoots are the best!
Or sleeeping. Oh or lazing about!
But sometimes lazing around just
can't be beat...and Pandas are the
cutest too!
Penguin tries to keep up with his writing as the list grows
longer and longer. He stops.
PENGUIN
I'm just going to put "Panda
Things".
PANDA
Those are the best things.
Panda fiddles with his panda themed sachet.
PENGUIN
Would you say you're proud of who
you are Panda?
PANDA
Of course! I'm the cutest one at
the zoo!
PENGUIN
Is that really all that it takes to
make you proud of yourself?
PANDA
Yup. It's easy to be proud of
yourself when you're the best.
Penguin sighs.
PENGUIN
Just a few more questions Panda.
PANDA
Good, because I'm getting hungry
again.
Panda paws at his now empty plate.
PENGUIN
What odd habits or ticks do you
have?
PANDA
Well, sometimes when I'm lazing
around at home my mom uses the
vacuum to try and suck me up. I
hate it when she does that.
INT. PANDA'S HOUSE, FLASHBACK - DAY
His mom doing just that with a smile on her face.
PANDA
Aaaaaaah doooooon't suuuuuck me
uuuuup.
END FLASHBACK
INT. POLAR BEAR'S CAFE - MOMENTS LATER
Panda shudders.
PENGUIN
Does that really answer the
question Panda?
PANDA (SARCASTIC)
Are you proud of who you are Mr.
Penguin?
Panda shakes his head in dismay.
PENGUIN (MUTTERING)
EH! What, is that supposed to mean!
You get fesity when you're
hungry...anyway, next
question...why does your journey
matter to you?
PANDA
Eeeeeh? Does it have to be a
journey? Can't it just be a laying
around?
PENGUIN
Even in questionnaires your
laziness knows no bounds.
PANDA
Like I said, I'm the best at what I
do. Now let me see the paper!
PENGUIN
What? Why? You know what it says
already-
PANDA (EXCITED)
Wooooooow, my answers are soooo
goood!
He looks at the paper lovingly. Glowing.
PENGUIN
Panda...is the person you're in
love with...yourself?
PANDA
Mhmm. I'm sooooo cute.
PENGUIN
I think we've done enough here.
Panda continues stretches cutely in his seat, a group of
onlookers "aaaaw" at him.
Penguin sighs.