Clary rolled over and snuggled into the warmth that surrounded her. She sighed and pulled it closer. Dreaming that it was Jace. That was all she ever dreamed about these days. Since that night Valentine had told them that they were siblings, nothing had been the same. He avoided her, wouldn't touch her even if it was to hug her. She felt alone and as if she were on the outside looking in at the life she wanted. They all tried to keep her away but she wanted it, wanted him, like she wanted her next breath.
She sat up and pushed the thick comforter off. She opened her grimy eyes and wiped them, pretending that the tears were not there. Crying again would help nothing, she knew it and she was usually good at keeping the tears locked away. She even managed to smile now and again. She worked so hard at fooling everyone, especially herself. She rubbed the last of the sleep out of her eyes and trudged to the bathroom. She avoided looking at herself in the mirror because she knew what she would see, the sad shell of what she used to be. She hadn't slept a single night through in the last month. She was plagued by dreams and unfulfilled desire. She woke up crying or breathless and she was not sure which was worse. She'd tried it all, even tried a relationship with Simon but in the end she'd only hurt him.
The spray on the shower was hot, the steam filling the air with smoke and she sat and breathed it in slowly. She needed something to help her focus. She had several more hours yet until anyone else was up and she needed to find a way to distract herself from her thoughts, she'd wanted to go to the gym but couldn't summon the energy to do it, even now in the middle of the night. She looked in the mirror at last and saw the hopeless heartache in her own green eyes and she couldn't be strong anymore. She felt the tears slip past her iron guard and let them fall. She hadn't really allowed herself to cry fully since the day her world had stopped spinning and now it felt good to let it all out.
She slid down the wall and let the stem surround her. She cupped her face and cried out all the sorrow of the last month, the unfulfilled love that would always be out of her reach. She heard the door open and stiffened but found that she didn't care. She expected to hear her mother's sad voice and didn't know how she could bear it, she wanted so damn bad to be strong but just wanted to let go this one time. She wanted to feel human for once.
Clary peeked out from under her hands and saw the boots first. Not her mothers, but his. Then with a sinking heart she felt his presence. That same charge that always surrounded him, them when they were together. She waited as the foggy air around them seemed to still as she felt his fingers on her hair. She would know his touch anywhere and it made her hurt at it's perfection. He lifted her chin up and she met his golden eyes. She knew she looked awful but seeing him here, so close, touching her was more than she could stand. The tears tracked down her face and she let it all show in her eyes.
"Don't cry love" he said softly as he pushed the tangled hair off her face, "Please don't cry." He whispered to her as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her with all the longing inside him. She didn't resist, she molded herself to him raking her hands down his back in her efforts to pull him closer, as if she couldn't get enough…..