Memories of a Song
The walls were a shade between green and white, a pleasant yet not too glaring color.
About three quarters of the way up ran a horizontal six-inch brown line that was painted
to be followed he supposed. Following the brown line for a while, the platinum haired
boy found himself in front of a door next to a glassed in room.
Inside lay a comatose yet surely alive red haired girl, her cheeks were sunken back,
causing her eyes to bulge out, her once beautiful face appearing to have aged forty
years overnight. Her eyes were open, yet they lacked life, just as they seemed to lack
sight. Wires streamed out of her body as various machines both in and outside of the
room beeped and toned.
The red-eyed young man stared at the sight, wondering what his brothers had wrought
that such a state could result. Unlike his siblings before him, he could feel what the
Lilum felt, even if he knew that there was no real reason to. Fear, compassion, love, all
these he knew he had the capacity for, if only he knew what they were. Logic, purpose,
these were feelings he was familiar with, sadness as well. He stood and stared,
seemingly as lifeless as the object of his gaze, for what seemed like a few hours. In the
time that he was there, in reality mere minutes, he noticed no change, no hope for the
girl that lay in the bed.
Kaoru Nagisa allowed himself a smile; the great Second Child laid low, as befit those
with such overweening pride.
"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall"
He turned and followed the same brown line out of the psychology department, thinking
about the next child he had to see. His red eyes gazed thoughtfully at the air in front of
him.
"Rei, a Child such as I."
***
Rei Ayanami stared at the pair of yellow-rimmed glasses on the table. The lenses were
cracked, whether by heat or pressure wasn't exactly made known to her. She stood,
clad only in her school uniform, with bandages over her eye and around her arm.
'There memories, whose are they, mine, hers?'
'I am the third'
'Maybe they can tell me who I am'
***
As Rei slowly yet purposely walked into the imposing Geofront entrance a pair of school
shoes impeded her frontward progress. Raising her head, she met the eyes of a boy
who she immediately felt a strong attraction to. His face opened into a smile.
"You are, the First Children? Ayanami Rei... You are the same as me."
"Who are you?" asked Rei, her bewilderment and confusion not entering within a yard of
her face, not giving away her surprise.
***
Rei stood, at the exact same spot as Kaoru did, though she didn't know it. She stared in
the same way, but didn't think the same thoughts. Unlike the Child before her, she had
a different purpose. Turning towards the door handle, she frowned in concentration for a
brief second before the lock audibly clicked, and the door swung inwards.
She moved in, with such grace as you see princesses of old, seeming to glide, never to
walk. Coming to a rest beside the bed, she looked down at the girl who lay before her.
Deep inside, she knew that she could help, she knew what Asuka was going through,
but she didn't know if she should do anything.
'Wonder girl, a teasing word, that is what she would call me.'
'Should I do something for her? Does she deserve it?'
'Ikari, Ikari would want her to be happier, he would be pleased.'
'I will do this for him.'
Kneeling down, beside the prone female, Rei slowly wrapped her arms around Asuka's
head and drew her into her chest. Closing her eyes, and concentrating, she searched
and searched for the spark of flame that marked Asuka's roving soul. Then in the dream
worlds distance, she stopped, centimeters from an invisible wall, watching the drama
that ensued from within.
Mom! Mom!
They selected ME!
I'm an elite pilot, about to protect mankind.
The best in the world.
It's a secret to everybody.
But I'll tell you, mom!
Everybody is so nice to me,
That I'm not lonely.
I'm OK, even though I don't have father.
Look at me! Me!
Hey Mom!
Then silence for yet a while longer. Rei, silently stepped through the boundary, and
entered Asuka's reality.
Asuka found herself talking with Rei.
"I'm in Eva without wanting to be."
"I'm forced to be here. This junk won't move!"
"Oh, no, it's me who's junk. I'm useless."
"No one needs me. No one needs a pilot who cannot pilot Eva."
"You are trying to find yourself within others," replied Rei
"Shut up!"
"You fear being alone."
"Shut up!"
"Shut up! Shut up! I don't wanna be told that by a doll like you!"
"But you're not alone."
"Something you would know so well Wondergirl?!"
"Yes I do, I know that you are no longer alone."
"HOW do you know that?"
Rei projected a scene into Asuka's reality, showing her embrace in the hospital.
Asuka takes one look at it and screams, "Get off me you DOLL!"
The doors bang open and doctors burst in, already the room is a chaos of sound. The
staff politely asked Rei to leave, as moments ago the staid Germanium female is now
attempting to weakly rip Rei's hair out. Rei allows herself a small smile as she leaves, it
is done.
***
'My friends have all fled town, and now I have no one to talk to.'
'Just like old times.'
Shinji Ikari, designated pilot of Evangelion Unit-01 walked towards his spot of
contemplation, though inwardly he knew it was more a spot of moping. A breeze sprang
up, from the sea, ruffling his short brown hair, allowing light to touch his shadowed face.
The sea that was created by Rei, that was his objective, for on the shore he sat,
surrounded by water, and for a few precious moments he could be free.
Upon arriving, he noticed another being, perched on the rock that he normally sat. The
boy, for he could now see him closely, was humming a song that sounded oddly out of
place. Shinji could tell that it wasn't classical, yet it spoke of all the classical instruments,
and surely strings. He shook his head as the boy turned and looked at him.
"A song is a good thing, is it not?" asked Kaoru, not waiting for a reply, "yet, so many
people now pervert what it was truly intended for."
"And what is that?" inquired Shinji as he turned to face this strange young man.
"To worship, and praise, that, Shinji Ikari, is what it is meant to be for."
"You know my name?" asked Shinji, puzzlement erasing his thoughts on the
strangeness of those comments.
"Everyone knows your name, you should be more aware of your own position."
"Is that so? And who are you?"
"I am the Fifth Child, Kaoru Nagisa, he said, with just a touch of arrogance. Looking like
he would add more, he then smiled, "Call me Kaoru."
Shinji was shocked, and stunned besides, as he contemplated the meaning behind a
new child. This could only be Asuka's replacement. Nonetheless he tried to put on a
brave face and laughed, albeit a bit forced, and replied. "Sure, but call me Shinji."
***
Asuka walked the halls of NERV, or so she would like to say. The reality of the situation
was more that she stumbled through the halls of NERV, aided by the walking stick that
had been thoughtfully provided; she was now attempting to build strength into her long
inactive muscles.
Rounding a corner she gave a cry as she bumped into the source of her awakening, Rei
Ayanami. Immediately her face mottled red, and anger coursed through her nerve links.
However, instead of a grand denunciation of what she thought of this, this DOLL in front
of her, all her voice could manage was a. "What do you want Wondergirl?"
Asuka mentally kicked herself for sounding so weak and attempted to cover it by glaring
at the source of her fury. The so mentioned source, didn't bat an eye, she almost never
did.
"Greetings Soryu, you are alive again," she said in her monotone voice.
"Well DUH I'm alive, and you would know too, you WOKE ME UP! You bitch! You Doll!
Why'd you do that? Why'd you bring me back?!"
She finished those words half screaming half sobbing before realizing the depth of the
emotion and more to the point the weakness that she had shown. She turned her head,
allowing the shadows to hide her face.
"Go away, I don't want to ever see you again, DO YOU HEAR ME?!" she finished at a
scream, and began to stalk off. However Rei had a purpose for coming.
"Soryu, you must learn to open yourself to others," she said simply.
Asuka stopped, and slowly turned around, her movements hampered by her cane. She
stalked back, and even Rei's cold impassion was sorely pressed not to back away
herself.
"And what do YOU know of openness? You, the ice queen, the silent one, the one who
has NO FRIENDS! What do you know?!" Her voice rang off the walls.
"Only that if you don't open yourself to Eva and to other people, you will surely fail," said
Rei, eyes level, not even blinking. Inside she sensed something was different, that this
wasn't normal, but she was doing this for Ikari.
"Learn to change Asuka, and learn to listen," she turned, leaving behind a stunned
Asuka. As Rei walked around the corner, she realized. 'She called me Asuka; the world
is going to end.' She trundled off back towards the ward, thinking over what the First
Child had said.
***
'How can she know what she's talking about? She's not even human half the time.'
Rei's voice comes back to haunt her
"Learn to change, learn to listen.
'Why should I listen to her, she's a doll.'
"Unless you learn to open your self to other people, you will surely fail"
'Is it possible, could the doll be right?'
"NO!!"
Asuka shook at the force of her denial, situated on a bench. Her view, if she only
opened her eyes, stretched over the last remaining green patch in the destruction that
was downtown Tokyo-3. She lay, on her side, her knees drawn up clutched by her
hands, she shook as she wept, but no tears came.
"I'm sorry, I won't sit down."
Slowly, Asuka opened her eyes, to notice a boy she felt was familiar yet was sure she
had never met. She was about to close her eyes when she happened to glance at his
face. In an instant, alarms triggered as she noticed that this person in front of her had
red eyes, exactly like Rei's, and that his skin was albino as well.
'Damn doll's getting to me' she silently grated. Sitting up, she said, "You can sit down if
you want to, though why, I don't know."
The boy sat down anyway, then proceeded to hum. Again the song is a touch of
classical, yet is definitely not. Asuka gets tired of his incessant humming and so breaks
the silence.
"What are you humming?" she asked more to shut him up then anything.
"Bittersweet Symphony" he answered, then immediately began to hum the chorus
again. Asuka frowned as she tried to bring all the classical music she knew to her head.
Coming to the conclusion that she didn't know it, she however didn't want to admit that.
Soon though, her curiosity got the better of her.
"Who wrote it?" she asked, a bit more intently then she intended.
"The Verve," he answered, turning to her and noticing her puzzled look he continued,
"it's a rock song from the late 90's, one of my personal favorites, here I'll sing it."
He begins to sing, his voice seeming to bring an instrument out of the air, almost like he
was playing more then singing. As the song starts off a viola solo can be heard. Then
the song progresses into a violin counterpoint. Soon that violin is joined with drums and
then the singing begins. As he sings an almost ethereal quality lights his face, causing
him to seem beautiful and terrible, welcoming and dangerous. The song ends and the
lights fade from his face. He turns to Asuka, the power of his soul still shining through
his eyes.
"That's… very touching, yet depressing as well," muttered Asuka as he finished. The
song had touched a chord deep inside of her and she could feel tears slowly welling up
from deep within her. She vainly strove to hold back the dam that threatened to
overwhelm her but to no avail. No mortal could survive through an angelic recital without
being touched.
The tears that she had been trying to hide, the sorrow and pain that she had felt for the
past few months was all brought to the surface by the words of his song, his almost
supernaturally sung song. Her eyes began to quiver and with a loud cry she turned and
buried her head into Kaoru's shoulder, crying like she had never cried before.
Kaoru's face was a masterpiece of shock, contempt, and confusion. As he started to
push her off a welter of feelings that he had never experienced flowed through his
suddenly vulnerable mind. His face was a picture of fast moving images, warmth,
compassion, caring, and love all filled his thoughts, things he had never felt. When he
looked down on the girl who was still sobbing into his shirt, he experienced a new sense
of protectiveness and in that moment realized the frailty that humans must live through
everyday of their lives. A tremendous rush of appreciation and respect filled his heart,
and he wavered in his purpose, his resolve.
Oblivious to the complex ideas that were flowing through her comforter's head, Asuka
felt his arms gently move to her back and just stay there, holding her, letting her know
that someone cared. If she had known that Kaoru wasn't aware of his own actions,
things might have changed, but with that deed, she felt at peace, as if enfolded in the
arms of her guardian angel.
Finally, she said "thank you, "as she raised her face from his now soaked white shirt.
"For what may I ask?" said Kaoru, truly not knowing what she was thanking him for.
"Just for being there, and for letting me soak your shirt." She gave a wane smile, before
shakily standing up, using her walking stick as an aid.
Kaoru rose with her, and caught her as she almost stumbled back to the bench, "You
are hurt." It was not a question.
"I'll be fine," laid Asuka, the pain of the new blood flowing through her veins, evident in
her gritted teeth.
"Let me walk you home Asuka."
Her head jerked up and her eyes narrowed. "How do you know who I am? Who are
you?" she asked, both suspicious and dreading his answer. 'Please don't let him hurt
me like the rest.' She silently prayed, though to whom she didn't know.
"Are you not, Asuka Langley Soryu? Designated pilot of Evangelion Unit-02? Everyone
knows your name. As to who I am, my name is Kaoru Nagisa, I am like you."
"Like me? How?" wondered Asuka, 'He's a guy, with gray hair, and red eyes.'
"I am the Fifth Child," he stated, not prepared at all for the lashing he then received.
"WHAT!!" screamed a suddenly enraged and hurt German girl as she prepared to slap
him. However she misjudged her own strength and when she let go of her cane to hit
him, she would have crumpled and fell had not Kaoru reached over and caught her.
Being cradled by a guy you've just cried on is not the best way to build up enough rage
to slap anyone, let along the boy who is holding you, thus Asuka sagged and didn't
attempt to strike at the reason for her ire. In fact she kind of liked the way her arms were
clasped around his neck and how he supported her. However the moment passed, and
he helped her sit back onto the bench.
Asuka felt like she would cry again, though this time she managed to hold it back.
Brokenly she asked, "Y-You have come to re-replace me?" Deep inside she wished to
die.
"I don't think anyone can replace you," answered Kaoru truthfully, no one can replace
another, "I've just come to substitute till you become better." Kaoru blinked as he
realized that he had almost concealed the truth, and for his own benefit as much as
hers. He suddenly was less sure of himself and frowned. He, an angel, must never lie,
must never sin, and must never do evil. Remember that and he was fine, he thought
regaining his smile.
Asuka sniffed, believing him because she didn't want to be hurt again. Believing him
because it was the easiest thing to do. Silently she struggled to her feet, and began to
trudge towards her apartment. Kaoru stared for a few moments, admiring the tenacity
with which she stuck to the task before getting up and walking to her home. The time
was passed in silence, whether strained or comfortable is a decision not easily made.
***
'I am Tabris, Angel of Free will, I am not human, I am stronger than they are, I am
DIFFERENT!' Kaoru screamed in his mind, outwardly not showing any movement,
sitting in the test plug. 'I cannot feel this way, or my mission, my purpose; the reason for
my existence will fail,' he mentally sighed, and his head lowered just a bit in the LCL.
"Kaoru, your sync rate is increasing, way to go!" exclaims Misato over the HUD, her
smile seems a bit false, but she looks genuinely pleased. Kaoru snaps back to reality
and slows his sync rate till it stops as 85% well over what a first time pilot should be
achieving.
"As I suspected, he can achieve any sync rate he attempts too. Just who is this boy?"
marvels Ritsuko, staring at the data. "I wonder…" She jots a note down on her ever-
present clipboard. Pressing the COM link button she announces. "You're finished for the
day Kaoru, you can leave now." Walking out, she glances at his synco-graph and then
gives a small shudder.
"Please let it not be" she whispers.
***
Kaoru showers, his mind still preoccupied by his thoughts of Asuka. Absently dressing,
so that his top button has no buttonhole, he walks out of the locker rooms deep in
thought.
'I can't be attracted to her in anyway, that would be weakness, I must maintain my
dignity and my purpose, I MUST!'
Upon arriving at the entrance to the base, Kaoru finds Shinji sitting down, apparently
waiting for him. In his current state of instability, Kaoru still realizes his mission to
befriend Shinji must come about.
"You were waiting for me?" he asked, somewhat surprised, and also somewhat aghast
at the warm and fuzzy feeling that seeps through his mind. He tries to forget about it,
and for a time succeeds. Shinji jumps from his seat, startled that Kaoru was there so
early, stuttering and stammering, he denies the allegations.
Kaoru sighs, as resolve once again fills his heart.
"You avoid contact of the first kind at all costs. Do you fear to feel things from other
people? Being ignorant of others, you will never be betrayed or hurt, though you will
never escape from feeling sadness. A person cannot erase sadness forever. Everyone
is alone. However, people can forget, and so they are able to live."
Kaoru pauses, taking a breath, then speaks from the depths of his soul. "People always
feel pain in their hearts. The heart is easy to wound, that's why living is painful. In
particular, your heart is fragile, almost like glass."
"Mine?" asks Shinji, taken aback and a bit lost by the complicated ideas and thoughts
that Kaoru is saying.
"Yes, that makes you worthy of people's love."
"Love? Me?"
"Yes, I'm trying to say I love you."
***
'He's my replacement, I should hate him.'
'They are saying that he is better then me, that I am no longer needed.'
'I wish I had died.'
"But why can't I stop thinking about him?!" Asuka screamed, before realizing that she
had spoken aloud. Glancing around, she reassured herself that no one heard before
settling back into her thoughts.
A lithe boy, whose skin was almost pure white, haunted her mind's eye. His red eyes
stared into her soul even when she wasn't near him. Her pulse increased, as she
thought of the warmth that he exuded when he had caught her. Her body…
'Snap out of it Asuka, he was just there, doesn't mean anything. Even if it did, he's your
replacement, hate him.' So the cycle started again.
***
RING!!
The phone startled Asuka from her slumber as her back began to ache. Sitting up from
where she had awkwardly fallen, she reached for the phone amid the shrieking of her
muscles. Pressing the talk button, she gritted her teeth as answered.
"Hello?"
"Hello Asuka," came the reply, a masculine voice, familiar yet never heard before.
"Yes, this is Asuka, who's there?" came her pain choked reply, as she began to slowly
work the soreness from her aching body.
"This is Kaoru." At those words, all pain was forgotten and an impossible hope and just
as strong fear sank into her mind.
"How'd you get this number?" she asked, before realizing that he could just have asked
a NERV staff member.
"Shinji gave it to me; would you like to have dinner today?" His voice was calm, not
showing any real emotion except his normal cheerfulness and amusement with life.
Asuka's heart caught in her chest, and just as quickly she shoved it back to where it
belonged.
"Where and with whom?" she blurted, then silently swore at the coldness of her reply.
"I was thinking I would cook, and just me, or Shinji can stay if you want." Was it her or
did he sound just a tad bit nervous.
A quiet cough reminded her that he was expecting a reply, and so he should be, let her
take as long as she needed. She decided that she would grace him with her presence,
even though she knew that she really wanted to go.
"Yes, I'll come, and Shinji doesn't need to stay. What time and where?" She knew that
she was rushing, but she couldn't help it.
"Great, I'll see you at my house at 7, how's that?" It wasn't her, he definitely was
relieved.
'Hmm, maybe just maybe… snap out of it Asuka, it's just a dinner, don't go thinking he's
over the moon for you,' she frowned, the ended the call.
"I'll see ya then." She promised, then hung up.
***
Asuka arrived exactly ten minutes before seven and stood, indecisively on the front step
of Kaoru's place. She was dressed in a tight red top with a modest neckline, and wore
stylish blue jeans on the bottom. Having gotten the address and a lift from Misato, she
was profoundly grateful that she hadn't eaten yet.
Staring up at the depressingly grey structure, she wondered how a person like Kaoru
lived in here. Had she known, the building that she looked at bore an uncanny
resemblance to Rei's own apartment. Shrugging off her morbid thoughts of the color
scheme, Asuka threw her recently brushed hair back, did a quick check in her mirror,
before purposely striding up to the stairs. Climbing to the second floor, she quickly
searched until she had the right number. She knocked.
After a few moments, the door opened to reveal a smiling Kaoru. "Welcome Asuka,
come in," he said, trying to hide the dampness that suddenly appeared under his arms.
Bowing slightly, he succeeded, and Asuka entered the house, none the wiser. Closing
the door behind his guest, Kaoru ushered her into a couch before dashing into his room.
"Dinner will be served shortly, just wait here," were his parting words, and then he was
gone.
Asuka took the time to look around. Not contented with just sitting and looking, soon she
was up and about, examining each item in the apartment. There wasn't much, she soon
realized, a kitchen, which was extensively stocked with equipment, a dining room that
held a four seat table, a small lounge that held a loveseat and a single chair, and a
auxiliary bathroom. There were no wall decorations, no photos, no plants, not even a
carpet or rug. However in the corner there sat a Hi-Fi system that was surrounded with
rather large speakers on either side.
Noticing the system for the first time, Asuka realized that there were four speakers, one
at each corner of the lounge. The main console was on, so she pressed play and turned
down the volume.
After a pause the sounds of 'Somewhere Out There' started playing. The song was a
slow lament about finding a love who was "somewhere out there".
'He really loves these sort of songs huh?' wondered Asuka as she listened. However,
halfway through the second verse Kaoru came out.
"What kept you?" asked Asuka, not really paying attention, but she had to say
something.
"I um, I was changing my shirt, it smelt of oil," said Kaoru, 'well it did, just that wasn't the
main reason,' he amended in his head.
"Great, so what's for dinner?" Asuka straightened, and walked to the dining table.
Kaoru stood there, for the briefest instant allowing uncertainty to control his thoughts.
However, shaking his head, he turned to the kitchen and prepared to serve his meal.
Dinner was a simple affair, consisting of beef and broccoli, fish, and mixed vegetables.
Asuka noticed that Kaoru didn't eat any of the meat, instead had his own little plate of a
sort of bean paste. Momentarily debating asking his about it, her curiosity once again
won out. "What's the paste?" she asked, trying to appear nonchalant.
"Just my protein supplement," Kaoru informed her, before offering her a sample. When
she tried it however, she made a face and frowned. The stuff tasted like rubber, and so
she didn't ask for more.
The dinner passed in something close to silence, except for the occasional crunch of
the celery or the sound of metal on ceramic. Both people were very much afraid, though
neither would care to admit that. Asuka because she never was afraid and Kaoru
because fear was an emotion that only the Lilum responded to. However the silence
was companionable and so neither was really nervous.
As the meal ended, signified by the consumption of all the rice on their plates, both
Asuka and Kaoru stood up and the same time. Both blushed as they faced each other
across the table, but nonetheless both placed their plates on the counter before
returning to their seats. Then the awkwardness kicked in.
'What am I doing here?" Asuka begged to know, as she sat, alternately glancing at
Kaoru, or looking at the lounge.
'Why did I ask her here?' wondered Kaoru, now almost but not quite regretting his rash
decision.
"Would you?, did you?..." started both people at once and both blushed.
"You first," muttered Kaoru, his voice a far cry from his usual enigmatic and confident
self.
"Would you like to go out with me tomorrow?"
"Go out?" Kaoru was puzzled, "why?" he asked.
"Oh just to hang out, spend time together," replied Asuka, trying to sound as casual as
she possibly could. She glanced at him. "What did you wanna say?"
"Oh, did you enjoy dinner?" Kaoru asked, trying desperately to seek his former and
normal calm. Taking a deep breath, he waited for her answer. It was a few moments in
coming.
"It was ok," answered Asuka, the beginnings of a smile playing on her lips. Kaoru got
the joke, and smiled back, "I guess I have to do better next time," he said, now regaining
his calm.
"Yeah."
Both of them lapsed back into silence, Asuka decided that it would be a good time to
leave.
"So will I see you tomorrow?" she paused; 'now why did I say that?'
"Yes, and we will, go out, wherever you want," finished Kaoru as he stood and walked
her to the door, closing it behind them, they started towards the Katsuragi home, both
silent, lost in thought.
***
For the next few days, Asuka and Kaoru spent much of their free time together of which
they had much, both learning what it meant to be accepted by another. For the first time
in their lives both could say they were honestly happy, yet neither would fully admit their
attachment to each other, thus causing some problems.
The day came and Kaoru could no longer resist the call. Neither could Asuka resist
what was slowly happening to her.
***
'I think I love him, but how can I? I've known him for five days, and he's my
replacement.'
'Does he love me?'
Doubts plagued Asuka's mind as she silently stared at the ceiling, trying to realize her
feelings for Kaoru and to determine his for her. The room seemed lighter when she just
thought of his name, yet it darkened with her thoughts on his feelings for her.
'I should call him, but what if he doesn't feel the same way, why should he?'
Then her phone rang. After a moment of surprise, Asuka dived for the phone hoping it
was the person that she wanted on the other end. Her hopes were rewarded and she
could hear the silky smooth sound of Kaoru's voice. Her mouthed turned into a frown
however, when she heard his tone.
"Asuka, I need you to come to NERV HQ to the observation deck of the Eva cage, I
need you to see something.' His voice was strained, like he was trying to hold up a huge
weight, and he sounded desperate, like his soul depended on her arrival.
Forgetting her own qualms, she shouted an affirmative as she dashed for the door.
Kaoru needed her. Half way down the lift she realized that she couldn't run there, so
she went back up and grabbed Misato.
"Misato, I need a lift to NERV, Ritsuko said it was a top priority!" shouted Asuka as she
barreled into her CO's room. The lady in question was just putting the finishing touches
to her make up, so didn't mind.
"Sure thing Asuka, just gimme a sec."
After two more minutes, and two minutes of constant complaints, a very harried Misato
got in the car followed by a very agitated red head. The older woman gave the younger
disgruntled looks the whole way, but reasoned that whatever was the problem must
have been pretty serious. 'Maybe she's pregnant,' thought Misato, who immediately
shut down that line of thought.
***
Arriving at the observation deck, she looked down to see Kaoru on the bridge staring at
Unit-02. His face was contorted in agony and his flesh looked even more deathly pale
then normal. In fact his face was almost transparent, and his eyes were fever bright.
Slowly he turned to acknowledge Asuka's presence, then he began to speak.
"I was sent here for a purpose, a reason. That was all I ever had," he started, then
doubled over as a gasp wracked his body. Straightening up he continued. "Then I met
you Asuka, you came into my world, in a way that was never meant to happen." Another
gasp and another clenching of his stomach.
"After we met, I realized that I didn't want to continued my mission, that I wanted a
different purpose." He stopped, to watch her stare back at him, her eyes wet at the sight
of the pain he was in. "I never told you Asuka, who I was, now I can no longer hold it
back." The world turned white, and his hair flared upward as white light exploded from
inside of him.
"No!" whispered Asuka, as she realized what he had tried to tell her, "NO!!!" she
screamed, and dashed down the stairs, almost tripping several times. As she neared
the bridge, she could feel the power emanating from the room, and the bridge could feel
it too.
"Eva Unit Two started!" Makato shouted as the monitors relayed the information to his
terminal.
"What the hell!? What is Asuka doing?" demanded Misato.
"She's not inside," reported Hyugga, "the entry plug hasn't been inserted!"
Asuka burst out of the door only to see Kaoru step off the bridge and float over to the
now active Unit-02. Disbelief stopped her for a second before she raced out towards
him, with all the strength that a patient five days out of hospital can muster. The doubt
was dispelled in her mind, as a crisis made her feelings crystal clear. As she came
closer to the edge of the bridge, she screamed. "Kaoru, I love you! I will save you." So
saying, she dived after the descending boy, fully intent on reaching and saving him.
The world of motioned stopped, and suddenly Unit-02 was no longer moving. Kaoru too
stopped and stared at the girl who was prepared to give her life, in a futile and warped
effort to save his own. Deep inside of his new found immortality struggled his once
dominant psyche, that of a human child. As Asuka neared him, he rose, along with Unit-
02, and gently caught her. They rose, him cradling her in his arms, staring into each
other's eyes. Unit-02 walked back to his spot where he then lost power, but Kaoru and
Asuka settled down on the walkway.
"And I love you Asuka, and this is all I can give you," Kaoru whispered as they touched
down. Her eyes opened in puzzlement as he helped her down then stepped back on the
walkway. He kneeled and closed his eyes, and began to pray. "Greater love has no one
then this, that he would lay down his life for loved one."
The words he spoke finally made an impact on Asuka as he again began to glow, she
rose and rushed to his side, but was stopped by a rectangular prism that suddenly
surrounded him. It was not an AT field, instead it was the soul of a being infinitely more
powerful then an angel, who Tabris was beseeching, asking for the end to his purpose.
White light flared, and even on the bridge the viewers had to close their eyes, flinging
their arms to block the impossible brilliant flash that occurred when an Angel passed
beyond.
***
Asuka was staring at the wall when the doorbell rang, she didn't notice. Shinji cast a
worried frown in her direction, before answering the door. Outside, was a man, who had
a delivery for one Asuka Langley Soryu. Shinji signed for it, then took the package
inside, and laid it on the table in front of the almost catatonic girl. Noticing the sender,
he spoke. "It's from Kaoru." Hoping to elicit a response.
Asuka moved her head down, and gazed at the package. She stared at it for a few
minutes before slowly opening it. Inside was a MD player, complete with headphones
and a disc already inserted. A note left on the inside told her to press play.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't tell you, I couldn't change who I am, I just hope this will ease your
pain"
Music begins to play, Asuka listens and when the disc ends she begins to sing sadly.
"And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am."
*A/N
Well this is my second evafic, I think I rush these things cause I'm an impatient person.
I'm quite sure that if I actually took the time to write the stories thoroughly, and post
them when they are truly done, I'd probably do better, but anyway, I finished this one. A
few notes
The first verse the Kaoru quotes is from the bible. (Pr. 16:18) and the second is (John
15:13).
Secondly, the song, "Bittersweet symphony" if you haven't heard it, go dl it now, if you
have well you will know that the lyrics are fully depressing but the song is very uplifting,
thus a paradox. And also the verse that Asuka sings at the end is from Iris by the Goo
Goo Dolls, which if you know is about an angel coming to earth because he loves this
woman. So yeah, any C&C&F's can go to silk_12@hotmail.com, include something to
do with Evangelion in your subject or I'll miss it in my Junk mail folder.
Look forward to my next fic, not sure what it's gonna be called, but it's an ACC, I love
those, and it'll be good, haven't thought of a plot yet though…. Hmm. Any suggestions
will be looked at ;)
PS. To those of you who think Asuka would never cry, you're probably right, but I wasn't
gonna write a two month court ship cause Kaoru is there for like one episode. Also if
you've ever HEARD bittersweet, it can almost make you cry, think about if an angel
sung it to you ;)
The walls were a shade between green and white, a pleasant yet not too glaring color.
About three quarters of the way up ran a horizontal six-inch brown line that was painted
to be followed he supposed. Following the brown line for a while, the platinum haired
boy found himself in front of a door next to a glassed in room.
Inside lay a comatose yet surely alive red haired girl, her cheeks were sunken back,
causing her eyes to bulge out, her once beautiful face appearing to have aged forty
years overnight. Her eyes were open, yet they lacked life, just as they seemed to lack
sight. Wires streamed out of her body as various machines both in and outside of the
room beeped and toned.
The red-eyed young man stared at the sight, wondering what his brothers had wrought
that such a state could result. Unlike his siblings before him, he could feel what the
Lilum felt, even if he knew that there was no real reason to. Fear, compassion, love, all
these he knew he had the capacity for, if only he knew what they were. Logic, purpose,
these were feelings he was familiar with, sadness as well. He stood and stared,
seemingly as lifeless as the object of his gaze, for what seemed like a few hours. In the
time that he was there, in reality mere minutes, he noticed no change, no hope for the
girl that lay in the bed.
Kaoru Nagisa allowed himself a smile; the great Second Child laid low, as befit those
with such overweening pride.
"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall"
He turned and followed the same brown line out of the psychology department, thinking
about the next child he had to see. His red eyes gazed thoughtfully at the air in front of
him.
"Rei, a Child such as I."
***
Rei Ayanami stared at the pair of yellow-rimmed glasses on the table. The lenses were
cracked, whether by heat or pressure wasn't exactly made known to her. She stood,
clad only in her school uniform, with bandages over her eye and around her arm.
'There memories, whose are they, mine, hers?'
'I am the third'
'Maybe they can tell me who I am'
***
As Rei slowly yet purposely walked into the imposing Geofront entrance a pair of school
shoes impeded her frontward progress. Raising her head, she met the eyes of a boy
who she immediately felt a strong attraction to. His face opened into a smile.
"You are, the First Children? Ayanami Rei... You are the same as me."
"Who are you?" asked Rei, her bewilderment and confusion not entering within a yard of
her face, not giving away her surprise.
***
Rei stood, at the exact same spot as Kaoru did, though she didn't know it. She stared in
the same way, but didn't think the same thoughts. Unlike the Child before her, she had
a different purpose. Turning towards the door handle, she frowned in concentration for a
brief second before the lock audibly clicked, and the door swung inwards.
She moved in, with such grace as you see princesses of old, seeming to glide, never to
walk. Coming to a rest beside the bed, she looked down at the girl who lay before her.
Deep inside, she knew that she could help, she knew what Asuka was going through,
but she didn't know if she should do anything.
'Wonder girl, a teasing word, that is what she would call me.'
'Should I do something for her? Does she deserve it?'
'Ikari, Ikari would want her to be happier, he would be pleased.'
'I will do this for him.'
Kneeling down, beside the prone female, Rei slowly wrapped her arms around Asuka's
head and drew her into her chest. Closing her eyes, and concentrating, she searched
and searched for the spark of flame that marked Asuka's roving soul. Then in the dream
worlds distance, she stopped, centimeters from an invisible wall, watching the drama
that ensued from within.
Mom! Mom!
They selected ME!
I'm an elite pilot, about to protect mankind.
The best in the world.
It's a secret to everybody.
But I'll tell you, mom!
Everybody is so nice to me,
That I'm not lonely.
I'm OK, even though I don't have father.
Look at me! Me!
Hey Mom!
Then silence for yet a while longer. Rei, silently stepped through the boundary, and
entered Asuka's reality.
Asuka found herself talking with Rei.
"I'm in Eva without wanting to be."
"I'm forced to be here. This junk won't move!"
"Oh, no, it's me who's junk. I'm useless."
"No one needs me. No one needs a pilot who cannot pilot Eva."
"You are trying to find yourself within others," replied Rei
"Shut up!"
"You fear being alone."
"Shut up!"
"Shut up! Shut up! I don't wanna be told that by a doll like you!"
"But you're not alone."
"Something you would know so well Wondergirl?!"
"Yes I do, I know that you are no longer alone."
"HOW do you know that?"
Rei projected a scene into Asuka's reality, showing her embrace in the hospital.
Asuka takes one look at it and screams, "Get off me you DOLL!"
The doors bang open and doctors burst in, already the room is a chaos of sound. The
staff politely asked Rei to leave, as moments ago the staid Germanium female is now
attempting to weakly rip Rei's hair out. Rei allows herself a small smile as she leaves, it
is done.
***
'My friends have all fled town, and now I have no one to talk to.'
'Just like old times.'
Shinji Ikari, designated pilot of Evangelion Unit-01 walked towards his spot of
contemplation, though inwardly he knew it was more a spot of moping. A breeze sprang
up, from the sea, ruffling his short brown hair, allowing light to touch his shadowed face.
The sea that was created by Rei, that was his objective, for on the shore he sat,
surrounded by water, and for a few precious moments he could be free.
Upon arriving, he noticed another being, perched on the rock that he normally sat. The
boy, for he could now see him closely, was humming a song that sounded oddly out of
place. Shinji could tell that it wasn't classical, yet it spoke of all the classical instruments,
and surely strings. He shook his head as the boy turned and looked at him.
"A song is a good thing, is it not?" asked Kaoru, not waiting for a reply, "yet, so many
people now pervert what it was truly intended for."
"And what is that?" inquired Shinji as he turned to face this strange young man.
"To worship, and praise, that, Shinji Ikari, is what it is meant to be for."
"You know my name?" asked Shinji, puzzlement erasing his thoughts on the
strangeness of those comments.
"Everyone knows your name, you should be more aware of your own position."
"Is that so? And who are you?"
"I am the Fifth Child, Kaoru Nagisa, he said, with just a touch of arrogance. Looking like
he would add more, he then smiled, "Call me Kaoru."
Shinji was shocked, and stunned besides, as he contemplated the meaning behind a
new child. This could only be Asuka's replacement. Nonetheless he tried to put on a
brave face and laughed, albeit a bit forced, and replied. "Sure, but call me Shinji."
***
Asuka walked the halls of NERV, or so she would like to say. The reality of the situation
was more that she stumbled through the halls of NERV, aided by the walking stick that
had been thoughtfully provided; she was now attempting to build strength into her long
inactive muscles.
Rounding a corner she gave a cry as she bumped into the source of her awakening, Rei
Ayanami. Immediately her face mottled red, and anger coursed through her nerve links.
However, instead of a grand denunciation of what she thought of this, this DOLL in front
of her, all her voice could manage was a. "What do you want Wondergirl?"
Asuka mentally kicked herself for sounding so weak and attempted to cover it by glaring
at the source of her fury. The so mentioned source, didn't bat an eye, she almost never
did.
"Greetings Soryu, you are alive again," she said in her monotone voice.
"Well DUH I'm alive, and you would know too, you WOKE ME UP! You bitch! You Doll!
Why'd you do that? Why'd you bring me back?!"
She finished those words half screaming half sobbing before realizing the depth of the
emotion and more to the point the weakness that she had shown. She turned her head,
allowing the shadows to hide her face.
"Go away, I don't want to ever see you again, DO YOU HEAR ME?!" she finished at a
scream, and began to stalk off. However Rei had a purpose for coming.
"Soryu, you must learn to open yourself to others," she said simply.
Asuka stopped, and slowly turned around, her movements hampered by her cane. She
stalked back, and even Rei's cold impassion was sorely pressed not to back away
herself.
"And what do YOU know of openness? You, the ice queen, the silent one, the one who
has NO FRIENDS! What do you know?!" Her voice rang off the walls.
"Only that if you don't open yourself to Eva and to other people, you will surely fail," said
Rei, eyes level, not even blinking. Inside she sensed something was different, that this
wasn't normal, but she was doing this for Ikari.
"Learn to change Asuka, and learn to listen," she turned, leaving behind a stunned
Asuka. As Rei walked around the corner, she realized. 'She called me Asuka; the world
is going to end.' She trundled off back towards the ward, thinking over what the First
Child had said.
***
'How can she know what she's talking about? She's not even human half the time.'
Rei's voice comes back to haunt her
"Learn to change, learn to listen.
'Why should I listen to her, she's a doll.'
"Unless you learn to open your self to other people, you will surely fail"
'Is it possible, could the doll be right?'
"NO!!"
Asuka shook at the force of her denial, situated on a bench. Her view, if she only
opened her eyes, stretched over the last remaining green patch in the destruction that
was downtown Tokyo-3. She lay, on her side, her knees drawn up clutched by her
hands, she shook as she wept, but no tears came.
"I'm sorry, I won't sit down."
Slowly, Asuka opened her eyes, to notice a boy she felt was familiar yet was sure she
had never met. She was about to close her eyes when she happened to glance at his
face. In an instant, alarms triggered as she noticed that this person in front of her had
red eyes, exactly like Rei's, and that his skin was albino as well.
'Damn doll's getting to me' she silently grated. Sitting up, she said, "You can sit down if
you want to, though why, I don't know."
The boy sat down anyway, then proceeded to hum. Again the song is a touch of
classical, yet is definitely not. Asuka gets tired of his incessant humming and so breaks
the silence.
"What are you humming?" she asked more to shut him up then anything.
"Bittersweet Symphony" he answered, then immediately began to hum the chorus
again. Asuka frowned as she tried to bring all the classical music she knew to her head.
Coming to the conclusion that she didn't know it, she however didn't want to admit that.
Soon though, her curiosity got the better of her.
"Who wrote it?" she asked, a bit more intently then she intended.
"The Verve," he answered, turning to her and noticing her puzzled look he continued,
"it's a rock song from the late 90's, one of my personal favorites, here I'll sing it."
He begins to sing, his voice seeming to bring an instrument out of the air, almost like he
was playing more then singing. As the song starts off a viola solo can be heard. Then
the song progresses into a violin counterpoint. Soon that violin is joined with drums and
then the singing begins. As he sings an almost ethereal quality lights his face, causing
him to seem beautiful and terrible, welcoming and dangerous. The song ends and the
lights fade from his face. He turns to Asuka, the power of his soul still shining through
his eyes.
"That's… very touching, yet depressing as well," muttered Asuka as he finished. The
song had touched a chord deep inside of her and she could feel tears slowly welling up
from deep within her. She vainly strove to hold back the dam that threatened to
overwhelm her but to no avail. No mortal could survive through an angelic recital without
being touched.
The tears that she had been trying to hide, the sorrow and pain that she had felt for the
past few months was all brought to the surface by the words of his song, his almost
supernaturally sung song. Her eyes began to quiver and with a loud cry she turned and
buried her head into Kaoru's shoulder, crying like she had never cried before.
Kaoru's face was a masterpiece of shock, contempt, and confusion. As he started to
push her off a welter of feelings that he had never experienced flowed through his
suddenly vulnerable mind. His face was a picture of fast moving images, warmth,
compassion, caring, and love all filled his thoughts, things he had never felt. When he
looked down on the girl who was still sobbing into his shirt, he experienced a new sense
of protectiveness and in that moment realized the frailty that humans must live through
everyday of their lives. A tremendous rush of appreciation and respect filled his heart,
and he wavered in his purpose, his resolve.
Oblivious to the complex ideas that were flowing through her comforter's head, Asuka
felt his arms gently move to her back and just stay there, holding her, letting her know
that someone cared. If she had known that Kaoru wasn't aware of his own actions,
things might have changed, but with that deed, she felt at peace, as if enfolded in the
arms of her guardian angel.
Finally, she said "thank you, "as she raised her face from his now soaked white shirt.
"For what may I ask?" said Kaoru, truly not knowing what she was thanking him for.
"Just for being there, and for letting me soak your shirt." She gave a wane smile, before
shakily standing up, using her walking stick as an aid.
Kaoru rose with her, and caught her as she almost stumbled back to the bench, "You
are hurt." It was not a question.
"I'll be fine," laid Asuka, the pain of the new blood flowing through her veins, evident in
her gritted teeth.
"Let me walk you home Asuka."
Her head jerked up and her eyes narrowed. "How do you know who I am? Who are
you?" she asked, both suspicious and dreading his answer. 'Please don't let him hurt
me like the rest.' She silently prayed, though to whom she didn't know.
"Are you not, Asuka Langley Soryu? Designated pilot of Evangelion Unit-02? Everyone
knows your name. As to who I am, my name is Kaoru Nagisa, I am like you."
"Like me? How?" wondered Asuka, 'He's a guy, with gray hair, and red eyes.'
"I am the Fifth Child," he stated, not prepared at all for the lashing he then received.
"WHAT!!" screamed a suddenly enraged and hurt German girl as she prepared to slap
him. However she misjudged her own strength and when she let go of her cane to hit
him, she would have crumpled and fell had not Kaoru reached over and caught her.
Being cradled by a guy you've just cried on is not the best way to build up enough rage
to slap anyone, let along the boy who is holding you, thus Asuka sagged and didn't
attempt to strike at the reason for her ire. In fact she kind of liked the way her arms were
clasped around his neck and how he supported her. However the moment passed, and
he helped her sit back onto the bench.
Asuka felt like she would cry again, though this time she managed to hold it back.
Brokenly she asked, "Y-You have come to re-replace me?" Deep inside she wished to
die.
"I don't think anyone can replace you," answered Kaoru truthfully, no one can replace
another, "I've just come to substitute till you become better." Kaoru blinked as he
realized that he had almost concealed the truth, and for his own benefit as much as
hers. He suddenly was less sure of himself and frowned. He, an angel, must never lie,
must never sin, and must never do evil. Remember that and he was fine, he thought
regaining his smile.
Asuka sniffed, believing him because she didn't want to be hurt again. Believing him
because it was the easiest thing to do. Silently she struggled to her feet, and began to
trudge towards her apartment. Kaoru stared for a few moments, admiring the tenacity
with which she stuck to the task before getting up and walking to her home. The time
was passed in silence, whether strained or comfortable is a decision not easily made.
***
'I am Tabris, Angel of Free will, I am not human, I am stronger than they are, I am
DIFFERENT!' Kaoru screamed in his mind, outwardly not showing any movement,
sitting in the test plug. 'I cannot feel this way, or my mission, my purpose; the reason for
my existence will fail,' he mentally sighed, and his head lowered just a bit in the LCL.
"Kaoru, your sync rate is increasing, way to go!" exclaims Misato over the HUD, her
smile seems a bit false, but she looks genuinely pleased. Kaoru snaps back to reality
and slows his sync rate till it stops as 85% well over what a first time pilot should be
achieving.
"As I suspected, he can achieve any sync rate he attempts too. Just who is this boy?"
marvels Ritsuko, staring at the data. "I wonder…" She jots a note down on her ever-
present clipboard. Pressing the COM link button she announces. "You're finished for the
day Kaoru, you can leave now." Walking out, she glances at his synco-graph and then
gives a small shudder.
"Please let it not be" she whispers.
***
Kaoru showers, his mind still preoccupied by his thoughts of Asuka. Absently dressing,
so that his top button has no buttonhole, he walks out of the locker rooms deep in
thought.
'I can't be attracted to her in anyway, that would be weakness, I must maintain my
dignity and my purpose, I MUST!'
Upon arriving at the entrance to the base, Kaoru finds Shinji sitting down, apparently
waiting for him. In his current state of instability, Kaoru still realizes his mission to
befriend Shinji must come about.
"You were waiting for me?" he asked, somewhat surprised, and also somewhat aghast
at the warm and fuzzy feeling that seeps through his mind. He tries to forget about it,
and for a time succeeds. Shinji jumps from his seat, startled that Kaoru was there so
early, stuttering and stammering, he denies the allegations.
Kaoru sighs, as resolve once again fills his heart.
"You avoid contact of the first kind at all costs. Do you fear to feel things from other
people? Being ignorant of others, you will never be betrayed or hurt, though you will
never escape from feeling sadness. A person cannot erase sadness forever. Everyone
is alone. However, people can forget, and so they are able to live."
Kaoru pauses, taking a breath, then speaks from the depths of his soul. "People always
feel pain in their hearts. The heart is easy to wound, that's why living is painful. In
particular, your heart is fragile, almost like glass."
"Mine?" asks Shinji, taken aback and a bit lost by the complicated ideas and thoughts
that Kaoru is saying.
"Yes, that makes you worthy of people's love."
"Love? Me?"
"Yes, I'm trying to say I love you."
***
'He's my replacement, I should hate him.'
'They are saying that he is better then me, that I am no longer needed.'
'I wish I had died.'
"But why can't I stop thinking about him?!" Asuka screamed, before realizing that she
had spoken aloud. Glancing around, she reassured herself that no one heard before
settling back into her thoughts.
A lithe boy, whose skin was almost pure white, haunted her mind's eye. His red eyes
stared into her soul even when she wasn't near him. Her pulse increased, as she
thought of the warmth that he exuded when he had caught her. Her body…
'Snap out of it Asuka, he was just there, doesn't mean anything. Even if it did, he's your
replacement, hate him.' So the cycle started again.
***
RING!!
The phone startled Asuka from her slumber as her back began to ache. Sitting up from
where she had awkwardly fallen, she reached for the phone amid the shrieking of her
muscles. Pressing the talk button, she gritted her teeth as answered.
"Hello?"
"Hello Asuka," came the reply, a masculine voice, familiar yet never heard before.
"Yes, this is Asuka, who's there?" came her pain choked reply, as she began to slowly
work the soreness from her aching body.
"This is Kaoru." At those words, all pain was forgotten and an impossible hope and just
as strong fear sank into her mind.
"How'd you get this number?" she asked, before realizing that he could just have asked
a NERV staff member.
"Shinji gave it to me; would you like to have dinner today?" His voice was calm, not
showing any real emotion except his normal cheerfulness and amusement with life.
Asuka's heart caught in her chest, and just as quickly she shoved it back to where it
belonged.
"Where and with whom?" she blurted, then silently swore at the coldness of her reply.
"I was thinking I would cook, and just me, or Shinji can stay if you want." Was it her or
did he sound just a tad bit nervous.
A quiet cough reminded her that he was expecting a reply, and so he should be, let her
take as long as she needed. She decided that she would grace him with her presence,
even though she knew that she really wanted to go.
"Yes, I'll come, and Shinji doesn't need to stay. What time and where?" She knew that
she was rushing, but she couldn't help it.
"Great, I'll see you at my house at 7, how's that?" It wasn't her, he definitely was
relieved.
'Hmm, maybe just maybe… snap out of it Asuka, it's just a dinner, don't go thinking he's
over the moon for you,' she frowned, the ended the call.
"I'll see ya then." She promised, then hung up.
***
Asuka arrived exactly ten minutes before seven and stood, indecisively on the front step
of Kaoru's place. She was dressed in a tight red top with a modest neckline, and wore
stylish blue jeans on the bottom. Having gotten the address and a lift from Misato, she
was profoundly grateful that she hadn't eaten yet.
Staring up at the depressingly grey structure, she wondered how a person like Kaoru
lived in here. Had she known, the building that she looked at bore an uncanny
resemblance to Rei's own apartment. Shrugging off her morbid thoughts of the color
scheme, Asuka threw her recently brushed hair back, did a quick check in her mirror,
before purposely striding up to the stairs. Climbing to the second floor, she quickly
searched until she had the right number. She knocked.
After a few moments, the door opened to reveal a smiling Kaoru. "Welcome Asuka,
come in," he said, trying to hide the dampness that suddenly appeared under his arms.
Bowing slightly, he succeeded, and Asuka entered the house, none the wiser. Closing
the door behind his guest, Kaoru ushered her into a couch before dashing into his room.
"Dinner will be served shortly, just wait here," were his parting words, and then he was
gone.
Asuka took the time to look around. Not contented with just sitting and looking, soon she
was up and about, examining each item in the apartment. There wasn't much, she soon
realized, a kitchen, which was extensively stocked with equipment, a dining room that
held a four seat table, a small lounge that held a loveseat and a single chair, and a
auxiliary bathroom. There were no wall decorations, no photos, no plants, not even a
carpet or rug. However in the corner there sat a Hi-Fi system that was surrounded with
rather large speakers on either side.
Noticing the system for the first time, Asuka realized that there were four speakers, one
at each corner of the lounge. The main console was on, so she pressed play and turned
down the volume.
After a pause the sounds of 'Somewhere Out There' started playing. The song was a
slow lament about finding a love who was "somewhere out there".
'He really loves these sort of songs huh?' wondered Asuka as she listened. However,
halfway through the second verse Kaoru came out.
"What kept you?" asked Asuka, not really paying attention, but she had to say
something.
"I um, I was changing my shirt, it smelt of oil," said Kaoru, 'well it did, just that wasn't the
main reason,' he amended in his head.
"Great, so what's for dinner?" Asuka straightened, and walked to the dining table.
Kaoru stood there, for the briefest instant allowing uncertainty to control his thoughts.
However, shaking his head, he turned to the kitchen and prepared to serve his meal.
Dinner was a simple affair, consisting of beef and broccoli, fish, and mixed vegetables.
Asuka noticed that Kaoru didn't eat any of the meat, instead had his own little plate of a
sort of bean paste. Momentarily debating asking his about it, her curiosity once again
won out. "What's the paste?" she asked, trying to appear nonchalant.
"Just my protein supplement," Kaoru informed her, before offering her a sample. When
she tried it however, she made a face and frowned. The stuff tasted like rubber, and so
she didn't ask for more.
The dinner passed in something close to silence, except for the occasional crunch of
the celery or the sound of metal on ceramic. Both people were very much afraid, though
neither would care to admit that. Asuka because she never was afraid and Kaoru
because fear was an emotion that only the Lilum responded to. However the silence
was companionable and so neither was really nervous.
As the meal ended, signified by the consumption of all the rice on their plates, both
Asuka and Kaoru stood up and the same time. Both blushed as they faced each other
across the table, but nonetheless both placed their plates on the counter before
returning to their seats. Then the awkwardness kicked in.
'What am I doing here?" Asuka begged to know, as she sat, alternately glancing at
Kaoru, or looking at the lounge.
'Why did I ask her here?' wondered Kaoru, now almost but not quite regretting his rash
decision.
"Would you?, did you?..." started both people at once and both blushed.
"You first," muttered Kaoru, his voice a far cry from his usual enigmatic and confident
self.
"Would you like to go out with me tomorrow?"
"Go out?" Kaoru was puzzled, "why?" he asked.
"Oh just to hang out, spend time together," replied Asuka, trying to sound as casual as
she possibly could. She glanced at him. "What did you wanna say?"
"Oh, did you enjoy dinner?" Kaoru asked, trying desperately to seek his former and
normal calm. Taking a deep breath, he waited for her answer. It was a few moments in
coming.
"It was ok," answered Asuka, the beginnings of a smile playing on her lips. Kaoru got
the joke, and smiled back, "I guess I have to do better next time," he said, now regaining
his calm.
"Yeah."
Both of them lapsed back into silence, Asuka decided that it would be a good time to
leave.
"So will I see you tomorrow?" she paused; 'now why did I say that?'
"Yes, and we will, go out, wherever you want," finished Kaoru as he stood and walked
her to the door, closing it behind them, they started towards the Katsuragi home, both
silent, lost in thought.
***
For the next few days, Asuka and Kaoru spent much of their free time together of which
they had much, both learning what it meant to be accepted by another. For the first time
in their lives both could say they were honestly happy, yet neither would fully admit their
attachment to each other, thus causing some problems.
The day came and Kaoru could no longer resist the call. Neither could Asuka resist
what was slowly happening to her.
***
'I think I love him, but how can I? I've known him for five days, and he's my
replacement.'
'Does he love me?'
Doubts plagued Asuka's mind as she silently stared at the ceiling, trying to realize her
feelings for Kaoru and to determine his for her. The room seemed lighter when she just
thought of his name, yet it darkened with her thoughts on his feelings for her.
'I should call him, but what if he doesn't feel the same way, why should he?'
Then her phone rang. After a moment of surprise, Asuka dived for the phone hoping it
was the person that she wanted on the other end. Her hopes were rewarded and she
could hear the silky smooth sound of Kaoru's voice. Her mouthed turned into a frown
however, when she heard his tone.
"Asuka, I need you to come to NERV HQ to the observation deck of the Eva cage, I
need you to see something.' His voice was strained, like he was trying to hold up a huge
weight, and he sounded desperate, like his soul depended on her arrival.
Forgetting her own qualms, she shouted an affirmative as she dashed for the door.
Kaoru needed her. Half way down the lift she realized that she couldn't run there, so
she went back up and grabbed Misato.
"Misato, I need a lift to NERV, Ritsuko said it was a top priority!" shouted Asuka as she
barreled into her CO's room. The lady in question was just putting the finishing touches
to her make up, so didn't mind.
"Sure thing Asuka, just gimme a sec."
After two more minutes, and two minutes of constant complaints, a very harried Misato
got in the car followed by a very agitated red head. The older woman gave the younger
disgruntled looks the whole way, but reasoned that whatever was the problem must
have been pretty serious. 'Maybe she's pregnant,' thought Misato, who immediately
shut down that line of thought.
***
Arriving at the observation deck, she looked down to see Kaoru on the bridge staring at
Unit-02. His face was contorted in agony and his flesh looked even more deathly pale
then normal. In fact his face was almost transparent, and his eyes were fever bright.
Slowly he turned to acknowledge Asuka's presence, then he began to speak.
"I was sent here for a purpose, a reason. That was all I ever had," he started, then
doubled over as a gasp wracked his body. Straightening up he continued. "Then I met
you Asuka, you came into my world, in a way that was never meant to happen." Another
gasp and another clenching of his stomach.
"After we met, I realized that I didn't want to continued my mission, that I wanted a
different purpose." He stopped, to watch her stare back at him, her eyes wet at the sight
of the pain he was in. "I never told you Asuka, who I was, now I can no longer hold it
back." The world turned white, and his hair flared upward as white light exploded from
inside of him.
"No!" whispered Asuka, as she realized what he had tried to tell her, "NO!!!" she
screamed, and dashed down the stairs, almost tripping several times. As she neared
the bridge, she could feel the power emanating from the room, and the bridge could feel
it too.
"Eva Unit Two started!" Makato shouted as the monitors relayed the information to his
terminal.
"What the hell!? What is Asuka doing?" demanded Misato.
"She's not inside," reported Hyugga, "the entry plug hasn't been inserted!"
Asuka burst out of the door only to see Kaoru step off the bridge and float over to the
now active Unit-02. Disbelief stopped her for a second before she raced out towards
him, with all the strength that a patient five days out of hospital can muster. The doubt
was dispelled in her mind, as a crisis made her feelings crystal clear. As she came
closer to the edge of the bridge, she screamed. "Kaoru, I love you! I will save you." So
saying, she dived after the descending boy, fully intent on reaching and saving him.
The world of motioned stopped, and suddenly Unit-02 was no longer moving. Kaoru too
stopped and stared at the girl who was prepared to give her life, in a futile and warped
effort to save his own. Deep inside of his new found immortality struggled his once
dominant psyche, that of a human child. As Asuka neared him, he rose, along with Unit-
02, and gently caught her. They rose, him cradling her in his arms, staring into each
other's eyes. Unit-02 walked back to his spot where he then lost power, but Kaoru and
Asuka settled down on the walkway.
"And I love you Asuka, and this is all I can give you," Kaoru whispered as they touched
down. Her eyes opened in puzzlement as he helped her down then stepped back on the
walkway. He kneeled and closed his eyes, and began to pray. "Greater love has no one
then this, that he would lay down his life for loved one."
The words he spoke finally made an impact on Asuka as he again began to glow, she
rose and rushed to his side, but was stopped by a rectangular prism that suddenly
surrounded him. It was not an AT field, instead it was the soul of a being infinitely more
powerful then an angel, who Tabris was beseeching, asking for the end to his purpose.
White light flared, and even on the bridge the viewers had to close their eyes, flinging
their arms to block the impossible brilliant flash that occurred when an Angel passed
beyond.
***
Asuka was staring at the wall when the doorbell rang, she didn't notice. Shinji cast a
worried frown in her direction, before answering the door. Outside, was a man, who had
a delivery for one Asuka Langley Soryu. Shinji signed for it, then took the package
inside, and laid it on the table in front of the almost catatonic girl. Noticing the sender,
he spoke. "It's from Kaoru." Hoping to elicit a response.
Asuka moved her head down, and gazed at the package. She stared at it for a few
minutes before slowly opening it. Inside was a MD player, complete with headphones
and a disc already inserted. A note left on the inside told her to press play.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't tell you, I couldn't change who I am, I just hope this will ease your
pain"
Music begins to play, Asuka listens and when the disc ends she begins to sing sadly.
"And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am."
*A/N
Well this is my second evafic, I think I rush these things cause I'm an impatient person.
I'm quite sure that if I actually took the time to write the stories thoroughly, and post
them when they are truly done, I'd probably do better, but anyway, I finished this one. A
few notes
The first verse the Kaoru quotes is from the bible. (Pr. 16:18) and the second is (John
15:13).
Secondly, the song, "Bittersweet symphony" if you haven't heard it, go dl it now, if you
have well you will know that the lyrics are fully depressing but the song is very uplifting,
thus a paradox. And also the verse that Asuka sings at the end is from Iris by the Goo
Goo Dolls, which if you know is about an angel coming to earth because he loves this
woman. So yeah, any C&C&F's can go to silk_12@hotmail.com, include something to
do with Evangelion in your subject or I'll miss it in my Junk mail folder.
Look forward to my next fic, not sure what it's gonna be called, but it's an ACC, I love
those, and it'll be good, haven't thought of a plot yet though…. Hmm. Any suggestions
will be looked at ;)
PS. To those of you who think Asuka would never cry, you're probably right, but I wasn't
gonna write a two month court ship cause Kaoru is there for like one episode. Also if
you've ever HEARD bittersweet, it can almost make you cry, think about if an angel
sung it to you ;)