Something Special
Lily Evans—Head Girl, Top of the Class, Prettiest Girl in School. And you know what? That doesn't even begin to scratch the surface. At first, all she was to me was a pretty face and a hot temper to match; but she didn't approve of me, and I became obsessed with trying to change her mind.
I'd like to think that's still all it is between me and her, but that would be a lie. A big, huge, if-I-was-Pinocchio-my-nose'd-be-at-least-a-foot-long lie. And by "between me and her" I'm strictly speaking about my feelings for her; I won't kid myself, there's absolutely nothing remotely relationship-esque between me and her. She despises me, and I secretly worship her.
Well, worship is a strong word; maybe too strong. But she's got this red hair, and man, you should see how it shines when the sun hits it just right, and Sirius will leave the room whenever I talk about it because he says he can't handle hearing his best mate sound like a thirteen year old girl. And her eyes? They're this bloody brilliant emerald green, and I don't think I've ever seen anything like them since that necklace of my Mum's that I accidentally flushed down the toilet fourteen years ago.
Somewhere along the line, I stopped obsessing over her because she hated me…and began doing it because she was just so lovely. It's so difficult to find a word to describe her, but I think lovely does the best job, just because it has a certain sound to it that makes me think of her. She's undeniable in her loveliness, in her dedication, in her determination; it drives me crazy.
I just saw her on the train, at the Prefect's Meeting, and I didn't think it was possible but I'd swear she looks even better than she did last June; got some new short haircut, with this wispy fringe going off to the side and—and now, the part of my mind that will forever sound like Sirius is telling me I should stop now if I want to retain any dignity at all.
But that's the thing, she makes me lose track of everything, because when she's around she's all I can think about. And, y'know, I'll admit it, sometimes she's all I can think about even when she's not around. Because there's just something about her—I can't really put my finger on it exactly, but there's something about her that makes her so vibrant and alive that I just want to be near her, always.
She thinks I'm an arrogant, bullying prick, and everyone knows it. And I guess I could see where she's coming from, because two years ago I was popular beyond belief, severely lacking in self-control, and susceptible to all forms of flattery. The result? I acted like an arrogant, bullying prick whenever I was around other people, simply because I could, and people would still admire me. I'll be the first to admit I was on an ego-trip of monumental proportion from fourteen to sixteen, but I like to think I'm reformed now.
So that's what this year is for, then. Showing Miss Evans that I've changed; that I've, dare I say it, grown up. Because even though I'm not nearly all the way there yet, I'd like to think I have matured quite a bit. This year is for showing her that I truly care about her, and don't just want her because she won't have me. It's for showing her that I've changed, so it's okay for her mind to change about me too.
Moony spent all yesterday giving me hints about how to treat her—not that I haven't been with girls before, I've been with plenty—but she's just different from the rest. So that means I've got to treat her differently, and show her that she's really something special to me. So now I've got a plan, and I'm going to be charming, but not irritating; I'll be kind, but not overbearing; and, most importantly, I'll be me, not an arrogant, bullying prick.
And now I'm about to get off the train, and Moony, Padfoot and Wormtail are looking at me, concerned, because I've been silent for nearly an hour now. But that's okay, because we're going to go to the feast in a few minutes and I'm simply going to smile at her; that's it. And maybe, if I'm lucky, she'll smile back.
A/N: You've take the time to read this, I'd appreciate it if you took another minute to leave me a review and let me know what you think of it.