Somtimes I hate myself.
I know things would be so much eaiser If I just liked girls.
My parents wouldnt be disapointed,
My friends wouldnt hate me.
I would have a normal life.
I just wish things could go back to the way they were before,
But I know, Things wont ever be the same.
I guess I should start at the beginning of how this started.
I'm Kyle Brofloski, I am a jew and I am..
I'm .. a homosexual.
I found out in forth grade,
This might sound a little odd and not my taste
but I was over at Stan's house one night and he asked me to get Shelly's cell phone
out of her room because we wanted to prank call people she knew,
while he got potato chips.
It was sweet because we had his whole house to ourselves!
His parents were out at a meeting and Shelly was at a sleepover.
Anyway,
I Go into her room grab the cell phone, turned around and noticed something on her computer..
Guys.
Lots of them.
In little boxers and six packs and for some reason,
I couldnt look away.
I looked around to make sure no one was there and clicked some other things on her computer..
I didn't even realize what I was doing until Stan called my name from the other room and I jumped,
and quickly clicked out of everything, "coming!" I yelled.
For the first few days, the feeling didn't go away.
I thought this was no big deal, Just a one time thing right?
Like everyone must feel like that one point in their life.. right?
But a few months later it got really weird..
I think I started to develop a crush on..
ugh,I hate to say this..
Eric Cartman.
Dont laugh.
Its not funny.
Its humiliating.
I mean how could I?
I hate him!
One day In class I just noticed the way his brown hair looks,
and his eyes, so conservative so amazing..
OK I'm stopping there!
Ok, so you get the picture.
we walked by me or talked to me I would get this weird feeling in my stomach.
I tried to act normal as possible and I could never admit to myself that I actually..
I actually.. Liked him.
I knew then I was a fag.
Strangely, I don't feel any bad about it.
Now that I think about it I've never really liked any girls in that way.
my crush on Cartman wore off when my feelings figured out,
me and him would NEVER happen.
Six months later, Stan hasn't been talking for awhile, to anyone.
And it seemed like he was.. avoiding me or somthing.
and when I did see him, he would duck down in his arms.
He didn't answer my phone calls,
and when I tried to talk to him he'd answer yes or no, and
'I know what you mean' this lasted for about a week.
I got sick and tired of it and when we walked off the bus I turn to him
"Stan? What's going on! Why are you acting so weird lately?!"
Stan glanced around nervously
"Its uh, nothing. Really."
I crossed my arms.
"Well I don't believe it!"
Stan looked at me, like he hasn't in a long time
"Kyle, really its nothing. Its no big deal."
"No big deal?!" I threw my hands in the air,
"You don't even talk to your best friend anymore and its no big deal?!"
I poked his chest.
Stan looked at me with sad eyes.
I toke a deep breath and used a calmer tone
"Stan"
I put my hand on his back
"You're my best friend dude.
There's something going on and I want to know what"
Stan closed his eyes and toke a breath.
"You really wanna know?" he asked with his eyes still closed.
"YES!"
"ok, fine dude. You asked for it."
He walked around me then looked at me.
"I'm gay Kyle. Ok, That's it. I'm gay."
I store at him with eyes wide open,
I was speechless..
"you.. you uh." I searched for words
"Yeah I'm gay Kyle! I like guys ok? Are you happy now!"
his voice got louder
"Your best friends a homo! Now are you happy?!"
He frowned, then looked down, as if he was about to cry,
"I'm a homo." he said.
I still couldn't talk..
Was this a dream? I thought.
"Uhh.. Um… but what about Wendy?"
He looked up at me and smirked,
"Fuck Wendy.I never really liked her anyway."
"Stan, shes been your girlfriend for like, forever."
"Yeah, that was when I thought I was straight. we were just kids Kyle,
I never loved her, I just liked the idea of having a girlfriend.
I never even had a real crush.."
Stan looked at me, with the most serious face I ever seen him.
"Until I saw you that one day."
I tried to say something.. ANYTHING!
Like my voice didn't work,
This had to be a dream, I thought.
This couldn't really be happening.
He read the look on my face
"I don't know"
He pinched between his eyes.
"Two weeks ago when you gave that presentation to the class..
You know the one about Saturn?
I just felt.. I don't know, Different."
He stared at me,
waiting for me to say something.
When I didn't he started walking away.
"Stan wait!" I darted after him.
He looks at me.
"Stan, there's something I have to tell you too.."
I think of a way to say it.
"Im, uh"
Stan eyes look confused.
"well.. I'm a homosexual too.."
Stan's surprised look then turned into a frown.
"No, you aren't. You just want to make me feel better."
he turns around and starts to walk, but I put out my hand and stop him.
"Stan! I really am. I'm not lying."
He crocked his head. "Really?" He asked.
"really."
"wow."
We both didn't say anything. Silence toke over.
"Well.. I guess I better be heading home" Stan said, breaking the silence.
"Yeah me too."I said rubbing my green hat uncompterablyI start walking.
"Kyle!" I hear Stan say a few meters behind me.
I turn around.
"I know this is weird and all. But um,
would you ever think of me.. You know, as a boyfriend?"
I smile, I got a warm feeling in my stomach.
"good chance Stan" I said.
He smiled then we walked Seperate ways.
The next day he broke up Wendy.
And he kept flirting and dropping hints he liked me,
I am really starting to like him too.
I never thought of it before but now that its happening..
I was really starting to like it.
A few days later we started 'going out'
We didn't tell anyone, But I wanted too.
were making out behind the bleachers after a Cows game.
"Stan" I said between kisses,
"what" he asked still kissing me.
"Well.."*kiss "I've been thinking"
*kiss kiss."what" *kiss
I pull him away,
"come on, no more make out conversations." I said.
He laughed.
"sure. What's up?"
"well.. We've been dating awhile now, and I was thinking,
you know if we can tell some people."
Stan made a twisted look. "Like, coming out or something?"
he asked.
"yeah."
Stan sat down on the dirt and pinched his eyebrows.
"I don't know. I mean, Do you want to?"
"I want too,
I'm sick of being at school and acting like there's nothing
going on between us. Like in front of people we have to be trapped as 'friends'"
"Aren't you worried what people with think of us Kyle?"
he asked.
"Its who we are Stan. And if they don't like it, tough."
"what about Cartman?" he squinted his eyebrows.
"what about him?"I ask.
"Well, he rips on you now, imagine how he'll react when he figers out your gay!
No, when he figgers out WERE gay!" He holds his arms out.
"Fuck Cartman" I said.
"He can say what he wants" I replied.
"Ok.." Stan looks deep in thought."what about your mom?"
I'm about to answer, then stop myself.
My mom? I think.
I haven't even thought about her.
She'll probably disown me.
I got a flashback of when we went to our jewbilee scouts
and there were two parents (two dads)
dropping their kid off and my mom went on about how disrespectful it is,
and how agenst Jewish culture it is.
I shake the memory out of my head.
"Well.. She's going to have to deal with it."
Stan stands up,
"If you really want too.. I mean someone's going to find out sooner or later."
I smile, and kiss him on the cheek.
"Thanks Stan"
He leans in and kisses me on the lips
and we start making out again.
A few days later we finally got up the courage to tell people.
"Are you sure this is what you want?"
he asked me nervously.
"Yeah" I smiled.
We start walking, then I looked at him,
"wait.. is this what You want?
I mean If you don't want to tell other people.."
"I want too" Stan cut me off. He smiled.
"If your ready, Im ready." he smiled.
I kissed him on the lips, and he kissed harder.
"You know what?"
"what?" he asked.
"I think I'm.. I think I'm falling in love with you"
He leans in closer "I already have." he said.
I smile and we start kissing again..
And that was just the beggining..
Okay, so thats explaining it :)
hope you liked the beggining
Soo much more is going to happen I promisee