Summary: Because refusing to take life is a legitimate stance.
AN: This was nagging at me for a while so it's been written. Because I couldn't help but wonder why the game made out Luke's reluctance to take life as a BAD thing.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Luke would be a lot different if it was. And there would be more Guy. Much more Guy.
To Value Life
By Moonlit Aura
Luke really hates Tear.
He has a legitimate reason. He always has reasons for his feelings, not that anyone ever takes the time to listen to him. Right now even Guy, who would listen to Luke rant until the young noble got hungry or bored, wasn't willing to listen. Luke feels an ache in his chest whenever he thinks about that. Even Guy…
Luke doesn't hate Guy, because Guy is really the only friend he has, but he does hate Tear. And the Colonel. But he hates Tear more than the Colonel because her betrayal was greater.
Luke doesn't care what Jade thinks because the man is an ass and Luke can't respect someone who never tells the truth. So he brushes off the Colonel's pointed barbs just as he had brushed off Ramdas' commands back in the manor. Ignoring Jade wasn't easy, but Luke was going to try to learn, because he is pretty sure his head would explode if he doesn't.
The only one that Luke isn't uncomfortable with right now is Ion. Ion is the leader of a religious order that is supposed to save people and can't help sticking his nose in everyone's business. Normally that bothers Luke, but Ion is earnest and honest and genuine and that is sort of a novelty for Luke so he decides that he likes the kid. And Ion doesn't fight either and kind of understands why Luke freezes up.
So Luke kind of likes Ion, and he's not really talking to Guy, and he's ignoring Jade. But he hates Tear. And he's not willing to budge on that point ever.
Luke really liked Tear at first. Tear broke him out of the manor, even accidently, and she's been teaching him all sorts of things. Luke knows that Tear's really just acting all tough because he saw how she blushed when they met Meiu. Most people don't think that Luke can pick up on things like that, but Luke does. He just chooses to ignore that kind of stuff. But he watches Tear and he sees that and he gains a great respect for the woman.
And then she asks him to kill. So Luke hates her. Doesn't she know what she's asking?
Tear doesn't ask that directly, of course. But what she does is, to Luke at least, a million times worse. She makes him feel guilty for being unwillingly to kill.
Susanne was always sure to teach Luke about the value of all life, from flowers to people. Luke didn't like to kill bugs and spiders. If maid found a spider, Luke tried to put it out in the garden even though Ramdas scolded him. Susanne always gave him a hug when he got in trouble for stuff like that and Luke loved his mother's hugs more than anything except maybe Master Van.
And Tear has to go and trample all over everything his mother had ever said. Luke doesn't know what to think anymore. He really really doesn't want to kill anyone, but he hates being useless. He hates the pity Tear gives him when she realizes that he isn't willing to do what she thinks is needed. Luke tries to argue. Surely there is another way. There is always another way. Like how Guy always came in through the window since Luke's door was watched.
But Tear and Jade and Guy aren't willing to risk the time. They have a job to do. They are trying to stop a war and save more lives. But Luke can't focus on those lives that were going to be saved because Jade has just attacked an Oracle Knight mere meters in front of him. Some of the man's blood splatters across Luke's face. He reaches up to wipe it off with trembling hands.
That's when he realizes that he would rather be killed than kill another person.
His mother's face flashes into his mind, only she's crying and sick because Luke is dead. He's dead because he stood there and let some no-name man kill him. Susanne cannot understand how Luke could not understand the value of his own life, even though he understood so well the value of others'.
When the knight comes at Luke, he whips his sword around on reflex. Guy cries out as Luke feels the steel sink into something firm, but yielding. He cannot look at the man who he has just killed. Guy pulls him away and checks him for injuries.
Luke starts to keep a tally. That knight is the first.
Luke never tells anyone that he knows how many people he's killed. Instead he mouths off to everyone and throws stupid fits and hopes that no one can see how much he's hurting inside.
Van sees. When he confronts Luke, Luke breaks down and Van holds him as he sobs himself to sleep. When he wakes up, Van makes Luke promise to value his own life as much as he values all those people that he killed. He makes Luke promise to never allow himself to be killed. Luke promises in a whisper.
When Luke finds out that he is going to be sent to save the people in Akzeriuth, he looks at it as a way to save lives without taking them. He tries to blow it off, tries not to let his uncle see how much this means to him. He manages to get Van to come with them and he clings to his master's strong, caring presence.
Van whispers the word hero to him, and Luke grabs onto it like a lifeline. Maybe if he's a hero, people will stop asking him to kill. It is Luke's dearest hope.
As he stands on deck with Van, he can't help but see the end. He walks forward with a smile.