Prompt pamrenea: Since Lexa never dies in our canon. Clarke walks in on Lexa being bathed by her handmaiden recovering from her bullet wound. And is equal parts jealous\turned on and emotional at how close she came to losing her.
Hope this is what you had in mind! Maybe a few too many feelings? I don't know... see what you think :) Happy endings all round though so all good! Erm another fix-it fic from me, a present of smut with feelings from me for Easter ;) and yeh, perhaps a distraction from the Wondercon deal. Let me know what you think and leave me a comment if you know, you'd like to :)
Enjoy!
So it had been thirteen days.
Thirteen long, hard, panic-filled, terror-ridden days. Clarke felt it gather in her bones as she walked, as it seeped into her disposition. She ached, and it wasn't just her heart. It was everywhere. The stress, the worry. The heartache, and so much anxiety; that ever present gnawing sense of dread that something awful might still happen. She trembled with it, perhaps not as bad as before but it was still there. Her hands would shake if she held them out and she even felt it in her muscles.
It was the build up of layer upon layer of stress; Clarke knew that, but knowing it didn't help. It wouldn't go she knew until Lexa was one hundred percent, and she was far from that, to say the least. Thirteen days since Lexa was whole. Thirteen days since Clarke held her close in the Commander's bed, thirteen days of unprecedented heartbreak and Clarke sighed as she trailed a hand through her messy hair, her tired, aching legs taking her closer toward Lexa's room. Thirteen days since the whole world very nearly fell apart and Clarke decided she despised that number.
It had been thirteen days since Lexa was shot. Thirteen days since Clarke almost lost her, and thirteen days of such gut wrenching, chest-splitting, agonising pain that Clarke hadn't felt since her dad died all those years ago. She was older now, had experienced horrific things in this world to make her much more adept at handling loss, or so she would have thought. But it didn't work like that, of course. Perhaps it was because of those things that the idea of losing another person she loved, who loved her in return was just as devastating as her first loss. Perhaps the world was showing her just how rare love was and that it shouldn't be wasted. Not even a moment of it... and Clarke didn't intend to.
It still clenched at her heart, though, the pain. The idea of losing her. It was a vice like grip that only just started easing, a hard edged lump in her throat that was kind of receding, just a little. With each day Lexa got stronger.
She was better. Much better than thirteen days ago but still she had a long way to go. Her colour was back though, and some of her strength. The light in her eyes was almost at full strength and there had been a few smiles, mixed in with all the grumbling about the twelve clans not being able to run themselves, and hell only knew what was going on at Arkadia.
Lexa didn't say it, but Clarke knew it was there and every time she saw the thought wash over Lexa's face, the worry at the prospect of Clarke leaving again was on its heels and well, that just eclipsed everything else.
Leaving, of course, was on hold. Clarke wasn't going anywhere and she had made sure everyone knew it. She had told Lexa, but still the Commander looked at her with those eyes and that expression. Clarke did know she would return to Arkadia at some point, she had to, they were her people but getting Lexa back to full health was the most important thing for everyone and if she did go, it would be with a promise of returning soon if Lexa wasn't able to go with her.
Clarke wasn't going to waste it. Not anymore.
The week after Lexa was shot was chaos. Utterly, and the only thing
Clarke was bothered about was making sure she lived. She sent Murphy with Octavia to set things in motion against Pike. Octavia was to contact Kane or Abby and start a revolt from the inside. Indra would ready reinforcements along the blockade and be on alert to provide assistance when needed. Basically it was a bit of a holding plan until Lexa was able to fully take command again. The circle of who knew about the shooting being pretty small and Clarke damn near intimated those who did know, simply petrifying them by bringing Heda back from certain death which always befell those with such a devastating wound.
Titus was a mess but he managed to keep the ambassadors in check with a story of an unsuccessful assassination attempt on the Commander. The legendary Wanheda saved her and for the moment Heda was recovering well. Clarke didn't know the precise details and she didn't much care as long as it kept them out of her way. An unaligned assassin was blamed, seeing as how Azgeda was now an important ally and it would serve no purpose to blame them. If Clarke had applied more thought to it she would've fumed at the lies and insist Titus be named for his crime. All thought of Titus though was swiftly forced out of her head, Clarke couldn't think of him, not when Lexa's life was hanging in the balance. All she could consider was saving her, and that, thankfully, seemed to be what she did.
As soon as Lexa could sit upright though she called a meeting of the ambassadors for the sake of appearances. It was a bad idea, Clarke had told her repeatedly but even after coming back from the brink of death Lexa remained as stubborn as hell. The meeting however lasted roughly ten minutes before Lexa dismissed them all, collapsing into bed as soon as she hobbled there to several of Clarke's angry, 'I told you so's'.
It was hard to stay mad at her for long, however, when it was a miracle she still breathed at all, and the long afternoons and nights Clarke spent with Lexa's head resting on her lap or on her shoulder, telling her stories of the sky and the stars while her fingers played with Lexa's hair were honestly some of the best Clarke had ever had. The almighty Commander curled into her and sleeping soundly, her hand on Clarke's hip or her fingers entwined with her own, it almost felt normal. Like they weren't on the brink of yet another war.
That was something Clarke tried not to think about it. She had faith in Octavia, and she was waiting for a rider to return with news.
Some days later Lexa decided not to punish Titus, which was something that didn't sit well even though the man had been a wreck of emotions. Still was, of course. He couldn't look his Heda in the eyes when he was in her presence and when they were alone Lexa told her that his guilt and suffering would be punishment enough. Clarke wasn't so sure and it was on occasions such as that one when Clarke missed pre-betrayal Lexa. The one who punished mistakes ruthlessly. It made Clarke wonder just where this softened, merciful Lexa came from, and was it really for the best?
That's your influence, Clarke's mind reminded her and she sighed, heavily. Her pace slowing considerably. "Your influence almost got her killed," she muttered to herself, coming to a stop just outside Lexa's bedroom door. She was certain her own guilt could rival Titus', and Clarke wasn't going to forgive herself for it. Not at all. She took a deep breath before she headed inside.
Clarke took a look around and found the room empty, of people, of course, but full of Lexa and that instantly made Clarke feel easier. It made a smile ghost over her lips and a warmth splinter in her chest because yes, she was alive. Weak but alive and Clarke felt a tiny bit of that stress drop away.
The sheets were ruffled, pieces of Lexa's clothing littering the room along with various bits of her armour. Lexa liked to play with them as she flitted between pieces of furniture as she spent the hours recovering. It was as much as Clarke could get her to rest, moving from sofa to chair to balcony to bed. Her wrist guards were her favourites. Lexa would play with one between her fingers and then she'd slip it on, make a fist a few times and inspect the leather before she took it off again. Especially when she was talking to someone about policy or politics or giving orders. She would do it repeatedly, then. Clarke assumed it gave her some sense of grounding. Of normalcy. Perhaps even power. Regardless, it was cute and having all these bits of Lexa around, and them having moved since Clarke was last in the room only reinforced the fact that Lexa was still here. Breathing with a beating heart and warm blood flowing beneath her skin.
Clarke grinned and she sucked in a chest lifting breath. "Lex?" she called out, knowing there was only one place she could be.
"Komba raun hir," a voice replied. A voice that wasn't Lexa's.
There was a pause in Clarke's step before she carried on past Lexa's bed and rounded the corner to Lexa's bathroom.
Clarke stopped at the sight in front of her and leaned on the partition wall she'd just walked around. She took in a breath and cleared her throat, folding her arms over her chest.
Lexa was in the bath, her head relaxed back on the rim as one of her handmaidens casually braided her dry hair. Her arms were resting on the rim of the bath too, her eyes closed and if Clarke was happy about this situation at all, it was at the fact Lexa was at least resting.
As Lexa didn't move Clarke's eyes roamed to the handmaiden, Tris, whose hands were ever so softly moving through Lexa's hair, her finger tips occasionally massaging her scalp and when she did, Lexa breathed a little deeper. A little more contently and that was when Clarke knew she was awake.
"I could've done that, you know," Clarke eventually said, breaking the silence. She knew Tris didn't speak any English so was safe to say what she wanted.
Lexa opened her eyes then and tilted her head toward Clarke, a small smile playing on her lips. Clarke was regarding the floor but Lexa could still see how her brow was raised, unimpressed. She raised her own brow. "Are you jealous?" she asked, and that made Clarke look up.
She was of course, very jealous. She knew the Commander had handmaidens, it was the way of things. They had even tended her the first couple of baths she had taken in Polis, but it honestly made her feel so uncomfortable she now dismissed them after the tub was full and warm. Lexa though, was fine with the maidens bathing her, braiding her hair, seeing her naked. Clarke had become intimately aware of this fact during the last ten days and more importantly, Lexa knew she was jealous of the whole thing. In fact it amused the Commander, her eyebrows managing to reach the heavens exactly ten days ago when Clarke informed the handmaidens the Commander needed to bathe. She had given them instructions and when she returned to Lexa's room fully intending on being the one to bathe her, she instead walked in on no less than six of them taking the greatest of care with their Heda's naked and injured body.
Clarke had been shocked and Lexa well, was first of all confused and then very amused. Still, Clarke was pleased she was able to give the person she loved a good laugh just three days after she nearly died. In fact Lexa found it so funny she quickly needed to lay down from the effort involved in laughing so hard.
Clarke pushed herself away from the wall and approached the tub. "You know the answer to that," she said with a small smile adorning her lips, her voice a raspy whisper.
Lexa smirked and her eyes shone. "You were busy," she replied, warmth radiating through her voice though. "And Tris offered to braid my hair."
Clarke pulled in a breath as she crouched down next to the bath. "I bet she did," she mumbled as she hooked at arm over the side of the tub, her fingers coming to rest on the inside of Lexa's bicep. She regarded the handmaiden. "Ha em bilaik?"
Lexa rolled her eyes but remained silent, letting Tris speak.
It was a moment before the handmaiden did, waiting for a signal from Heda if she should not answer. When none came, she met Clarke's gaze. "Heda ste os. Yuja kom yeson."
Clarke nodded minutely, wondering if Tris would truly tell her if Lexa was suffering. Her eyes flicked to Lexa who was gazing at the far wall, not looking impressed. "Em led op?"
"My wound is fine, Clarke," Lexa answered for Tris, a little exasperation showing in her tone. Her head rolled to Clarke. "I am able to answer for myself."
Clarke licked her lips, thinking it was about time Tris was dismissed. "Mochof, Tris. Yu na bants."
Tris' hands had already slowed in the Commander's hair and now they ceased movement altogether. Her instinct was to wait for Lexa's instruction to leave, even if Clarke had more or less been in charge for the last thirteen days. Heda was awake now, and more than capable of dismissing her herself.
Lexa lifted herself up and sat upright in the bath, pulling her hair over her shoulder so it wouldn't fall into the water. She glanced at Tris and nodded her dismissal so the girl bowed and then hurried to the exit. She met Clarke's soft gaze and then leaned her back against the side of the tub, her legs crossed in front of her so she was sitting sideways, Clarke now opposite her.
Clarke rested her forearms on the rim of the bath and sighed, gazing down through the water and at Lexa's naked form, her eyes fixing on the angry red wound just below her ribcage. "I wanted a second opinion."
Lexa thought about saying something like Clarke needed her opinion first, before she could ask for a second but she thought better of being argumentative. Clarke was stressed, and worried, and very afraid still and Lexa wanted her to stop it. "I am well, Clarke," she opted for instead, her tone as gentle as possible. It didn't seem to make her any happier, though, so Lexa let a smile occupy her lips. "You fixed me."
Clarke dropped one of her hands into the water and swirled it a little before her fingertips trailed gently over Lexa's new scar. "Not completely," she whispered. "Not yet."
Lexa's hands gathered around Clarke's submerged one. "I will heal," she implored, her heart going out to the girl in front of her. Lexa knew Clarke had hardly slept, that she hardly got any rest at all while she spent most of her time telling Lexa to rest. Clarke wasn't looking after herself, and Lexa didn't like it. "I will be strong again, Clarke."
Clarke looked up at Lexa, then, the frown permanently engraved in her brow. "You're not out of the woods, yet."
Lexa just tilted her head. She felt tired, suddenly, and she didn't know how to answer that properly because she knew it was true. Lexa knew she would survive, not that she knew much about bullet wounds but she felt it, but she also knew she wasn't her usual self. Not quite yet. She felt weak and she had spent the entire day in her room. It frustrated her, but she knew feeling that way wouldn't help, and it certainly wouldn't help Clarke.
Suddenly Clarke reached across the tub with her other hand and felt Lexa's forehead. "You're a little warm. How do you feel?"
"Fine, Clarke," was her automatic response but all that did was earn her a glare. Lexa sighed. "Tired," she mumbled, and then after a moment, "My body is sore."
Clarke got to her feet and grabbed Lexa's gown from the table. "C'mon," she said, stepping back to the tub and holding the gown open. "Let's get you to bed."
Lexa sighed and pushed herself up slowly using the edge of the tub. She winced and exhaled sharply as she stood, Clarke's hand darting to her hip to brace her.
"You okay?"
Lexa paused and then nodded, an arm instinctively bending across her stomach protecting her injury. When she reached her full height she let Clarke put the gown on her, and then she let her help her step from the tub. It took much longer than necessary, and even longer to walk to the bed but Lexa was suddenly too exhausted to even be annoyed by it.
Clarke spoke soothingly to her all the way, but Lexa honestly didn't know what she'd said. It was comforting, regardless, and the Commander just couldn't wait to be in bed with the warm weight of Clarke by her side. Lexa could only properly remember the last week or so of nights and Clarke had been in her bed for each one of them. It was wonderful waking up with her every morning, her beautiful face and smile and earth shattering blue eyes as they looked at her over sun drenched lashes. Her adorable sleepy expression and her sleep-filled, 'good morning's' were the best thing about each day, Lexa had quickly realised and it was something she could get used to.
Lexa suddenly found herself in bed and Clarke was stripping, leaving her clothes draped over the sofa before she pulled one of Lexa's oversized shirts over her head. She blew a good deal of candles out over the other side of the room before she poked her head out of the door and told the guards that they weren't to be disturbed until morning, unless it was a dire emergency.
She closed the door and then hurried over to the bed, slipping beneath the sheets and furs to an already semi-dozing Commander. "Sure you're okay?" Clarke whispered, huddling close to Lexa's side and draping an arm over her hip, making sure it was well away from her injury.
"Mhmhnmn," Lexa replied, her head resting against Clarke's forehead as soon as it settled in the dip of her shoulder.
Clarke was careful not to put much of her weight on her, but she wanted to make sure Lexa knew she was close. "Do you need anything?" she asked as her lips kissed the skin over the Commander's collar bone.
Lexa's chest was already falling into the steady rise and fall of sleep. "Just you," she said quietly, and it made the emotion catch in Clarke's throat.
You nearly lost this, Clarke's mind offered up, as if she wasn't already plainly aware. You nearly lost her. Clarke squeezed her eyes shut, willing the thoughts away. The tension was still tight in her shoulders, the heavy strain of remembering so vividly being coated in so much of Lexa's blood. Of thinking she would never stop the bleeding. Of thinking she would die, because of her.
Clarke swallowed and it hurt and she cuddled the already sleeping Commander tighter. Felt the thudding of her strong heart clearly against her cheek. Lexa wasn't one-hundred percent yet, she wasn't back to her full self but when she was, then Clarke would be able to let the tension go. But not a moment before.
Lexa stirred in her sleep. The cool air from the window dancing across her exposed skin and it made her turn, her body wanting more of it as the heat of her dream surged through her. Her brow furrowed as she pushed out a breath, her chest gasping and her expression scrunching up in discomfort.
The abrupt withdrawal of Lexa's warm body from her back woke Clarke instantly, the sudden removal of her arm that was resting peacefully over Clarke's hip practically turning her over, too. She forced her eyes open and sat up, turning over properly to rest her weight on her opposite elbow. "Lex?" she asked softly, hovering her free hand over the Commander's stomach.
Lexa jerked again, her head whipping in Clarke's direction. She groaned, and Clarke was instantly worried. There was a faint layer of sweat coating Lexa's brow so Clarke's first thought went to infection.
Clarke raised her voice, laid her hand on Lexa's ribs and tried again. "Lexa!"
Lexa flinched and pushed out yet another breath and when she didn't wake, Clarke leaned in closer and this time properly shook Lexa's torso.
"Lexa!"
Lexa shot up. Her weight bracing on her elbows behind her and her eyes suddenly wide and searching the darkness before her.
"Hey," Clarke breathed, rubbing her fingers soothingly over Lexa's ribcage, "It's okay." She was worried, that went without saying but the way Lexa quickly started to calm as the relief settled into her expression made her relax, just a bit. Her brow was still creased, though. "It was just a dream."
Lexa sighed heavily, sucking in a few deep breaths of the early morning air sweeping in from the window. She closed her eyes and did her best to calm herself down, enjoying the comfort of Clarke's fingertips rubbing against her skin. Her constant, reassuring presence in Lexa's bed since the shooting was more than Lexa could have asked for. The dreams weren't as bad now, but they still plagued her and Lexa was more than grateful for Clarke's gentle words and soothing scent that always helped her back to a mostly restful sleep.
Although Lexa was relieved, she was still annoyed and she couldn't help the grump that slowly crept upon her. She wasn't a stranger to nightmares, and she'd certainly experienced enough of them over the years to know how to deal with them but these ones, although lessening in their severity, seemed constant and unrelenting. She pouted, and looked sternly at the sheet bunched around her waist. "Yet another," she murmured, from the very base of her throat.
Clarke leaned in and placed a chaste kiss against Lexa's bare shoulder. At least this all meant the Commander wasn't burning up from infection and she did if nothing else enjoy grumpy Lexa, who was much more kitten like than fearless warrior. She smiled against Lexa's skin and then pulled her lips away so she could look at her downcast expression. "They'll pass," she began, the tip of her index finger trailing around Lexa's new scar and continuing down toward her abdomen. "Just give it time," and then she kissed her shoulder again.
Lexa just raised an eyebrow at her. If they hadn't 'passed' already then it certainly wasn't soon enough for her. Lexa wasn't used to being on the back foot about anything. She liked having more control than that, especially over herself.
"They will," Clarke implored. "You have just suffered a major trauma. There are going to be some residual effects-"
"-This is not the first time I have been injured, Clarke," Lexa interrupted, turning her head so she could give Clarke her full attention. "And it won't be the last."
Clarke flicked her eyes away. "Yeah thanks for that," she muttered with a sigh.
Lexa got a bit infuriated. That wasn't what she meant. She stared a little harder into those blue eyes as soon as they looked at her again. "I should have more control over my responses." She became sterner then. More bothered about the situation than she should be and her tone reflected it. "I am Heda," she said as she looked away. "I am stronger than this."
"You're a person, Lexa. You feel things, and that's good. These dreams will pass, trust me, and soon you'll be back to full strength."
"It is taking too long," Lexa sighed, all forcefulness gone from her tone though as she flopped down onto her back.
Clarke knew exactly what this was. Lexa obviously wasn't feeling very Heda-like at the moment, and staying cooped up in her room was getting to her. When she wasn't wiped out and exhausted, she was restless and frustrated. Clarke smiled lazily and started rubbing her palm against the Commander's belly. She knew she liked that, one of the many things she had picked up on during the last thirteen days. "I've never seen anyone heal as fast as you," she said quietly, marvelling, really, at the way Lexa's wound was healing. Clarke was constantly stuck between worrying explicitly about the complications of surgery and thinking Lexa was some kind of medical marvel.
Lexa pushed out a breath and quirked a brow. As far as she was concerned it was the slowest she had ever healed.
Clarke glanced at her before she looked back at her trailing finger, Lexa's muscles jumping slightly as it moved lower. She gave a slight nod of her head. "Seriously. You're miles ahead of where you should be." Clarke bit on her bottom lip as she considered it, moving her finger up Lexa's abs so she could run it over the scar. It was rigid and a purply-redy type of colour, and Clarke let out a breath as she felt it. It was amazing, really, somehow it had even improved over earlier in the afternoon. She grinned, then, and pushed herself up so she could rest her weight on a hand either side of Lexa's body. She leaned down and gently dropped a kiss on top of the scar, her eyes closing as she lost herself in the Commander's taste and scent.
Lexa closed her eyes and shuddered out a breath. She did feel better, and a whole lot stronger and it seemed regardless of her dream, her mostly restful day and deep sleep had done a lot to restore her strength. She groaned a little as she felt Clarke's tongue push against her skin and something immediately ran the length of her spine making her back arch, just a little. It made her skin ripple and she was quick to lower a hand into Clarke's long, flowing gold hair as she scrunched it between her fingers.
Clarke wasn't sure why; there had been a few times recently where fingers had wandered. Where their kissing became a little too passionate and desire had almost got the better of them. Clarke was always the one to stop first, however. She was the healer after all, she knew what was and wasn't good for Lexa's body in its current state and energetic sex certainly wasn't. Clarke's experience of Lexa was, well, on the higher scale of energetic and even though they'd only had those couple of hours together, thirteen days ago, Clarke was certainly of the belief that Lexa didn't do anything by half measures.
It made Clarke pause briefly, as she thought of it. Those wonderful couple of hours of sheer bliss only to be followed by the most horrific few days of her life. Her heart actually stammered in her chest and she had to force herself past it. Lexa was here, beneath her, seemingly on the way to a full recovery and that was the most wonderful thing ever. A medical marvel indeed. Clarke's one hand left the furs and she gripped tightly onto Lexa's hip, forcing a reaction from the woman beneath her as if to confirm to Clarke that she was really there.
She was, and then Clarke thought that was perhaps why. She had waited long enough. She loved Lexa, and she wanted to show her. She wanted to make her feel it, and she intended on doing it without Lexa being energetic. Lexa wasn't going to be putting anything into this, this was all Clarke.
Lexa exhaled slowly and let her eyes fall closed as Clarke's lips danced across her skin. Her breathing immediately began to stutter and her core fluttered, the heat quick to rise up and spread outward from muscle to muscle. She tingled, and it wasn't taking much at all for her to get very, very turned on.
She just hoped Clarke wouldn't stop this time...
There was no time at all before Clarke felt Lexa's body start to respond. Her abs were clenching, her hips were beginning to seek out more contact and the way her fingers were moving in her hair went from the barest of touches, to insistence within half a heartbeat.
She was also groaning and when Clarke shifted her weight so she could move between the Commander's legs, Lexa parted them without question. Clarke settled between them easily and moved her attention to Lexa's hip, remembering with vivid clarity how much she liked to be teased there, preferably with Clarke's tongue.
"Claarkke," Lexa breathed, her back arching a little more when she felt the pressure of Clarke's tongue against her hip bone. A surge of pleasure ripped through her, and when Clarke ran her right hand down to her thigh and dug her fingertips into its side Lexa couldn't help the desire that gathered and pooled between her legs.
Lexa felt suddenly desperate. The very idea of Clarke between her legs again, of her tongue tasting her and exploring her again was making her heart pound erratically in her chest. She felt the blood thump mercilessly beneath her skin and honestly it was the most alive she had felt in the last thirteen days. She wanted more of it, she needed a whole lot more of this feeling so she implored Clarke to give it to her.
"Beja, Klark," Lexa rasped out. Her voice sounding like it was buried beneath a mountain of want. She swallowed and it made her voice break, God how she wanted Clarke inside her. "Onai. Ai gaf..." she trailed off, gulping down another breath when Clarke bit on the inside of her thigh. "...Yu teisa in."
Clarke wasn't in the mood to tease. She felt this yearning, thick and deep in her chest where nothing but fear and panic had been for the large part of the last thirteen days. It spurned her on, and there was a need raging inside her to make this connection. This reconnection, really, it was the only thing Clarke could think about and as much as she knew Lexa wanted and needed it, Clarke needed it more.
She wasted no more time. She pressed her tongue to the bottom of Lexa's clit and dragged it upwards in one heavy, probing motion making sure she collected and tasted as much of the Commander as she could. Lexa's gasp was deep and it filled the room, the sound every bit as much as the taste igniting Clarke's primal need to dominate and pleasure the woman beneath her to within an inch of her life.
Clarke moaned too; Lexa's taste filling her mouth and coating her tongue only reminding her of thirteen days ago. Of the last time they were familiar and in bed together without a care for title or position or politics. When Clarke was Clarke and Lexa was Lexa and all they cared about for those few hours was each other; each other's pleasure and happiness and Clarke wanted it all over again and she could, she could have her because she was alive, and it was the best thing ever.
Clarke felt the emotion resonate in her chest and it threatened to overthrow her completely. She couldn't believe it, if she was honest, that she was actually here but Clarke managed to push it down. This was about Lexa, about making her for as long as Clarke possibly could, forget about these last few days and forget the burden of what was to come. This was about Clarke making her come long and hard and passionately, so she had to suck in breath after breath after breath, force it into her lungs and see stars pop behind her eyelids because she was alive. Lexa would know it, she would feel it even in her bones because Clarke would make her. She would remind her life was about more than just surviving, and now it was about surviving together because Clarke knew first hand, there was just no other choice.
"Jok! Klark!"
Clarke loved it when Lexa forgot every word of English. It was one of her new favourite things and the raspy, hurried out dirty words in Trigedasleng? Even better. Clarke tightened her grip around Lexa's hip and thigh and sucked the Commander's clit into her mouth, having gathered enough wetness on her tongue's many trails up and down its length.
Lexa gasped again as her fingers loosened their grip on Clarke's hair only to grip it in a tight fist once more. Her words were getting lost between heady slurs and moans and Clarke couldn't make much sense of it, but it only spurred her on more. She was on a mission to make the Commander a writhing mess beneath her and she was getting there quickly.
She sucked and then circled Lexa's clit with the tip of her tongue over and over, teasing the tip intermittently and changing her pace, applying differing amounts of pressure so the Commander had no clue what was coming next. She could feel Lexa squirming, trying to buck her hips so she could get more contact when she wanted it and sometimes Clarke obliged, and sometimes she didn't.
This time Clarke pulled away and was treated to a needy whine and a furrow to the Commander's brow, a certain familiar pout gracing her features but was now only filled with longing and desire and frustration. Clarke chuckled and then dipped her head again, pausing for just a moment before she blew out a long, cool breath over Lexa's swollen and pulsating clit making her whole body shudder, flopping both her hips and head back down to the mattress with a thud, her moan once again getting swallowed by the room.
"Beja..." Lexa whispered, her voice sounding like her throat was just cracked open. "Klark, beja," she whined softly, her fingers becoming slack as her hand dropped from Clarke's hair. Her energy was waning, Lexa could feel it and her head was swimming with nonsensical thoughts. She was certain she didn't know which way was up, nor could she fathom why her limbs felt so boneless. Why her heart threatened to crack her ribs or why her entire body felt like it might implode, starting with that place just below her abdomen. "Ahhh!" she gasped again, as she felt Clarke's tongue push at the fleshy part just above her opening and then she knew. Then she knew abruptly and if Clarke didn't make her come soon, Lexa didn't think she could take it.
"Plei nou mou," Lexa breathed, the phrase as basic as she could make it and as she gasped in another breath Clarke answered her wish and pushed her tongue inside, as far and as deep as she could get it.
The room was now filled with Lexa, as much as her clothes and armour littered it so now did her scent and the sound of her voice and Clarke basked in it. She held Lexa's hips steady as she started a rhythm, fast and hard as she licked and swirled and probed at that spot she knew would make the Commander even more crazy, and it did.
Lexa was just groaning now, as her fists gripped the sheets at her either side and her knees were as high as she could get them. Clarke could tell she was on the verge, Lexa's body was strung tight and her moans were tapering off every time Clarke curled her tongue inside her. It was absolute bliss, and Clarke wanted with every fibre of her being to make Lexa come crashing down around her. She wanted to know she could do it. She wanted to know that Lexa was hers and that she was the only one that could do this to her. The only one who could see the Commander this way, and the only one the Commander trusted enough to allow it.
Clarke knew these were selfish things. Possessive things but she couldn't deal with what it all meant, right then. All she knew was that Lexa's life had been in her hands, that Lexa could just as easily not be here but this proved that she was, and God how much Clarke needed to know that she was. That she wasn't going anywhere; that she would be around for good. Or close enough to it.
Clarke lapped at her almost violently. Her tongue rolling against Lexa's front wall before she hardened it inside, swirling it a little as she pulled back, circling her opening a few times before she thrust it back inside again. It was rushed, there was no doubt about it, a certain air of desperation that controlled her movements but with the way Lexa was shouting and begging and clenching herself around Clarke's tongue only made her movements more erratic.
Clarke was feeling it herself, the amount she was turned on and the wetness between her own legs was making her moan and grunt and dig her fingers into Lexa's skin. She felt the heat power through her and her own body tense and contract as Lexa got closer and closer, as she heard her moan louder and louder and as the taste in her mouth intensified as Lexa released more and more into her. She tasted amazing, and she couldn't wait for the flood to coat her tongue.
Lexa felt the spark in her gut and she knew she was almost there. If it was anyone else she might be embarrassed at how quick it was, but it was Clarke and it felt like she was touching her everywhere and she knew Clarke was just as overwhelmed by this as she was. The heat started to ripple from her core outwards and she felt herself start to tremble, her breath getting caught in her throat and her ribs felt like they might crush her lungs. She felt herself brace as her head pushed back in the furs, her mouth dropping open and she damn near ripped the sheets that were bunched in her fists. She sucked in a breath and then she went quiet, Clarke's tongue flattening and rolling against that spot along her front wall and her nerve endings absolutely erupted.
Quickly Lexa's body went rigid, it stilled, only for a second and then she shook, pushing out word after word of, 'Jok's' and, 'Sha's' and, 'Klark's' as her muscles vibrated and her chest juddered like the land after a missile hit. She saw brilliant white light and felt a surge of electricity fire through her even though she didn't know what electricity was. It made her back arch and everything else curl as she tensed and then relaxed before she tensed all over again. It was like heaven, Lexa thought. Like Clarke was introducing her to heaven and she shuddered and shook and gulped down breath after breath, remembering oh so clearly their first time together and now this was their second and she knew without a shadow of a doubt, there would be countless more.
Clarke became gentle, soothing. Easing Lexa down as her body carried on trembling. Clarke exhaled a few sounds of satisfaction as she continued to lick and kiss and take care of the woman she loved. Lapping up the last of her release and showering her with as much affection as was left within her. Clarke felt warm, and happy, and her chest swelled with pride at being able to give Lexa so much pleasure. She lifted herself up after placing a few kisses to the Commander's thighs, then one along the crease at the top of her leg and then one just below her belly button.
Lexa's adoring, breathless sounds made Clarke pause, for a moment. They made her nudge Lexa's skin with her nose and bask in the warmth that was radiating from her. Clarke felt one of Lexa's hands in her hair again, very slight and very gentle as she ran a braid or two through parted fingers and all Clarke could do was look down. Peer at that hardened, reddened scar that marred an otherwise perfect set of abs.
Clarke frowned at it, still not quite believing that Lexa had survived it. She leaned down once more and placed the barest of kisses to it, holding her lips clasped and pressed to the scared flesh, and then, without warning, she broke.
Lexa, however, was still in the clouds. Her mind definitely still floating somewhere around the ceiling and reluctant to be lured back down. Her eyes were still closed and she pushed out a very, very satiated breath, her grin a little crooked but lighting up her face nonetheless. Right then she felt like the happiest woman in the world. How could she not be? She had Clarke, and she'd never need anything else.
"Clarke," Lexa breathed softly, her hand now getting lost in blonde hair. "Thank you." But then she felt Clarke's head hitch.
Clarke swallowed and tried for a moment to contain herself but she knew it was useless. She knew she wanted to wait, but this, all of it, and Lexa... it was all in that moment, a little too much to bear. Clarke raised her head and met the Commander's concerned stare. Those eyes, Clarke thought, and she felt a very definite tug on her fragile heart. Those eyes, they could conquer worlds.
"You can't do that to me again, okay?" and Clarke's voice cracked on the last word. She had to look down between them but the ability to compose herself wouldn't come. "I can't... I don't..." she couldn't finish, and her expression crumbled with the force of her strangled emotion.
Lexa was quick to slide her hand down and cup the side of Clarke's face with a warm palm, but still Clarke couldn't meet her gaze. "Hey, shhhh," Lexa whispered, moving her head forwards and pulling Clarke up simultaneously so she could place a kiss to her forehead. Lexa felt the emotion hit her too and she had to blink a few times to keep it at bay. She hated seeing Clarke broken. It was the thing she hated most and when she knelt before her all that time ago, she had sworn she'd never let her be broken again and Lexa hated that she'd failed. "It's okay-"
"-It's not okay, Lexa." She brought her hand up to grip at Lexa's shoulder, her fingers busy playing at the bone. "I nearly lost you. I just got you, and I nearly-"
"-Shhhhhh," Lexa tried again, attempting to calm her but it didn't work. She knew it wouldn't, but regardless she needed to try.
"I can't lose you," Clarke shook her head, quickly and sharply, and that's when she looked at her, her chest sucking in staggered breath after staggered breath and her cheeks stained with tears. Her voice as throaty as Lexa had ever heard it and her eyes gazing at her as if they were making sure she was actually there. "I can't, I won't. I need you, Lexa. I need you," and then she let go completely. Her voice disintegrating into nothing as she let herself cry, as she let her hastily erected stone walls that were put in place thirteen days ago come crashing down now that the Commander could hold her again. Now that she could protect her and make everything okay again.
Lexa wrapped Clarke in her arms and held her tightly to her chest. Her lips pressed firmly to Clarke's head as it lay pressed in at her neck. She cuddled her, kissed her, whispered reassuring words to her. Whatever she could do to convince Clarke that she was there. That she was whole, and that she wasn't going anywhere.
It took a while for Clarke to calm but as her wracked sobs seemed to taper off and her shuddering started to subside, Lexa released her hold, just a little. "You will not lose me, Clarke," she whispered finally, a little forlornly, quietly and softly and gently.
Clarke sucked in a breath and her hand that was clasped on Lexa's opposite shoulder tensed, a little. Her thumb running over her collarbone. "You can't promise that," she replied, her voice a little shaky.
Lexa knew she couldn't, not entirely and what happened thirteen days ago only proved that fact. But she wanted Clarke to know that she would do anything to prevent it, and that included dealing with Titus and dealing with the coalition and whatever was going on with Skaikru more efficiently than she had been already. She needed to be smarter, and she needed Clarke to trust the decisions she would make if any of it was going to work, but that indeed was a conversation for another day.
"No," she sighed, and she released her hold on Clarke's back so she could push her fingertips into the skin across her own forehead, for a moment. "But I am here, Clarke. I am whole, and I have no intention of going anywhere."
Clarke closed her eyes and turned her head, contemplating Lexa's words as she dropped a lazy kiss to the Commander's chest.
Lexa knew she needed to try harder. "I have every intention of making this work," she said as she reached down and held Clarke's chin between her thumb and forefinger, pulling it up so she could meet those shining, vibrant blue eyes. "You and I, Klark kom skaikru, shall bring peace to our people."
Clarke tried to hold back a scoff but she couldn't quite manage it, but Lexa held her firm and the look in her eyes became intent.
"We shall. Trust me."
For a moment Clarke became lost in Lexa's certainty. It was easy, she was learning, to believe everything the Commander said when she said it with such conviction in her eyes and so gently, and very minutely Clarke nodded her head. "I do," she whispered, every part of her feeling a lot too beat to disagree. She believed her; and so she decided everything else could wait till morning.
Clarke's eyes started to droop so she leaned forwards and pressed her lip's to Lexa's, kissing her slowly and surely, sucking on her bottom lip a little till she felt Lexa's tongue press against hers. The kiss became languid and wet and Clarke felt herself shudder under the lazy way the Commander seemed to breathe life into her. It took several moments before they parted, and as she inhaled she rested her forehead against Lexa's, her eyes dropping closed.
"I love you," Lexa breathed, her own eyes too pressed closed. Her heart was suddenly in her throat and as rarely as the Commander became anxious, she felt her heartbeat thump at her pulse points and her nerves ferment beneath her skin.
Clarke released the breath she didn't even know she was holding and quickly the emotion was back. She sighed as her chest began to hurt and then she lowered her head back to Lexa's shoulder and curled her body into the strength she felt in the bones beneath her. She clung to Lexa, pressed her face into the warmth of the crook of her neck and inhaled her scent deeply. She was home, that much she knew.
Lexa had no idea what that meant, but regardless of Clarke's response Lexa was glad she said it. She held her close once more and settled into the comfort of her bed. Or their bed, Lexa supposed it was now, and that thought alone brought a smile to her lips. "Are you okay?" she asked, after a moment or two of them both listening to the other breathe.
"Mmm," Clarke mumbled, snuggling in a little more closely. Her hand was back at Lexa's neck and she was stroking her fingertips slowly along its column.
It was making Lexa tingle, if she was honest and a thought went to the fact that Clarke had just pleasured her with absolutely nothing in return. It made Lexa feel bad and her eyes popped open with the realisation. She licked her lips and pushed out a breath, not only wanting to repay Clarke in kind but also fairly jealous that she hadn't yet touched her since their first time. Not that she hadn't tried over the past few days, of course.
"Clarke," Lexa whispered, trying to move them a little bit.
Clarke however was suddenly like lead. "Hmm?" she hummed, sinking her weight into Lexa even more.
Lexa quickly stilled again, not wanting to disturb her. She did twist her head so she could look down at Clarke, though. She lowered her lips to her head. "Do you wish to..." she trailed off, not quite thinking that sentence through before she started it. Her eyes darted about, a bit. "I mean..." and then she sighed. This was getting worse.
It made Clarke smile and Lexa felt it against her skin. "You need to rest."
Lexa rolled her eyes, exhaling loudly as her head fell against the furs. She was honestly getting sick of hearing that. "I do not-"
"-Yes you do."
"I am fine."
Clarke's grin got even bigger. She raised her head up and showed Lexa the power of her smile. Lexa tried to glare at her but Clarke just ignored it. "Sleep, Heda," she said, grabbing one side of Lexa's face and dropping a loud kiss to her lips. She went back to her hiding place beneath Lexa's chin and all the Commander could do was sigh and wrap her arms around her.
"I can feel you pouting," Clarke continued, still finding grumpy Lexa absolutely adorable.
"I do not pout."
"Yes you do."
"Huummphh," Lexa grumbled. "It is your fault."
That one made Clarke laugh. Her shoulders actually shook a little with it. She tossed her thigh over Lexa's hip and sighed happily. "Reshop, Leksa."
Lexa sucked in a deep breath and reached down to grab at the sheets that were scrunched up mid way down the bed. She pulled one over them and passed it into her other hand, pulling it snug around Clarke's shoulders. She grumbled a little more before she eventually replied. "Goodnight, Clarke," and then she pressed one final kiss to the top of her head, finally allowing her eyes to fall closed. "Sleep well."
Clarke felt her body go limp and for the first time in God only knew how long, she actually relaxed. She felt safe, for a change, and although she was emotionally wiped out she felt a kind of peace with it all. Lexa's heart was happily beating away beneath her ear and she could feel her chest move with each steady breath she took in. Clarke hummed, not knowing at all what was to come but in this moment, in this bed she felt like she could live forever.
"I love you too, Lexa," she whispered, before she closed her eyes and happily succumbed to sleep.
Translations.
"Komba raun hir."
"Around here."
"Ha em bilaik?"
"How is she?"
"Heda ste os. Yuja kom yeson."
"Heda is good. Stronger than yesterday."
"Em led op?"
"Her wound?"
"Mochof, Tris. Yu na bants."
"Thankyou, Tris. You may leave."
"Beja, Klark."
"Please, Clarke."
"Onai. Ai gaf... Yu teisa in."
"In Me. I need... Your tongue."
"Jok! Klark!"
"Fuck! Clarke!"
"Beja...Klark, beja."
"Please...Clarke, please."
"Plei nou mou."
"No more teasing."
"Reshop, Leksa."
"Goodnight, Lexa."