The wind whipped at my face as I trudge along further into the blizzard. My feet were bare and buried beneath the snow, which was to my knees and getting higher faster than I could walk.

The snow stung my cheeks and caked my lips. The strong wind wasn't on my side. It made it impossible to hide from the falling snow. At this point, all I could see was white. Snow swirled up from the fields like a dusty shelf when blown on. My black hair blew in my face. It was now white like everything else. My feet were so cold…

I had heard stories of other people who had been sent into blizzards to die. Most had ended up walking until they could walk no more and sat next to a tree and froze to death. No one had ever bothered to come out and look for them. But could you blame them? Lord Cao Cao had no tolerance for traitors. He'd rather wolves and vultures to be eating on us than for us to have survived and be absolved.

I was a traitor. I had been unfaithful to my husband and a disgrace to my kingdom and family, wherefore I was to die for it. Here in these cold, dark, snowy plains with nothing but a worn down shawl to comfort and warm me.

I wonder what he is doing right now. Lord Cao Cao, a whore himself…is he back in Lady Bian's arms like he had once been in mine? Is she comforting him right now? What was she comforting him about? If she is, would she be holding him like I would while he cried over me? Would my husband ever cry over me? Did he even know what tears were?

No. He wouldn't cry over me – a whore who tried to rip his heart out of his chest. He stared taciturnly at me when I was begging him with our little Linfen clinging to me as she was pulled away from me. He laughed when I – his precious Laiying'er – prostitute in the eyes of others – was dragged away from him. He cared nothing for me anymore.

And what of my little girl? Will she be tossed away into the harem to be raised by those whores? Or worse… What if he allows the Lady Bian to raise her…? Would she be raised to hate me? To wish me dead like everyone else had? Would she…love Bian more than me…?

And my poor Wang Tu! Lord Cao Cao had struck him down where he stood – right in front of everyone! He didn't deserve to die. I had blackmailed him into bed with me. But I needed it! My love had his eyes on others. I just needed attention… I would have suffered the death that I am facing now a thousand times around for him. The one man I truly did love.

The cold made me start to feel lightheaded and the snowfall didn't help me either. My feet slipped. The drifts were up to my thighs now. I couldn't even feel my legs anymore.

I imagined my childhood home. The little worn down shack I grew up in. I thought of my mother. The way her hair was always in a messy little bun with an untidy braid at the front. The warm, steaming plate of bread we ate every night. The warm smile she'd give me when I asked about my father. My warm little pallet on the floor…

I snapped myself out of it. No longer would I be in denial. I am dying. Slowly and bitterly, I was dying.

I found myself huddled up next to a tree. No longer was I the most power hungry woman in China. No longer was I the most hated woman in Wei. No longer was I to be the loving mother of Princess Linfen, though my love will never die for my daughter, even if I do.

I am a mere whore. Something new at court that was lusted after.

I am simply Lady Laiying'er, the Prime Minister's prostitute. And to me, that is simply a perfect world…