Disclaimer: I own nothing. Tamora Pierce does. All hail Tammy! : ) I'm sure
she'd be screaming her head off if she ever read this because the
characters have some serious issues. (In my story not her's!)
A/N: at the end
Tears of Freedom
Why is it that sometimes you just feel like crying for no good reason? You feel miserable and you hate the world around you. You remember the past and you ask yourself why they're so cruel to you. What did I ever do to them?
It happens at the worst times and in the worst places. You don't know what you did wrong, and you don't know who it was or why, but you feel like pouring your soul out for hours on end. And then, suddenly, you're all better.
Everything's ok and it seems like you were the stupidest person ever because you cried.
But you didn't cry. You wanted to, but you knew that if anybody saw you they'd ask questions. They'd want to know, but you don't want to tell them. But somebody did see. You!
Why can't you just leave well enough alone?! Why are you so nosy?! Why should you care?! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! Why should I tell you anything? Why do you suddenly start caring now that you see tears on my face? Why didn't you care before when you saw me depressed or when I said I needed to talk? Is it because I'm making a scene?! Because I'm doing something that you haven't seen me do before?!
No. I don't know. I can't guess what you're thinking because I'm not you. I'll never be you and I'll never know what went through your head when you saw me like this. You weren't supposed to see. Nobody was. But you did. And it makes me ashamed. It makes me weak but strong at the same time. It makes me angry but relieved. It makes me cry for no reason at all.
And now I realize that I'm suddenly where I started. I realize the questions won't stop until I stop them myself. And I realize that it will never happen, because I crave this. I crave the attention and the sadness. And I crave you.
I want you to know! I want you to see me the way I am, not the way the rest of the world sees me. And so I laugh because my secret's out. LOOK AT WHAT I'VE BECOME! Look at what I'll never be! And then I cry and you ask and it all starts again until I decide to end it. Forever.
Don't worry, you won't have much longer to wait. Not too long at all.
I can't keep this up forever. It's killing me from the inside. It hurts me more than anything you ever did before. Yes. It needs to end. Soon. Now!
I rush up the stairs. You follow me, yelling my name. My heart's beating fast, my breath's coming in gasps. I start to cry again. I reach the top. What a glorious view! Too bad I will never see its magnificence again.
Slowly I climb over the rail to stand on the edge. I'm so close. So close to freedom. So close. I won't have to deal with the pain much longer. I won't have to deal with you.
You see me. You try to stop me. Too late! The wind's rushing past me and in a second it's all gone. The pain. The suffeing. The torture. I'm free! Free in a way you will never be.
I imagine you standing at the top. A look of horror on your face. And you know. This is all your fault. You never meant it to go this far, but it never was in your control. It was in mine!
Goodbye, Joren of Stone Mountain. I won't miss you, but amazingly enough, you'll miss me. There's one last thing you should know before I'm completely gone: You finally won!
A/N: Hmmm.So, what do you think? *points down and smiles pleadingly* . Please review.
More A/N: A while ago I took this story off but I've decided to post it again. Thanks for the wonderful reviewers, I love you all. You made me feel so good I started writing another story! Yey!
A/N: at the end
Tears of Freedom
Why is it that sometimes you just feel like crying for no good reason? You feel miserable and you hate the world around you. You remember the past and you ask yourself why they're so cruel to you. What did I ever do to them?
It happens at the worst times and in the worst places. You don't know what you did wrong, and you don't know who it was or why, but you feel like pouring your soul out for hours on end. And then, suddenly, you're all better.
Everything's ok and it seems like you were the stupidest person ever because you cried.
But you didn't cry. You wanted to, but you knew that if anybody saw you they'd ask questions. They'd want to know, but you don't want to tell them. But somebody did see. You!
Why can't you just leave well enough alone?! Why are you so nosy?! Why should you care?! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! Why should I tell you anything? Why do you suddenly start caring now that you see tears on my face? Why didn't you care before when you saw me depressed or when I said I needed to talk? Is it because I'm making a scene?! Because I'm doing something that you haven't seen me do before?!
No. I don't know. I can't guess what you're thinking because I'm not you. I'll never be you and I'll never know what went through your head when you saw me like this. You weren't supposed to see. Nobody was. But you did. And it makes me ashamed. It makes me weak but strong at the same time. It makes me angry but relieved. It makes me cry for no reason at all.
And now I realize that I'm suddenly where I started. I realize the questions won't stop until I stop them myself. And I realize that it will never happen, because I crave this. I crave the attention and the sadness. And I crave you.
I want you to know! I want you to see me the way I am, not the way the rest of the world sees me. And so I laugh because my secret's out. LOOK AT WHAT I'VE BECOME! Look at what I'll never be! And then I cry and you ask and it all starts again until I decide to end it. Forever.
Don't worry, you won't have much longer to wait. Not too long at all.
I can't keep this up forever. It's killing me from the inside. It hurts me more than anything you ever did before. Yes. It needs to end. Soon. Now!
I rush up the stairs. You follow me, yelling my name. My heart's beating fast, my breath's coming in gasps. I start to cry again. I reach the top. What a glorious view! Too bad I will never see its magnificence again.
Slowly I climb over the rail to stand on the edge. I'm so close. So close to freedom. So close. I won't have to deal with the pain much longer. I won't have to deal with you.
You see me. You try to stop me. Too late! The wind's rushing past me and in a second it's all gone. The pain. The suffeing. The torture. I'm free! Free in a way you will never be.
I imagine you standing at the top. A look of horror on your face. And you know. This is all your fault. You never meant it to go this far, but it never was in your control. It was in mine!
Goodbye, Joren of Stone Mountain. I won't miss you, but amazingly enough, you'll miss me. There's one last thing you should know before I'm completely gone: You finally won!
A/N: Hmmm.So, what do you think? *points down and smiles pleadingly* . Please review.
More A/N: A while ago I took this story off but I've decided to post it again. Thanks for the wonderful reviewers, I love you all. You made me feel so good I started writing another story! Yey!