Title: Your Illogic Is Infallible
Rating: Don't read this at work. Or near your parents.
Summary: When logic fails, love is the only thing that makes sense.
Disclaimer: *collapses into hysterical laughter*
Author's Note: I was long overdue for a Spock/Uhura oneshot. And look! I finally found out how to do those lines to divide parts of a chapter! Now it looks all professional.
It is well known how Vulcans apply their logic to every situation, relying upon calm, steady observation and application to conquer or solve any challenge that presents itself.
What is less known is that they acknowledge that emotions, too, have a certain logic to them.
It is an odd sort of process, with many twists and sudden turns, but if you follow the path back to its source the psychology is clear. Of course, it is a highly individualized and inexact science, but it can come in handy.
Spock had forgotten about it – his Emotional Logic class had taken up one semester when he was nine – until he found himself explaining his behavior to Nyota.
In all of his life had had never met anyone like Nyota Uhura. She was more determined and single-mindedly focused then he himself was, twice was intelligent as 85.6% of the other cadets, and more open and accepting of Vulcan logic than any human since his mother.
Because she had always understood him before, he had fallen victim to assumption. He had forgotten that unlike the laws of science, one couldn't assume that the result would always be the same. One fish does not equal one army, and with emotions the numbers morphed based upon a number of outside factors; factors such as nearly losing a loved one without getting to say a proper goodbye, for example.
He blamed himself. Not for his choice or how it affected her, but for failing ot recognize her reaction and counteracting accordingly. She had embraced his Vulcan heritage so completely that he'd overlooked the fact that she was, at heart, human.
And now he had hurt her. However inadvertently, he had caused her fear and pain.
He had to remedy the situation. Fortunately, he had a rather well thought-out plan as to how he could accomplish that.
Like all proper scientific ventures, proper analysis was the first step before any action could be taken.
Of course, letting your girlfriend know that you were psychoanalyzing her would invariably lead to sleeping on the couch and possibly a bloody nose, so he had to keep it to himself.
As a part of his observations, her half of their conversations since the "volcano incident", as the Captain had seen fit to call it, were also gone over. In recalling her choice of words he realized that Uhura felt… unimportant. That she was not worth living for or even deserving of a final adieu before he passed. Their heated exchange in the shuttle on the way to pick up Khan had emphasized her fear of losing him, and her frustration that he seemed to care so little for his own life, but he now saw that there was more to it. She also feared that she didn't register on his radar. He flattered himself to think that if she were facing death her thoughts would turn to him, because that was how human minds operated. She wanted assurance that he held her in the same high regard and affection that she held him.
Well, this called for a change of plans. A simple "heart-to-heart", as his mother had always referred to such exchanges of emotional honesty, would not suffice. Uhura was, to speak plainly, the most important person in his life (with apologies towards his father and the Captain who would undoubtedly be miffed thanks to his overlarge ego). He needed her to know this.
And when he examined her arguments in the shuttle, he understood that there was, as always with emotions, a kind of illogical logic (forgive the contradiction) to them. Such trains of thought were undoubtedly lacking in proper scientific rationality but they had a pattern, a formula, which made sense.
He had to show her the place that she had carved out for herself in his life. He wanted her to see in what high regard he held her, what affection and care was set aside just for her, and that any and all visions of the future – however far in advance they may be – had her by his side.
Unfortunately, Spock had to admit that when it came to explaining emotions he was a little too Vulcan for his own good. No, he would have to go about things a different way.
Luckily for him, the way he chose to proceed would show Uhura his depth of commitment before he even got around to the "explaining emotions" part of it.
"You want to… to what?"
Nyota Uhura was not often speechless. In fact, Spock could count on one hand the times she'd been unable to think of something to say. The first time had been when he'd given into her arguments as to why a relationship, although against Starfleet regulations (seeing as he was her teacher), was both logical and unavoidable. The second and third times had been thanks to one James T. Kirk, the second delivered via shock and the third through anger. (Dr. McCoy had been quite amused when she'd, to quote the good doctor, beat the everloving shit outta Jim. The Captain should have known not to pull a prank of that nature on her.)
And now she was speechless again. This time, Spock hoped, it was a good kind of silence.
"Spock…" Uhura said slowly. "You… are you certain about this? I know that it's very personal…"
He nodded. He hadn't been so certain of anything since his decision to join Starfleet Academy.
Uhura nodded, as if to herself, looking down at her hands. "Before I say yes… I want to know; why are you offering this now? We've been together for four years."
That was an excellent question, and fairly logical considering how many emotions were involved. He left that last part of the sentence out when he congratulated her.
"Vulcan courtship is rather slow and… methodical, I suppose one could say. Some couples are together for ten years before consummating their relationship."
"Spock." Uhura's lips lifted into that teasing smile. "We've 'consummated our relationship' more times than I can count."
"But those don't matter." He saw her face. "In Vulcan society." He hastened to add. "Vulcans do not consider the relationship to have been consummated until the sexual act has been performed with a mind-meld. In fact, no sexual acts are done without it."
Uhura nodded, her forehead puckering as she rolled this information over in her mind. "That makes sense." She said.
"Nyota." He took her hands in his, a gesture that he had learned conveyed care and intimacy. "I want you to understand the… nature of our relationship. Recent events have shown that you do not have a full grasp of my feelings and I lack a way to properly express them. This will help me say what I cannot."
Uhura's eyes were bright, like dark stars, regarding him with stoic warmth. After a moment she leaned forwards and brushed her lips against his.
"All right, then."
Mind-melds were most easily done when the two participants were distracted and focused upon a single event, one that didn't have to do with the meld but held both of their attentions at the same point. To achieve this (and admittedly because he enjoyed it) Spock kissed her more fully, allowing their mouths to open and tongues to slide together. He kept kissing her, slow and steady, as deeply as he possibly could until she was clutching at his shoulders and her body was practically limp against his. He raised his fingers to her temples and opened his mind, seeking out hers. He found it open and willing.
He knew the moment that she realized they were connected, because he felt the dual sensation of her thoughts mingling with his and her sharp inhalation as she felt his mind brush against her own. He let warm, soothing thoughts flow across their bond, helping to calm her nerves. After a moment he felt her body and mind relax, growing accustomed to their new connection.
Once she was open and ready, he let his feelings seep through, crossing the bridge into her mind. As a human who had never done this before, every one of her thoughts and feelings were conveyed to him, but as he had grown up a Vulcan he had been trained how to control himself and show only what he wanted to. Someday he could show her his childhood in more detail, things he hadn't found the words to explain to her, but for now he only let his love across.
She gasped again against his lips, and he felt her surprise and gratification and humility as they mingled with his feelings for her. Suddenly she clutched at him, almost wildly, pulling her to him and crushing their mouths together again. He could feel her ferocity in her body but her mind was almost to the point of shock. He mentally fed her more of his emotions even as he pulled her up so that they could stretch out on the bed. She ran her hands downwards, pulling his shirt off, her fingernails scraping his skin. He'd always known that she'd known how much he loved that, but now he felt her inward chuckle, her satisfied mental purr.
Everything was different. Little movements, they way they worked together to rid one another of clothing, kisses and nips pressed into the skin… they never failed to elicit a reaction but they were also commonplace. They were a part of their sexual routine, erogenous zones and sensitive areas that they had learned about one another in their years together. Now there was an entirely new layer there. Now, he could feel every jump in her thoughts, every broken cry within her mind as he did something that she enjoyed. He let her see how she affected him, how she stripped away all logic and sense, reducing him to a creature that was neither human nor Vulcan but simply was, and all because of her. Without her, his life was incomplete – he was incomplete. Through her he had come to understand humans and himself in ways subtle and immense, complex and simple, and nobody could have brought him that knowledge but her.
He let her feel what she did to him physically, how her body felt to him, how he saw her through his eyes. She was perfect, flawless, her tiny scars and imperfections only enhancing her beauty. Her legs were unfathomably long and her body was almost stringy, her breasts small and her feet big. He knew that there were things she didn't like about herself (an odd comparison, how highly men regarded themselves and how low women saw themselves) but he wanted her to see that there was not a thing she could possibly to do make herself more beautiful to him. She was human and flawed and she was perfect.
He let her see how he loved to make her moan, let her feel how he loved tasting her bitter chocolate skin, let her experience the rush of pleasure that she gave him with her hands and her mouth as she touched him, loved him. He let her know that he had no doubts about her love, and that it was the greatest comfort he had, a certainty in a life where almost nothing was certain and nothing could be taken for granted. He showed her how he loved her to the point where he couldn't explain it. It wasn't logical. It didn't make sense. With her he let his emotions reign supreme.
With every thrust, with every motion, he wanted her to see that he belonged to her. He considered her his mate, his life partner, and she held his heart in his hand. The heart that most people thought he didn't have, the heart that secretly bled in ways that only she knew, it was all hers.
He told her silently, mentally, how every time he was deep inside of her he felt complete, like he was finally home. He told her that a part of him never wanted to let her out of his arms, never mind his sight. He told her that he didn't care how much longer Vulcan life spans were compared to humans – he could imagine himself with anyone at any point in his life unless it was she.
Tears started leaking out of the corners of her eyes, and he felt her overwhelming joy and rush of unnamable emotion. He felt his body shudder as her emotions were transmitted to him, almost overwhelming him. She came with a sob of both emotional and physical relief, and he felt her pleasure mingle with his as she clung to him, her love bathing him in the form of golden light inside of his mind.
She didn't say the words because she didn't need to. He felt her love for him. He could feel that she saw her love matched by him, could feel his own love for her spreading through her like warmth from a fire after a cold, hard winter.
He rolled off so that they could lie together, facing one another, their eyes locking. She smiled at him, and he felt the warmth of the gesture in his mind. A thought occurred to her, shooting across their minds before she could voice it.
Doesn't this mean that…?
Yes, Nyota. Now we are mates.
So we just performed a Vulcan marriage. Her thoughts were amused, and her smile became mirthful.
"I suppose so." He said aloud. "Does this trouble you?"
"Not at all." She responded, and he felt the truth of the statement across their bond. She snuggled up against him. "Although, don't think I still won't expect the ring and all the other tedious human trappings."
He let her feel his amusement, wrapping his arms around her even as he wrapped her mind with his love.
"Will this bond last forever?" She asked. He felt her fear that it would be terminated.
"Yes. We can intensify or dull the connection for day-to-day activities and when you wish to hide my Christmas present, but it will always be there." He explained.
Nyota chuckled and pressed a kiss to his chest. "Good." She whispered, her mind echoing the sentiment. "Good."
It didn't make particular sense, their relationship. And to some, his way of addressing their issues would seem unconventional – perhaps, even, illogical. But now she would always be with him, and he with her. She would never doubt his emotions or his commitment again. And he had her, which meant he was content.
It was most definitely his mother's DNA coming out in him, but at the moment he felt his decision to be illogical was the right one.
Of course, it would never do to let the Captain know that…
How amazing was Star Trek: Into Darkness? Seriously, it was fantastic. I adored it. It almost made it worth the four-year wait. Did you hear that, J.J. Abrams? Almost. Let's hope it's not such a long wait for the next one, and we'll get more Spock/Uhura time when it arrives.
Reviews are like tribbles: adorable, full of fuzzies, and make me squeal with delight.