Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
I wasn't a child I had just turned eighteen. I was technically a young woman, but I was his student and I knew it was against the rules, and I Minerva Rose McGonagall didn't break the rules, ever. I told myself it was because all the animagus lessons. All that time alone wasn't bound to help my feelings towards my young new transfiguration teacher. It wasn't right and I couldn't possible allow myself to tell Albus knowing very well I was his student and he was the great Albus Dumbledore defended of Grindelwald and I was Minerva McGonagall his transfiguration student. It was a silly crush and it was time for me to graduate and let Albus Dumbledore go.
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only
I was all over the place after leaving Hogwarts. I spent some time at home with my brother's for a bit. After mum and dad's death I felt like going back to Scotland was the right thing to do for a while. I would be lying if I didn't say Albus didn't cross my mind. I also would be lying if I said I didn't read about everything he had accomplished since I had left. I headed to the ministry and began training as an aurora, as much as I wanted to enjoy it and loved Moody and the other's, it just wasn't for me. So, when I heard Albus's job was open after he became headmaster, I decided to take a chance. I told myself I was an adult now, and I didn't feel the same however when his voice called my name the butterflies in my stomach said otherwise.
"Minerva Mcgongall, it's wonderful to see you." Albus extended his hand and I took it.
Quickly dropping it as I smiled up at him to meet his already twinkling blue eyes.
"Professor Dumbledore, well headmaster now, it's nice to see you too. Congratulations of course." I smiled.
His eyes keep on twinkling and the butterflies in the stomach keep flying. Get it together Minerva you need this job I told myself.
"You can call me Albus, Minerva. You're not my student anymore, you're one of my professors."
It took me a moment to register to call him Albus, but him saying I was one of his professors defiantly wasn't expected. I haven't even interviewed yet, he couldn't possibly be serious, could he?
"Sir, you mean I got the job? You haven't interviewed me yet?" I asked confused.
His eyes once again did the twinkling thing as he smiled brightly down at me.
"Why wouldn't you? When an auror, an Animagus and a brilliant transfiguration student applies for the transfiguration job why wouldn't I give it to her?" He asked.
It took everything in me not to hug him right then and there. I felt my face light up as I looked up at him.
"Thank you, Professor, I mean Albus. You won't regret this, I have ideas and lessons already preplanned." I stated.
I told myself to ignore the butterflies in the stomach and let this blossom into a friendship.
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
There was never a right time or a good time to tell Albus how I felt. T he war with Voldemort was raging, we had to protect Harry. Albus and I had become such close friends since I came back to Hogwarts. Best friends. I even invited him to my wedding, and when Elphinstone died, he was there for me in a time no one else was. Maybe during all this I was selfish for not telling him sooner. For being with other people when I loved the same man since I was seventeen. Where had my Gryffindor bravery gone?
"Are you alright my dear? You haven't said a word after our chess match."
Albus's voice broke me out of my thoughts as I looked up from the paper's I was grading to his concerned twinkling eyes.
"You know I had papers to grade when I came over to beat you in chess, Albus." I smirked.
He frowned slightly before magically pushing the chess table closer to me a huge smile appearing on his pale face.
"Best out of two, my dear?"
"I have papers to grade, Albus. Besides you don't want to get beat twice in one night do you headmaster?" I grinned.
I forced myself to finish grading my papers, but the chess pieces flying up at me made that a little difficult to do.
"Albus, stop with the chess pieces." I smiled swatting them away.
He then decided that wasn't good enough so the chess table flew up at me causing my essays to fall onto the floor alongside my quill I was grading them with.
"That was so mature Albus." I sighed.
Before I could bend down to pick them up, they were in my hands once more. I looked over to see him smiling at my apologetically.
"I honestly didn't mean to knock your papers down Minerva, I'm sorry."
I sighed softly sitting the papers back down in my lap as I looked at him. Maybe I was too old or just ignored it, but I didn't get those butterflies anymore when I looked at him. These days it was pure love, admiration, and now annoyance. Whoever said growing up was fun, truly lied.
"What are we going to do Albus?" I sighed.
"Were going to play chess my dear, and I'm going to win this time." He grinned his eyes twinkling.
I shook my head negatively as I reached out to grab his hand before he made a move magical or not with the chess board.
"Not the game. The war, Harry? Everything." I whispered.
I was little when the war happened with Grindelwald of course I saw and read about it, I was holding hands with the man who defeated him. I didn't hesitate to fight along sided Albus when Voldemort first rose to power. I swore I would fight with him till the end, and I plan on doing so. Just at what stake? How many more lives had to be lost before we finally won?
"Fight? I don't know how you want me to answer that Minerva." He replied softly.
I felt the tears burning in my emerald eyes the papers in my lap forgotten as I stared into Albus blue eyes which were no longer twinkling due to my change of subject.
"I just don't want to loss anyone else. Promise me you'll be here till the end Albus? We need you." I whispered.
I needed him, Harry needed him, Hogwarts needed him. The world needed the great Albus Dumbledore, but not as much as I thought I did.
"You know I can't promise that. Now no more sad talk or tears my dear, chess rematch." Albus replied.
As much as I wanted to make him promise me that everything would be okay, that was selfish of me to ask when we both knew neither of us could promise that. Now would be the time to admit I love him, but it wasn't right, and I delayed our rematch long enough.
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again
"Is there a reason you won't tell me where you and Harry are going?" I asked.
Albus had been beyond secretive about where they were going for the horcux and for the past month he wouldn't give me any hint of anything.
"Because I know you'll come, and I won't allow that Minerva."
That man had no idea what I would do for him did he?
"Promise me that you'll be safe, both of you? As safe as this can be." I added.
I wasn't naïve I knew how dangerous this mission was, and I also knew Harry was a child, my student and I wasn't letting Albus drag him into something without promising his well-being.
"I'll keep Harry safe, Minerva Promise."
That was as good as I was going to get wasn't it? I didn't bother making him promise to take care of himself, instead I got up and throw my arms around him hugging him tightly.
"Promise me you'll at least come back Albus?" I whispered.
My voice sounded weak in my own ears, I couldn't imagine how it sounded to him. He hugged me back and for a while he was silent.
"You know I can't promise that, Minerva."
I felt the tears beginning to burn in my emerald eyes as I slowly pulled away from him. I knew I had to let him go even though it was killing me.
"Be safe." I whispered.
"I will. Goodbye Minerva."
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
I realized this was my chance, I had waited way to long and the man was going to fight a battle he may not win. I rushed outside his office.
"Albus, I love you."
The wind answered by hitting me in the face, for Albus Dumbledore was already gone, and he wouldn't return to me again.
Say what you need to say, say what you need to say
I couldn't tell you what was said at the funeral or even who came other than Aberforth who stood beside me. I was numb, and beating myself up the entire time. I wouldn't let myself cry, not in front of the entire school and staff. I waited till everyone left, but I didn't move from my seat. I almost forgot I could move for a moment. I slowly walked to the open spot in the ground kneeling down ontop of it.
"You knew all along Albus didn't you? Why? What are we supposed to do? What about Harry? Merlin what about me Albus?" I yelled.
I finally let myself cry for the first time since his return, for the first time since the news broke and the funeral was arranged. I felt my heart break and fall into the ground with the white tomb as it died with him.
"I love you, I always loved you." I whispered.
I was so lost in my own grief I almost didn't hear the sniffling behind me. I was almost afraid to turn around. Aberforth would was as emotionless as me stood there watching me tears falling down his own face.
"You know he loved you too, for what its worth."
Say what you need to say, say what you need to say