Boo Radley Diary.
It shouldn't surprise me. It seems like a game to everyone. See who can get to Arthur, or Boo, the most. Boo is what the kids around town call me. Boo Radley, rather than my real name. Strangely, though, I like it. I never had a nickname growing up and it feels good to have one now like a gesture of belonging. I know I shouldn't get mad at the kids. They had to hear it from somewhere. Kids are only as innocent as their adult figures. That's what stumps me even more, though, the fact that those kids have Atticus Finch for a father and still believe all those ridiculous lies. Well it comes down to the other adults they talk to. Mainly Miss Stephanie, I think she's the one that starts most of them. Oh well, people can think what they want. The boy probably thought he was being funny, or cool. He ran as fast as he could up to the house and touched the paneling. Then ran back in what seemed like less time. I should have been mad. Furious even, but all I could bring myself to do was smile. Nathan probably thinks I'm crazy, well I know he does. I stare out the kitchen window watching what happens outside. Loathing the fact that I can't go outside with the kids. Oh well, life goes on. I don't particularity know if I want to go outside anyway. Seeing people, getting made fun of, stares from every angle is definitely not my kind of thing. I try very hard to avoid the outside world. It saves me a lot of humiliation.
I haven't laughed that much since before I was locked up. Something about her face and the way she reacted when she realized where she landed in the tire. Not to mention that fact that she tried her hardest to run away right after she got out of the tire. Her brother wouldn't even go in my yard to help her carry it away, instead he yelled from a distance to grab it. Which she ignored with ease, therefore making me laugh even harder. It was a good thing Nathan wasn't there at the moment. He would have rushed out and yelled at the kids for being on his property like some mean old man. Worse yet, he would have yelled at me for laughing at Scout. Telling me that it wasn't safe or something to laugh, and if he was here to say that. I would have believed him. I watched with joy as Scout yelled at her brother and then watch Jem run up to the house, grab the tire and run all the way back to his house. Rolling it with him. It took me a while before I finally stopped smiling because I kept remembering Scouts face as she stepped out of the tire. The face mixed with fear, nausea, and confusion.
I was watching out the window again. It shouldn't surprise anyone by now. I fantasize about what a normal childhood would be like. A childhood with a good father. When I was watching the neighborhood this time, though, something was different. I didn't see the three little ones running around. Miss Maudie was in her garden so they weren't with her. Unless something special happened and they were away from home, or in the house but I couldn't imagine why. Then I realized where they were. They were at the side of the house. My house. I closed my eyes and shook my head. When were those kids going to leave me alone! As soon as I thought that I was shaking my head at myself. I didn't want them to leave me alone. They made my life slightly better by giving me things to watch, smile, and laugh at. This time they were trying to push a note through a loose board on a window. No doubt the note was for me. The strange thing about the whole thing was they were too scared to push the note through with their hands. Which would have been more effective none the less. They decided that they would use a fishing pole to stick the note through. I would have liked to read the note, it was probably better than some of the books in the house. They didn't get it through, though, due to the fact that their father came and broke up their little plan. I was highly disappointed.
Of all the obscure things those kids could do they choose to mock the fake stories about my childhood. I mean, why would anyone believe that I stabbed my father, let alone start it. Well someone passed along the rumor to kids because they were now finding amusement in reenacting the stories. I do have to admit that they were having a lot of fun out of it, though. That is until atticus came and broke up their little party. At the time I thought he knew what they were doing and yelled at them to stop. Which would be, no doubt something he would do. Considering the fact that Scout had run away from the two boys shortly after Atticus left made it seem like they were done mocking me. Sadly, I was mistaken. Dill and Jem continued with the games
I don't know what they were thinking. Sneaking around at night like that could have got them hurt of in major trouble. Or in Nathans case, killed. I don't know what he was thinking getting out his rifle when he knew it was children in the yard. He could have seriously hurt them. That would not have been cool with me. I would of have had to kill him for killing those children. When Nathan was in the front talking to the neighborhood about what had happened I went out of the house and into the back yard to see if there was any evidence that it was the kids. It was a good thing I did because there on the fence was a pair of ripped trousers. Obviously Jems from the size of them. Too big to be Scout's or Dill. How long Nathan was in the front is a mystery to me, because I hurried in to get my mothers sewing equipment and attempted to mend Jems ripped pants. I have to say, I failed miserably. They were good enough, though. After I got done I went up to my room and pretended like I was asleep. When I knew everyone in the house was sleeping, I went back out to the back fence and folded and laid them on the fence. It wasn't even five minutes later when Jem came back to find them, the look on his face was priceless. I tip-toed back to my room with a smile on my face, and fell asleep with ease.
It was risky, I knew that before I did it. I just couldn't let the poor girl freeze to death in from of my house. She was shivering. I hated the site of it. It was easy to do. Nathan was gone trying to help Miss Maudie with her house. The whole neighborhood was practically. So I found a spare blanket and took it out to Scout. I gently eased it around her shoulders and I watched as she clutched it tightly, not even realizing someone put it on her. Either too cold to care, or too caught up in all the commotion of the fire to notice it. I felt a sense of happiness come over me when I gave her the blanket. I loved the feeling of it. I was glad that she didn't turn around to see who put the blanket on her because I didn't want her to see me. I wanted her to figure out that all the horrible rumors about me were a lie without actually knowing or seeing me. Little did I know, that that time would come sooner than I had anticipated.
Trapped. Isolated. Alone. The feeling of being forgotten. The anger from never being let off my leash, so to speak. I believe that's why I did what I did. I meant no harm, which is probably what Nathan would think if he knew. For some strange reason I wanted to give back to the community that shunned me, made up ridiculous stories about me, and didn't think twice when they convicted me to go sit in that retched courthouse basement all those years. No, I don't think that was the reason I did it. I have a sort of soft spot for little kids. They fascinate me, probably because my childhood was taken away from me at a young age. I despise my father. One little mistake and one decision. Next thing I know my whole life took a turn for the worse. I'm not saying I don't regret what happened that day with the Cunningham's but he took it way too far. He ruined my life. I haven't been myself ever since. Anyway that's not the point. The point is I saw an opportunity to make someone's life better, and I took it. It wasn't like it I put much in the tree. Just two pieces of gum and two Indian head Pennies. For now. I was fairly certain one of the children would see the things as they passed by my house coming back from school. That is if they didn't run past it scared because of the rumors they heard about me. Well, anyway, in the end I was right, while the girl was passing she saw the stuff. Probably the gum wrapper because it was a shiny silver. I smiled to myself as I watched her grab the stuff and run as fast as she could back to her house to inspect her findings. I later kept adding stuff to the tree slowly. Thing by thing. Some were thoughtful, others probably a bit creepy, such as the soap figures of themselves. Other things were a part of me. A spelling bee metal. A pocket knife with a watch attached. That was my favorite gift. I gave them a whole pack of gum once too. Their faces were so bright when they found that one. The ball of twine was a fun little gift. Something that would let think of what
they could do with it. I thought I was doing all this secretive but apparently not. Just when the kids were going to put something in the tree for me to find instead of the other way around. Nathan filled the hole with cement. I heard him telling the kids that the tree was dieing and needed to be filled in. I've read all about dieing trees and that tree had a long life ahead of it.
It was definitely one of the creepier nights I've ever seen. There was something weird about it. I soon found out what it was. I watched with panic filled eyes as Jem and Scout made their way home from the town Halloween party. They were stopped in front of my house. Which was weird in itself due to the fact they normally run past it. I was watching anxiously as I saw a shadow creep up behind them in the dark. My eyes had gotten wide and my mouth ajar. I wasn't stupid, I had heard about the trials and I knew that Atticus had made a fool out of Bob Ewell in front of the whole town. To go this low, though? Trying to kill little children. This had to be stopped. I saw him go after Scout, but it looked like her costume had saved her from getting cut. Jem was wrestling him at the moment I looked down to see what I could find to stop him. I didn't care about Nathan in the next room. I didn't care that he would be furious if I came out of my house and kill a man. Then again he never cared much for children. I heard a cracking sound and looked up to see Jem fall to the ground clearly unconscious. I ran outside with my kitchen knife and didn't think twice about it. I jammed it up into his heart. He fell down, clearly dead. I leaned against the tree. Surprised that I had actually killed someone. I was always trying to help people not hurt them. I started breathing heavy and sweating. Next thing I knew I was in Atticus Finch's house in a small room on the second floor. It had to be Jems room. I was leaning against the corner of the room. Trying to stay out of every ones way. I was still sweating. I was afraid I was going to go to jail again. I couldn't go back to that courthouse. I refused. The words the people in the room were saying didn't comprehend in my mind. The only thing that was, was the fact that I had just killed a man. Somehow, I was addressed, by Scout. Finally noticing it was me. Boo Radley. Most people who actually see me, know my nickname but have always called me by my real name out of curiosity but she didn't. Looked into my eyes and sad "Hey Boo" like we had been best friends our whole lives. More talking was involved then slowly people started leaving. Scout and I stayed in the room examining Jem for ourselves. I knew he was going to be fine, and I think Scout did now too. That evening ended by Scout escorting me home arm in arm. Like she was the adult and I was the child. Who would have thought that the little girl that was terrified to even go near my house before. Was now brave enough to walk with me, touching, to my house. Only one possible explanation could have come from that. She grew up.