Summary: I'm afraid that I can't live up to the standard that she's set for me.
Chance of Importance
Honestly, this oneshot doesn't make much sense to me. But neither does Emma. So I guess it all works out. Weird how I don't understand my own ideas, huh? It just sort of came out... :D
The army. Just how could he? How could he do this to me? I had it all planned out. We were going to live together, have a real relationship. I wasn't going to be stuck at home while he "discovered his true self" or whatever. This was all suppose to work! And I don't like it when things don't go my way.
Just what makes her so much more important than me? Why would he even care about her? She's such a freak. I'm prettier, I've got more self respect. She's not even in high school anymore! So why can't he just forget? Why I can't be his number one, not her? That little freak, she always gets in the way.
Yes, that's who I'm talking about. Ellie Nash. This is all about her, it always is! Okay… maybe not so much. But that's why he can't leave me like this. Not before we live together, before we cohabitate, live in sin. Before we get to be everything that they were…
It's her fault. Sean always acted different around her. They lived together, for crying out loud! So why doesn't he want to live with me? Why would he rather join the army? He'd even leave me if I was pregnant! I bet he wouldn't leave her. I bet he'd quit right away. Of course, she probably wouldn't make him stay. She'd probably tell him to go live his life and forget about her. She probably wouldn't get pregnant in the first place. Because that's just how great she is.
Is it wrong to want to live with my boyfriend? To be with him?
No.
But is it wrong to want to live with my boyfriend because I'm jealous over some other girl, a girl who may not even be in the picture anymore, but who I feel threatened by, even if she is just a memory?
Yes.
They had their own apartment. They had a pet ferret and walked to school together every day. He helped her deal with her screwed up family and problems. Everyone said their relationship was just so perfect. No one says that about us. If anything, they say that I'm too controlling. I'm sorry, but I like things to be in my control. So I need a boyfriend who lets me control him. Sean joining the army is not good. Yes, I'm aware of how horrible that all sounds. Sorry.
I'm angry that he's leaving and she's so great. I'm sad that I can't do anything about it. I'm happy that I'm not pregnant. I'm confused because he'd really leave me, even if I did have his kid. I feel screwed, because who honestly wants a long distance relationship?
I'm afraid that I can't live up to the standard that she's set for me. I'm afraid that I can't do it, because I know that no one could ever replace someone like her, especially for him. And especially not me.
Sometimes I just wonder how he could fall for her, how he could let her go, how he could come back for me. How he could leave me, leave me with all this. He got a second chance with me (a third, really, but details don't matter), but he decided to end it. He only got one chance with her, but I wonder…
Would he leave her a second time?