A/N: One-shot of Hanna dealing with her broken heart while Caleb is in Ravenswood. Set sometime during the second half of the fourth season after she and her mom go break plates but before Travis and Hanna have their date.
There are only certain times when she'll let the mask fall.
She and Caleb had something that many people spent their entire lives searching for and some never even find. That final voicemail she'd left was true, it was the best year of her life. But now she had to move on.
Her friends all knew she wasn't fine, but they didn't push it. She knew they were there for her if she needed them. If she decided to open up. Most of the time she pretended she was fine. One smile can cover so much.
But there are times when she lets it all out.
Just yesterday, she was driving in the car and a song came on. It reminded her of Caleb so perfectly that she pulled over, turned it up, and just let the tears fall.
Sometimes you have to feel the pain.
Caleb wasn't coming back. It wasn't because he didn't love her anymore. She knew that. It wasn't even because he loved Miranda. She knew that too. There was something he had to do. This thing was going to take him on a different path from hers.
And there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it.
So she let herself break down. Just until the song was over, though.
Her mom's words would ring in her head "what you and Caleb had was real." It was such a small comfort, but it meant the world to Hanna. She hadn't been imagining it. Everyone else saw that they were so perfect for each other too.
But it was over and she had to let him go.
It was easier at school when she could be distracted by everything else going on.
And -A, as much as that bitch made all of their lives a living hell, -A helped too. -A's games distracted her from all of her thoughts about Caleb and their relationship.
But some nights, Hanna was left alone with her thoughts.
And on some of those nights, school; Aria, Emily, and Spencer; -A; Travis; and everything else in her life would fade away. And then, Hanna would simply feel the pain.
That's the thing about a broken heart. You can distract yourself as much as you want. You can even become so busy that you don't even realize you're distracting yourself.
But eventually, that pain demands to be felt.
And you can't ignore it.
So here was Hanna, lying in bed, hugging a pillow to herself and letting the tears leave tracks down her face. She knew she was ruining a bright pink pillow with her mascara that was surely running. She knew that her mom could probably hear her from down the hall. She knew that her friends would be there in a second if she called them.
She didn't care.
This needed to be just her.
She knew that eventually her heart would heal.
Eventually, her head would clear from all things Caleb.
Eventually, everything would be okay.
But it wasn't right now.
Right now, she just needed to be alone in her grief.
And that was okay.
A/N: Short and choppy. I was going for emotions here, not fluency. Let me know what you think!