Into The Groove, Episode Two: PurrFect

by Ang D

That's right, it's finally here! ... Kuzco and the gang take a trip to Pacha's village, but on the way, the sky starts to fall - or is it something falls from the sky? It's late, I'm confused, this is good stuff. Read. ;) And I'm not to be wholly blam

"PurrFect"
Into The Groove Episode #2
By Ang D. & Sarah Young

There's something sweet, and almost kind
But he was mean and he was coarse and unrefined
And now he's dear, and so unsure
I wonder why I didn't see it there before....
~ Ashken/Menken, "Something There"

~*~*~*~*~*~

Hey, look. It's me again! Miss me? Of course you did. Everyone loves me, baby. ... Hey. It's still all about me, so ... go ahead and bask in the light, huh? I really don't have much setting up to do - though I will take a moment to tell you this: Never EVER eat Kronk's Almond Surprise as a midnight snack.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Mmph." Kuzco groaned, turning over in his sleep. Clutching his faithful stuffed Wompy close, he curled up in a ball, muttering incoherently.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Oh no. Don't tell me we're going into a flashback!!! No. Please, no. Not the whole thing of LLAMA!

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lightning flashed over the horizon, illuminating the Imperial Palace. Kuzco curled himself up in a semi-fetal position, whimpering as he claimed the only spot of ground that was somewhat dry in the vicinity. "Pacha." He whispered. "I should have listened to you..." Rain poured down on his head, matting his fur to his skin. He raised a hoof to his face, trying to wipe his eyes, but the Emperor-Llama merely succeeded in smudging mud across his snout. Rain dripped off his fur and into puddles at his hooves, streaming down his tail, ears, and snout, drenching him as the storm grew closer, stronger. Huddled in upon himself, Kuzco buried his snout in the crook of one limb, desperately seeking a patch of dry fur, but there was none to be found. The smell of his own wet fur nauseated him, and he shuddered, both from cold and disgust. The jungle vines loomed over his head like snakes, like nooses, threatening, and he whimpered again. "Why me, huh? Why? This isn't fair." He whined to the empty clearing. "I had everything. Everything. Then I fired my stupid advisor and her stupid assistant and got stuck with this stupid peasant --" Another flash of lightning, followed shortly by a peal of thunder, startled Kuzco, breaking his chain of thought. "No, I'm thinking about this all wrong. Pacha's not stupid. A little slow sometimes, but not stupid. He ... he knew. He knew about Yzma the whole time and I didn't want to see it." And why not? A little nagging voice in the back of his head said quietly. Because you didn't want to admit that someone lower than you was right. I got news for you, pal. You're a llama now, you're as low as they come. Ain't that a kick in the head.

"Conscience." Kuzco muttered. "Thought I got ridda you..."

Of course not. You just didn't like to listen to me. You were *taught* not to listen to me, remember? Huh? All those years as a little kid, all by yourself, practically spoon-fed by that ancient dinosaur of a witch? The still voice grew a little louder, filling his mind.

Kuzco shook rain from his fur. "Yzma." He admitted. "I can't believe she'd do this to me. The whole uprising and plotting against me and turning me into a llama thing."

Some people are just evil.

"Good point." Kuzco paused, horrified as a sudden thought came to him. "Am I?"

Naw. Not yet. You're pretty close. You shouldn't have people thrown out windows. And think about it. What if Yzma stuck a building on your palace? Thought of her running your place just gives you convulsions, don't it.

"Ew, yeaugh. Yeah." He shivered, fur bristling, as the lightning crashed again. "Wait. .... " He frowned as a thought came to him. "That's like ... that's sorta like me sticking Kuzcotopia on Pacha's house, isn't it."

Bingo, genius. Now aren't you glad you listened to me?

"Yeah. ... Soon as this rain lets up, I'm going to find Pa ... no. I can't go back to him. He hates me. I've deserted him. I'll just have to make it back to the palace on my own."

It's your call. ... I mean ... ours.

"Right." With that, Kuzco huddled a little deeper into the dirt and closed his eyes. He didn't see the vines snaking down towards his neck, as Yzma stood over him, working her dark magic.

"Perrrrfect." She hissed. "Finally, the throne will be mine!" She reached down and jabbed a bony finger in his shoulder, poking, making certain of the Emperor-Llama's death. Poke, poke, poke....

Poke.

"Kuzco?"

Poke-poke.

JAB. "HEY LLAMA BRAINS!"

"GAAAAAAAAH!" Kuzco sat bolt upright in bed, sending the bear sprawling to the floor. "NO TOUCHY!"

"Yeah, yeah. Get up."

Kuzco blinked, letting his eyes focus on the individual who'd been so rude as to disturb his slumber. "Zola?" He rubbed at his eyes, frowning. "The heck are you doing in my room??"

Zola chuckled. "Pacha sent me to wake you up. .... We're going back to get some of his stuff and he wanted to know if you were coming."

"We?" He blinked. "How'd you get an invite?"

"Chicha." She said simply.

"Figures." He muttered, stumbling out of bed. "Hey ... you mind? I mean, I know you're awed by my illustrious presence and all, but I gotta get dressed, here."

"Yeah, okay, fine. We're leaving in ten minutes. With or without you." Zola informed him curtly, stalking out of the room. Ugh. I thought he was okay, after the whole thing at the ball. And he was sweet enough when he was sleeping. But he's back to his old, egotistical self. What's with him?

Kuzco stumbled, bleary, to the mirror, and checked under his eyes for circles. "None. Good. Boy, whatta nightmare..." He muttered to himself, slipping on his royal red robes. Then, for good measure, he went to his closet and slid on the poncho that Chicha had made for him, striking a pose in front of the mirror. "Uh huh. Sharp as a knife." He smirked, then frowned as he caught sight of the llama emblem on the front of the poncho. His memory instantly drifted to what remained of the nightmare. How'd YZMA get in my dream? Freaky....

"KUUUZCO!" Tipo shouted from outside. "Haaalp!"

Kuzco raced to the door, and Tipo shot inside, jumping into the Emperor's arms. "Whoooa, slow down there, buddy. What's wrong? Being chased by crocodiles?" Tipo shook his head. "Jaguars in the sandbox?" Another shake of the head. "Someone trying to make you eat brussels sprouts, even?!?"

"Worse!" Tipo cried. "Some little girl in the village KISSED me!"

Kuzco blinked. "Um, bud? Run the severity of that by me, huh?"

Tipo made a face, rubbing furiously at his cheek. "She kissed me!" He repeated, nausea setting in on his features. "And now I'm gonna get GIRL cooties."

"Girl cooties. Right." Kuzco said, sucking in a breath as he set Tipo down. "Well ... was she cute, at least?" He started rummaging around in his dresser.

"No WAY." Tipo shook his head.

"Whoa, don't want that head to fall off there, pal. Calm down. It shouldn't be that bad." Kuzco pointed a finger at his little friend with a wink. "It's only deadly if they're cute."

"Oh. For a second I thought I was a goner." Tipo sighed with relief as he sat down on Kuzco's bed. "You're coming with us, right?"

"Yeeeee-up. Fun for the whole family. Picturesque scenery and spitting llamas." He smiled as he pulled out a washcloth. "AHA! One surefire cure for girl cooties."

"Looks like a cloth ta me." Tipo said dubiously.

"Not just any cloth. The legendary Cootie Cloth of Brother Groove." Kuzco said with all seriousness.

"Does it work?" Tipo said, awed.

"Does it work." Kuzco scoffed. "Hey. You don't see me with any girl cooties, do you?" Tipo grinned as he shook his head. "Toldja. Now, hold still." He quickly washed off Tipo's cheeks, then his nose for good measure.

"Isn't there a spell?" Tipo asked hopefully.

"D'oh, I almost forgot. .... Ummmmm .... Lemme see if I can remember. Been a while." He scratched his head. "Right. Girrrrl cootieeeesss.... BEGONE!" He said in his most imposing voice, then tapped Tipo on the head. "Okay. I think that does it ... yup. There they go! Whoa, you see em go flyin' out the window, there?"

"Really???"

"Yeah, you missed it."

"TIPO???" Chicha hollered from the hallway. "WHERE ARE YOU? LET'S GO!"

"In here, Mom!" Tipo waved. "Kuzco got rid of my girl cooties with his magic Cootie Cloth!"

"Oh, did he?" Chicha raised an eyebrow, smiling at Kuzco.

"Get it straight, kid. Legendary Cootie Cloth of Brother Groove." Kuzco said sternly. "Now come on."

"Annnnnd...." Chicha smiled, "Boys who don't hurry to the cart miss dinner at Mudka's."

"Mudka's?" Tipo gasped, pulling Kuzco down the hall. "C'mon, let's GO!"

Kuzco detatched himself from Tipo and watched him scurry away. "You go on ahead, bud." Chuckling, he turned to Chicha. "Soooo ... what's new with you, huh?"

Chicha shrugged. "I'm helping out at the royal tailor's.... and watching some of the servants' children every now and then. But I've been thinking about a lot of things, too."

"Thinking. Ooh." Kuzco smirked. "From you, this means trouble, doesn't it. What about?"

Chicha cuffed him on the shoulder, then replied, "How come you don't have a nice garden?"

"A ... garden?" He wrinkled his nose. "Girls have gardens. Emperors don't have gardens."

"I think you need to use Brother Groove's cootie cloth on yourself." Chicha laughed. "You want to know who takes care of our garden?"

"Um... you."

"Pacha."

Kuzco coughed. "Well that doesn't mean I'm taking care of a garden!!!"

"I never said that. I just said that it would be nice if you had one... Zola and I were discussing it this morning."

"Zola." Kuzco muttered. "Shoulda known she put you up to this! First she wakes me up, now she's trying to make me build flowery things. Typical girl."

"Well, I just thought a garden would be nice for the wedding." Chicha shrugged.

Kuzco turned his head to stare at her, nearly walking into a decorative urn. "Wedding?" He choked. "Who said anything about that? Now?"

"Nobody did ..."

"You just did!"

"I didn't say it had to happen now."

"Well, GOOD, because you aren't the one who makes the decisions around here, ARE you?" Kuzco snapped, storming ahead of Chicha down the hall, where Pacha stood waiting for them. "Tell your wife to remember the YOU'RE the advisor, NOT her, huh?"

Pacha frowned. "Kuzco, what ... did I miss something?"

"Be GLAD you did!"

The quiet farmer looked over at his wife, puzzled, as Kuzco peered outside. "Chicha, honey, what..."

"I think I hit a nerve." Chicha observed.

"Well, yeah.... but what?"

"I think ... it was the wedding that did it."

Pacha nodded, looking over to Kuzco. "He ... I don't think he really ... I think he's afraid."

"Of course he is. He hardly knows her." Chicha sighed. "That's why I invited her to come with us - maybe they'll get to know each other better."

"Good thinking."

"Ah, but you're the advisor. Not me." Chicha winked. "Now ... let's get going, shall we?"

The three of them headed out to the cart that stood waiting by the door. Two rather imperial-looking white llamas were harnessed to it, and Zola sat in the cart, Tipo and Chaca in her lap.

"You're gonna looooove our village, Zola!" Tipo was saying. "There's lotsa llamas, and corn, and hills, and ... and llamas, and..." He blinked. "It's really neat."

"Tipo," Chaca said matter-of-factly, "Zola isn't going to think our village is exactly all that entertaining if you can't list enough of its finer attributes."

"Right. .... We've got bugs!" He suggested. "And you can have Mom measure you on the door, too. But I'm taller than ANYbody!"

"Even me?" Pacha winked, strapping their rations to the llamas' backs.

"Okay, maybe not Dad."

Zola smiled. "It sounds wonderful."

Kuzco flopped down on the edge of the cart. "Yeah, it's nice." He said noncommitally. "Okayyy, let's go!"

Zola stood, helping Chicha set up a comfortable spot for baby Roca in the corner of the cart. "I'll walk on this side and keep an eye on him." She smiled. "You walk up front with Pacha."

"Thanks..."

Kuzco, meanwhile, stretched out in the cart between the children. "So, you guys all set for the road trip? Even with the bridge rebuilt, it's a while back..."

"Yep!" Chaca grinned. "We're gonna play games!"

"Fun in a basket." Kuzco remarked, buffing his nails on his robe.

"Hey," Zola interjected, poking him in the shoulder as the llamas started to pull the cart down the hill, away from the palace. "Walk."

"Why should I? I'm the Emperor." He leant back, folding his arms behind his head and staring up at the sky. "Ooh, look, you guys. Bunny rabbit cloud."

"Looks like a llama to me!" Tipo smiled.

"Yeah, well I see a big, lazy, slug." Zola remarked.

"Where?" All three asked, peering at the sky.

"Riiight HERE." With that, Zola grabbed Kuzco by the shoulder and hauled him out of the cart.

"NO TOUCHY!" He hollered, assuming a defensive position.

"Then walk like the rest of the adults." Zola snapped, pointing to the cart - now slightly ahead of them.

"Um, no. Emperors don't walk, emperors ride. Or did you miss that little detail in charm school with the other girls?"

"For your information," Zola growled, "I didn't go to charm school."

"Well, that explains a LOT."

"Neither did you, apparently, then!"

Kuzco glared at her for a moment. "Well, you ... you're ... you're the one with the ... GOW!" He spluttered, folding his arms and sulking after her as she followed the cart down the road.

Back in the palace, Kuzco's many servants were still at work to make sure that things remained in order in his absence. Tailors patched together new garments for him to wear, decorators retouched the wall paintings and made sure that the hanging tapestries were kept from fading, and countless others polished walls, floors, furniture, and any other acouturements to a burnished shine. Yet by far, the busiest of all the servants were the laundresses, slaving away in the hot boiler rooms of the palace to make sure that every sheet, pillowcase, and other form of textile was in perfect, spotless condition.

One of those laundresses was not pleased in the least with her duties.

"Here. Dish towels."

Kronk smiled as he took the bundle of clean linens from the servant before him, dressed in the conventional blue and white, her long hair rolled up in a coif against her head. "Thanks. Hey, don't I know you?"

"Kari." She said flatly. Never fails, lately. You watch. "Ohhhh, you're the one who crashed Kuzco's party last week.... why'd you do a stupid thing like that?"

"Hi there. I'm Kronk." He flashed her a smile. "Didn't I see you at the party? That was a great hat."

"You think so, really?" She paused, startled. "I mean, it was the same as Miss Zola's..."

"It was? Oh. Well I bet she felt weird. Wearing the same hat and all." Kronk shrugged, adding some spices to a pot of soup. "So, hey, since Kuzco's outta the palace for a week or so, I'm stuck cooking for myself and the rest of the staff." He said, looking almost disappointed. "I was thinking of trying out some new recipes, but they're all too fancy for us..."

Kari shrugged. "Whatever, go nuts." She turned to go, balancing the heavy basket of sheets on her hip.

"Stay for a sandwich?" He offered. "That basket looks heavy, and you look like you could use a nice roast beef sandwich, with a little bit of cole slaw or something."

She blinked. "Uhhhhhh ... sure." Kari set the basket down in the corner, near the door, then caught sight of the little squirrel chopping celery on the counter. "Did you know there's a squirrel in your kitchen, Crank?"

"Uh, Kronk." He said absently, setting two sandwiches down on the small table at the back of the kitchen. "And that's Bucky. He's my assistant."

"Goo ba ga cha!" The little squirrel said proudly, showing off its tiny chef hat.

"He says he's very happy to meet you." Kronk translated. "Something to drink?"

"Just water."

"Okay." Kronk got up and started to fish around the cabinet for a water glass.

"So...." Kari said slowly, staring at her plate. "I heard from some of the girls that you worked with Kuzco's old advisor?"

"Yzma." Kronk said quietly, setting a glass of water down in front of Kari. "Yeah."

"Tell me about her ... she sounds interesting... I heard she had a secret lab in the basement and stuff."

"She does. I can show it to you sometime."

"Wait." Kari set down her glass. "Does? ... I thought she was gone."

"Oh, she's still around. Got turned into a cat." Kronk took a bite out of his sandwich and shrugged lightly, as if having your old boss turned into a cat was the most common thing in the world.

"Cat."

Kronk swallowed, wiped his mouth, then replied, "Uh huh. White poufy cat. I feed her every night, seein's how nobody else really knows she's around."

"Oh reeeeally." Kari blinked. "So what's the deal with that? The cat thing. I wanna know."

"Really?" Kronk paused, stunned.

"Why would she want to know about that? She sounds suspicious."

"My shoulder angel." Kronk whispered to himself. "What do you mean?"

"I'm talking about she wants to know about Yzma. The one who said she didn't like our spinach puffs. The one who tried to KILL people. That can't be good."

"Aw come off it. She's just curious."

"She is NOT! She wants to do something."

"Would you two stop confusing me? Please?" Kronk pleaded. "I'm sure she's just a nice laundry girl who likes roast beef sandwiches and wants to know about cats. Maybe she needs a pet."

Kari blinked, watching Kronk participate in a conversation with his shoulders. "First squirrels, now thin air. What's he gonna talk to next, the cat?" She muttered to herself.

Kronk turned back to her. "Hey, sorry 'bout that. Those guys just like to try and tell me what to do every now and then... they're kinda rude about interrupting conversations." He explained. "So are you looking for a pet cat? Cause I gotta warn you ... Yzma's not any normal cat. She still talks, and she still acts normal. She's just ... a cat."

Kari scratched her head. "Kronk.... did you eat any rotten food today, or what?"

"Why?" He smiled.

"Never mind." But if he's telling the truth, and Yzma still speaks ... maybe she can help me get rid of Zola ...! Ooh. That's a good idea. Brilliant, really. I must be a genius! "Kronk ... can you take me to see her? I want to help you take care of her." Kari cooed.

"Uhhh, sure thing." Kronk smiled, clearing away their plates. "We can go tonight after dinner."

"Excellent."

As the morning sun rose higher over the countryside, Kuzco was quickly discovering a common law of nature - more heat equals less shade - and he didn't like it at all.

"It's hot out." He proclaimed, leaning on the side of the cart as his companions walked along, cheerfully tolerant of the weather. "What's with you guys? Aren't you hot and sweaty and grubby and ... yech?"

Chicha shook her head. "We're used to working outside, Kuzco.... this is fine weather for us."

"Oh, right, the whole work thing. Uh huh." Kuzco realized, scuffing his sandals along the dirt as he walked, kicking up clouds of dust.

"You're going to ruin those sandals." Zola proclaimed from the other side of the cart, where she was watching little Roca sleep.

"Why should you care?" Kuzco snapped. "They're my sandals, and I can get a new pair easy enough. I mean ..."

"I'm the Emperor." She said in unison with him for what seemed like the tenth time in the past hour. "As if you'd ever let me forget."

"As if ..." He mocked her. "Ooh, scary, that one was a real zinger. Ow, she hurt my feelings." Kuzco pouted, putting a hand to his chest. "You know, fiancee or no, you're still just a peasant and you have no right to speak to me that way."

Zola let out something between a gasp and a cough. "WHAT was that?"

Chicha spun around, her eyes blazing. "That was exTREMEly rude, young man." She growled. "I say you apologize to her."

Pacha nodded, bewildered by his friend's harsh words. "Uh, yeah, Kuzco. That was ... " His shock faded and he found his words. "That was completely uncalled for, and you know it. Now apologize!"

"Who are you to tell me what to do?" Kuzco snarled, kicking at a pebble and watching it fly down the path.

"Your ADVISOR." Both of them said in unison.

"Oh. Right. ....Well I don't NEED you. I can make my own decisions."

"As I recall," Pacha said dryly, "the last time you said that, you ended up trapped on a cliff by a pack of jaguars. So from where I stand, that statement's rather questionable."

"Well I ... I'm different now!" Kuzco blurted, flailing his arms as he turned away from the cart. "People just refuse to recognize that!!!"

Pacha and Chicha exchanged glances, then Pacha walked over to Kuzco as Chicha continued to guide the cart down the path.

"Siddown." Pacha said quietly, pointing to a large rock on the roadside.

Kuzco leant up against a tree trunk. "No thank you." He replied curtly.

Heaving a sigh, Pacha sat down and folded his arms. "Look, Kuzco, you say you want people to recognize that you've changed. .... Now don't take this the wrong way, but they might recognize it more if you showed it a little more. You were doing great when you first turned back to normal, but the minute we got back to the palace, it was almost like you were your old self again. I don't understand."

Kuzco picked absently at the hem of his poncho. "Well... " he began. "People expect it ... I'm afraid if I overdid it, they wouldn't ... I dunno. Some people just ... "

"One of those 'some people' wouldn't happen to be Zola, would it?" Pacha guessed.

Kuzco froze. "Well .... no?" He paused. "I mean, NO! Nononononononono, absolutely not. I mean ... No. Nuh uh. Zola me no likey."

"Mmhm." Pacha nodded.

"I'm SERIOUS, Pach!" Kuzco insisted, with a stomp of his foot. "I don't see why everyone's gotta be so gung-ho about this. 'Oh, you and Zola' or 'Oh, the future empress'...." He clamped his hands to either side of his head. "It's driving me INSANE! Did anyone consider I might actually not WANT to marry anyone?" He paused. "Not even her?"

Pacha smiled slightly at Kuzco's choice of words, but chose to excercise the better part of valor. "Well, it is a law," he reminded him.

"One of the few stupid ones I can't change." Kuzco muttered, kneeling down to pick at a tuft of grass.

"You think you have it so tough, Kuzco..." Pacha sighed. "Did you ever ask Zola where she was before she came to the palace? You might be surprised."

"She told you? And not me?" Kuzco blurted. "That's not fair! Tell me!"

Pacha looked around, then said quietly, "Can you keep a secret?"

"Yeah! Course I can."

"So can I." Pacha smiled, standing up and heading down the path. "So, you coming? ... I suggest you work up a nice apology to have ready when we stop at the stream for lunch."

"Oh, you're real funny, Pacha." Kuzco scrambled after him, managing to land a cuff on his friend's shoulder. "Regular comedian...."

Kari frowned as she stood in the lower level of the palace, clutching a bowl of something that - remarkably - did not have spinach in it. However, it did smell ... interesting. "Ew. Kronk, what IS this stuff?"

"Special recipe." Kronk said flatly. "Being a cat sorta ... screwed up her eating habits." He walked up to a sculpture on the wall and peered at it closely. "Now ... it's the right." He muttered. "No, the left ... nooo.... Oh, I can't REMEMBER!"

"Just pull one, then! I don't have all night!!" Kari stomped up to him and yanked on one of the levers.

"No, wait --- " Kronk held up a hand as Kari plummeted through the floor with a screech. ".... I just remembered that was the wrong one ...." He admitted meekly as she came running through a door in the back, dripping wet, her dress torn. "That's the crocodiles..."

"I see that." She hissed, shoving him aside. "Why is that lever even THERE?"

"I've often asked myself the same question." A voice squeaked from the shadows in the corner. "And whoooo exactly are you, my dear?"

Kari jumped, nearly dropping the bowl of food she held. "I ... " She blinked. "My name is Kari... I came to have a word with you... Miss Yzma."

"A word?" There was a flash of blue in the corner, a slight twitch in the darkness.

Kari knelt, setting down the dish. "Yes ... I want to speak to you about Emperor Kuzco."

"Kuzco." Yzma spat, her voice almost a snarl. "That little brrrrat!"

The handmaiden-turned-laundress froze as Yzma began to move out of the shadows, expecting a fearsome jungle cat, a lean, sleek, dangerous panther or a mountain lion. When she caught sight of the tiny white furrball advancing toward her, she had to clap a hand over her mouth to hold in her laughter.

"What?" YzmaCat glared, ruffling her fur.

"You .... " Kari giggled. "You're just a cute widdaw pussycat!" She laughed. In a flash, she clapped a hand to her arm, wincing. "Ow."

"A cute. Widdaw. Pussycat. With claws." Yzma hissed, sniffing at the dinner dish. "KRONK! What do you CALL this?"

"Your dinner. You want something else, you cook it," Kronk said simply.

"I can't cook. Why do you think I hired you?"

Kronk folded his arms defiantly. "But you said you didn't like my spinach puffs," he replied, a twinge of pain in his voice.

"I don't." She said plainly, pushing the food dish down the crocodile hole. "But I don't care forrrr this either! You know what, Kronk? You're fired."

Kronk blinked. "Um ... okay." He shrugged. "See you at lunch tomorrow, Kari? I'll need some more towels." He smiled awkwardly, pointing an oven-mitted finger at her as he headed upstairs.

Kari slapped a hand over her eyes. "What a dork." She sighed.

"Tellllllllll me about it." YzmaCat purred, grooming her tail. "Now, you wish to tell me about Kuzco. Frankly, I could care less."

"You don't understand." Kari sputtered. This was supposed to be my chance for vengeance and it's being ruined by some FUZZBALL? How humiliating.

"Look." Yzma stretched, kneading her claws against the floor. "Take me upstairs to someplace less drafty, get me some real food. A pillow, maybe. Then we'll talk."

Kari sighed, scooping the cat up in her arms. "Terrific, I've got a pet cat."

YzmaCat extended her claws just enough so that they pricked into her 'owner's' arm. "Don't get too used to it."

Zola sighed as she sat at the edge of a small stream, dipping a swatch of cloth in the water, then wringing it out to wash her face. The cool water felt exceptionally soothing on her face, and she smiled, letting the cloth remain on her brow for a moment or two before folding it and tying it around her neck. With another sigh of contentment, she took off her sandals and dipped her road-weary feet into the water. "Mmm. That's better." She said quietly.

"How's the water?"

Zola frowned as she noticed Kuzco's reflection, distorted in the rippling water as he loomed behind her, twiddling his thumbs. "Cold. Go away."

"Look, ah ... " He paused. Ugh. Apologies. I just DID this a few weeks ago. Why's it so hard again all of a sudden? ... "I ... "

"Are you talking?"

"Yeah, actually, I am." He said firmly, planting himself on the grass beside her. "And I'm trying to tell you I'm actually sorry, but if you're not going to listen to me, you're never going to hear it, now, are you." He snapped, folding his arms. "Well, fine, then."

Zola blinked. "Wait. Wait. Slow down. Was that ... was that an actual apology I just heard coming from the mouth of His Highness I'm Always Right?"

"Mm. Maybe. But don't get used to it." He said quickly, tossing a pebble into the stream.

"And don't get used to my accepting it."

"Oh, don't worry, I WON'T."

The two of them locked eyes for a moment, then looked away, glaring. Kuzco picked sullenly at the grass, ripping it up into confetti and tossing it into the stream, watching it drift. Somewhere on the opposite bank, a frog croaked.

"Frog." Zola pointed out.

"Ya think?"

"Yeah."

Ribbit.

"Loud little bugger." Kuzco fidgeted with the edge of his poncho. "S'hot out here."

"Ya think?"

"Yeah."

Ribbit.

"Kuzco --"

"Zola --"

She coughed. "Emperors first."

"O-kaaaay. I ... I really am sorry, ok?"

"Did I say I didn't think you were?" Zola said quietly, trailing her fingers in the water. "I know how you're used to getting your way. Chicha and I were talking about it. ... I woulda paid money to see you as a llama."

He shuddered. "Please don't bring that up, Zol."

"Why not? It was a good thing, from what I heard."

"I was bathing for weeks. And I ..." Kuzco hung his head. I can't tell her ... how the heck am I supposed to explain the feeling you get when your whole world falls down around your ankles? "I have an excellent idea. Let's change the subject. What about you? Where you from?"

She blinked. "One of the little villages around your palace. Hurin."

"Oh. That's the one with the market."

"The market kinda connects Hurin and Hanin." She said plainly. "And I bet you've never even been there. Your own city. That's sad."

Kuzco folded his arms. "Well, if we wanna talk about sad, then ..."

"Then what?" She snapped, standing, anger flashing in her eyes.

"Um ... " He frowned. "I can't think of an insult." He said, amazed. "Now that's sad."

"Gee, Zola two, Kuzco nothing." Zola smirked.

"Are you two ready to go?" Pacha called from the wagon. "It's still a good hour and a half to Mudka's."

"An hour? I'm starving," Kuzco whined.

"Me too, Dad," Tipo chimed in.

"Me three," Chaca nodded, her pigtails bobbing. "Can we run?"

"Ugh, no thank you!" Kuzco shook his head. "I'd rather walk and starve than tire out the Imperial feet prematurely. Let's go..."

Zola sighed as she fell into step beside Chicha. "I don't get it, sometimes," she admitted. "He just apologized for the same thing he's doing right now. Whining."

"That's Kuzco," Chicha smiled, shaking her head. "Give it a while. He'll have cooled down again by dinner, you watch."

"I hope so. He's getting me irritable."

"Well," Pacha volunteered, as they started back down the path, "you kind of have to get used to that sort of thing when you're around Kuzco. He still has a long ways to go."

"You didn't tell him, did you?"

"Tell him what?"

"About my --"

Suddenly, there was a rustle of branches from the trees above them, and a blur of red, green, and gold tumbled down into the hay of the cart with a screech.

"AAAH!" Tipo cried out, as he and his sister scurried to opposite corners of the cart. "It's a... a... "

A rumpled, straw-covered head of raven hair poked out from beneath the hay, followed by a hand clutching a sole, bruised pear. "The things I do for lunch," a voice moaned.

"It's just a girl," Chaca pouted, disappointed. "And here I thought it was some big magical thingie."

"Nope, just me," the girl smiled, straightening out her skirt before polishing her pear on it and taking a bite.

Kuzco leant nonchalantly on the side of the cart and peered at the intruder suspiciously. "And yooou are?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Chicheni," she replied, shaking his hand and leaving it sticky with pear juice. "And you're Sapa."

"Emperor Kuzco," he corrected her, wiping his hand off on Pacha's poncho.

"Sapa," she nodded, smiling.

Kuzco paused. "Nobody's called the emperor that for at least two generations," he realized. "What's your deal, huh?"

"I was just getting lunch, and I lost my balance," Chicheni shrugged, picking straw out of her tightly coiled bun. "But I knew I was going to land safely enough. After all ..." She paused, staring at him. After a moment, Chicheni froze, her head cocked to one side, her eyes glazed over slightly. "Chibil Kin.... black, and red, and grey ... never drink the vintage ... no ... never ..."

As she continued muttering to herself, Pacha and Kuzco exchanged glances. The entire traveling party shrugged.

"I think her bun's on a little too tight," Zola whispered to Chicha.

"Definately..." Chicha nodded, as her eyes fell on Chicheni's hair. A large cloud of straw had fallen loose, revealing a streak of hair as blue as the afternoon sky running through the young girl's bun. "Odd."

"Weird," Kuzco mumbled. "Pacha, while she's in that whatever it is, can we just shove her off the cart and keep going? She's kinda scaring me." He folded his arms. "Not to mention that she got pear juice all over my hand and she's in my seat."

Instantly, Chicheni's head snapped back upright and she smiled broadly. "So where are you headed, Sapa?"

Kuzco blinked repeatedly. "Um .... um .... we were going for dinner."

"Mind if I tag along?"

Kuzco shot Pacha a nervous glance, but his peasant friend merely smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "Gow. .... Why not, go ahead..."

"Thanks. Um ... you might want to put some warm water on that," Chicheni pointed to Tipo's leg.

"Huh?" Tipo blinked, looking down at his calf. "Nothin's wrong with it, though."

"Yep, nice warm water, that works," Chicheni nodded, oblivious, as she hopped out of the cart and straightened her striped dress. "Mudka's Meat Hut, eh? Well, can't say it's the best place around, but I do love their cheddar potatoes."

As she continued to babble, Kuzco scurried over to Pacha. "Okay, Mr. Humanitarian, if she freaks me out any more, you're walking in back!"

Chicha blinked. "She's certainly unique. I wonder where she's from. She's got a very odd accent... and she looks so lost... but not ... it's very strange."

Zola shrugged. "I think she's nice enough. But I wonder what she was talking about before? Black, red, and grey?"

"I know what Chibil Kin is," Kuzco shuddered involuntarily. "Yzma used to tell me stories about it to make me behave."

"What is it?" All three of his companions asked in unison.

"It's ... it's an eclipse of the sun," Kuzco stammered, rubbing at one arm. "Yzma used to say that when it happens, bad things happen to the Emperor because he is the sun.... but I know there isn't supposed to be one for years now. So I dunno what she's talking about," he finished, indicating Chicheni, who was busy playing clapping games with the children in the cart. "But needless to say, she freaks me out. Knowing that whole old formal business of calling me Sapa ... the Chibil Kin thing ... and just the way she stared at me. Ugh!" He shuddered again. "Let's keep going, huh? Maybe a meat pie can take my mind off of this kook."

Kari sighed as she lounged in the chaise by her window. "Look, all I need to know is how to get rid of Kuzco."

"You can't, sister," Yzma yowled, kneading her claws into the pile of laundry she'd been perched upon. "Believe me, I've tried. Countless times."

"You never considered just finding some way to get him away from the palace?"

"Well ... I did have him out for a while," Yzma purred, slicking back her fur with one paw. "When he was a llama. But that peasant!"

"I heard alllllll about it," Kari nodded. "But what if there was nobody to help him? We'd have to get Zola out of the way, too, of course."

"Right..." Yzma nodded. "And there is no human potion left, or I would have used it on my beautiful self. ... My recipe seems to have gone missing, as well."

"Terrific." Kari rubbed her hands together. "Now, let's see ... what to do?"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to turn him into something very small. Maybe someone will step on him." Kari cackled. "Wait ... I think I know. I'll turn him into a flea."

"Too complicated," Yzma interrupted her. "And besides, the postage rate just went up."

Postage rate? Kari scratched her head for a moment, then shrugged. "Uh ... right. But I need some kind of animal that nobody will notice..."

Yzma grinned wickedly, showing off rows of sharp teeth. "I know just the thing ... but we'll need time to make it ... and time to plan."

"Just tell me what to do..."

The brightly colored decor of Mudka's Meat Hut was a welcome respite from the dust and heat of the road, and the seven travelers all piled into the largest booth in the restaurant. Chicha cradled young Roca in her arms as Chaca sat to one side of her, while Pacha sat on the other with a bouncing Tipo in his lap. Chicheni had seated herself between Tipo and Zola, concentrating her attention on the Emperor, who perched at the edge of the booth, scowling over his menu.

"Too much gravy. That's got cheese. Nope, fish me no likey. .... Gow, did they take the meat pie off the menu, or what?" Kuzco griped, setting the enormous parchment down on the table with a sigh.

Wordlessly, Zola reached out and flipped the menu over, pointing to the list of specials.

"Aha. Thanks."

The waitress waddled over to them, peering out over her notepad through mascara-caked lashes. "Welcome to Mudka's Meat Hut, home of the Mug of Meat," she intoned, taking the pencil from behind her ear. "What'll it be?"

Pacha grinned. "Four pillbugs, cheddar potatoes..."

"Two cheddar potatoes," Chicheni chimed in.

"Vegetable fritatta with peppers and onions," Zola smiled.

"Meat pie, hold the gravy, all lean meat, and noooo bones. Oh - and can you not burn the crust? I like it just right. Not too hot, see, or I'd burn my tongue and that hurts...."

"Whaddaya think this is, kid, the Imperial Palace?" The waitress chuckled, writing down the order. "That'll be a few minutes..."

"Imperial Palace," Kuzco sniffed, setting his chin in his hands. "I've got half a mind to go in there and --"

"Kuzco, you've already made one of these chefs quit," Pacha reminded him. "Besides, they're usually very good about the food here."

"Dad, can we get an onion log?" Tipo asked.

"Sure, kiddo," Pacha smiled. "Just run over and catch the waitress at the counter, she'll fill it in."

Tipo grinned as he clambered over his mother and sister. As he went to step onto the floor, his sandal caught on the edge of the bench and he tripped, falling headfirst onto the floor. "OW!"

Chicheni shook her head, frowning. "That's gotta sting," she remarked.

"Are you okay, honey?" Chicha bit her lip, helping her son to his feet.

"Yeah ... my leg hurts." Tipo whimpered, pulling a splinter out of his calf. "Ew."

Chicha waved her arms, flagging down the waitress. "Can we get some warm water over here, please? My son's got a splinter. ..."

Instantly, Kuzco, Pacha, and Zola all turned to stare at Chicheni.

"Huh? What?" She blinked, sipping at her iced tea. "Have I got something in my teeth?"

Kuzco whistled, raising his eyebrows. "Uh, nooooooo.... you just said about an hour ago that that kiddo needed warm water. What do we need?"

"What is 'warm water'," Zola finished.

"Bingo. So what's the deal, huh?"

Chicheni shrugged. "I just ... I've always known things like that. Always." She twisted her napkin in her hands. ".... I knew I was going to get separated from my tribe. That bothered me..."

Pacha frowned, sliding out of the booth to help Chicha with Tipo's leg. "Your tribe?"

"Uh huh. It was so long ago, I don't even remember who they are or where they're from. I just know I've been everywhere. All over these hills... and the ones you can't see..."

"How'd your hair get all blue like that?" Chaca asked, pointing to the streak.

"Uh - I don't know. It's always been there." Chicheni shrugged. "But I just... I know things, that's all. I see them."

"Chibil Kin," Kuzco murmured, looking around nervously.

"You said that wasn't going to happen," Zola reminded him. "There's nothing to worry about. Nothing at all."

"And besides," Pacha smiled as the waitress plodded over with a heavily laden tray, "our food's here. So just relax - we'll be back to my house soon, and you can show Zola and Chicheni your place --"

"My Kuzcotopia," he said proudly, puffing out his chest. "You should see it. It's got these great rugs, and Chicha made the wall hangings, and there's a reeeeeally cool birdbath, and a waterslide, and ..."

Pacha sighed as he listened to Kuzco lose himself in his ramblings. "Do you think ...?" He asked Chicha conspiratorily, cracking open their pillbugs.

"I don't know, quite honestly," Chicha shrugged. "We'll just have to wait and see."

~*~*~*~*~*~

That Chicheni, she's some weird kid, huh? Chibil Kin .... brrrrr, that scares the HECK out of me! .... You'd be scared, too, if you heard stories like that. I bet you probably have, in fact. But anyway, I gotta feeling there's more to that girl than meets the eye. Oh well. Till next time, everyone ... I'll see you at Kuzcotopia! Buh-bye!

(Author's Note: Yes, Chibil Kin really is a term. It literally means "the biting of the sun", and I got it out of a book on Mesoamerican religion and schtuff. .... Sorry for the cliffhanger, but I felt like this installment was getting rather long, and I like to have my series in short little bits. Besides, I've been keeping you all waiting far too long. Lemme know what you think! ... Oh, and if you want to see Chicheni, she's here... http://www.geocities.com/odducks/chi1.jpg. Dig that crazy blue streak.)