Disclaimer: Freakily not mine.
A/N: Written for Challenge #062 'Crack' at ygodrabble over on LiveJournal.
Fever Dreams
© Scribbler, January 2012.
"Jounouchi, calm down!"
"Mrrf … 'm gonna getcha … getcha good …" Jounouchi wondered why his voice slurred when he talked. His mouth tasted like crap, too. No matter; he could still fight. He fired off a punch that missed, and then another that didn't. The monster with the horn in the middle of its forehead ricocheted backwards.
"Quit that!" the beast roared in pain.
Jounouchi allowed himself a small smile. He had no idea how he gotten into this freaky world, or what nefarious evildoer had worked him into their plans for world domination, but he'd be damned if he went quietly. He had woken to find no sign of his friends, just the freakiest, deakiest creatures he had ever seen. These things made even Duel Monsters look like a day out at the petting zoo.
The horned beast wheeled on him. "I held your hair outta your face while you puked, numb-nuts! Is that any way to repay me?"
"Quick, grab his arms!"
Something pink and covered in spikes launched itself in his direction. Jounouchi tried to dodge away, but the ground turned to chocolate cake beneath him. His feet sank into the spongy surface, causing him to pitch forward with a squawk. Seeing him in a vulnerable position, a fanged Kuriboh with bat wings fastened onto his other arm and held him down with surprising strength.
"Quick, get the – whoof!"
"Yuugi!"
"So you things did kidnap my friends!" Jounouchi bounced back. He spotted Excalibur sticking out of a rock in the ground and yanked it out with ease. All three creatures shrank back as if scared of the sword, which dripped nobleness and bravery. A trickle of courage ran over his hand and down his arm. For some reason courage smelled like shit.
"Ew, gross!" squealed the pink thing.
Jounouchi levelled the weapon at them. "Where did you take my friends, you freaks?"
"Big Brother, we're right here!" said a voice from the sky.
He looked up. "Shizuka? I'm coming to save you! Hold on! I just gotta take care of these monsters and then it's Big Bro to the rescue!"
"What?"
"I think he's hallucinating." The horned creature lurched forward, growling like it didn't want him to hear its voice as it approached. "Jounouchi –"
"Yaaah!"
The fanged Kuriboh and spikey pink thing leapt onto his back, pinning him down. He struggled as they forced something into his mouth. He tried to spit it out, but pink tentacles wrapped around his face and jaws, pumping them up and down. Chalky substance spread over his teeth and tongue. Some seeped down his throat. It tasted like crap and was probably poison.
"No! Get offa me!"
"This never would've happened if you'd taken your medication like the doctor said!" the pink think snapped in a bossy voice that reminded him of something… someone… oh crap, it was getting hard to think. What had they given him? "Honda, take the toilet brush from him."
"Why me?"
"Just do it!"
The horned creature wrestled Excalibur away. Jounouchi tried to punch it, but his head felt thick. Thoughts came slowly. His reaction time and punching prowess dimmed to that of an arthritic grandma trying to play tennis.
"Gotta… save… friends…" he mumbled drowsily.
"That's nice of you, Jounouchi, but we're fine. It's you who's sick."
"Not… sick… been kidnapped by… by… monsters…" fighting a losing battle, he drifted towards unconsciousness.
A cloud floated down to brush sweat-dampened bangs from his forehead. "Poor Big Brother," it whispered. "Don't worry. We'll look after you."
"Shiz…" he managed, and then he was gone.
Fin.
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