This is the first part of a multi chapter fic that came about when my response to CameoAmalthea's challenge at the Genesis Awards forums got me a bit carried away. This one follows her brief a bit more closely than "Say the Word", but Reno went off and got involved with my OC, Xin, in this one!

This story is also a kind of sequel to my fic "As Good as it Gets."

Cameo's challenge was this:

Summary: Tseng has been watching and wanting Reno, but Reno has no idea. Reno doesn't think he'd ever catch Tseng's eye, he knows there are some things he just can't have. When he lets his insecurities slip to his lover, Rufus Shinra is quick to take things the wrong way and is none too pleased to hear that Reno thinks someone is too good for him. What does that make Rufus? Lower? Out of spite he decides to take what Reno wants for himself, but will pursuing Tseng become more than just a game for Rufus?
Terms that must be met: Misunderstandings. Rufus not caring that Reno wants to be with Tseng, but offended that Reno doesn't think he can. Rod observing events and having no idea what's going on. Possibly Rude guessing almost exactly what's going on and saying nothing.

Here you go, Cam! Not sure what happened here...

The title of this one has me singing that Marina and the Diamonds song "Prima Donna Girl". Rufus is such a prima donna at times!

They're all tougher here than in "Say the Word."

All You Ever Wanted

I

Out of Your Reach

"Sometimes," says Rufus, his voice low and deceptively soft, the fingers of his right hand playing idly with Reno's hair, "I question whether you really want to be here."

Reno, his head comfortably resting on Rufus' chest, doesn't open his eyes. He's too close to sleep to be bothered with Rufus' games. "Uh huh," he says, and his tone is so completely non-committal that Rufus has no idea what the hell he means.

"You do, or you don't?" Rufus demands, and there's just enough of that familiar edge in his voice that Reno has to suppress a sigh, because – shit – he's got to work again in four hours, and can't Rufus ever just take things for what they are and friggin' relax?

"Do – don't – what?" Reno asks, slurring deliberately, hoping that for once Rufus will let it go; knowing that he won't. See – this is why, in his other life, he prefers to stick to one-nighters mostly, and why he generally gets out of there before these kinds of conversations can crop up.

"Do you want to be here?"

Reno opens his eyes and looks up at Rufus – finds himself the target of that intense gaze. "Little blue dot," Reno says, erasing the mental image of Tseng the moment that phrase makes it appear, because if Rufus isn't a fucking mind reader he doesn't know who is. Tseng maybe? No. No, no, no.

"What?" Rufus asks, irritated by the non sequitur.

Reno smiles, his expression both lazy and cunning, and Rufus warns himself not to fall for the charm this time, because he's not one of Reno's casual hook-ups, he's Rufus Shinra, and he wants an answer. Reno reaches up to brush Rufus' blond hair aside, and says, "Your eyes – like – fuckin' laser sights. You know – the little red dots? Only blue…"

Rufus shakes his head. "I'm wise to your distraction tactics, Turk."

"I'm in the kill zone, huh?"

"You are," Rufus says. "So answer the question."

Reno's fingers tighten in Rufus' hair, and he pulls him down into a kiss, too close for focus. "You want to be distracted," he murmurs, attempting another kiss, but Rufus turns his face aside and frowns. "I want an answer," he says.

"Okay, okay. What was the question?"

Instead of repeating himself, Rufus says, "You're not under any obligation to be here, you know."

"Yeah, I know. If I was, I'd be askin' to be paid - time and a half minimum, given that I'm on duty again in –" he rolls over to check the clock - "just under four hours."

When Rufus doesn't smile, Reno sits up and looks at him properly. "All right – what is it? You know why I'm here."

"Do I?"

"Oh for fuck's – Okay, spit it out, Rufus. What did I do – didn't I do? 'Cause I thought that was good, yeah? Better than good."

"I'm a great lay," Rufus says, his voice flat.

"Yeah. Yeah – you are."

"And that's it?"

"What do you want me to say?" Reno reaches over for a cigarette from the packet on the nightstand next to Rufus, but Rufus pushes his hand away. Reno's smile is mocking as he adds, "'Sup, Baby? You worried I won't respect you in the morning?"

"Tell me," Rufus says, his expression blank, "about Xin."

Oh. Right.

There's a look Reno gets when he's angry – it's as though the light in his eyes hardens, changing the complex mix of soft blues and greens in his irises to something sharp, glittering with a cold gemstone fire. "What about Xin?" he asks, with forced calm.

"I hear you've been spending quite a bit of time with him."

"So? I've not been spending company time with him. What I do off the clock is my business." Reno doesn't even bother to question Rufus about his sources. Tseng, for one, doubtless keeps him informed.

"Yes, of course. I'm simply interested. You don't often see people more than once – you told me that yourself."

"Yeah. But sometimes I do. What – you think he's a security risk?"

"He's half Wutaian."

Reno scoffs. "So's Tseng."

"Yes. I wondered whether that might be the point, actually – the resemblance."

"He came on to me. Did your spies tell you that?"

"I saw a photograph. Do you keep on seeing him because he looks like Tseng?"

"He don't look that like Tseng."

"Nevertheless…"

"You think I have a thing for Tseng?"

"That's what I'm asking."

"What would be the point of having a thing for someone I could never - who's my immediate superior?" Reno asks and the verbal stumble gives Rufus pause.

"Someone you could never have?" he says.

"I didn't say –"

"But you were going to. You think Tseng is - what? Out of your reach?"

"What is this? Shit, Rufus, I need to sleep."

Rufus just looks at him.

"What? This is so fucked up! Look, Tseng's my line manager – it would be unprofessional. He wouldn't be interested, even if I was. Xin – he's just a pretty guy I met in a bar. You said this was casual. You never said you didn't want me to go with other people."

"What if I said that now?" Rufus asks, his eyes on Reno's hands. Reno forces himself to keep them still – not to clench them into fists. He doesn't need this now – really doesn't –

Rufus feels the tension in Reno's body through the mattress. Reno asks, "Are you going to say that?"

"No, of course not. I've told you why this has to stay casual. But hypothetically?"

"I don't deal in that shit. I'm a Turk."

"Right. So – you do what you do – say what you mean. It's all up front with you, Reno. No secrets, no lies." Rufus takes a cigarette and lights it, not offering the pack to Reno. Reno waits until he's replaced it on the nightstand, leans across and reclaims the whole packet, placing it deliberately on his side of the bed. "Yeah. Guess I'm like you, comes to that," he says.

Rufus laughs mirthlessly. "You have no idea," he says, giving Reno a look that could mean anything at all. "I'm – in a league of my own 'comes to that'."

"Fuck this," Reno mutters. "I can't do this. I have to sleep, or someone's liable to get killed tomorrow."

"Isn't that your job?"

"Not usually. Anyway – I meant the wrong person. Rufus – I've been on duty for thirty-two hours, and with you for another three. Can we not talk about this now? I guess I'll stop seeing Xin if you want. It's - just sex." Even as he says it, Reno wonders whether that's true anymore.

"No," says Rufus – "See who you like. I was only curious."

"Right," says Reno, flicking the switch to turn off the reading light on his side of the bed. Rufus puts out his cigarette and goes to the bathroom to clean his teeth. When he comes back, Reno appears to be asleep, his back to Rufus. Rufus kisses his shoulder, but he doesn't move. Rufus hesitates, thinking about biting, but Reno really does need to sleep, and in the end he turns out his own light, and settles on his side, facing away from Reno.

Reno lies in the darkness, unable to fall asleep. Damn. And now he'll have to finish with Xin, for Xin's sake and his own. Not that he thinks Rufus would actually do anything to Xin – that wouldn't be Rufus' style. But Tseng, or someone else, will be watching even more closely now, taking notes, asking questions. And that pisses Reno off, because Xin is a good lover – better than Reno ever expected that first night – and he's going to miss that body, and the feel of that sleek, heavy hair in his hands – the gleam of intense almost-black eyes in the near-dark, and the fact that Xin's quietness allows space for Reno to imagine that Xin is someone else. Someone entirely out of his reach.

In the morning, Rufus wakes Reno with a nip on the shoulder that's a lot gentler than it would have been last night. Reno groans and rolls over. 'Can't be time already."

"It's time. I made you coffee."

"Thanks. Shit, I'm tired." Reno sits up, and Rufus hands him a mug. When Reno sips the coffee, he closes his eyes and sighs. "Fuck that's good. What is it?"

"Mideel Gold Seal."

"Pricey?"

"A hundred gil a cup, in any coffee shop on the plate."

"You always were a flash fucker."

"Some things are simply worth the investment."

"Yeah," Reno agrees, pointedly finishing the coffee in two gulps that slide down his throat like liquid silk, "Which is fine if you got it to invest." He gets out of bed, unabashed, as always, by his nakedness, and heads for the bathroom. Rufus watches him – the soft spikes of that bright hair, the movement of hard muscle over long bones, the perfect shape of his ass, the small blue bruise on his shoulder from this morning, the paler patterns of old scars on already pale skin.

"You've got it," Rufus murmurs, when the sluicing of water in the shower ensures that Reno won't hear him. "Why do you undervalue yourself?"

Reno's unvoiced words of the previous night sound in Rufus' mind, causing him an unpleasant twisting sensation somewhere inside that hurts, but which must, like all pain, be made to manifest as anger. "Someone I could never have," says Rufus softly, aloud. He ponders Reno's lack of judgement, his anger growing. Tseng's out of your reach? So far out of your reach that you had to find some slum-trash substitute, and you'd still rather fuck him than me? What am I then? Someone you deign to make time for when your work schedule's too tight to let you be where you really want to be? Why do you undervalue me? How dare you undervalue me! Haven't I given you everything – made you my lover – bought you things you could never afford? I let you have other lovers, but you ought to appreciate that there's some kind of hierarchy, for fuck's sake! You don't get to rank me lower than one of your colleagues! Tseng's nothing. Fuck Tseng. In fact... Let's see just how untouchable your precious Tseng turns out to be.

Reno comes back into the bedroom, takes clean underwear and socks out of one of the drawers in Rufus' closet without asking and puts on his uniform, the shirt still crumpled from yesterday. Of course Rufus put his own clothes into the laundry-chute last night, but Reno doesn't have that option unless they want the staff gossiping. Officially he's in Rufus' rooms as a bodyguard – nothing more. He's always careful to remove any sign of his presence from Rufus' suite – checks that there are no telltale red hairs in the shower, replaces the spare toothbrush head in its box in the cupboard under the sink.

Once dressed, Reno rakes his fingers through carefully dried hair, watching Rufus warily.

"Gotta go."

"Yes."

"You wanna do this again tonight?"

"Not tonight. I have a date. Some daughter of one of my father's friends. Huh. I think he hopes I'll marry her."

"Is she hot?"

"Is sex all you ever think about?"

Reno's expression twists for an instant before he flashes Rufus a sharp smile. "Pretty much. What else is there, yo? Sex, smokes, hard liquor – maybe a fight or a couple hundred gil on the chocobos. Oh – and great coffee." He winks, and turns to leave.

"You should fuck him, if that's all it is," Rufus says.

Reno turns, hand on the doorframe. He says nothing – gives Rufus no opening. Rufus pushes on regardless. "Tseng," he says. "You should fuck him. Get it out of your system."

"Not gonna happen," Reno replies, opening the door.

"Then you won't mind if I do."

There's the most fleeting of pauses before Reno scoffs, "Yeah - good luck with that!" and is gone without looking back, but Rufus senses the hesitation, is alive to the palpable tension. Oh yes - Reno minds, but not out of any possessive feelings towards him, and the confirmation of that is poison to Rufus, all the more bitter for being self-inflicted.

Thanks for reading.