He opened his eyes and wished the memories of last night had been just a dream. A sudden move next to him kills his expectations. He sits up on the bed, legs out, and puts his hands on his face, pressing hard to expel the sleep and the aching sensation in his head, which he knows is his conscience, screaming. He feels her hand touching his shoulder slightly, and his first reaction is to shrug it off. But it wouldn't be fair to her. He turns his head slowly to acknowledge her presence.
"Hey? Are you okay?" She repeats the words that started it all, and he realizes ses that whatever they did last night did nothing to help ease the pain. He shakes his head in agreement, still in silence.
"Listen, I was thinking" she says, her tone of voice not upbeat or excited. Maybe she was feeling the same way he was. "Maybe we should let this go. For the good of the task force, you know".
Yes, thank you. She was as uncomfortable as he was. But he felt the need to clarify it to her, let her know the reasons why he allowed that to happen.
He wasn't an impulsive person. He never let his emotions lead his actions. Never. Yet last night they were all that acted. Because of her.
"Thank you, Samar." He said, as he felt she was leaving the bed. He still didn't have the strength to Do the same, so he just stretched his back and observed as she got dressed. He had just woken up, but he was tired. He was exhausted of that situation, and he had a hunch it could be seen on his face, because she asked again.
"Are you sure you'll be alright, Ressler?" She looked at her concerned, with sad eyes.
"I love her" he whispered, blurting out all that was inside him.
"What?" She approached to listen to him.
"I love her." She knew exactly who he was talking about. "I love her and it terrifies me. It terrifies that I won't get to her in time, or that I won't be able to think straight or do my job because of this"
"You have to tell her."
"No. It won't be of any use." He shook his head.
"You don't know that, Ressler"
"She's been having help from Tom Keen! She's met him. She still loves him, despite everything he did to her. I have no chance in this territory." He screamed, and she felt pity. She didn't know Tom Keen was still helping Liz, but she could've guessed. It was a mess.
"No. I gotta let this go. I gotta do my job. Bring her in, let justice decide, fight the enemy. This is what I've been designed for".
He stands up from the bed and walks towards the bathroom, and she tries to reach out to him, but holds herself as she sees the pain and anger in his face. She knows now that he cannot lead this case anymore. It was going to kill him. Eat him up from the inside. She had to do something about it. She finishes getting dressed and reaches out for her cell, typing the number she knows by heart.
"Red! We need to talk" she says, as she lets herself out of his apartment.