Fanfiction Warning: This story contains content not suitable for children.
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Reader discretion is advised.
This story is a Loud House/Conker's Bad Fur Day robot chicken fanfic sketch.
Lincoln Loud is is lying on the stone ground in the underworld. Back on earth, at the beach, after the events of "No Such Luck", Lincoln snuck away from his family to get a drink, but he passed out from heatstroke and dehydration before he can cool off and quench his thirst thanks to the squirrel costume he wore. A booming voice soon woke up Lincoln as the grim reaper's shadow begins to grow...
"LINCOLN! LINCOLN! LINCOLN!"
Lincoln's vision was still blurry as he groans and slowly opens his eyes, all he saw was a tall skeleton in a black robe carrying a scythe.
"YES, YOU BOY! YOU'RE DEAD! YOU ARE DEAD! DEAD AS A DODO! DEADER THAN..."
The megaphone gives off some feedback before going dead. Lincoln's vision cleared up as he sees the grim reaper who is now a short sized skeleton carrying a scythe on one hand and a megaphone on the other, he was also wearing a black robe, purple shoes and speaks with a squeaky british accent. It was Gregg the grim reaper from the video game "Conker's Bad Fur Day" and it's remake "Conker: Live and Reloaded".
"Damn these bloody pieces of junk." Gregg growled as he throws the megaphone into the lava. "Next time, i'll just walk on stilts and keep my mouth shut."
Lincoln gets back up on his feet and stared at the pint sized grim reaper.
"Right, hello.. um, my name is Gregg.. the grim reaper." Gregg introduced himself. "And don't laugh."
"You're a little short for a grim reaper." Lincoln replied.
"Yeah, yeah, i heard all that before, lame ass." Gregg fired back. "The bosses from above didn't wanted to hire me at first, but nobody else wanted to be a grim reaper, so they reluctantly gave the job to me, get used to it, end of story."
"Uh, okay, thanks for sharing... i guess." said Lincoln.
Gregg summons his scroll and examines it.
"Now, let's see." Gregg mumbles, he finds Lincoln's name on the scroll. "Ah, yes, Lincoln. Surname?"
"Loud." Lincoln answered.
"Loud." said Gregg as he checks the name. He takes one look at the boy and puts his hand on his forehand and shake his head in disgust. The scroll then disappears. "Oh, bloody hell. You wouldn't have to be born with sodding white hair, wouldn't you?"
"Is there a problem with that, shorty?" Lincoln taunted.
"Well, yes, there is, you little (bleep)." Gregg snarled. "It's like those bloody cats and squirrels, persistent little bastards, and almost as bad as those rabbits, dirty little buggers. You're one of these "Rare Human Cases".
"Wait, i am?" asked Lincoln.
"Yes." Said Gregg as he points to the sky. "Apparently according to the powers that be, i'm just doing my job, i do what i'm told, i don't even get paid very much. Anyway, like the squirrels, humans with white hair can have as many lives as they think they can get away with."
"Oh, i get it now." said Lincoln. "So, i'm not dead?"
"You're dead, but not quite." said Gregg.
"That's great, thanks, well, i'll be going home now." Lincoln said joyfully.
Just as Lincoln was going to walk away happily, Gregg slams his scythe on the ground in front of Lincoln. Lincoln jumped back a bit.
"Just you wait, smart arse!" Gregg barked as he pulls his scythe out of the ground. "You don't get out of it that easily. Now, the thing is: you may not be dead, but that doesn't mean you can't die. You just have a few more, shall we say... chances. Like cats and squrriels..."
Gregg growls and grits his teeth.
"I hate them both... Right, distributed around your little world are these hair pieces, wigs with white hair." Gregg explained. "If you can get them, i'll give you an extra chance. Understand?"
"Uh, sounds a bit strange, but sure, okay.' Lincoln agreed.
"Strange? It's the best bloody deal you're going to get, you little prick." Gregg said who sounded a bit peeved. "Right, that's it, piss off. I got a squirrel and a few rabbits to see."
Gregg turns around and walks through the gate slowly grumbling...
"Bloody hell, starting to hate this bloody job, first bloody cats, then bloody squirrels, and now bloody rabbits, they're the bloody worst, the speedy little buggers..."
The gate closes and Lincoln goes to pick up the white haired wig on the head stand that is resting on top of one of the tombstones in the cemetery. As soon as he picks up the wig, it disappeared, the boy looked around before looking up to see a giant skeleton hand coming down to grab him, he braces himself as the hand picked him up and takes him back to Earth.
After the whole scene, Lincoln Loud wakes up in a emergency room at a hospital, he was relieved that he was still alive, but was not sure if he was dreaming or if was really dead, to this day, Lincoln's encounter with Gregg the grim reaper remains a mystery.
End of sketch...