Twilight: Winner of 29 Sue Academies

(Including: Best Sue, Best Stu, Best Supporting Stu, Best Generic Cliche, Most use of description on one Stu and many many more)

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or anything associated with it (Thank God)

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Once upon a time not so long ago, there was a very boring, plain looking girl named Sara. She lived with her mother, in Texas, but because she was slightly albino, she had to stay in doors for most of her days. As a result, she became an avid gamer, spending days on end in front of her TV going through all the Final Fantasy games.

"W-WHAT?!!!!"

"What do you mean what? I'm writing a story here."

"WHERE'S her perfection? What's with this lame video game addiction?! She sounds like every other boring ass girls in this world! No one would want to read that crap!"

"R-really?"

"Duh. Do I have to spell everything out for you? God what would you do if you didn't have me around to tell you want to do."

"I...I don't know."

"Ok, now try again. Fix the name, what's with Sara? She's the MAIN CHARACTER for god's sake. Go for something fancy that really suites her perfect personality."

"o-ok."

Her name was......was Isabella. She had perfect pale skin like the color of moonshine, and beautiful sparkling blue eyes like gemstones. She didn't like her mother's new man much, but she kept it inside of her, because she knew how much her mother had wanted to move on, and find new happiness. In fact they had already made plans to move to Florida, another sunshine filled state. She sighed dejectedly to herself, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. She had to get away. Maybe.....maybe she could run away and start her own sandwich shop. She was really good at making sandwiches.

"Ehem."

"Yes?"

"Sandwich shop? What is this? The Fresh Sandwich Princess of Belair?"

"Well I thought it would be different, so she could fall in love with the ice cream boy with the freckles across the street."

"Don't talk anymore, you're corrupting my sanity. No cutesy ice cream boys."

"But-"

"That's final! Go back to Bella, you haven't said anything about her."

Bella found herself staring into the mirror. She had her mother's full cherry lips, and perfectly arched eyebrows. Her long auburn hair hung in full waves framing her slender face. She had her dad's nose, thin and straight. That's it! She could stay at her dad's place, so that she wouldn't have to endure another moment of being with Tom, her mother's new clutch. She hasn't seen her dad in a while, it wouldn't be so bad. He was probably terrible lonely without anyone there for him. The more she thought about it, the better the idea seemed.

".....blah blah blah. Cut to the good parts already, you're writing a fan fiction not a novel."

(Fast forward)

"Hey dad," Bella said upon seeing her father. He looked tired, and older than she last remember. But his warm smiled eased the tension in her heart. "It's good to see you again."

"Its good to see you too love. Come here, I've a got present for you."

Bella followed her father to the front of the house.

"Tada!" her father exclaimed pulling the tarp off an old iron bike. "I wanted you to have this. This well help you get into shape, you're looking kind of flimsy, and fat around the waist. I used it when I was in college, best years of my life."

Bella looked at the rusting bike, and tried her best to smile, "Erm thanks dad, but you didn't have to say that I was fat."

Her father laughed and patted her on the shoulders, "Your mom tells me all you do is sit on the couch and eat junk food. Don't be ashamed of a little weight. I'll help you get into the habit of exercising and you'll be fit as fiddle in no time."

".......you'll be fit as fiddle in no time. Aw, what a nice considerate father. WTF?! What is she doing being FAT?!!"

"Uh, well when you don't exercise and eat a lot, that's what happens right? Besides, she'll get really thin, and then the boys will all like her, and then she'll be like I used to look like this."

"Yeah, and then she's going to open her Jenny Craig store, because she's just the cutest inspiration in this world."

"umm.......what do you suggest?"

"Shove aside. Never send an ordinary girl to do a Mary Sue's Job. Watch and learn n00b."

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A/N: Funny idea that came into my head. I really hate twilight, so what better ways to vent hatred than to haveamassivedestructiveterroristwar I mean write a parody? LOL All reviews welcome!