Just another creepy Sirius/James story… I just don't believe in happy endings.
The title refers to a song by Placebo.
An Assisi Lie
James had fucked Sirius for three years but he had never kissed him.
He might bite him or lick him or even suck him, but he didn't kiss him on lips.
Those kind of kisses were something that James shared with Lily,
something beautiful and almost sacred.
Nothing like James and Sirius had, or would ever have.
James wouldn't even admit that they had something else besides friendship.
It was just something that happened.
At night when both clouds and minds are low, James thrusts hard into Sirius and finally crashes against his back, panting. Sirius bites his lip and his fists clench the covers and he can't help coming all over the sheets.
It happens, again and again and again.
They never talk about it.
James loved sleeping with Lily.
Sleeping with her was soft and sweet and slow. They actually made love, even though that was difficult for James to understand. It was hard to get used to all the drowsy kisses and whispered 'I love you's'. James loved having Lily curled up on his side, scent of her hair mixed with sweat, their bodies melting to each other. It was heated and passionate and still it felt so pure.
No rough hands or loosened buttons. No avoiding eyes and quickly closed flies,
no spunk on their skins.
Sirius pushes James against the door of the closet and kneels down, fingers unfastening his belt and this time James's the one clenching his eyes shut and leaning his head against the dark wood.
He bites his own fist when he comes hard to Sirius's mouth and tries to catch his breath watching Sirius cleaning himself up.
They don't look at each other when they leave.
Sometimes James thought that Lily was like a rose, which was a cliché he never understood before but now made totally sense. Her scarlet hair and her floral perfume, greed lips and possessive hands. She had her prickles too, and James loved them even though if concerning somebody else they might have been vices. But Lily just seemed to become even more fascinating, and James would have changed nothing in her.
Sometimes James thought they were meant to each other.
James' nails dig into Sirius' bare back and their harsh breaths are so hot they almost burn. Sirius kisses his way down on James' torso and James trembles. He is so fucking hard and Sirius is so fucking slow, examining every inch of James with his tongue.
James doesn't want this to be gentle.
That's not how they do it and that's not the way they are going to do it.
He spins them around so that Sirius lies his face down and James is on top of him.
James takes him, and Sirius doesn't make a sound.
He just leaves afterwards
James felt a sting in his stomach just by looking at Lily.
Touching her was like playing with fire.
When James kissed her for the first time he almost came into his pants.
When they slept together for the first time James was sure that nothing, nothing, could be better.
When they were together, James felt …happy. Simply happy.
Everything was so simple and easy.
That was happiness, right?
James crawls to Sirius' bed, so close to him that he doesn't know where his body ends and Sirius' begins. Sirius' eyes are wide and almost black in the darkness when James runs his hand down and winds his fingers around Sirius' hard cock. Sirius flinches under the touch but lets James turn him around and fuck him, and that's how it starts.
When James proposes to Lily, she flushes and smiles and kisses him. They are going to live happily ever after, their marriage is a fairy tale come true. James wraps his arms around his bride and they look each other in the eye and kiss again, and he could never be happier.
He successfully manages to ignore Sirius' hurt look when he tells him.
It's his wedding day and James pulls Sirius into an empty bedroom. Clothes are quickly removed and Sirius is down again, sucking and licking and giving him a blowjob in a way only Sirius can. James just closes his eyes, sitting on the edge of a bed, and leans backwards. After Sirius has swallowed every drop of his spunk James is ready to get up and go downstairs where their families are doing last arrangements, but Sirius doesn't back off. He pushes James down on the bed instead and follows then, settling on top of him and looking at him straight in the eye. James is too startled to do anything but to stay still.
Sirius smiles sadly when he bends down and kisses him. It's not a good kiss, since James is still too shocked to even push Sirius away. The kiss is short, though, and Sirius raises his head, just a little bit to be able to speak, and the whisper is quiet but the effect is more powerful, as James suddenly throws him down. Sirius falls falls falls and James is looking at him with a furious expression on his face. Sirius watches as James closes his fly, straightens his tie and turns his back to him.
I love you, Sirius says again, as if testing how it feels to say it out loud.
I love you, and the punch hits his face. He is bleeding and his head is spinning and through the haze he can see James opening the door.
No you don't, he says, and then he's gone.
It's the first time James hits him.
And it happens, again and again and again.
It's weird, I know. Let me know if there are any mistakes in grammar.
But hope you liked it anyway:)
Reviews are appreciated and needed.