(Disclaimer: I don't anything but the idea of the fanfiction and the bear; my best friend owns the idea of Sephiroth's Masamune in girlish designs. All belongs to Square Enix except Youtube, Five Nights at Freddy, and other videos.)
After training to fight with the Cloud of Darkness and Ultimecia, Kuja muffled his mouth to snigger when he was painting Sephiroth's legendary Masamune sword who he use to slaughter innocent and pathetic humans who favor their lives to live like animals; pink. For the finishing touch of his prank, Kuja tied a large purple bow on the hilt to see the longest sword he ever see from his comrade; painted pink with Hello Kitty and My Little Pony designs on the hilt, with the matching girlish designs you can find from Barbie in the blade.
'Oh how I would love to see that one winged bird's reaction when he sees his prized sword as pretty as the prettiest object ever!~" Kuja chimed in delight as he admire his work to make Sephiroth screaming to his amusement until he silently flew out of the room without anyone seeing him exit. As he expected, the former general walk through the halls to enter his room and when he does…
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! KUJA!" Sephiroth screamed in shock and fury while his scream fills the air of the hall, making Kuja let out a purring chuckle of amusement when his plan of a prank is unfold and working as he planned during his flight outside the Chaos Shrine. Trying to scrub the paint off his long sword with a yellow sponge, Sephiroth gritted his teeth while grunting in fury until he stop to tear the ribbon off the hilt which accidently falls to make him trip on it and the wet floor, sending him trip and fall on the bathtub of water in pain. "Damn!...Ugh, at least I need a shower…"
"When I get that drag queen, I'm gonna beat him to a pulp…" Sephiroth muttered in anger when he exit his bathroom, wearing his black pants and boots and soaking wet. While he ponder an idea, Sephiroth start looking through his stuff on his crowded table even throwing his belongings over his shoulder while exclaiming like a half eaten apple "Not that..", a headless baby bear "There's no bears in the war…", and a red ribbon bow of Aerith Gainsborough to his confusion ."…Why do I even this?" until finally, he found his black laptop on the table so hoping get back that revenge, Sephiroth switch his laptop on to find the names of Youtube video he can see to scare the living hell out of the drag queen…
"No…" Sephiroth muttered when he find pictures of Slenderman before muttering some more no's when he scroll down to watch Youtube videos he could search from his browser history like Minecraft. "No…", Amnesia. "No…", and a Japanese 18+ video of Me!Me!Me! to send him screaming in shock. "Oh god hell no!" Ten minutes of searching and watching, Sephiroth stop at a Youtube video called Compilations of Five Nights at Freddy Jump Scares which he watch the whole video in 4 minutes and 50 seconds to send him jumping in surprise of every time the animatronic animals pouncing at the screen or a red fox animatronic pouncing to the screen with screams.
"…This is perfect…" Sephiroth panted with a small cruel grin as he start to laugh in amusement until he realize the dead headless bear he found on his table earlier is actually alive with a resurrected head and also laughing with him until he stops to see the silver haired and shirtless soldier looking at it with confusion. "What the hell?"….
…
"You didn't…" Ultimecia mused in amusement after Kuja already told the time witch, Kefka the mad clown, and Exdeath the tree about the painted Masamune prank and how Sephiroth reacted before Kefka starts laughing in excitement while Kuja added with a proud smirk. "At least he will be busy to wipe the paint off in an hour but I don't care if he decided to fight me for it."
"A shallow cleverness for your little act, Kuja but Sephiroth might return the revenge to make you regret." Exdeath exclaimed with a small laugh as Kuja let out a soft scoff in reply before musing in confidence. "I would like to see that but I would wonder how will a one wingless hawk like him would make me scared."
"Well speak of the devil." Ultimecia purred with a smirk when the four notice Sephiroth entering the Chaos Shrine when he walk to the ramp while ignoring Garland battling Golbez in a challenge while Jecht also jumps inside the Shrine from above the floor/ceiling before Sephiroth found the proud young mage floating beside Ultimecia but the proud confident look in his face quickly change into surprise and confusion when Sephiroth called him with a small smirk. "Kuja, I want you to follow me back to my room."
"Why Mama's Boy? Did he paint the headless bear that I kill on your table too?" Kefka acted with his usual tone and smirk while Kuja, Ultimecia, Exdeath and Sephiroth look at the clown with confusion and surprise after Sephiroth exclaim with a sigh of irritation to the clown. "No wonder I found a baby bear on the table and it's just resurrected, so I'm keeping it. No, I just want to show Kuja something."
Showing no fear, Kuja follow Sephiroth back to his room where the former was slightly surprised to see a baby bear on his bed before the general push the mage to sit on the chair in front of the table where the video is starting to turn on, Sephiroth whisper softly near Kuja's left ear. "I bet you can last the whole video…"
Scoffing in arrogance, Kuja nod in reply before he hear Sephiroth opening the door with the baby bear following him out of the room before Kuja watch the beginning of the video with calm but sooner than a minute, the animatronics starts showing up by pouncing to the screen or Foxy appearing from the door of the office which makes Kuja screaming in fear and dismay; never seeing something as scary as hell as this. Hearing Kuja screaming during the video, Sephiroth who held his new pet on his arms, and Jecht who Sephiroth offer him to hear; laughed outside the room while the drunkard tap his hand on his ally's shoulder to notice the gold despot Mateus walking through the halls in their direction.
"Get the emperor out!" Sephiroth whispered as Jecht nod in agreement before the former and baby bear watch the Blitzball King running to the emperor and drag him away by placing him on his non – metal shoulder to send him screaming in shock and anger. "Jecht WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"
"No reason Your Majesty!" Jecht replied when he ran away from the hall as Sephiroth and his baby bear listen to more Kuja screaming until what it seems to be the end of the video, Sephiroth slowly open the door to see Kuja hugging his arms around himself while he can tell he is petrified with fear of the video before the soldier left him in his own room, amused of his revenge before he left with the baby bear running to follow him through the Chaos Shrine…
…
That evening, the warriors of Chaos are assembled to plan out the tactics for the war and end their enemies and Cosmos but however some time has passed, the Cloud of Darkness realize that not all are present and Sephiroth has a baby bear with him before she spoke to get their attention. "We see Kuja is not here."
"Might be in his usual business again. He never paid attention to every meeting anyway." Garland scoffed as the Emperor also realize the baby bear hiding behind Sephiroth's legs after Kuja's absence before musing in slight annoyance but just to snap Sephiroth and Jecht out in surprise. "Not only the bear behind Sephiroth confuses me but I do happen to hear both Sephiroth and Kuja screaming today."
"Sephiroth did happen to ask Kuja to follow him back to his room after the child done a little...trick." Ultimecia exclaimed calmly while Sephiroth twitch his left eyebrow for her mention Kuja's prank as a trick before he walk forward. "I will go find Kuja…"
"He's gone?!" Sephiroth screamed in shock and confusion when he and the baby bear walk in his room to find Kuja gone without a trace so without notify the others not even Jecht, Sephiroth and the bear ran out to different worlds of the war while calling out Kuja even had to infiltrate Cosmos's territory and end up getting attacked and kicked out by Cloud and Warrior of Light. During the run, he trip on a moogle which was walking instead of flying before he fall on his stomach on the ground with the baby bear stopping next to his head when he falls.
"Ow! You hurt me kupo!" a moogle cried in pain while Sephiroth slowly stand on his knees but as soon the moogle was about to whack with it's pompoms, he sees Sephiroth and the bear already left running off….That night in the Emperor's room of the Pandaemonium, Mateus and Ultimecia are happening to be on their bed doing their usual stuff every night with their moans of pleasure filling the air of the room but about middle of the sexual intercourse, a fuzzy thing strokes Mateus's bare thighs to his spine to send him shivering while muttering to Ultimecia with a sensual purr out of his cruel smirking lips. "Oh? Ultimecia you want to touch me further with your wings?"
Ultimecia slowly sat on the bed with confusion written her face while the sheets hang off her bare body and large black wings before she exclaim the emperor to send him confusing as well. "What? Mateus, I would never use my wings to do our intercourse…" before the Emperor grabs the furry thing and slowly pull it out to be a tail and a short high pitched screams escapes under the sheets in front of the Emperor to send him lifting the sheets off him to be…
"KUJA!?" Emperor Mateus screamed in shock when he is surprise for the first time to see Kuja on the despot's bare legs while looking up to show his tears streaming down his violet eyes. Slowly crawling out of the sheets to cover his back, Kuja let out a sniff. "Mateus…." Before he then pounce and wrap his arms around the naked blonde haired emperor while crying, shocking both couple and allies. "Please let me sleep with you two tonight!"
"Kuja! What are you doing in my room!? We were wondering where were you are earlier and how did you sneak in my bed!?" Mateus screamed as Ultimecia watch the emperor struggling to get the flamboyant mage off him while covering her bare body with her wings curling around herself until Mateus's door was flung open to be Sephiroth and his bear running in, surprised yet relief to see Kuja although he looks confuse of seeing Emperor naked with Ultimecia. "Kuja!"
"Sephiroth!" Kuja release his grip from the Emperor before jumping off the bed and wrap his arms around Sephiroth, who hear him crying against his coat. "Se – Se – Se – Sephiroth, I'm sorry f – for painting your sword pink…"
"Good thing you apologize Kuja." Sephiroth sighed with tint of relief as the Emperor wore a pair of purple shorts before walking to the two silver haired men, exclaiming with a small frown. "May I guess; Sephiroth show Kuja Five Nights at Freddy Jump Scare?"
Kuja nod in reply while still crying yet the three silver haired men and woman narrow their eyes in confusion before Sephiroth asked the emperor. "Wait, how did you know Five Nights at Freddy's? I thought you never seen a computer before…"
"Oh I haven't until Jecht drag me in your room to show me the video sometime ago. I reacted the same thing as Kuja but I don't hide and cry under people's beds. What also make us screaming is this Japanese video of a large and big breasted woman called Me!Me!Me!" The Emperor answered with a confident shrug as Sephiroth twitch his eyebrows in annoyance of his answer while thinking. "At least I know why it was in my browser history…"
"But now that Kuja apologized to you Sephiroth…" the Emperor gently push Sephiroth's back to make them move to the door after opening it before he then kick them out of the room while shouting in anger. "Get out of my room!" before Kuja fell on the floor his stomach while Sephiroth face plant himself on the wall to fall back on the floor on his back, as the same moogle who he trip on earlier floats in the room before whacking itself on his face. "This is for tripping me kupo!"