Hi Eddie
I'm writing you this letter to confess something. I'm in love with you, yeah, that's it. Maybe I'm a coward because I've had to wait to be in danger to realize what was inside my head, and most important inside my heart.
Two years ago, when I was walking you home, and I kissed you, it was one of the best moments of my life, I feel complete again, a feeling I didn't have for a long time, since Joe's death.
Yeah, I was with Sidney, even we got engaged, but she didn't understand me the way you did. You have been helping me and you made me a better person, you kept my feet on the ground. You reminded me that not everything should follow the rules and believe me, I appreciate it and now I cherish every moment and opportunity I had to be next to you.
A year ago, I had a conversation with Renzulli, he asked me if I had feelings for you, and I said no. At that time I didn't know I was in love with you, but I was, believe me. That conversation was the beginning of a whole new world for me. I don't know if you remember the time when I defended you from that guy who was attempting to beat his own girlfriend and he pushed you and you fell to the floor. Well , Renzulli told me that I acted like a man who was protecting his girlfriend instead of a policeman protecting his partner.
Then I went to Erin's office to ask her for advice and basically, she told me the same as Renzulli but with other words. Then I went again to the Sarge's office to let him know that I was not willing to have a relationship with you, I was a coward again. The truth is that I did that because I couldn't stand the thought of you being hurt because I didn't want my feeling to interfere with the jobs. I told you that I would have your back always; it doesn't matter in which way.
I also suppose now, that you deserve to know the content of my conversation with Sarge but I thought that it was a way to protect you. You know, I'm am the NYPD "goldenboy" and i was intelligent enough to complete a degree at Harvard, but when it concerns people I love, I turn into a jerk.
Now I'm on a secret mission, I can't stop thinking about y'all, my father, pops, my siblings, my nephews, about Nikki, and of course about you. I'm aware that if something bad happens, I will destroy your lives and my family had to go through a similar situation when Joe was killed, they will have to go through it once more, and I don't know if they could do it. If there's any consolation, they will get answers about what happened to me.
Right now I'm going to the mission, uncertain of what will happen next, but I'm sure of one thing, I love my family, and I love you, believe me, it's true.
Jamie