I guess it's safe to say you're never coming back
You yank your hand out of my reach and I crumple to the floor, tears spilling from my eyes.
Disgust fills your face as you stare down at me, strewn at your feet. The harder I sob, the more it seems unreal. There was no possible way that it's ending like this. We have come so far, only for everything to be thrown away for a simple mistake.
A simple, stupid mistake.
I look up at you with tear stained cheeks while your expression never changes, never softens the way it used to. I love it when your expression softened. It is only a little reminder of how much you love me.
How much you loved me.
You leave then, not turning back, not glancing one last time at the pathetic excuse for a human being collapsed on the concrete, letting the rain wash away her sin, knowing it won't help at all. As it flashes around me, I find myself wishing I would be struck by lightening. That way I could escape this nightmare. I wouldn't remember anything and everything would be as it should.
You wouldn't be gone.
And I understand why you wouldn't want to
It was a mistake.
I didn't mean to sleep with him. My thoughts were all jumbled, I couldn't think or see straight. I was drunk, I was depressed. He was there. He took me home, cleaned me up, and I repaid him. In the worst way. I woke up the next morning feeling like crap. When I realized what I had done, what I had messed up, what I had just thrown away, I puked. It wasn't just a mistake.
It was the worst mistake of my life.
As you know, I went to you and told you. At first, it was hard, I couldn't get the words out. Nothing that came out sounded right. The words I had prepared were lost the moment I saw you. Eventually, I broke down and blurted everything out. No matter how many sorrys I uttered, nothing could mend the heartache I caused.
That's when you left me.
And I can't see you
Getting used to
Living in the midst of your perfection
You were never satisfied with people like you.
I guess that's why you gave me a chance. I was nothing like you. I was loud, obnoxious at points. You would have never done what I did to you. And I love you for it.
But you could never tolerate people being as great as you are. I sometimes wonder if you hung out with people lesser than you because it made you feel better about yourself. Or maybe, everyone was just a helpless case that needed to be solved. Everything had a solution, every problem could be fixed by you. Everything had to be fixed by you.
You wouldn't settle for anything less.
And I guess everything being as it should bothered you. But I guess I know the real reason for ignoring your crowd.
They reminded you of who you were.
And I'm so lost
I don't know what I'm going to do without you. You were the one thing in my life that was solid. You would always be there for me, no matter what. Whatever problem I had, big or small, you would be there to guide me through it, help me choose the right path, pick me up and place me back on my feet. I grew used to it.
And now I miss everything about you.
How you would smile at me when I would wake up, for you would wake hours before me. When you would come home from work and give me a slight kiss on the forehead, no matter how bad your day had been. How you would compliment me all the time, even when I didn't deserve it. All of those things I miss.
But mostly I miss you.
How can you trust?
Somewhere the sun is always shining
Even the sun hurts now.
I can't stand anything that reminds me of you. I threw away the dishes we ate on, the sheets we slept in. But for the most part, I stay inside. The sun is the most horrid reminder of you. You always loved the sun. Everything about it, every aspect it held excited and enthralled you. Nothing would ever bore you about it. And going outside, seeing the reminder of what sparked your interest the most, kills me inside.
I order in food every night. My friends visit, try to coax me outside. I can't stand when they visit. I cry I throw things, and the night ends with me, clutching my sides, trying to breathe without it hurting.
But that happens every night anyway.
And there's just one last thing that I have to say
As we reflect on the mess of all this that I've made
I think about it over and over again.
The subject never leaves my mind. I replay those last fatal scenes over and over again. I try to figure what went wrong. Nothing in my head makes sense. Everything was going great, we were happy, in love. I like to think we were ready to get engaged. But sometimes I find myself thinking that maybe I was wrong about everything, about us.
What if none of it was real?
It was cowardice that made me push you away
I was so afraid cause you were so much better than me
Maybe that was the thing that scared me the most. That one day, you would wake up, realize who I was, and leave. I waited and waited for it, never believing you were truly mine. And the farther we got into things, the more afraid I became. And then I did the unthinkable.
Since you weren't going to deliver the blow, I did.
It was a shameful thing to do, but that's the only logic I can come up with. You were perfect, I was nothing. So I pushed you away before I could get in so deep that I would be hurt forever. But the pain I feel now is probably nothing to the pain I would have felt, if you had left.
Because instead I hurt you.
I guess it's safe to say you're never coming back
You will never come back on your own. Your pride has been wounded, I know that. Nothing could repair the damage I have done. Not only did I cheat on you, but I betrayed your trust, and that's the one thing you hate the most. You always would say that trust is the most important thing in a relationship.
I just hope that it isn't too late.
I guess it's up to me to find a way to get to you
Disclaimer: I don't own the Relient K song "The Thief" or Harry Potter.
This was thrown together just out of want. I am working on chapter 4, but I'm going through a Relient K phase. I just felt that this story needed to be told, no matter how it was written. I didn't know if this would work, so you guys tell me. It's definitely not my greatest, but not my worst. Please review.