So I know this is only abut 10 minutes before the episode airs, but at least it's before hand. I want to thank my friend Catherine, known as LittleMissAnya on fanfiction,net, (You guys have to read her stories... they're amazing!) for all the help she's given me on this story. It would not have been half as good without her. So Catherine, this one's dedicated to you my friend. ENJOY!

Alex woke up and stretched her stiff muscles. She thought that after all the time she spent sleeping on cots, between training and living with Nikita and her year in Division, that sleeping on those small, horribly uncomfortable beds would get easier. Or at least more bearable, it didn't.

Especially now she had to sleep alone again.

They say after you've lost someone, there's a point when you wake up in the morning that for a split second you forget you've lost them. That's happened to Alex every morning for the past week. One week, that's how long it had been since she had watched Sean die in front of her and left Division. Still, when she woke up, she half expected to find herself at her and Sean's apartment with Sean either kissing her shoulder or tracing her butterfly tattoo. She thought that when she turned over she would see Sean's chocolate brown eyes staring back at her full of love and adoration, feeling the warmth of his body against her own.

But then, it would all come rushing back. What happened to her in South Ossetia, which she was finally able to determine, her leading the mutiny inside Division, Rachel and the others turning on her. And Sean's eventual death.

His death.

And it was her fault.

Her heart clenched at the thought, and she felt like she couldn't breathe, the agony in her chest building up in such proportion it was making every breath painful. She'd begin to hyperventilate most of the time, and the only thing that seemed to stop her from passing out entirely was Sean's voice in her head.

"Hey, calm down" she could practically hear his soft voice on her ear, so real that she could have sworn she could feel his breath brushing against the skin of her neck.

A chill ran down her spine and she closed her eyes in distress, trying to shake out the feeling of such a vivid dream she knew it was only in her head. Slowly opening her eyes again, she sighed heavily and got out of bed. She had been able to grab a few changes of clothes and a few other things she needed from the apartment before she packed up her car and ran. She didn't really know where she was going, just that she had to get away. She pulled off Sean's sweater that she had taken from his closet.

It still had his scent. It smelled exactly like him. Fighting the urge to clutch the garment to her chest, she loosened her grip on the fabric and placed it over the back of the chair.

Stepping into the bathroom she quickly discarded her other clothing before turning the shower on she stepped under the hot spray. She quickly shampooed and conditioned her hair. She closed her eyes as she placed her face directly under the spray and thought back to a moment a few weeks ago.

FLASHBACK

She was enjoying the feeling of hot water falling on her skin, undoing the knots on her back. She was so lost in the sensation she almost didn't hear him come in, and if she wasn't familiar with his strong arms encircling her waist, she might have mistaken him for an attacker.

"So this is where you've been hiding for the past 45 minutes" Sean chuckled, kissing her neck.

Her lips curved up in a smile as her eyes shut close.

"Sorry" she sighed, lot in a haze in between the hot water and the sweet attack of Sean's lips on her neck.

"Its okay" he conceded "You've been through a lot lately. You deserve to relax" he smiled into her neck and he kept spreading open mouth kisses on her neck and shoulder.

Alex gasped loudly as his hands roamed through her wet body, sending a rush of sensations through her body.

"You like that, huh?" Sean teased, wandering his hands around her waist and down to her thighs.

"Sean" she breathed, feeling her body warming up with his touches.

He nibbled the pulse point on her neck and gently turned her around, pulling her flush against him.

Her bright blue eyes burned when she looked up at him, and she surprised him by capturing his lips first.

Sean deepened the kiss, pushing her against the nearest wall, placing them both under the shower stream.

"God, I love you" he whispered against her lips, and she finally relaxed, her body melting against his.

END FLASHBACK

Alex was pulled out of her thoughts by the shrill ring of the alarm clock on her phone. Groaning, she turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. Wrapping a towel around her slim figured she wiped the fog from the glass. She looked down at her phone and saw the time. 6:30. Usually that would be insanely early for any normal person but Alex needed to get a move on. She wasn't sure where exactly she was going but she couldn't risk losing any day light.

She got dressed quickly and packed her other clothes back into her small suitcase like bag. Sean's sweatshirt was the only thing that was neatly folded and placed on top. Zipping up the bag she quickly made sure she had everything she needed before walking out of the motel room.

She loaded her suitcase into the trunk and walked around to the driver side. She placed her gun in the glovebox and made sure there was an extra clip of bullets. Closing it up she pulled down the car's sun visor and looked at the picture that was not taped to the inside of it.

Nikita had taken the picture when they had gone down to the beach over the summer. Alex and Sean had gone down to the water one day along with Nikita, Michael, Birkhoff and Sonya. She and Sean had headed straight for the water, in a short race they sprinted down the beach to the waves lapping at the shore. Sean had caught up to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, twirling her around in a circle. Alex had let out a squeal as he turned her around som that she was facing him. Alex bent her head down and gently kissed Sean's lips. Wrapping her arms around his neck, he had tightened his hold around her waist. It honestly looked like something out of a movie based of a Nicholas Sparks novel, and she loved it.

She missed him so much, so much that it hurt.

Alex gently touched the photo. Running a hand over her face she put her key into the ignition and started her car. She wasn't sure where she was going, or how she would get one thing she knew for sure, Amanda would pay for what she did.

REVIEW!